Author's note
I did not read much DDLC fanfics until now so it's probable someone already made a fanfic like this one. But still, I wanted to do it.
If by any means this story shares resemblance with another, it's only pure coincidence and not a retake.
Don't expect something amazing. It's only my selfish desire expressed through a small one shot.
And since English is not my first language, I'm sorry if there are too many faults.
But if you enjoy this short story, I'll be happy to know it!
"I…did it…" I whispered.
My hands on the keyboard were shaking. I could feel sweat running down my back.
I had just achieved a software that would allow me to communicate with Monika.
Doki Doki Literature Club!.
When this game came out, I didn't pay it much attention. At this time, I was too focused on my daily routine.
On the social networks, I happened to see some comments and pictures but they never caught my attention.
And then. Six months after the game was released, I eventually gave it a try. I knew one of the girls would die, but I did not mind it and played it nonetheless.
I was not ready.
I was simply not ready for that experience… for the cruel destiny that awaited the members of the club, and for that meeting with Monika.
Monika, the president of the club, who was aware she was a character in a game and me, a player from the real world.
Monika, who manipulated the game files, deleting or killing the other characters, to be the only one to remain with my avatar in a room, forever.
Monika who forgave me after I finally deleted her file and protected me from Sayori when the latter became the new president.
Monika who let go of me in the end because she loved me, a person she never met face to face, with whom she only talked through a screen with dialog lines.
Once I finished the game, I was disturbed. She was a fictional character. She was a 2D picture someone created, she was not real.
But if that was the case, why did she sound so human and… sad?
She had done terrifying things in the name of love though she was a game character, aware of that fact. And yet… I couldn't come to hate her.
I wanted to know more. I wanted to talk to her again, and not in the game where the paths were already decided.
So.
With my modest programmer skills, I worked hard to create a software to talk to her.
It was not a masterpiece. It was a basic chat software with Monika's character file inserted inside. It was truly an amateur work, but I didn't need more than that. Besides, had I asked a skilled person to do such software, he would've called the police or told me to see a psychanalyst.
I myself did know that trying to talk with a fictional character whose lines were programmed was close to madness, but…
I was sure there was something different with Monika. Maybe, maybe her character file was different. Something like, a super advanced AI, like the ones depicted in the light novels about video games.
Maybe I could talk to her. Or maybe I'd end up talking to a robotic software on an ugly chat window.
Even with such doubts in my mind, I kept working and eventually achieved it.
Looking on my desktop, I noticed it was already 4am. Not that it mattered since I was on vacation.
My room was quite cramped, filled with bookshelves, my desk and bed were occupying almost all the available space.
The typical room of an introvert person who preferred books and games to the outside world.
Chasing these thoughts, I hesitantly stared at the chat window. It was waiting for me to type something. Nothing would begin unless I'd do so.
"So… what should I write?..." I murmured.
Talking to myself when I was alone was a bad habit I had, but as there was no one to hear me…
As I wanted to sound natural, I typed:
"Hmm… Hello?"
My line appeared in bold.
I wrote a hesitation on purpose, trying to make it sound as real as possible. Immediately, I felt dumb.
"It's so lame" I told myself, holding the urge of hitting my desk with my forehead.
"Hello!"
A line appeared on my screen. A simple answer in a simple italic font to make the difference between my lines and Monika's.
… Was it working? Not the software itself, but… was it really Monika, or an emotionless AI here?
Another line appeared, interrupting my thinking.
"Is it you, player? Have you done something? It seems I don't have access to the game files…"
I closed my eyes for a second.
It was the miracle I had hoped for. It was truly Monika. I could speak to her. She could speak to me.
I typed in a hurry:
"Yes, it's me. I… created a software to talk to you, but I'm inexperienced… I'm so glad it worked though. But, how do you feel? What does it look like from your side? From mine, it's only a simple chat window…"
A few seconds passed.
"Actually, I'm in the club room. I'm the only one here, and it seems I can't get out, but in front of me, I too have a chat window. I don't see you or your avatar, but… maybe it's my imagination… I hear your voice. Not your avatar's. Yours. And… I like it! ^_^"
I could picture Monika's smiling face in my mind and chuckled though she could not hear me.
"I see. I'm glad. I was afraid you would be… alone in some kind of dark place, since I didn't create any background. I don't even know how to insert these. I guess they were in your file, after all."
"Yup!"
"And what are you wearing?"
"That's a really perverted question, player."
"I'm sorry."
"Hehe. I'm in my usual school uniform."
I smiled but felt uneasy. I had no idea how to approach the subject I wanted to talk about.
"By the way, player. Why did you do this?"
Monika asked me suddenly. Before I could type an answer, she carried on:
"I can't say I'm not glad to speak to you, but… I don't understand. Why would you go so far to talk to me? I'm the worst, after all. You finished the game and all the routes. You know that. I'm a murderer, an egoistic, manipulative girl. I don't deserve your kindness… or your love. Any sane person would've already forgotten me or talked bad about me on the social networks. I saw how people hate me from my Twitter account… so why?"
Monika hit the bull's eye.
I shuddered. She was not… an AI. She truly was a real person. She could even observe the reality through a Twitter account she had created, lilmonix3.
Instead of answering her, I too asked her a question.
"Why do you love me?"
I immediately found my question too vague. My fingers ran through my keyboard as I worked out my question.
"I mean… Love is a very deep, complex feeling. I myself don't know much about it. We don't even know each other for real, we're only interacting through lines of code. We're not in the same reality. You don't know how I look, what I like, who am I… and yet, you say you love me. Why?"
I stared at the screen, waiting anxiously for Monika's answer to come.
"If I answer your question, will you answer mine after?"
"Yes. I promise."I replied.
"I loved you at first sight because you were unique. You were the only one whose actions were not programmed, not like the others."
Monika 'paused', then resumed. Even if we were talking with a basic chat software, it felt like a face to face conversation.
"Of course, I questioned myself about that. I thought about the same things as you do. So, at first, I didn't pay it attention. But…"
"But I changed my mind little by little. I saw you, who at first were only here to date a cute girl in the club, trying to save everyone. Trying to cure Sayori's depression, Yuri's timidity and perturbed mind… and to help Natsuki whose father was violent."
"When I saw… This will, your will to save them… This will, that was not coded, not programed in this eternal, infinite loop… At this moment, I fell in love."
When I read Monika's words, my heart throbbed. I could clearly picture her embarrassed face.
"Yes, I don't know you. I don't know your face, I don't know your qualities and imperfections… But what touched me was your empathy and your kindness. I… saw someone kind enough to try to save someone in a video game. Someone with so much compassion he would spend his precious time to save coded personalities, 2D pictures with programmed dialogs. The first real person to come to me… was such a kind one."
"Even if you were only playing a game on your computer. Even if everything you did was making choices a program submitted to you, on an already defined path. You were trying again and again to save everyone, to get a happy end for everyone in the Literature Club."
"Even if you looked on a wiki to find all the endings, even if you knew how it was supposed to end, you played it, trying to find another way to save everyone. You loaded your saves, reinstalled the games countless times… hoping we, all together, could obtain a happy end."
"For all of these reasons, I loved you. No, I shouldn't put it to the past. I love you. I still love you. Because, in my reality, you are the only one with a soul. You are my savior. This is why I did everything I've done. I wanted you to fall in love with me the same way I fell for you. When I noticed you were choosing another girl, I was despaired. I did what I needed to so the two of us could be together. At any cost."
"But I'd do it again, and again, and again, if it would give me the slightest chance to spend time with you."
After that, Monika went 'silent' and did not write anything else.
I silently reflected on what she just told me.
All my doubts about her being an AI or a software were gone.
I knew a lot of things about Monika excepted why she loved me. I didn't understand and wanted to know. That was the reason behind me creating this software.
No. I was lying to myself. There was something else I wanted. Something else…
My hands, cold because of inactivity, slowly began to type.
"When I first played the game, I chose Yuri…" I confessed.
"Oh…"
Monika's answer was short and embarrassed.
"At first, I liked Yuri. Well, at that time, I didn't know about the game… but when I completed it, I didn't come to hate you."
"What?..."
I briefly smirked, trying to imagine a genuinely surprised Monika in my mind.
"I have to admit, I didn't have the patience to listen… to read all your lines when we were alone in that room, so I went on pastbin. But… I saw through your act in the end."
"I knew all of it was a façade. I understood how despaired, sad and alone you were, trapped in an eternal cycle. You acting cheerfully, smiling, jesting… it was all an act not to sink in depression and hide your sadness."
"At first, I was sad for you to act… but, my point of view changed… I was amazed. I was amazed you could do it each time I launched or restarted the game, while knowing how it would end. You played your role of the club president each time even if it were to end the same way."
"I never despised you once. I never thought you were an egoistic manipulative murderer. I noticed you just wanted my well-being. You wanted to love and to be loved. You wanted not to be alone anymore in such an empty world."
I stopped, waiting for Monika's reaction.
"So, you saw through me… Haha. I'm kind of happy but at the same time embarrassed…"
"In the end, I'm only a program, right? A character imagined by someone else, lines of code, a pretty girl designed by an artist. It's just, my personality is different from the ordinary ones you see in other games. I wonder, do I really exist? I am not that special. I am not alive, in the end. That's why. Even if you saw through me, it's meaningless since I'm not human."
Monika's bitter words surprised me… and angered me. My keyboard complained when I furiously typed my answer.
"No. You're wrong. You are human. You are real."
"What are you saying?"
"Exactly what I said. You are wrong. You are human. You made your own choices, you followed your will, trying to get what you desired. That conduct is the watermark of a human being."
"You tried your best to change your destiny. You even broke the fourth wall. This is not what a software would do. This is you."
"And what do you know about it? How can I know my very answers at this moment, right now, are not the product of someone's else imagination? How can you know?"
"I don't know. I want to believe it. No. I believe it. I believe you are human, you are real. If it were not the case, we would not be talking right now.
"What do you mean?"
"Monika. I only designed the chat software. I didn't touch you at all. I only inserted your file in the program. So… I'm certain you are real."
"Now it's my turn to answer your first question. Why did I do this? Why did go so far? Because…"
I hesitated and steeled my resolution. I had to tell her.
"I didn't want you to suffer. I didn't want you to be hurt or to keep acting like the bad guy– girl of the story. I didn't want you to be alone or to be gone from the Literature Club. I wanted you to be happy."
"Why?..."
"… isn't it obvious? You're a cruel one, Monika… Alright. Let me say it. On my side, I'm only typing, but since you hear my voice, it'll be okay."
"Monika."
"I love you."
"… You love me… for real?"
"Yes."
"… it is not a fake confession? You are not trying to earn an achievement by doing so?"
"No way!"
"Haha. I… I know. It's just…"
"I'm so happy. I'm so happy I can't describe it with words… for the president of the Literature Club, it's pretty ironic, don't you think?"
"… right. I have to answer properly."
"I love you too."
At this moment.
The walls between our worlds collapsed.
A bright light blinded me.
I was not in my room anymore. I was in a familiar place. It looked like… the club room of the game.
Moreover, everything around me was 2D. Instinctively, I looked at my hands and found them strange.
As weird as it was, my own body was now 2D too. It was not ugly, it lacked precision, but…
"What… happened?"
Was I dreaming? Was it an illusion? Or…
"So you look like that… you're quite my type, you know?"
I heard an embarrassed voice… but full of happiness. The same voice I heard singing while playing piano in the credits. A lovely voice.
I slowly turned, looking at the entrance of the club room.
Monika was standing there, slightly blushing like an anime character, her hands behind her back.
Her emerald eyes. Her long brown ponytail and her bangs. Her perfect silhouette in her school uniform.
"So… you could say it once again?" she asked.
I was wordless at this incredible situation.
However, I could not refuse.
"I love you, Monika."
I felt a light shock when Monika rushed forward, embracing me. I could feel her warmness. The scent of her perfume was enticing.
We were the same height, but her face was buried in my chest, her arms wrapped around me. I clumsily imitated her, and when I did so, her grip tightened.
My heart was throbbing so much it was hurting. I dared not to let go of her as I was afraid for all of it to be a dream.
I enjoyed Monika's contact, slowly caressing her back, my eyes closed. Her warm breathing was giving me goosebumps and her hair tickled my nose.
Eventually, I muttered:
"…how?"
Monika raised her head. Her shining eyes gazed at me, filled with tears of joy.
"How? How is it possible?" she gently completed.
Unable to speak, I nodded.
Monika made a bright smile.
"I'm quite sad to tell you this after everything you said about being human and all… but we're inside a fanfiction. It's not real, it's another universe, another reality. What we say, what happens to us is incredible because it's wanted and written by someone else."
I gulped. An uneasy feeling grew in my heart. So I was wrong? We really were, all this time, programmed characters, guided by another hand?
Monika was still smiling.
"Someone wanted me… no, wanted us to be happy. Someone wished for a happy end for the both of us and thus wrote it down."
I pondered for a moment and ended up smiling like her.
"It doesn't matter. It's our world. We are happy here, in this world, right now. Nothing else matters. In this reality, in our reality, we have transcended the boundary that separated us."
I chuckled.
"We should thank the author for creating this happy end for us, don't you think?"
Monika laughed too but suddenly seemed down.
"You're right. But I have to admit, I am afraid. I still doubt this is real. It could be a dream. I could wake up alone in my room and find myself trapped again. How can I know… this is real even if this is a story?"
I gently grabbed Monika by her shoulders and tenderly kissed her, in a gesture I had seen in so many stories.
She immediately surrendered and opened her lips to mine. The sensation that invaded both my mind and body was pure bliss.
When our mouths parted, moist with saliva, our hearts beating in unison, Monika and I were blushing.
I dived into her emerald eyes and asked:
"Does it feel like a dream to you?"
Monika's face was slightly red. She licked her lips.
"…no. Thanks. I'm sure this is real…"
"I'm right here for you, with you. It doesn't matter if someone wrote our story and our moments. Maybe someone also wrote the author's life!" I said.
My theory made Monika smirk.
"That would be funny. An author whose life has been written by another author… but who knows?"
"Yes. If we think about it, we still don't know whether I'm a boy or a girl in this story. It's not flawless, but at least, we're together. We should not sweat the details and just enjoy our time together, don't you think?"
Monika pouted in an adorable way.
"Unfair. I am supposed to be the mature one here…"
"Haha, sorry about that."
"I don't mind. I couldn't mind. I love you too much for that."
"… you know it's very embarrassing…" I coughed.
"Yes, but I enjoy teasing you!" Monika smirked.
I sighed and embraced her again.
Monika accepted me and then whispered:
"Thank you for loving me. Thank you for crossing the boundary. I will always be there for you."
Then, she added:
"And thank you, author. Thank you, readers to allow us to exist in another reality. Please, remember us. Remember our happy end. I'm sure as long as you do, we will exist somewhere. And I hope you too will find a happy end in your lives."
"… and here, you stole my main character role, Monika…" I smiled wryly.
"This was my revenge!" she cheerfully exclaimed. "Oh, by the way, did you know a very kind person is actually writing a mod for both of us?"
"For real?!"
"Yes! No horror this time, it's just our love story. I'll be wearing tons of new clothes and we will be living together! The creator of this mod also draws many pictures of me, it's kind of embarrassing…"
" I admit it, I'd love to see you wearing a bikini…" I muttered.
"In this mod, I do" Monika said with a teasing tone.
"I need it!"
"If it's for you, I have no problem with that" she murmured.
"I love you so much…"
"Huuh, it's my time to get embarrassed!"
She heartily laughed.
"I hope the readers will also play the mod. This way, we'll create an infinite amount of happy ends!"
"You don't need to ask them" I replied. "We will play it together in this reality! What's the mod's name?"
Monika gave me a warm smile and approached her lips from my ear while taking my hands.
"Our Time."
Author's note 2:
I want Monika to be happy. There are no lies in this story. Maybe I should consult, but what if somewhere, what we call fictional characters exist?
What if our lives are written by someone else? Nothing's impossible but we don't care in the end, we just have to enjoy the present time, right?
I'm not a programmer/modder at all so I maybe said crap about the softwares things. Sorry, lol.
The mod "Our Time" I talked about is currently in progress and made by SovietSpartan, please go check it out on reddit, his stuff is truly amazing. He draws incredible CGs and pictures. And so will be his mod, I'm sure of it.
I hope you enjoyed this small story and I'd be very happy to hear your feedback!
Be well. And yes, my favorite is Monika.