(The characters are not mine. They belong to CBS and are the brainchild of Craig Thomas and Carter Bays. The story is set about a year after "Shelter Island".)
For the fifth time in the last ten minutes Stella Zinman lifted her hand to knock on the door in front of her. For the fifth time she lowered that same hand without rapping on the wood. Defeated once more she turned and started to walk away.
"Oh God I have to know," she moaned. She spun on one heel and returned to her previous position.
"What can I possibly say? How can I make him understand what it took me this long to realize; that I was an IDIOT."
She had been, she knew it. One look at Tony and the memories had come flooding back. Here he was again, the man she had fallen in love with, the man who had fathered Lucy. His spontaneity, his dashing ways, all the things that made him irresistible before were still there.
She had known what she was doing. She acknowledged that. Her lip curled as she remembered telling Ted that she was worried that seeing Robin would bring back old memories that might affect his decision, HIS commitment. And then she had taken off, in what at that time was a beautiful spontaneous gesture of romance.
That was the thing. Tony was wildly romantic, beautifully able to do things on the spur of the moment. He had swept her away again, just as he had years ago. On her wedding day she had eloped. It just hadn't been with the man she had been engaged to marry. But at the time she hadn't cared. Once more she was following her heart.
Oh, she had regretted what she had been forced to do to Ted. But she had felt that there wasn't any choice. The only way she could be happy was with Tony. So she had left a letter for Ted and gone with Tony.
And for the next couple of months it had been as wonderful as she had thought it would. Tony was everything Ted was not. He swept her off her feet with extravagant gestures, presents, flowers. He wooed her all the time. He showered affection on Lucy, trying to make up for all the time he had missed.
Then the cracks began to appear. His attempt at reading Lucy a story at bedtime was a disaster. He had got up and acted out all the parts of the story. It would have been quite funny and even charming but the point was to get their daughter to sleep, not wind her up so she was still awake at three in the morning.
To Tony life was to be lived full throttle. He couldn't grasp her world. The PTA and her Deputy Mayor position to him were encumberances. The study she needed to do to keep herself current with the latest medical advancements made his eyes roll. He wanted to be able to dash off to Rome or Paris at a moment's notice. He couldn't understand why she just couldn't do things like that.
Tony was still the charming wonderful man she remembered. Unfortunately she had not remembered the other qualities. His inability to settle down to a job for any length of time, his casual habit of spending money they didn't have, how he dismissed concerns about anything with a wave of his hand and the assurance that "It will all work itself out".
By the sixth month it had become painfully obvious that they were treading the same downhill spiral they had been on before. The parting had been like before, full of regrets but also with the knowledge that they never had been meant for each other for the long term.
And that had brought her full circle again. Back to Ted. Once she had got over what she now saw as her infatuation with Tony her feelings came flooding back for Ted. Ted. The safe warm wonderful man who was prepared to give up things for her and Lucy, not pout when those things came between him and his latest impulse. She realized the difference between the two men and the comparison made her cry.
Months had passed while she summoned up the courage to see Ted. She knew it had to be face to face. She had found out he was still living in his same apartment. Finally she had come here, only to stand outside the door and argue with herself.
She loved Ted. But after what she had done could she even make an attempt to see him again? What could she say? How could she make him understand the deep regrets she had now that she saw clearly?
"How could he forgive me? I couldn't forgive any one who did something this awful to me. But he's TED. Ted the loving man, the one who cared so much for Lucy." The arguments raged in her mind.
What if she didn't say anything at all? What if she simply threw herself at his feet? She walked up and down the hall yet again, lost in a welter of emotions. Finally, once more she stood before the door.
"I have to know," she told herself. "One way or another. I owe myself that. I owe Lucy that. I owe Ted that; the knowledge that I was the fool and that he always was the better man. I HAVE to know if it's too late to make amends."
Steeling herself, she finally knocked on the door. She tried to compose her features, not wanting to show the fear that was quaking inside her.
She heard footsteps and the lock clicked. The door opened.
Stillness settled over her. Not a word was spoken as she met the gaze of the person in front of her.
The quiet was broken by a dear, familiar voice coming from the kitchen.
"Honey? Who is it?"
Stella turned and walked away without waiting for the woman standing in the door to answer the man she had come to see. The diamond ring on the woman's left hand, a hand resting on the bump of her mid-section showing her pregnancy, answered what she had come to find out. She heard the door close behind her, a closing that didn't cut off the two word reply.
"No one."
It was too late.
(The End)
(Okay, I know as well as everyone else that Stella and Ted were completely wrong for each other. But I still wanted to make her suffer a bit for the way she dumped him.)