Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. Everything else belongs to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy and the WB.
Finished: January 20, 2001
~~ Final Good-bye ~~
"You're disgusting!" Buffy's words echoed through Spike's head. He was right not to sample the blood covering the injured people at the Bronze last night. Buffy had tried to fight the troll and it stormed off, destroying the Bronze as it did so. Spike had only been trying to help Buffy, trying to prove that he could change...for her. But she didn't see it. Maybe she needed more time. Then after a few more displays of good deeds, she would notice that Spike wasn't his usual evil-vampire self.
"Who am I kidding?" Spike said aloud that night in his crypt. "She'll never notice me. She'll keep living her life and slaying my pals and bounce around happily with every guy except me."
Spike took a piece of paper from a unicorn stationary set of Harmony's and a pen. "Stupid chit," he mumbled to himself. "Why the hell does she have writing paper? I wonder what she puts as the return address." He chuckled to himself in spite of how angry and hurt he was feeling from Buffy's actions at the Bronze.
Spike sat down on the stone coffin where Harmony hid sometimes whenever Buffy or one of her Scooby friends barged into the crypt. He cleared his head and let his feelings flow through his mind, down his arm and through the pen onto the paper.
*Dear Buffy,
There's no easy way to say this, but I have to. I need some peace of mind in my messed up head and I think this is the way to get it. I've tried to change; I've stopped trying to hurt you but no matter how hard I try, I never succeed. Everything I do upsets you in one way or another. It seems I can't do anything to change your opinion of me. And even though you are the Slayer and it is your duty to kill vampires, you haven't yet killed me and I can't stop wondering why. It can't be because you like me since you've made that clear almost every time we are within a ten-meter radius of each other. So why is it? Is it because I am no longer a true vampire because of this damn chip? Do you pity me? Because I'd rather be dead than receive your pity. All I wanted was your friendship, respect and maybe something more. I love you, Buffy, and I don't exactly know why. I've tried to disregard my attraction to you but it always fails and I wind up back at square one. When you are done reading this letter and laughing at me with all your little friends, you will find me at my crypt. Only you won't see me, you'll see what is left of all vampires when they get a stake plunged into their heart. If I can't have you, I can at least leave you with one less vampire to kill.
Love always, Spike
P.S. Believe it or not, I will miss you.*
Spike sighed and shook his feelings of anger, sadness, and self-pity from his system. What he was about to do took courage and he needed a focused mind. He pulled a stake out from his duster's inside pocket that he had found earlier that day. He had held stakes so many times over the past year since he got his chip but this one felt different. Maybe because it was aimed at his own heart, not some brainless vampire fledgling. He set it down beside him on the coffin. It would stay there until he returned from Buffy's house.
Spike stood up and straightened his jacket. He walked out of the crypt and began his journey to Buffy's home where she would be talking with her mom or her sister about last night's activities or whining over Riley. *I'm glad I showed him to her. That bloody ponce needed to be torn from the pedestal he thought he was on.*
Spike finally arrived at Buffy's house and peered in the window to the living room. He could see Joyce and Buffy sitting on the couch watching TV. He quietly stepped up to her door and placed the note under a large rock so it wouldn't fly away with the wind. He bravely knocked on the door then spun on his heels and ran behind a tree across the street.
A few seconds later the door swung open and Buffy stood looking around until she noticed the rock at her feet. She looked around once more and picked up the rock and letter. As she began to read, Spike ran off towards the crypt, not caring to see her reaction to his up front and honest feelings.
Spike could swear that he heard footsteps chasing him but he didn't dare to turn around. One more look at her and he'd be tangled in her web for all eternity. When he reached the crypt he stopped running, realizing that he wasn't able to go through with it. He looked around for her but she was nowhere to be found. Had she given up and returned to her home? Had he been imagining the footsteps? *Dammit! Why didn't I stop to turn around? I'm such an idiot!*
He entered his crypt and shut the door behind him. Trudging over to where is stake lay; he slid off his jacket and draped it over the armchair. Buffy could burn it for all he cared.
************************************************************************
Buffy finished reading the letter and her heart almost stopped. Spike loved her? What kind of game was he playing on her now?
"Buffy?" her mother's voice called from the living room.
"Um, Mom, I'll be back soon," she replied. "It's Slayer business." She grabbed her jacket off of the coat rack and slipped it on, closing the door as she dashed towards Spike's place.
She clutched the letter in her hand as she raced down the street. *Could he be serious?* she asked herself. *That could explain the sudden change in him lately. Oh come on, Buffy, this is Spike...William the Bloody...evil vampire without a soul. Of course he's bluffing.* Buffy stopped running. She gasped for breath and realized that someone was running up ahead of her. She strained her eyes through the darkness and saw a flash of bleached blonde hair disappear behind some trees. *Spike!* she thought angrily. *He's leading me on a goose chase!*
Now she was angry. Why hadn't she staked him yet? He was a vampire after all, chip or no chip. She caught her breath and continued running, pushing herself to her fastest so that she wouldn't lose him. *Why am I fighting so hard to keep up with him? If he wants to stake himself, let him. If he's bluffing, then I'll find out tomorrow.* But something buried in the corner of Buffy's mind surfaced. It tugged at her mind and told her to keep running...it told her that this vampire was sincere.
She finally reached the mausoleum and pushed the door open. Spike stood in the center of the room with a stake in his hand. He looked up at her just as she entered the dusty crypt but it was too late to stop the force of his hand. Tears came to Buffy's eyes as she ran towards him but the stake entered his heart and he yelled out in pain as it tore through his flesh. "I love you, Buffy."
Finished: January 20, 2001
~~ Final Good-bye ~~
"You're disgusting!" Buffy's words echoed through Spike's head. He was right not to sample the blood covering the injured people at the Bronze last night. Buffy had tried to fight the troll and it stormed off, destroying the Bronze as it did so. Spike had only been trying to help Buffy, trying to prove that he could change...for her. But she didn't see it. Maybe she needed more time. Then after a few more displays of good deeds, she would notice that Spike wasn't his usual evil-vampire self.
"Who am I kidding?" Spike said aloud that night in his crypt. "She'll never notice me. She'll keep living her life and slaying my pals and bounce around happily with every guy except me."
Spike took a piece of paper from a unicorn stationary set of Harmony's and a pen. "Stupid chit," he mumbled to himself. "Why the hell does she have writing paper? I wonder what she puts as the return address." He chuckled to himself in spite of how angry and hurt he was feeling from Buffy's actions at the Bronze.
Spike sat down on the stone coffin where Harmony hid sometimes whenever Buffy or one of her Scooby friends barged into the crypt. He cleared his head and let his feelings flow through his mind, down his arm and through the pen onto the paper.
*Dear Buffy,
There's no easy way to say this, but I have to. I need some peace of mind in my messed up head and I think this is the way to get it. I've tried to change; I've stopped trying to hurt you but no matter how hard I try, I never succeed. Everything I do upsets you in one way or another. It seems I can't do anything to change your opinion of me. And even though you are the Slayer and it is your duty to kill vampires, you haven't yet killed me and I can't stop wondering why. It can't be because you like me since you've made that clear almost every time we are within a ten-meter radius of each other. So why is it? Is it because I am no longer a true vampire because of this damn chip? Do you pity me? Because I'd rather be dead than receive your pity. All I wanted was your friendship, respect and maybe something more. I love you, Buffy, and I don't exactly know why. I've tried to disregard my attraction to you but it always fails and I wind up back at square one. When you are done reading this letter and laughing at me with all your little friends, you will find me at my crypt. Only you won't see me, you'll see what is left of all vampires when they get a stake plunged into their heart. If I can't have you, I can at least leave you with one less vampire to kill.
Love always, Spike
P.S. Believe it or not, I will miss you.*
Spike sighed and shook his feelings of anger, sadness, and self-pity from his system. What he was about to do took courage and he needed a focused mind. He pulled a stake out from his duster's inside pocket that he had found earlier that day. He had held stakes so many times over the past year since he got his chip but this one felt different. Maybe because it was aimed at his own heart, not some brainless vampire fledgling. He set it down beside him on the coffin. It would stay there until he returned from Buffy's house.
Spike stood up and straightened his jacket. He walked out of the crypt and began his journey to Buffy's home where she would be talking with her mom or her sister about last night's activities or whining over Riley. *I'm glad I showed him to her. That bloody ponce needed to be torn from the pedestal he thought he was on.*
Spike finally arrived at Buffy's house and peered in the window to the living room. He could see Joyce and Buffy sitting on the couch watching TV. He quietly stepped up to her door and placed the note under a large rock so it wouldn't fly away with the wind. He bravely knocked on the door then spun on his heels and ran behind a tree across the street.
A few seconds later the door swung open and Buffy stood looking around until she noticed the rock at her feet. She looked around once more and picked up the rock and letter. As she began to read, Spike ran off towards the crypt, not caring to see her reaction to his up front and honest feelings.
Spike could swear that he heard footsteps chasing him but he didn't dare to turn around. One more look at her and he'd be tangled in her web for all eternity. When he reached the crypt he stopped running, realizing that he wasn't able to go through with it. He looked around for her but she was nowhere to be found. Had she given up and returned to her home? Had he been imagining the footsteps? *Dammit! Why didn't I stop to turn around? I'm such an idiot!*
He entered his crypt and shut the door behind him. Trudging over to where is stake lay; he slid off his jacket and draped it over the armchair. Buffy could burn it for all he cared.
************************************************************************
Buffy finished reading the letter and her heart almost stopped. Spike loved her? What kind of game was he playing on her now?
"Buffy?" her mother's voice called from the living room.
"Um, Mom, I'll be back soon," she replied. "It's Slayer business." She grabbed her jacket off of the coat rack and slipped it on, closing the door as she dashed towards Spike's place.
She clutched the letter in her hand as she raced down the street. *Could he be serious?* she asked herself. *That could explain the sudden change in him lately. Oh come on, Buffy, this is Spike...William the Bloody...evil vampire without a soul. Of course he's bluffing.* Buffy stopped running. She gasped for breath and realized that someone was running up ahead of her. She strained her eyes through the darkness and saw a flash of bleached blonde hair disappear behind some trees. *Spike!* she thought angrily. *He's leading me on a goose chase!*
Now she was angry. Why hadn't she staked him yet? He was a vampire after all, chip or no chip. She caught her breath and continued running, pushing herself to her fastest so that she wouldn't lose him. *Why am I fighting so hard to keep up with him? If he wants to stake himself, let him. If he's bluffing, then I'll find out tomorrow.* But something buried in the corner of Buffy's mind surfaced. It tugged at her mind and told her to keep running...it told her that this vampire was sincere.
She finally reached the mausoleum and pushed the door open. Spike stood in the center of the room with a stake in his hand. He looked up at her just as she entered the dusty crypt but it was too late to stop the force of his hand. Tears came to Buffy's eyes as she ran towards him but the stake entered his heart and he yelled out in pain as it tore through his flesh. "I love you, Buffy."