The kaleidoscope of our life
A/n: I wanted to wait before posting this but I'm too scared of what will happen in Inferno and Shadow. If I publish it now, I won't have to change some parts to fit canon or delete the all thing because I'm upset and done with TR (even away from social media, spoilers seem to find me anyway). I only have two chapters so far and not sure when I'll feel like writing again, but even if I don't, you'll at least have 2 chapters to enjoy.
In the comics, Lara focuses only on work and constantly talks to her dead father so I wanted to explore another facet of Lara and of course Sam. I wanted to go back to the first comics, when we were seeing a part of Lara's mundane life and her friendships and when it wasn't all about exploration and deaths.
So if you're looking for a lot of adventure and archaeology, I'm afraid it's not the right story, but if you miss Lara's humanity and want to see how she struggles to forgive herself and finally be happy with Sam by her side, then jump on board with me.
My time travel story could somehow fit in this universe.
For a little part, you might find similarities with AgentAyu's story, "I'm in". We have the same headcanon and they know about it.
Chapter 1:
Lara destroyed the divine source. After all the research, the pain, sweat and blood, she destroyed what her father and then herself had spent so much time searching for.
She was sitting alone at a fire camp, lost in thought as The Remnants around her celebrated the departure of Trinity. What was she supposed to do now? What did she have to look forward to now? She knew her fight against Trinity was far from over, she still needed answers, but she was so tired of fighting and almost losing Jonah was forcing her to question some of her choices. She had pushed away almost everyone, and most hurtfully the person she loved more than any of them...
Lara noticed a figure approach and sit next to her. She smiled tiredly at Sofia as the woman offered her a bottle of an unknown alcoholic beverage. "Thank you." She took a swing of her drink and winced at the taste. "This is bad."
Sofia chuckled. "Sorry, we don't have anything fancy here."
Lara waved off the excuse. "It's alright, I've tasted worse…"
Silence settled as Sofia studied her. "Something is haunting you. Are you upset about the divine source?"
The Englishwoman shook her head. "No, I understand now that some things aren't meant to be found and shared with the world…"
"Is it about those Trinity men then?" Sofia questioned. "A lot of them died here."
"This is far from over, I still need to find who's running this group and… other things… I…" Lara sighed deeply. "Trinity killed my father, I want to know why."
"I understand your quest but revenge won't bring back the dead." The redhead said softly.
"I know…" The brunette took another swing of the bottle, barely wincing this time.
"It's a heavy burden you carry and a big fight you have ahead," Sofia stated, understanding more than anyone the weight of a war. "Don't you have anyone to help?"
"There is Jonah."
Sofia raised an eyebrow. "No one else?"
"It's my fight and I don't want to risk anyone's life especially… Wait…" Lara looked at her suspiciously. "Why are you asking me this?"
"While you were resting earlier, you called a name in your sleep," Sofia explained. "Sam? Who is he?"
"She," The Englishwoman corrected. "Sam is short for Samantha. And… She…" Her voice wavered as her friend's face flashed on her mind. "Did I really call her name?" She saw Sofia nod and slowly reached inside the pocket of her pants to pull out the crinkled picture of her and Sam at graduation. She had looked at their picture so many times since they had parted ways, every time she felt sad, or lost, or tired, she would stare at it and try to find the courage to keep going, because she knew that as long as Trinity was out there, people she knew wouldn't be safe. Sam would never be safe, no matter where she was. If they sent Ana as a mole to get intel from her father, who knew what else they could do if they found out about her friend.
Before Lara could speak, Nadia joined them and looked at the picture from above Lara's shoulder. "Oh, she's pretty, who is she?" She sat on the other side of the fire camp.
"Someone I had to leave behind." Lara cleared her throat, trying to push away the pang in her heart. "I'm not sure what we are anymore… We didn't leave each other on the best of terms."
"Come on, you don't just carry someone's picture everywhere with you if they don't matter." Nadia pointed out.
"She matters, that's why I stay away, to protect her." The Englishwoman didn't know if she was trying to convince them or herself.
Nadia scoffed. "You always sound so smart but seriously, that's the dumbest thing I've heard you say so far."
"Nadia!" Sofia chastised her.
"What? It's true!" Nadia rolled her eyes at Sofia before turning toward Lara. "Look at my grandparents, when someone matters to you, you don't give up on them, you hold on and keep them close. You're a warrior, shouldn't she be safer with you?"
"Or a target, look what happened to Jonah!" Lara argued.
"From what he said, Jonah chose to be here," Sofia jumped in. "He knew the risks but wanted to help you anyway. He is a warrior and I'm sure Samantha is one too."
Lara couldn't help but smile at the thought. Sam had been through so much, just like her, but she had faced the danger with her head high. "She is…"
"So maybe you should give Sam the same courtesy you gave Jonah." Nadia advised kindly.
"But Jonah used to be in the army." The Englishwoman countered.
"Were you?" Nadia asked, grabbing the bottle from Lara's hand.
"No but…"
"Then she can learn," Nadia cut her off before Lara could find another excuse. "You can train her, like my grandpa did with me, like Sofia does with the young ones. I'm not telling you to bring her in the middle of a crossfire, but there are many ways that she can help that don't require a weapon. She doesn't have to be out of your life."
"I understand your struggle," Sofia admitted. "I lost men and women in this battle, some were friends, even family. I wanted to keep them safe, but I knew they wanted to be by my side, to fight for our cause, it was not my place to take that away from them. It is dangerous, but perhaps it is her choice to make, some things or people are worth dying for…"
"I can't lose her," Lara confessed. "Not having her in my life is already painful enough, I couldn't bear it if she died because of me. I…." She loved her, she was in love with her best friend, even now and she was pretty sure Sam loved her too. But they thought they would have more time, she thought she would have more time to explore that part of their relationship but, nothing ever went as planned in her life… She cleared her throat. "I just can't, and if it means staying away, then I will."
The redhead reached out and patted her shoulder. "Think about it."
"And at least, check up on her," Nadia offered. "Maybe it could help you recharge or something, before going back to battle because no offense, you look like hell."
"None taken." Lara laughed. "I will consider it." Time and distance hadn't diminished her feelings, just increased her longing but after what had happened, she doubted Sam would want to see her.
Little did she know, Lara wouldn't have to wait long before seeing Sam again…
Like in the comics, Himiko completely took control of Sam and Lara freed her from the Queen's spirit.
Lara was staring at Sam's hospital room door from the hallway. Sam was free, she was herself again. It was finally over. Sofia and Nadia were right, Sam was a warrior who'd rather stab herself then let Himiko hurt her. But now Sam was in the hospital and all Lara could think about was sending her right back there because of her fight with Trinity. She refused to let that happen. She couldn't bring Sam back into her life, it was too risky, no matter what her friends from Kitezh thought.
Beside, Sam's mother was right, it was all her fault anyway if her friend was hurt. The best thing to do now was to leave Sam alone, to let her have a peaceful life, away from the dramas that seemed to follow her everywhere. Lara sadly glanced one last time in direction of Sam's room before making her way toward the exit. When she reached the courtyard, she buried her hands into her jacket pockets and felt the picture she had always with her. She pulled it and leaned against the wall of the hospital, needing a minute to breath. She looked at the photo as a lone tear fell on her cheek, they were so happy and carefree that day. God, she missed Sam so much…
As she held the picture tighter in her hand, Lara felt something unusual stuck behind it. She turned the photo over and saw a note. It was from Nadia. 'You never actually said who Sam was to you but I know love when I see it. The way you talked about her, it was the same way my grandpa used to talk about his long-lost love, until he got a chance to reunite. You told me it inspires you, gives you hope. You can have a second chance too, don't ruin it for the wrong reasons… Be happy, Lara Croft! Nadia.'
"Oh, Nadia… I wish it was that simple." Lara whispered. But maybe Sam deserved an explanation before she disappeared. She couldn't go back now, Antonia had given the order to the staff that she wasn't allowed anywhere near Sam's room but maybe she could sneak in later in the evening, after visiting hours.
A few hours later, Lara was back at the hospital, moving stealthily along the corridors to avoid the nurses and doctors making rounds. Once she reached the right ward, she stopped at the corner of the hallway, poking her head to see if anyone was around Sam's room. From what she had gathered from the time she spent at Sam's bedside, the nurse should be on break right now, this was her chance. She walked toward the door but her hand stopped before reaching the handle. What if Sam didn't want to see her? Would she accept her apology?
"Excuse me miss, visiting hours are over, you shouldn't be here." A man said behind her.
Lara cursed herself before turning around to face a nurse. "I'm sorry, I…"
"You are Ms. Croft, Mrs. Nishimura specifically told us you weren't allowed to see her daughter." The tall man stated. "I should call security."
"Please no, I need to see her, please, it's important." Lara begged. "I know it's after visiting hours but I didn't have a choice."
The man sighed. "You seem like a nice lady but I could lose my job. Mrs. Nishimura is pretty threatening, I'm sure you know that."
"I… It's okay…" Lara sighed in defeat. "I don't want to get you in trouble." She stared at the floor, swallowing her disappointment.
"But..."
"Yes?" The Englishwoman looked at him with hopeful eyes.
"Ms. Nishimura asks after you, a lot." He revealed. "You were at her side the first days then you disappeared before she woke up and after that, Mrs. Nishimura asked us to keep you away. I couldn't understand why but then I overheard her talking about how she never liked you two sharing an apartment and being inseparable and it clicked. Must be tough to have homophobic in-laws."
"What? We… I…" Lara stuttered.
"It's okay girl, I get it. I've watched your girlfriend cry over your absence too many times already. So I'll give you 20 minutes. Call it gay solidarity." The nurse winked and walked over to the opposite side of the room.
"Okay…" Lara frowned in confusion but quickly shook her head. No matter what the man thought about her, it got her time with Sam and it was all that mattered. She stepped in front of the door and knocked twice, then once. It was her signature knock. Then she slowly stepped into the room. "Sam?"
"Lara?" Sam sat up on her bed. "Oh my god, Lara, it's you. You're here, you're really here…"
Lara rushed over and hugged Sam. "I'm here."
"Don't ever leave me again." Sam declared, her voice cracking with emotion.
Lara broke the embrace. "Sam…"
"No!" Sam shook her head. "No, you better not be here for goodbye."
Lara opened her mouth. "I…"
"No!" Sam exclaimed.
"Sam, please listen to me. I…"
"No, you listen to me." Sam cut her off. "I know what you think, that this is all your fault, that I would be better off without you but I'm not, okay, I'm not. We're a team, we're equal so stop treating me as a fragile little thing. We said it would always be the two us, together always."
"But you were tortured, you almost died, once again, because of me." The Englishwoman reminded her dejectedly.
Sam grabbed Lara's hands and pulled her closer, forcing her to sit on the side of the bed. "Yes, because of Trinity and because of Himiko, you, Lara Croft, saved me."
"I can't…." Lara trailed off. "A lot of things happened and…"
"Then tell me all about it." Sam pressed.
Lara shook her head. "I can't, not now, we only have 20 minutes."
"No, we have a lifetime to catch up if you could stop being so stubborn and let me help you." Sam argued.
Lara squeezed Sam's hand. "It's too dangerous."
"It's dangerous no matter if I stay away or not so I'd rather be by your side. It's my life, it should be my choice." Sam raised her voice before softening. "If you love me, don't leave me behind, let me be a part of your life."
"That's not fair, you know that I… We…" The archaeologist stumbled on her words.
"We what? We were stupid and half oblivious to what was going on between us?" Sam offered. "Yeah, I know, but I'm done being stupid so please stop pushing me away."
"I'm not sure I deserve your forgiveness, let alone your love." Lara admitted sadly, staring at a spot on the sheet. "I don't even think with the life I lead that I'll live long enough to find happiness."
Sam put her index under Lara's chin and lifted her head so she could look at her. "If anyone deserves to be happy Lara, it's you."
"And you."
"Then let us move forward, together." Sam insisted again, trying to convince Lara to stop punishing herself. "It won't be easy and we have a lot of talking to do but we can make it, we always do."
"I…"
Suddenly, the nurse entered the room. "Sorry girls, it's time for Ms. Croft to leave."
"Please give us a few more minutes." Sam begged him.
The man smiled in apology. "I'm sorry, I can't."
"You have to come back tomorrow." Sam urged her friend.
"I won't be able to, your mother…" Lara stood up.
"Then send Jonah, my mom is okay with him being around." Sam told her. "Give him letters, tell me everything you can in them, at least until I'm able to leave this place, then we'll figure it out."
Lara smiled gloomily, slowly moving away from the bed. "I'll try."
"Bullshit." Sam grabbed Lara's wrist to keep her close. "That's not enough, promise me, Lara."
"Sam…"
"Girls, say goodbye now." The nurse said, slowly getting irritated.
"Fine, I promise." Lara caved, knowing deep down that she would regret it if she gave up on Sam again. "Now get some rest," She stepped closer to Sam and kissed her forehead tenderly.
"This is not goodbye, Croft, you hear me."
Lara chuckled. "Loud and clear." She waved before leaving the room.
With the help of Jonah, Lara and Sam were able to stay in touch, exchanging letters back and force for almost two weeks.
Once Sam was allowed to leave the hospital, she confronted her parents, telling them she wouldn't follow them back to Japan because her life was in London. The conversation quickly turned into a fight and Antonia ended up telling Sam that if she left the hospital now without them that she shouldn't bother coming back to them. Sam told her parents goodbye and left the place with Jonah without looking back.
Sam settled into the manor with Lara as they worked on rebuilding their relationship, as friends first, trying to heal themselves while still fighting Trinity. They talked about what happened to them during their time apart, Lara showed her some of her parents' journals and Sam tried to sooth Lara's guilt over everything that had happened in the past.
After a few months, they took their relationship to another level, the pull between them was so strong that they just let it engulf them.
The morning after their first time, Sam woke up in bed alone and frowned. Where was Lara? They had made love for the first time the night before and she had hoped for some morning cuddles to bathe into their bubble of happiness for a little longer. She thought the night was special, no matter if it sounded cheesy but, was Lara feeling the same way? Maybe Lara had had second thoughts and left her again.
Sam felt the panic slowly rising. "Lara?" No answer, she frowned. "Lara?" She stumbled out of bed and started looking for Lara around the manor, calling her name without success. Finally, after a while, she found her in the kitchen, making breakfast with her earphones on. "Lara!"
Lara smiled brightly at Sam but it quickly fell when she saw the distraught look on her face. She removed her earphone and quickly made her way across the room. "Sam, what's wrong, love?"
"You're still here." Sam sighed in relief.
"Well yes, I live here, where else would I be?" Lara answered confused, taking Sam's hands in hers.
"But you weren't in bed." Sam pointed out, holding Lara's hands tightly.
"I wanted to surprise you with some breakfast in bed, well if you can call it that, but some things are still in boxes and it took longer than I had imagined."
"I thought…" Sam's voice cracked and she felt a tear run down her cheek.
"Sam…" Lara pulled her closer and hugged her tightly. "What's wrong? Talk to me."
Sam sniffled before pulling away to try and explain. "I thought…" She cleared her throat. "I thought you regretted last night and left."
"What? No, of course not, last night was amazing…" Lara appeared at lost for words. "I would never do that to you." She softly wiped away Sam's tears.
"Except you did, you ran away and left me behind a few times before and I…" Sam trailed off, stopping her words as she felt tears gathering back in her eyes.
Realization seemed to dawn on Lara. "God, I'm so stupid. I should have left a note on the pillow, or just stayed with you, I'm…" They had talked about their fears a few times already, she knew Sam was afraid she would be left behind once again. She would always blame herself for that, for hurting Sam when she had always been the most important person in her life.
"No, that's, that was really sweet of you." Sam quickly reassured. "It's me, I'm just fucked up."
The Englishwoman shook her head. "You're not, if anything, I'm the fucked up one."
"You're not." They both chuckled before Sam stated. "I think we still have some work to do on ourselves and well, us, if that's still what you want…"
"Yes, I want you to be mine, officially. I wanted to ask you after breakfast but well..." Lara shrugged helplessly.
"It's okay." Sam leaned toward Lara and kissed her tenderly. "Come on, get your tray and take your girlfriend back to our room."
Lara chuckled. "Yes, dear."