This environment is not conducive to healing. This place was made for death. Everyone is at odds with each other. A good amount die a horrible death. Most die young and in pain. The few that have died in my arms have broken my heart. But especially her. Especially her.
She was the absolute love of my life. We only had a true few moments but when I first saw her I felt that we fit. I felt drawn to her and she was drawn to me. Now she's gone.
What am I supposed to do now? How am I supposed to feel? Where am I supposed to go?
I just need to go away. To leave. Let them all take care of themselves. They never needed me. I get hurt. Those I care about get hurt.
Clarke got out of the tower as fast as possible. All that she took with her were the clothes on her back, a tense feeling in her stomach, and the device in her pocket. As soon as she reached the forest she puked next to a maple tree.
She looked up through the branches at the sun. Her eyes watering at the blazing light. The involuntary tears left her eyes.
I don't want to be here. I don't want to be here without her. What am I going to do without her?
Clarke hugged her arms around the tree as she began to yell and cry.
I don't want to be here without her. She can't be gone. She can't be. I don't want to be here without her.
She sniffled and coughed before she let go of the tree. She pushed off and began to run. Branches cut her face and hands as she ran through the trees. She fell more than a few times. Banging her head against the ground once. She clamped her teeth and tensed her jaw as she pushed herself up. She staggered until she was on the banks of a river. A wide and broad river.
Here. Here's a place to do it.
On her run through the woods she had thought about when she tried to kill herself while she was in solitary. How she wanted to kill herself after killing Finn. How she wanted to kill herself while she was out in the woods. Now, she knew without a doubt that she wanted to die. The only person that made her feel free and light had just died. This river. This river is the answer.
Clarke began taking her clothes off. It wasn't deathly cold but cold enough and the water would be colder. Naked she took the chip out her pocket and carried it in her hand as she waded the water. The water was freezing.
When she was shoulders deep she began floating on her back. She was twirling the chip in her hand. She put it to her lips. At first to kiss it and then she swallowed it as the current began taking her down the river. Slowly but consistently she traveled.
Her wounds were stinging. She silently let the tears stream down the sides of her face into the water. She began shivering uncontrollably. Her fingers and toes started to feel numb but slightly warm. Her thoughts were getting to her more than anything though.
I wish she didn't die. I wish she was still here. I wish she was holding me right now.
Clarke felt something bump her back. She didn't bother to move to see what it was. It didn't matter though. A few moments later the creature pulled her under. Her spun and pulled her the murky water until she didn't know which way was up and she didn't fight it. It was wrapped so tight around her that she wouldn't hold her breath any longer. The air in her lungs escaped and bubbled up in her face. She couldn't stop herself after a few moments. She opened her mouth to breathe. The water came rushing in. It hurt so much. She wanted to fight back against the creature but she did her best not to. She wanted to let go. She was looking for death and it found her.
She started seeing black spots. Her thoughts started fading. Her chest was in so much pain.
This has to end. She's gone. This all has to end. Lexa.
She felt the pressure start to release as she stopped squirming. Then she felt faint pain as the creature began to bite at her. Then she was gone. The creature swallowed her whole and Clarke was gone from this world.