I do not own Twilight, or anything associated with it. That gem is thanks to the wonderful Stephanie Meyer.

WARNING: ADULT THEMES AND AU, just to warn you.

I have suffered (suffer) or experienced some of the themes mentioned, However I can only write from my own experiences and the research that I have carried out. If you feel something is not quite right or unrealistic, feel free to message me and I will try to change it!

The title of the story is from the song, Spanish Sahara by Foals. Each chapter will be accompanied by a song(s) either that I feel relates well to the chapter or I was inspired by a particular lyric or melody.

As usual, give me your worst!

This is not the sound of a new man or crispy realization

It's the sound of the unlocking and the lift away

Your love will be

Safe with me

Re:Stacks - Bon Iver

And that was it, I was free.

In seconds I had gone from, crazy, fucked up Bella, to normal human being Bella.

It almost seemed like stepping through the looking glass. I had come in a shell, a broken, battered and almost shattered shell and I had come out something entirely different. Not a shell or something that even owned one, I had come out a human. Two eyes, a nose, a stomach. I had colour in my skin, nails that weren't blue, food in my stomach and fat on my bones.

It felt as if I ought to be changing my name, that I had left Bella back there, on the other side of those glass doors. I stared at my reflection, so much had come from there. I'd built myself there, from scratch. There were memories that I would never make again, folded neatly under memories that I never wanted to remember. People that had helped find something inside of me, that wanted to live. Wanted to breath deeply and taste sweetly. Alice and Jess and Edward. Most of all my Edward. So ridden with fault that he almost felt perfect. Such a beautiful disaster. I ached for him, but I knew that me, getting out would help us both. We could both recover, rejuvenate and forget. Or at least try to. I needed to forget because he made it clear he didn't want me, didn't need me. He hadn't said it in words but it told me in glances. The past few weeks had been the most painful of my life and he had left me. I should be angry, I should have screamed and shouted at him, thrown things around the place, shown him how much I was hurting, but I'd grown tired of that. I'd had enough of making a scene. I was weak, healthy but weak and I couldn't handle him. I was selfish, but he was pushing me away. I just used that to help myself get better, because ultimately I wanted to get better. No, I wanted to get out.

I closed my eyes, took in a large gulp of air and whispered the only words I knew to be true. 'It's okay to not be okay Edward. It's okay to not be okay.'

I turned round to look at Charlie standing against the truck, he was smiling at me. That was something I had seen increasingly ever since I got told I was coming out. I don't really know what I would've done without him. At times I thought I hated him, I wanted him dead or maybe just not anything to do with me, but there must have been a little bit inside me that was thankful and that part had eaten all the hatred not too long ago. I wasn't sure how I could ever thank him fully, but I knew something that would give me a kick start. 'Hey Dad.'

He stared at me for a second, adjusting to the sudden change of our relationship and then did something equally as surprising.

'I love you Bells'. I welled up immediately. I hurt Charlie so badly the day I was sent here, I broke off a section of his heart and shredded it, but over these past few months, I found all the pieces and stuck them them together again. I hugged him tightly, breathing in the smell of home and glued my section of his heart back where it belonged.

Saying goodbye to this place was not something I ever thought would happen, but here I was and it was happening. This moment, this very second will never be forgotten. It will always hold a place in my heart, as the very moment I thanked my mother. Because without her, I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't be holding onto Charlie for dear life, I wouldn't be as strong as I am today and I wouldn't of known Edward without her. I would be Isabella Swan, the one you forgot to remember but with her, I am Bella, real, human, still breathing Bella.

I looked at the stone building for what I knew wouldn't be the last time and thanked it again silently, I smiled at Charlie and we left it like that. Sitting in the awkwardness in my rusty old truck, getting back to the life that hadn't waited for us. Sipping in the air. I opened my eyes to the realisation that it wasn't going to be like it was before, I had made a whole new life in a magical place that had pierced little holes into my armour. I was still hurt, maybe even more so than before. It was going to be like it was, it was going to be worse.

Reality bites.