Hey! So, new story. I don't own the characters herein. This is random between-the-scenes A/O loveliness, because I can't get enough of them. All in one-shots, each chapter will contain a "deleted scene" (a.k.a. what should have happened) from an episode of SVU OR Conviction, (bah, Conviction...) Anyway PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE feel quite free to take these one-fers and continue them into full stories. Just credit me with the kickstart, if you would, and let me know if you are doing one so I can read it. Love to the lovers.

And fyi the timeline in this will not always be consistent to the shows.

Oh, and please review!

Post-"Undercover"

Olivia sat in her dark apartment in a sort of catatonia, trapped in her thoughts. She kept seeing his face, hearing his words, feeling the panic rise in her again. Her hair was still wet from her showers and it dripped down her neck and back and raised goosebumps, but she didn't cover up with the blanket draped across the couch. The cold comforted her, reminded her she could still feel something. Slowly she picked up her cell phone and hit the last speed dial. It gave half a ring and then clicked over to the voice mail.

"You've reached Alex Cabot. Leave me a message."

She hung up and did it again, turned up the volume. Then she hung up and threw her cell down, letting it skid across the coffee table and onto the floor. Keeping Alex's cell turned on was supposed to help her, supposed to be supportive in her process, comforting, even. But all it managed to do was make her feel a hundred times worse. She thought she couldn't be more empty after the attorney left the second time, but she was wrong. Alex's voice just drove home that feeling, that she no longer belonged to herself, that she wasn't really a person any more. She got up in just enough time to make it to the kitchen sink before she threw up.

After settling down and cleaning up, she returned to the living room to put her cheek to the smooth wood floor, staring at her cell phone.

"You've reached Alex Cabot. Leave me a message."

This was stupid. The phone she was calling was in the next room in a drawer. Still, she took a breath.

"Hi, um, it's me. Listen, I know you'll never get this message or anything but I wanted to talk to you. I need to talk to you." She stopped to take a breath, failing miserably at calming herself. "Something happened at work today," her voice dropped to a whisper as tears began flowing. "I was undercover at Sealview, and ... I don't really want to talk about it... I just wish I could talk to you for real. Hear your voice. I'm not going to bother wishing to see you again, but... I know you'd tell me to talk to Elliot about this, and I wish I could. I understand now why female victims don't like giving him their statements. I thought it was because they were embarrassed, but it's not like that, it's...you need an emotional force, you need a like heart. You need someone who understands everything and never had to read it in a book, you know? But I'm getting ahead of myself, it's not like I actually can identify, I mean, it's just barely scratching the surface of what some of them ... ugh. This is stupid."

She pushed the end call button and crawled under the blanket on the couch. Olivia lied there, curled up like she did when she was a child, looking at her gun and badge that she had dropped on the coffee table when she came in. Glaring at them, disenchanted and rejected, she thought, you were supposed to protect me. And she contemplated throwing them out of her life completely. The stakes hadn't necessarily become too high, they'd just become too many, taken so much and given so little. Twenty minutes later, lost in herself, the shrill of her cell phone ringing made her jump, and then curse. She didn't recognize the number. Probably a vic.

"Hello?"

"Olivia? Oh my God, what happened?"

It took her a moment to speak. "Alex?"

"It's me, sweetie. Liv, are you hurt?"

"No, I'm fine. I just -- how are you calling me? Isn't this dangerous?"

"Probably, but I'm using a pre-paid cell phone, so it should be safe. More importantly, I don't care. Baby, talk to me." When there was no answer, she held her breath so she could hear the background. Slamming and rummaging. "What are you looking for?"

"The phone. Your phone."

"I have it."

"I don't understand --"

"I found it last time I was...I couldn't say goodbye again, couldn't let you go, so I took it with me. I'm sorry."

"Sorry? No, I -- it's not -- I mean I don't..." By now she was on her bed, her closet and drawers all askew and spilling over from her rampage. She took a shaking breath. "It's really you, isn't it?"

"Yeah, it's me." She listened to the other woman breathe and closed her eyes to gather her strength for the question she was about to ask. "Liv, were you raped?" When there was a pause, her own tears could no longer be held back. There was no possible good answer to that question now.

"Almost."

"Oh, God. Baby, are you okay?"

"No," she admitted, surprising the both of them. "I'm not. I've never been that scared in my life, Alex. It was like I was a child the way he tossed me around, like I was nothing."

"You're not nothing, Liv."

"All I kept thinking about afterwards was my mother. I hated her for so long, you know? But I had no idea. No idea, and now, I'm wondering how -- why -- she even kept me."

"Maybe she loved you."

"No, I mean, when I was a teenager, we would get in fights a lot. I always ended up asking her since she hated me so much why she had let me be born in the first place."

"Olivia..."

"And that answer you gave is the one I thought I'd get. Every time, I waited for her to say that very thing. But she never answered me. Not once. She'd go into the kitchen and pour herself a drink. And I never understood why she couldn't answer me. Even to say something horrible, or to lie to me, it would have been better than just letting it hang, you know?

"And now that I know a little bit...if I was her, I don't think I would have kept me. I know I wouldn't have."

"Olivia, I can hear what you're not saying. I've said it before -- I am so glad your mom chose to keep you. And so is Elliot and everyone at the squad, and all the victims you've helped. Even if you don't think so, it's good that you're here."

The detective went on like she hadn't heard her. "I wonder what she found in that bottle that was so comforting."

"Shit. I'm coming over right now."

"No, no no. Don't you dare. I'm fine, Alex, this isn't worth you getting killed over."

"No, the threat from the cartel has dissipated. I think Hammond is just being overly cautious. He mentioned something about me coming back in a year." Olivia could hear Alex moving around, slamming drawers, pulling a zipper.

"Sweetie, that's a whole year from now. Don't throw yourself into danger because of me. I mean, let Hammond do his job. I trust him, and so should you. Besides, I'm okay now after talking to you. This isn't worth it."

"Bullshit. I'll be there by morning."