Baka no Riddle (Riddle of the Idiots)

Rating; T

Genre: Humor & Parody

Summary: Azuma Tokaku transferred into an all-girl school. All her classmates are totally gay for each other and there just happened to be a certain ginger that caught the stoic girl's attention. [AU; Shoujo-ai/Yuri]

Pairings: Tokaku x Haru; Sumireko x Banba; Chitaru x Hitsugi; Isuke x Haruki

Disclaimer: If I happened to own Akuma no Riddle, all the pairings I mentioned earlier would be so cannon to the point of making the girls from Strawberry Panic blush.

[-x-x-x-]

It was spring and the morning sun was high in the sky. Most students were already sitting in their desks and chatting about whatever girly talk they did. The teacher soon entered later and all the girls returned to their seats.

"Hello everyone!" the woman with huge 'asset' said with a bored tone. "Or whatever because Isuke-sama doesn't care... Today, we have a new transfer student."

A blue-haired girl slid the door open and slowly walked majestically like the gauge of a downloading file. She stopped in front of the blackboard and her sharp eyes scanned through her future classmates. "I'm Azuma Tokaku! Do not call me Azuma or Tokaku! Call me Azuma-san or Tokaku-san!"

There was a small gossip among the young girls. The blue-haired girl gave zero fuck about these and randomly threw her bag at one empty desk at the rear before walking toward her new seat.

"Okay, everyone!" the pink-haired teacher said and turned to the blackboard, unbuttoning her shirt in the process. 'Fuck! It's so hot in that suit. Why the actual fuck that stupid chairwoman force us teacher to wear these poor-like suits?'

At that time, the door slid open in a harshly manner and a certain red-head peeked in, a poky in her mouth. "Hey there, ma'am! I was caught in the traffic and I'm late again." She walked closer to the teacher and took a poky from her pocket. "Want some?"

"I already told you poor people to call me Isuke-sama!" The woman replied coldly before giving Haruki a glare. "And Isuke-sama doesn't like something that is near poor."

"Haha… always as funny as I see, Isuke-sama!" Haruki laughed it out and jumped toward her seat.

Tokaku let out of a sigh as she rolled her eyes. She then turned to the blackboard and took her phone in the hand to post some nonsense on her Facebook account.

Post: Azuma Tokaku

Black class is boring as hell. We are 7 girls in total, plus the teacher.

She sighed and placed her phone back on her pocket, making sure it was in silent mode. She had another look around and scanned her classmates.

At the front was sitting a petite girl with majestic blue hair. She reminded of some kind of angel, maybe angel trumpet or other shit alike. Sitting by her right was some kind of bifauxmen. Well, she was rather feminine, but her short red hair count, right? So, these two were holding hand even thought they were still in class.

'Lovebirds…' Tokaku sighed as she watched the other.

The red-head from earlier who was late and seemed to be teasing the teacher endlessly and being teased back was sitting in the front as well. It wasn't as she was the most attentive in class; one could bet she sat there just to have a better view of the big boobed woman. So, the girl named Haruki had long messy red hair and looked like some kind of messy chiwawa or aggressive kitten. And of course, she had a poky in her mouth the whole class.

Behind her sat a female version of Hatake Kakashi. She had bright white long hair and a rather pale skin. She just fidgeted shyly at the corner of the room, trying to take as many notes as she could. Next to her sat a lady-like big boobed girl who unlike the others didn't wear the uniform and instead whore an orange expensive-looking dress. So the girl, whose name was apparently Sumireko, was occasionally stealing some glance at the girl named Banba.

"Hey Banba-san, I have two tickets for a Jazz concert this Sunday. Are you interested?" the Ojou-sama asked.

"It depends…" The shy girl slowly replied, making sure to keep her voice low; but it wasn't as if anyone gave a care since everyone's attention was focused on Haruki and Isuke's current séance of endless teasing. "If we have to stay late, I will have to ask Shinya's opinion first…"

Tokaku rolled her eyes to see an Angel. Yes, a damn angel. Her messy short pink hair attached in pigtails reminded her of a plush her Aunt gave her back in her childhood. It was as if time has stopped when the stoic girl lied her eyes on that girl whose name was seemingly Haru. Unlike the others in the class that smelled like roots, she was emitting a really good scent of sunflowers.

'She is different from the others…'

That was right! Most girls from class black were experimental childrens adopted by rich women and raised to be the heiress of their respective society. The government found a way to allow same-gender couple to have childrens without the opposite gender's assistance. They produced a product capable of such miracle. The only problem is that the couple can only give birth to a child of the same gender of them. Think about it, it's only normal if you learned well you biology lesson since women are only XX and men are XY dude.

So, the angel was smiling at her and Tokaku felt her heart sink deep into her stomach like shit flowing down the toilets. The girl Haru handed over a small piece of paper that read. "Let us be friend!" and turned toward the couple of lovebird that was the student and teacher.

Tokaku's attention was brought back as her phone's screen lit up. She took it and read two notifications.

(1) Kaiba likes your post.

(2) Kaiba commented on your post.

You little peace of garbage couldn't help but to post that, you damn narcissist!

Re: Just shut up!

By the time she was done sending more swearing words and death threats that can't be showed here because it's a T-rated fiction, Isuke and Haruki's fight was over. They were so tired from yelling at each other second earlier and were now panting heavily like fat kids at PE class.

Well, their class was at the higher level of their Academy complex and only the students from black class and their respective teacher can access this level, so they were free to do whatever the fuck they wanted to, be it playing poker, writing fictions for some shit-eating readers to read or just fooling around with each other.

That, plus the fact they are all elites. While some of the science babies might be total ditzyness, some are born genius. That was the case for these 7 girls and that teacher. They didn't need to attend class anymore, but were too young to take over their Mother's business and were sent at that Academy to… well, let's just say: spend fun-filled days.

As the student-teacher couple decided to keep it low, everyone's attention was now toward the school's number one best couple of the century; AKA Chitaru-Hitsugi. They were talking about plushy and other girly stuffs; don't ask me because I don't care about these!

"Chitaru-san, I got two tickets for water-land! Do you want to go together this Sunday?" the petite girl asked.

"I course! I love attraction parks, so why not…" the taller girl smiled.

"And here we are again!" Haruki complained. "And another date! Seriously, it will be your 10th time since April, that was only one month ago."

"Just shut up, you fat bitch!" the white-haired girl who was timid few minutes ago stood up, using a harsh way of talking. It was rather late and the sun has settled few seconds ago. "You're just jealous because you didn't have a single date that past month."

"There, there…" Sumireko tried to calm her down and that worked as Shinya returned back into her seat and the Ojou-sama patted her head. "Good girl! Good girl!"

"You guys are weird…" everyone's attention turned to Tokaku who has said something since the morning.

"Girls; not guys!" Banba corrected quickly.

"Wait, you can speak?" Haruki mocked.

"That's rude, Haruki-san!" Haru defended. "She introduced herself this morning; of course she can speak."

Tokaku let out of another sigh and watched the screen of her phone before logging out of Facebook and looked around for some Yuri AMV at YouTube. "Whatever…"

With that, Isuke finally decided to dismiss the class. It was rather late, but there are only three laws in the class black.

One; only the teacher may give the start and end signal. The students are not allowed to exit class before the teacher says so; even if she keeps up until midnight.

Two; the students from the class black are only allowed to be gay for another occupant of the same class. They are not allowed to flirt or go out with anyone outside the people from class black.

Three; there is no third law!

So, the 7 students alongside the teacher exited the main building and walked toward the dorm, talking about other girly stuffs on the way. You know that song right, 'Harmonized Clover' sang by Kurosaki Maon from the Anime 'Gakkou Gurachi' or 'School Live'?

'Kaeri michi no oshaberi… onna no ko himitsu day o ne.' (Gossips on the way home… about young girl's secret and stuffs.)

So, they arrived at the dorm and walked into their respective room. Chitaru and Hitsugi entered the first one. They then explained the newbie that they had two occupants per room.

Isuke and Haruki shared the room next to that first, followed by Banba and Sumireko on the next. Only Tokaku and Haru were left walking to the last room of the dorm. At that time, the blue-haired girl could feel her heartbeat fasten like the foot of a drummer who is constantly kicking the pedal in a rock song.

They finally entered the room and Haru laid flat on one of the two beds. Tokaku took that opportunity to pick a grape juice from the fried and started drinking it. She then picked the remote device and lit the TV so she could watch another episode of her favorite Anime of all time, known as One Punch Man (don't ask me about it, dude; I never watched that Anime :p)

So, she watched as Saitama kicked the ass of Goku since it was a special episode crossover with Dragon Ball Z. She kept her stoic face all the time while watching all the funny scenes pass like Aunt collecting some leftovers at the kitchen.

The Anime ended after a good 24 minutes and Tokaku stood up before walking to the bathroom and took a shower. She went under the waterfall and watched the cold water wash her body in the manner of some fuel falling on a mountain.

She went back later and her jaws almost dropped from an angelic spectacle. In front of her eyes was Haru wearing a cute frilly pink pajama and was sitting on the bed while eating potato ships and drinking a can of soda. She was watching the 13th episode of the Anime 'Love Live! School Idol Project' season 2 and was almost crying at the vey moving scene between the 9 members.

"Hey, Ichinose!" Tokaku started as she walked beside said girl. "That's a childish attitude! Who would cry over Anime?"

"That's meant, Tokaku-san!" The pink-haired girl retorted. "Anime are made for having fun and expressing our feelings! You know the saying, right? 'Only real men cry at Idol's anime'!"

Tokaku rolled her eyes and jumped at the own bed. "Whatever…" she picked her phone and spent the rest of the evening watching some new good Yuri show and manga at yurireviews, Yuri Nation and dynasty readers.

The anime ended after a while and Haru turned the TV off before taking her phone as well and came closer to her flat-mate. "Hey, Tokaku-san…" said girl lifted her eyes only so her eyes met the young girl's. "Want to exchange phone number?"

Tokaku nodded and they exchanged number. An hour later, Haru was fast asleep in her own bed while Tokaku was just staring at her phone's screen. She stole a glance at her new friend and couldn't help her face from heating up at the sign of the girl's peaceful expression.

She quickly logged into her Facebook account, frustrated and updated her statue.

Post: Azuma Tokaku

Help! I am sharing a room with the cutest girl in the world. What should I do?

[The end]

That's it! I know there are some OOC, but who cares? As long as the story can entertain, it's okay, right?

Anyway, that's all I have to say. If you want more nonsense from the childish author, feel free to leave a review. I don't care whatever you will follow or favorite this story, just so you know this is a one-shot; but if you really insist, I might write a more serious story or if you like another way shittier story, I am tempted.

Also, I have to say that I've only watched 8 episodes of Akuma no Riddle, so. Anyway, I am a huge Chitaru-Hitsugi and Isuke-Haruki shipper. That's all!

Well, I wish you an Happy New Year and (hope to) see you next time!