Dean looked at his hands as the cheap motel clock flipped to 11:30. It was Christmas Eve, and Sam was outside on the phone. Dean shook his head, and swallowed the last of his third beer. Another mediocre Christmas almost here. Dean had gotten Sam some books, using some money he won from pool the other day. They were mythology books; Dean thought they would be useful on the hunt. He also got Sam a coloring book, as a joke, with a smiling clown on the front. They were all wrapped up and tucked in the corner, under the bed, as if it were the Christmas tree they never would have. He had gotten another present, only this time for his friend. He had gotten Cas another blue tie, after Dean had noticed that the bright blue was fading of the tie that matched Cas' eyes so well. The tie was folded up in his pocket, in very simple tissue paper; the only wrapping material Dean could find. He wouldn't pretend that the tie wasn't expensive; it was nearly two hundred dollars, but it was worth it. Dean smiled to himself. He thought about how Cas looked at him with huge eyes, asking, "Better?" Much better, Dean thought, you clean up well. He hadn't seen Cas in long time, not since he had returned from Purgatory, but he still hoped he would show up.
No sooner had the thought entered his mind, did the familiar voice echo through the room. Apparently, Dean had been praying, and his angel heard him.
"Hello, Dean. Merry Christmas"
"Merry Christmas, Cas. Here, this is for you." Dean said, reaching into his pocket and pulling out the tie. Cas' eyes narrowed, as his head tilted in the way that killed Dean.
"That is very kind. I have never before received a present for Christmas." Cas said, as he appeared several inches away from Dean. Dean had to catch his breath for a second. Every goddamn time this angel appeared within a foot of him, and every time it knocked the wind out of Dean's chest. I missed this, Dean thought entered his head, sooner than he could push it down.
"What? You guys in heaven don't do Secret Santa?" Dean said with a smirk, shuffling in his pocket to get the present out.
"No, we do not. I believe that is strictly a human custom."
"Right, heh, anyways, here it is. Merry Christmas, Cas"
Castiel gingerly took the present from Dean, and delicately opened the wrappings, trying to not even slightly tear the paper. As he saw what Dean had gotten him, Cas looked up with the slightest smile, and bright eyes.
"Thank you very much, Dean. I greatly appreciate it." Cas opened his arms, as he had observed many humans doing when they received gifts from friends. Dean smiled at seeing his friend's happy face, and returned the hug, yet Dean still felt the disappointment of Christmas settling into his bones.
"Where is Sam?" Castiel asked, sitting down next to Dean on the couch.
"Oh, he's on the phone. It's too bad, this might be the closest I've had to a family Christmas in a long time."
"Do you not like this day, Dean?"
Dean chuckled, and shook his head, as he replied, "No, I don't really like it all that much. Nothing like a big family holiday to remind you that you don't really have a family."
Cas thought about this for a moment. He then replied, "You remind me of Ebenezer Scrooge."
"What, you mean from that story…uh... a Christmas Carol?"
"Oh, it wasn't a story, Dean, it was recorded by Charles Dickens, yes, but Ebenezer Scrooge was visited by an angel, Eremiel to be precise. He, too, did not enjoy Christmas and was visited by the Angel to show him the selfishness of his ways."
"Are you calling me selfish, Cas? Because I'd like to think that's the one flaw I don't have." Dean snapped at Cas, clenching the beer bottle a little bit tighter.
"No, you are in no way selfish, Dean. You are one of the most selfless beings I know. You are even less selfish than I and most other angels. I believe that you simply need to gain a different perspective."
Dean narrowed his eyes at this nerdy angel sitting beside him.
"Perspective?"
Castiel tilted his head to the side, which always made Dean smile despite his frustrations, "Let me show you, Dean." He said, as he reached for Dean's arm and they disappeared from the hotel room.
"Welcome to a Christmas past, Dean." Cas said as Dean looked around.
"This is so stupid, are you serious, Cas? " Dean said until it sunk in where he really was. He then grew silent, absorbing every single detail of his home, now ashes spread throughout Kansas. "You're kidding me, Cas. We're home." Castiel's eyes flashed a little at this, as Dean and Cas were still clutching each other's arms, even as they had already arrived. A woman climbed down the stairs, slightly round in the middle, with a hand on her stomach. She smiled, as a man walked through the door, holding the hand of a little boy. "Hello, Dean! Did you make a snowman with Dad?" Mary asked her son, as she pulled the hat of his head, and kissed his rosy, cold-bitten cheeks. "Yeah, Mommy! I made a snowman, and Dad made a snowmom." John chuckled and kissed his wife's cheek, "Yeah, that's right!"
The older Dean stood with his mouth open. This was the Christmas before Sam was born. This was the last Christmas with his parents. Dean's grip on Castiel's arm tightened slightly, as this Christmas past hit him hard. As the dinner was slowly set, Cas and Dean stood listening to the conversation, just a simple, joyful conversation about nothing. It still managed to choke Dean up, as he looked at how happy and ignorant to what was coming the family was. Cas, whose arm still touched Dean's, shifted ever so closer to him, watching to see if he was very upset. Dean focused on the dinner before him, yet he could still notice the blue eyes on him. He always noticed them.
As dinner began, the younger Dean was bouncing around, asking so many questions as little kids do, until he landed on, "Mom, why is your tummy getting bigger? Are you eating too much?" John and Mary exchanged a look, and with a slight nod, Mary leaned to Dean, placing a hand on his.
"Dean, you know how you get presents on Christmas?" Dean giggled and nodded excitedly.
"Well, this year, we have a very special one, although we will have to wait a while for it to come."
John slid a hand under the table and circled it around Mary's knee.
" What is it?" Dean exclaimed bouncing from his father to his mother.
"It's a little brother or sister!"
Dean thought about this for a second, before asking,
"How did Santa put it in there?"
John and Mary laughed, not knowing exactly how to respond. Dean soon grew distracted as he placed a hand on his mother's stomach, and peered through as if he could already see Sam.
"Now, Dean, sometimes you can treat your presents badly, like that hot wheels you flushed down the toilet." John said sternly, but with light eyes. "You need to be very carful with a baby, and with Mommy, too, because she's keeping the baby safe until it can come live in the house with us."
"Oh, I'll be carful. Don't worry. I already love it" Dean said with a big smile, staring down at his brother.
The older Dean wiped a tear from his eye with a corner of his sleeve. Castiel said to him, " I showed you this to remind you of a time when Christmas was good. When your family was content. Unfortunately life cannot always be like this, but remember that it once was. "
"What good does this do me, Cas? All I can think now is about how they're dead and how now, Sam and I are both screwed up, twisted people who will never live a life like this. How does that help me, Cas?"
Castiel flinched at these words, but he knew that Dean needed to see this. He had a very good sense of Dean; he could read his presence better than any other human's. "Let's move on, Dean."
With another flash, they stood in the parking lot of the motel from tonight. "Let me guess, Christmas present?" Dean said sarcastically.
"Yes, Dean. This is what is currently happening."
Sam turned around the corner into sight, talking on the phone, a huge smile on his face.
"No, I don't have to go yet. Yeah, he's fine, he just gets upset on Christmas. No, right after this I'll go sit with him. Yeah, it's been hard since he got back, but you know he's my brother and I love him. He's my best friend, and on Christmas you spend time with friends and family. But, I wish I could see you too. Hey, you'll never guess what I got you for Christmas." Sam laughed into the phone, talking with someone, whom only Dean could assume was the girl he had met, and fallen in love with.
"Haha, what'd you get me? No, you didn't. Oh my God, you did not!" He grinned into the phone, looking right past Dean and Cas, as he paced around the parking lot, zigzagging as he talked.
"Why are you showing me this, Cas?"
"To show you that your brother is happy. He has found someone and he is starting something that could turn into a family. His Christmas is filled with joy, laughter and love. Yours should be too." Cas said, looking into Dean's face, as Dean stared at his younger brother as intensely as he did when he was first introduced to him on Christmas Eve thirty years ago. Sam was happy; his face was glowing in way that Dean hadn't seen in years. God, he must really like this chick.
"You don't need to worry about him, Dean. He is truly content."
Dean looked down. He couldn't remember the last time he had felt that way about someone. The endless smiles, the laughing, the renting a movie and then lying in bed together. Come to think of it, he hadn't even spent a Christmas with anyone either. He looked back at Sam, and smiled sadly. Dean couldn't have anybody like Sam's girl. Things always got in the way. With Lisa. With Anna. With Jo. Anyone who he felt something for had to leave his life.
"Well, I'm not happy, Cas. I don't have anybody like Sam does. I've accepted it. I'm not meant to have this- this sugar coated, sitcom life. It's not the one I deserve."
Castiel lightly frowned at this, his brow burrowing in as he tossed Dean's words about his head.
"Let's go one more place, Dean. I have one last thing to show you."
"Let me guess, Christmas Future. It'll be my grave for sure.. Or worse, yours or Sam's. Isn't that how the story goes?"
"Not this one, Dean"
They weren't in a graveyard at all. This place was full of light and life. They arrived in a kitchen, smelling of turkey and mashed potatoes. Sam had his arm wrapped around a woman with dark hair, as she placed seven plates around the table.
"Here, sweetie, let me help." Sam said as he kissed her hair, and put the large turkey on the table.
"They should be here any minute. Let me get the kids." Amelia said, "Robert! Mary! Dinner is on the table!"
Footsteps echoed upstairs, bouncing up and down. A little girl squealed upstairs, calling down, "MOMMY. Bobby is trying to open his presents!" Sam called up, "Robert John Winchester, those are for Christmas! Now, you and your sister get down here. Your uncles are almost here."
The two children jumped down the stairs, the boy at the age of 5, the girl at the age of 7, both with their father's color hair, and their mother's curls. Mary tried to trip her brother, giggling as she did it. "Mary Ellen! That is not nice!" cried her father, and Mary shot a guilty look at her shoes, as Robert indignantly brimmed at her, tempting her to try again. The doorbell rang, and is it did, Dean glanced at Cas. Had Sam said uncles? He then saw himself enter, slightly more worn, but with an air of happiness he hadn't seen on his face in a very long time. He walked up to his brother hugging him. "Sammy! How are you?" Sam chuckled at this, "I'm good, Dean." Dean kissed Amelia on the cheek. Dean lowered his voice as he leaned into talk to Sam, "Thanks again for your help on the case. The link you sent me really helped. Also, when you see Garth, tell him thanks for the heads up."
"Oh, good I'm glad. Did you find out what it was exactly? Never mind-we can talk more about it later when the kids are asleep."
The two children come bouncing towards their Dean. Dean's eyes light up at this, "Hey, kiddos! How's it going?" Mary and Robert sprang to their uncle, hugging him around the knees, as he handed them their presents. "Hey Robby, remind me to give you your secondary present: my ACDC records. They're in the trunk of the Chevy, I forgot to wrap them for you for Christmas! I mean if it's alright with you're dad."
Sam laughed, " Yes, of course, please share your music tastes with my son, even if you have your own to brain wash."
"Hah, true. But us Winchester boys gotta have good taste in music, am I right Bobby-boy?" He says, holding out a hand for Robert to high five. Dean smiled, as Cas walked in the door, holding a baby, squirming in his arms. Cas passed the toddler off to Dean, who smiled at his son, touching his nose. "Hello, Sam. Hello, Amelia. The children have grown quite big!" Cas hugged both awkwardly in the way Dean loved. The present Dean was stuck staring at the baby, at Cas. Present Cas kept his eyes on the Dean beside him, his eyes warm, anticipating any reaction from Dean. The family gathered around the table, quieting down. Dean and Cas sat next to each other, their child on Dean's lap, toying with his father's food. Mary and Robert ogled over the baby, wanting turns to play with him. "I want to hold Adam! I want to hold him!" Mary squeaked, trying to reach over the table to hold his tiny fingers. Sam and Amelia sat across from the happy couple, and Sam remarked, "You know, even if he was adopted, he still bears a certain resemblance to Cas. He's gonna have dark hair, and big blue eyes, but freckles too, it looks like." Sam said with a glance at Dean. Cas and Dean smiled at their son, identical happy looks on their faces, as the baby giggled in Dean's arms. Future Castiel looked towards his past, and Dean's past. He could see them, Dean was sure of it. With the slightest nod towards them, and a subtle smile, Future Castiel slipped back to his time, happily looking at his Dean.
Present Dean and Cas stood frozen side by side, the image of the future slowly started to fade as Dean turned to Cas. Soon enough they were back in the motel. It was Christmas 2012 again, and Sam was still on the phone. The smell of turkey and the laughter of nephews, nieces and sons faded away.
"Cas" Dean whispered.
"Yes, Dean?"
"Is that gonna happen? Is that, like definite?"
Castiel sighed, " I do not believe any future can be defined, this is one of many futures. But, it is a possibility."
"So, what kind of butterfly-effect-mojo do I have to do to get to that future? How do I get there, how do I…?" Dean cut himself off, looking down and shrugging.
Cas flushed, as Dean did the same, both thinking the same thing as they turned to look at each other.
"I don't know, Dean. Not even angels cannot see exactly what action determines a result all the time." Castiel said as he tilted his head. Dean stared at Cas. He kept his eyes on his face, looking at the man who saved his life countless times, the man who made him as happy as his brother did. His only true friend that wasn't blood, although he might as well have been. Could there be a future there? Hell, I didn't think it was possible to have any future that didn't leave me dead and alone. Dean and Cas' eyes met. I don't have to be alone, though.
Dean thought for a moment longer, a hand on his face. Finally he spoke.
"Maybe this will work." He said, as he crossed the space between them. In one quick motion, he grasped the trench coat he loved so much, and pulled his nerdy angel towards him. Dean had thought about this hundreds of times- thousands. How he would pull Cas aside and they would talk, and they would eventually get there. But today, Dean didn't have the patience. This needed to be done. Let's pretend there's some mistletoe, Cas. Their lips met, and Cas' lips faded into his. Cas' hand came up to Dean's face, with a different touch than ever before. Dean's mind whirled as he thought about being happy. He could be happy, he and Cas would be happy. There was a future for him and there was a family. Sam was happy, Amelia was happy, their children were happy too. Most importantly, however, Cas was finally his and they had a family. And it all started with this man pulling him from hell, but it began with this kiss.