Midnight Sun

Chapter 13

It was almost too routine for me to sneak back in through Bella's window that night. I could reign in my previous feelings of shame and disgust with myself, I needed to be there. I could justify this, now. Spending all night with her was my preparation for the next day, tormenting myself with the fire in my throat in the hours of darkness, so when the sun rose I could be near her with the pain lessened. As always, I snuck back home to change before the daylight crept in so I could be ready and waiting for her as soon as I heard Chief Swan's cruiser leave.

She was whistling this morning. What did it mean?! Once again my frustration at not knowing her thoughts tortured me. What was she thinking? Could I dare to hope that her improved mood was anything to do with me? Or was it some insignificant human triumph; new shoes, or a song she had heard on the radio? Maybe she didn't even know she was doing it. Possibilities kept running through my mind as I heard her rush through her routine, shower and dress, breakfast, brush teeth, fix her hair, pack her school bag. Shoes last. I knew it now almost better than my own.

I waited for her leaning against the car, she stumbled out of the door and I could hear her heartbeat hitch as she caught sight of me. I couldn't help but smile as she almost fell over her own feet again in her rush to come over. And then the frustration roared through me again, she shouldn't be excited to see me, she shouldn't be waiting for this. It was wrong, and I could hurt her, and it was irresponsible, but I knew that I couldn't keep away. An image of her from the night before, arms all tangled in her bedsheets causing her feet to stick out underneath them, her lips parted and eyelashes fluttering, breathing deeply, I could stay in this memory for hours analysing her breathing and her movements.

"How did you sleep?" I asked, although I knew the answer. Well, deeply, almost dreamless, although she was cold at about 2.30am. I wouldn't let her in on this secret just yet though.

"Fine. How was your night?"

"Pleasant." I grinned then, wide, my mind's eye full of her sleeping figure once more.

"Can I ask you what you did?" No. Definitely not. No need to scare the girl, if that was indeed possible.

"No. Today is mine." My turn to ask the questions.

I quite possibly badgered her into submission, absorbing every detail of her life to try and build a better mental picture of her life before Forks. I needed to know everything, from her family, friends, if, God forbid, she had ever dated someone seriously before, to the trivial, her favourite colour, food, hobbies. Things I could do with her. Places I could take her. Daydreams I could invent, later, while watching her sleep again.

We had made it back to the cafeteria, automatically taking what was being known as our table. Rosalie was still screaming insults at me in her head, but it was becoming easier to tune her out these days. Mike Newton was trying to decide if it was a good idea to challenge me about my interest in Bella, although his nerve shattered when I threw him a wide, predatory grin.

Alice called for me from across the room. Edward… Have you forgotten about tonight? No, I hadn't forgotten, we were going hunting together to better prepare me for my day alone with Bella tomorrow. I tried to break it to her gently, let her know that I would be leaving with Alice at the end of the lunch hour. And I would have to arrange to drop off her ancient van, so as she wouldn't have to walk. A range of expressions flitted across Bella's face, she seemed to be concentrating on something, the little ridge between her eyes deepened.

"Your truck will be here, and the key will be in the ignition- unless you're afraid someone might steal it." The thought of anyone trying to steal the Chief of Police's daughter's vehicle made me laugh.

"All right," she agreed, although I could see her doubt at my ability to take her car. Ha! "So, where are you going?" She asked in a deliberately casual tone.

"Hunting," I replied, with a grimace. Over caution really, the blood of deer or elk was very unlikely to stop me wanting to feed her most beautiful and fragrant blood. But Alice had agreed to come with me, the most supportive of all my siblings due to her desperation to strike up the friendship with Bella she saw coming.

"Why are you going with Alice?" she wondered.

"Alice is the most supportive." I offered.

"And the others? What are they?" I took a quick scan through the minds of my siblings. Alice, who was bemused and irritated at my slow pace, but loved me and would love Bella too. Jasper, still not understanding the allure of my beautiful human girl, and where I found my strength. Emmett who most of all wanted my happiness. Rosalie, well, Rose was always going to make my life difficult.

"Incredulous, for the most part," I tried not to think of Rose, which was difficult as she was screaming insults at me. Again.

"They don't like me," she whispered in a soft, timid voice, her words too quiet for human ears, but Rosalie picked up on them. Damn right I don't like you! Stay away from my family you pathetic human or I'll kill you myself, if Edward doesn't get around to it… Enough! I quickly pushed her thoughts aside.

"No, that's not it," I tried to reassure her. "They don't understand why I can't leave you alone."

She made a face. "Neither do I, for that matter." I rolled my eyes.

"I've told you- you don't see yourself clearly at all. You're not like anyone I've ever known. You fascinate me."

I tried to explain, but her attention was elsewhere. It was my fault, I had brought up my family and she seemed to be examining them now, taking in their appearance, their stillness, the way they were all looking not at us, but listening to our conversation intently.

I saw Rosalie's attack three ways; in Alice's mind moments before Rose herself made the decision, when it battered down my mental defences, and in the shock and despair that rushed across Bella's face as Rosalie crouched her shoulders, extended her neck and snarled long and hard at Bella, hatred pouring out of her stare. The growl was too low to reach Bella's ears over the noise of scraping chairs and adolescent laughter, but she heard my hiss in return. Just let her try. I would rip her limb from limb before she got close enough to Bella to hurt her.

Emmett hauled Rosalie from her seat and I could hear his tired Here we go again! as he tried to calm her and the now almost incoherent outpouring of emotion from Rose. I understood her anger, it wasn't completely selfish either. She worried for Emmett, that they would have to go into hiding, that we would be exposed if I hurt Bella now so many humans had seen us together.

"I'm sorry about that. She's just worried. You see… It's dangerous for more that just me if, after spending so much time with you so publicly…"

"If?" Her expression was unreadable.

"If this ends… badly." I couldn't look at her any longer. The thought of ever causing her any pain, physical or emotional… It was too much to bear. I couldn't even entertain the thought of explaining to her what I was capable of, they way I could silently pounce on her back before she knew I was behind her, how easy it would be to lean in to kiss her and to adjust my angle ever so slightly to bite into the soft skin at her neck, or just cup her face in my hands and twist, a movement so small she would never even feel her spine snapping between my palms…

Alice seemed to have decided that now was the time to start making friendly introductions. I roared at her in my head, but of course she could not hear my fury. I was wishing our peculiar talents were reversed as she flitted across the cafeteria towards us. Go away! I was screaming at her, and she must have been able to read my expression if nothing else, as she stuck her tiny tongue out at me, too quick for human eyes to process.

She came to stand behind me, but of course I knew she was there.

"Alice," I greeted her, mock politely. She knew I was mad at her.

"Edward, "she replied, her tone unreadable.

"Alice, Bella- Bella, Alice." Like they were strangers, meeting for the first time. How ironic.

"Hello Bella. It's nice to finally meet you."

"Hi Alice," she replied. I sighed, resigned with Alice's vision of their friendship that was floating in her head again, Bella's arm around her waist. Well, I'd still try and prolong my time alone with Bella as much as I could. I wasn't ready to share just yet.

"Are you ready?" She addressed me now.

"Nearly. I'll meet you at the car." The least she could do is give me a chance to say goodbye without an audience. Only I heard her sigh as she walked away.

"I'll see you tomorrow," Bella said, her tone sad.

"It seems like a long time to you, doesn't it?" I'd see her before then, but she wasn't to know that. "I'll be there in the morning."

I was still breaking the rules. This time my hand wasn't acting of its own accord, I quite deliberately raised it to brush my fingertips across her cheekbone. Blood swelled under the surface there, and the fire in my throat raged again for the first time in the past hour. And I had thought I was getting better at this! I forced myself to turn, the 'goodbye' still balanced on my lips but not falling from them. I couldn't bear to be leaving her at all, to leave her with a farewell was more than I was capable of. Quite deliberately I walked out of the cafeteria and towards my sister waiting at the car.

Breaking into the home of the Chief of Police should have been more of a challenge, but I had previously watched both Bella and Chief Swan take a spare key out from under the eaves of the porch to open the front door. Alice and I stole inside before anyone could hear us, although she had seen that our little mission would be successful. I took Alice's hand and instinctively pulled her up towards Bella's room, my eyes taking in the rest of the small but well- kept house I had yet to explore.

"Woah," she exclaimed as she followed me into Bella's small, cramped bedroom. "How can you stand it in here?"

"It gets easier," I said with a grimace, taking in another lungful of Bella- scented air. It was hard being back here without Bella sleeping peacefully in her bed as a deterrent to the flames that were ripping through my throat. "Where are her keys?"

Alice stopped for a moment and her eyes went dark as she searched through the future for an image of one of us collecting the key.

"Jeans pocket. Floor of the laundry room. It's ok, I can take it from here."

"Thanks Alice." She was doing me another favour, I would need to find a way to make it up to her somehow. As Alice stole through the house to go and find the key I tore a sheet of paper from a notebook on Bella's desk and jotted a quick message to her. 'Be Safe.' It was the least she could do for me while I was away. I was waiting by the truck as Alice came back out through the front door. She unlocked the door, elegantly hopped in and started the engine- it roared to life and continued to chug as Alice let the engine turn over. I slipped the sheet of notepaper onto the passenger's seat and slammed the door for her. She laughed, and I picked out of her head the noticeable differences between this vehicle and the European super-cars she usually favoured. "Not your Cayman, is it?" I joked with her.

"No, not quite." And she was suddenly sad with longing for the sleek black Porsche we'd had to leave behind in Calgary.

"Don't be sad," I wished for her. "We'll get you another one." Another flash of car ripped through her mind, not a memory this time, but a vision. A vision in yellow.

"Yes, you will." She murmured, then shifted the truck into gear before I could get a good grip on a picture of what it seemed I would be purchasing for her at some point in the future.

We left at twilight and didn't go far to hunt, I got nervous leaving Bella so far behind. In truth I didn't need Alice to come with me, I would have been fine on my own, but she sensed I needed the company. She would keep watch for me; make sure nothing was happening to Bella while I wasn't there to protect her. Even though I could still hear her thoughts for miles it was nice that she would be there to help if anything did happen. We caught up with a herd of deer and were home before midnight, I changed quickly and took off at a run back to Bella- keeping my promise to leave the Volvo at home. I cringed inwardly as I flew back towards town, my car was so much more practical than hers! But there wasn't a lot I could do about it. I had promised her…

She was sleeping deeply when I settled myself in her rocking chair, her breathing deep and regular. I noticed that she had fallen asleep with a cd player on and I debated internally whether to get close enough to her to see what it was she was listening to. I took a deep breath, my first since entering the room and let the fire scorch down my throat. No, there really was little point in my hunting trip this afternoon. I composed myself and took another breath, see, it was easing already. The more time I spent around her delicious scent, the easier it was to control myself. Of course right now she was sleeping, I didn't have to keep my arousal for her in such tight check.

Letting my inhibitions go I stole forward to get a look at what she was listening to. Chopin. I shook my head. Every time I thought I had a handle on her, she'd go and throw this at me! Chopin! I was almost surprised that she'd managed to surprise me again. But I shouldn't be.

Sitting this close to her, on the floor next to the bed I could feel her breath against my cheek every time she exhaled. The scent of her breath wrapped around my head, almost choking me in a fog of desire. I forced myself to stay there, to endure it, to become as strong as I needed to be. She was at her most vulnerable right now, there would be nothing she could do if I lost control. She wouldn't even feel it… but I couldn't think that way. I sat back, leaning against the edge of the bed, her face only inches from my own. Stronger, Edward, I thought to myself. You're only getting stronger.

I let myself linger for longer than ever that night, determined that Bella's fresh scent wouldn't hit me like it usually did in the mornings. I could hear her breathing get shallower, see her eyelashes flutter, and still I didn't move until I saw her yawn and stretch, at which point I quickly disappeared out through the window, only to hover in the tree in the front yard- determined not to get too far away from her. Hearing when she was almost ready, I leapt easily down onto the front porch and knocked on the front door, trying to compose my face into an expression that wouldn't betray my thoughts. I had promised to show her why the Cullens were never seen on sunny days, and I wouldn't break my promise. But there were so many variables! Alice had seen me killing Bella today, killing her. I would not let the image of my ice cold skin clutching Bella's lifeless body entertain my thoughts. I just couldn't. But if I managed to keep her alive, what was to say she wouldn't be repulsed by me when I showed her what she was determined to see? We were monsters, this was reflected in our skin, and I didn't know if Bella would even be speaking to me if I did return her safely to her father this evening.

But I couldn't help but laugh when she opened the door, I had missed this one! She was wearing a white collared shirt and a long sleeved, light brown sweater, almost exactly matching what I had changed into hours earlier.

"Good morning," I smiled at her.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"We match," I pointed out to her, gesturing to our outfits. She smiled too, but her eyes looked sad. I wondered what could be causing her upset now. She climbed into the driver's seat of the truck with a smug expression on her face; she enjoyed tormenting me with the ancient, rusting vehicle which barely crawled along the highway. I directed her deeper into the woods as we made small talk, I tried desperately to figure out if she had told anyone where she was going. "Not even Jessica, if not Charlie?" I asked her.

"I suppose Alice knows where we're going?" She retorted.

"Very helpful, Bella," I didn't mean to snap at her, but couldn't believe she would take risks like this. Didn't she know the danger she would be in by being alone with me? Not even one person outside of my family knew she was with me. Unbelievable. I reigned in my self control once more. I was furious with myself and couldn't help but direct the anger at her. She didn't deserve it, of course, it was me who needed to sort himself out. She pulled over as we reached the end of the trail and I jumped out of the van, stalking towards the trail between the trees I knew so well.

"This way," I called to her. I glanced back at her tortured expression.

"No trail?" she asked in a weak voice. I remembered with a sort of glee the pain she had inflicted on Mike Newton numerous times over the past few months in gym class with her clumsiness, and realised where her nervousness was coming from. I pulled my sweater off so it wouldn't snag on the trees; Esme had bought it for me and I didn't want it ruined. Her expression grew even more depressed, if that was possible, and I rushed back to her side to run what I hoped was a reassuring hand over her arm.

"I can take you home, if you want."

"No," she replied, but I wasn't convinced.

"What's wrong?" I tried not to let my frustration for her silent thoughts bite into my words.

"I'm not a very good hiker," she explained. "You'll have to be patient with me."

"I can be patient- if I make a great effort," I teased. She didn't pick up on the humour. "I will take you home, Bella," I said, suddenly serious with her.

"If you want me to hack five miles through the jungle before sundown, you better start leading the way," she snapped at me. I looked into her eyes, trying to decipher her tone. Then, giving up, I lead her into the forest.

We walked for most of the way in companionable silence. Instead of being frustrated with her extraordinarily slow pace I revelled in it, every step she took slower was another moment I could share with her. Plus, she spent most of the time looking at the ground, judging her next step, which allowed me plenty of time to analyse her face and all of its glorious expressions without her catching me out.

A few hours later I caught the first sign of light between the trees up ahead. "Are we there yet?" she whined, mocking me I supposed.

"Nearly," I replied, "Do you see the brightness ahead?" How could she not? It was glaring to my eyes.

"Um, should I?" she asked, peering ahead. "Maybe it's time to go see the optometrist."

I was nervous for the first time all day, decided that she would recoil in horror at the sight of my skin. This I knew she could not have learned from Jacob Black, or from her research on the internet. This was our biggest secret, the reason why we missed the sunny days at school, why we lived in the most overcast places in the world, why the myths that we were creatures of the night had generated. Bella reached the meadow before me and wandered into the circular clearing, taking in the beauty of this secluded little piece of paradise, all wrapped up in Washington State. She stretched her arms out to the sides and turned in a slow circle, her face smiling up to the sun and the warmth on her skin after our hours of trudging through the coolness of the forest. She had her back to me when she stiffened, noticing that I had not followed her into the clearing. Her head whipped around, searching for me, and her eyes softened into a smile as she reached her hand forward, a gesture for me to join her.

I shook my head, and took a deep breath. Looking into the depthless brown eyes of the woman I loved, I prepared to step forward into the sunlight.