Title: Increscunt Animi
Author: Proxii Bleu
Summary: River becomes ill causing Simon to question his abilities as a doctor
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Season One
Author's Note: Here it is! A brand new fic! If you're wondering the title is Latin for 'The Spirit Grows'. Anyway read it, tell me if you love it or hate it. This is my first attempt at writing drama so please be kind :)
Disclaimer: I don't own 'em, just write 'em
Increscunt Animi by Proxii Bleu
I
"It's...mature." Simon Tam stood in the cargo bay of the salvage ship Serenity watching as his sister River rummaged through a large box of clothes that had been a gift from Inara. Normally, the young girl ran about the ship in hand-me-downs from Kaylee, but after stopping on Hazel's Folly the Companion had bought the box out of storage, and presented it to River as a birthday surprise. Supposedly they were clothes she had worn when she was younger, but by just looking at them one could tell that even then Inara knew what to wear in order to make herself more attractive to the opposite sex.
It was driving Simon nuts.
"She's only eighteen Inara, some of these things-" The doctor held up a shimmery purple dress with spaghetti straps, and a matching fishnet sweater. "Are more appropriate for someone who is a little older."
"You are being obtuse." Remarked River as she pulled the items out of her brother's hands. After the crew's run-in with Niska, and the mysterious rebel-agent Selma Ennes and her son the young genius had been doing better. Her tendency to behave strangely and talk in code was still prevalent, but there was a clarity in her eyes that hadn't been there before. A confidence that caused her brother to smile as she became more and more like the girl her remembered, and not the one he had found half sane in a government lab.
"I am not being obtuse, I am being reasonable." River shook her dark head, the short strands shining oddly in the dim light of the cargo bay. For some reason she preferred nowdays to have her hair dyed with a purple rinse so that each strand was a different shade of violet. No one could figure out why, but it was part of the new look that River sported, and to Simon it was a sign of her increasing normalcy to be interested in frivolous things such as hair.
"If you were reasonable you wouldn't be thinking of ways to hide my present."
"Why not try the things that Kaylee's family sent you?" Seeing as how it was River's birthday Kaylee had contacted her mother, and asked her to send along some old clothes. The result had been an array of pajamas, socks, pants, and outdoor wear that had been worn at one time or another by either Kaylee or one of her siblings. River just stared at Simon, and went back to her rummaging.
"I'll not be a child forever Simon."
"True, but you're still a brat." River let out a squeal of indignation, and flung a sock-roll at her brother's head. Simon ducked, and prepared to toss the little blue ball back at his sister when something behind her caused him to stop. All of the light faded out of his eyes, along with his smile, just leaving a confused frown in it's place. River turned to see what had killed the joy in her brother, and saw Kaylee standing weakly in the entrance to the cargo bay.
"Hey." Niska, when he had been aboard the ship almost a month ago had shot Serenity's engineer at point-blank-range, and left her to die outside of the cockpit. Unfotunately he had underestimated the strength contained in young woman, not expecting that she would drag herself all the way down to the crew deck in order to warn Mal that the deranged killer was on board.
The result was that River had been able to get her to medbay in time, the downside was that Kaylee had been bedridden for the past three weeks, and had only recently begun to take short walks. The fact that she was now in the cargo bay showed that she had pushed herself past her current limits, and was now wheezing softly as her body strained to take in more air despite it's still-healing lungs.
There was a ghost of a smile on her lips, but Simon who was standing opposite of her looked as if the world had dropped out from underneath of him. Unless he was directly needed by Kaylee, lately it seemed as if he was trying to avoid her, and the rest of the crew for that matter. Mal had bet Zoe ten credits earlier that they wouldn't be able to get him out of his room before noon, but he hadn't counted on it being River's birthday, so the captain now owed Zoe ten extra credits next payday.
Shuffling forward, she gratefully took Inara's hand, and joined River who was staring at Simon with a frown on her pale face. There was something new that she hadn't sensed before radiating off of Simon, but she couldn't quite put in into words just yet.
"Hey, what did you get for presents?" River turned back to the boxes in the cargo bay, and smiled.
"I got clothes from you and Inara, Mal and Zoe gave me a quilt, Book gave me a flexi copy of 'The Tempest' but I've read the real play already. Wash said he would give me piloting lessons, and Simon already gave me an art kit, but he got me something else in that box over there." Kaylee looked at the small cardboard container in the corner, and waited as River retrieved it.
Carefully the two girls undid the lid, and gasped as they peered inside. A fuzzy black head poked up out of the box, revealing two triangle ears, and wide green eyes. Inara smiled as the kitten crept out of it's tiny prison, and hopped down to the floor.
"Wow," said Kaylee. "What are you going to call him?" River didn't get to answer because Jayne chose that moment to walk through in search of an AG cart, saw the kitten, and stopped in his tracks.
"Mal isn't going to like having a hairball on his ship." River looked down at the kitten, over at the mercenary, and to everyone's surprise (including Jayne) gave the bigger man a hug.
"Thank you, now I have a name for my kitten - Hairball." With that she picked up the tiny wad of fluff, and skipped off happily to her room. Jayne stood glaring at Simon, Inara, and Kaylee who were all trying not to snicker at the look on the merc's face.
"I just wan't ya'll to know right now that if anyone EVER finds out that I was hugged there'll be three less plates come meal time." All three nodded solmnely as Jayne stalked off muttering about 'crazy gorram girl" and "had to go make a guy feel all womanly'.
Poor Jayne.
***
Simon wasn't feeling well. He wasn't sick physically, not in the least, but it was his mind that troubled him. It was nighttime, the rest of the crew was asleep, but for once the doctor was awake at an insane hour. In the other room River was sleeping peacefully, wrapped up in the quilt Mal and Zoe had given her, and seemingly oblivious to the turmoil plaguing her brother.
Only a month ago Kaylee had been a happy young woman, and now she was a wheezing ghost that would forever bear a long ugly scar from where Simon had cut into her. He had used every skill available to him when closing her up, but she would still have a scar on her chest. A permanent ugly mark that she would naturally blame him for, something that would be used to remind him of his own failure as a physician.
Rolling over on his side, Simon stared at the wall sadly. If he had been on Ariel, he would have the tools neccessary to completely reomove the blemish, but he didn't have such things on Serenity. In fact, outside of River, he had nothing. His father had ruined all of his personal accounts, his mother had not spoken to him for over a year long before the situation surrounding River came to light, his sister herself was permanently damaged from the government institution she had been held prisoner in, and to make matters worse she had a better rapport with Mal than with him.
"Arghh!" Simon flopped over onto his back, and stared up at the ceiling. He was a healer! A doctor! When he had attended the medical academy on Jullian he had graduated at the top of his class, spent hours pouring over every bit of information he could find on his chosen profession, and before the situation surrounding his personal life he had been one of the most respected surgeons on staff despite his lack of seniority.
Yet despite all of those accomplishments, deep down inside he still felt as though he had failed somehow. It was a small nusiance that had plagued him over the years, but now that he was on Serenity it was a constant companion. Everywhere he looked he could see signs of his failure, the absolute confirmation that he had let down everyone who had ever believed in him. Here he was the product of a prestigious school working on a salvage ship, with a mentally disturbed sister, and patients who had been in far better shape before he came along.
In the dark, a lone tear streaked down Simon's face as he bit back the urge to whmper as his emotions overwhelmed him. It had been a long time since such dark thoughts had intruded upon his consciousness, but he found himself thinking back to an incident in his youth involving a small bottle of his mother's anti-depressants. It had been after he had recieved a D+ on an exam instead of his usual A, and if Robert Tam was anything he was demanding, and unrelenting when he detected failure.
Simon had ended up in the hospital, yet he had chalked up his little slip to feeling down about a girl who had left him, and managed to convince the doctors that he had only taken the drugs as a way to lift his sour mood. His immense knowledge of medicine even then had been the ace up his sleeve, but River who was only seven at the time waited until the adults had left the room, and simply said:
"You told a tale."
"I had to."
"Because you're sad?" If Simon had known what his sister was back then, he sure as hell would have made sure that she never showed her unique insight into human nature to their parents. It hadn't taken Simon long to figure out that his father had been part of the entire conspiracy against his little sister, but he hoped that was one fact that River couldn't pull free from his mind. There was already enough pain in her life, she didn't need any more.
"I'm not sad River, just..."
"Upset that Daddy doesn't love you no matter what." Simon had just gaped at River like he did even now, and for once didn't protest as she climbed into his lap. Something that normally would have resulted in her being tumbled to the floor.
"Don't worry Simon, I love you even though you're a doo-doo head." Simon had just laughed, and held his sister. A bond forming instantly between them that hadn't been broken since. River was his strength, his touchstone. She had kept him sane through some of the darkest chapters of his life, yet now she was shattered into a thousand pieces. According to what Mal had told him after deciphering her code, she was recovering. Her mind or 'the ocean' as she called it was starting to refill, and transform into a beautiful world of life, instead of a 'rank and dirty sea'. Everyday he could see the small improvements, but as selfish as it was he was lost without her there to guide him.
He wanted her to get better, no he 'needed' her to get better. Without her, Simon knew he wouldn't ever really be able to find himself. Yet, he had no choice but to fumble about in the dark. Closing his eyes against the gloom, he turned on his side, and tried to think about something other than his complete inability to do anything right.
Outside of his bedroom door River stood in the hallway staring at the dark rectangle that led to him. Normally she would have gone inside, laid down next to him, and comforted him through the night.
But she couldn't.
There were too many holes in her mind still, the ocean was refilling, but slowly. She could if she so wished complete the process faster, but fear kept that part of her mind locked still. It wasn't time yet, not yet. Even though she could feel Simon crying out to her. Sniffling, she wobbled back into her room, and collapsed onto her bed.
Maybe sleep would offer a welcome respite.
Author: Proxii Bleu
Summary: River becomes ill causing Simon to question his abilities as a doctor
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Season One
Author's Note: Here it is! A brand new fic! If you're wondering the title is Latin for 'The Spirit Grows'. Anyway read it, tell me if you love it or hate it. This is my first attempt at writing drama so please be kind :)
Disclaimer: I don't own 'em, just write 'em
Increscunt Animi by Proxii Bleu
I
"It's...mature." Simon Tam stood in the cargo bay of the salvage ship Serenity watching as his sister River rummaged through a large box of clothes that had been a gift from Inara. Normally, the young girl ran about the ship in hand-me-downs from Kaylee, but after stopping on Hazel's Folly the Companion had bought the box out of storage, and presented it to River as a birthday surprise. Supposedly they were clothes she had worn when she was younger, but by just looking at them one could tell that even then Inara knew what to wear in order to make herself more attractive to the opposite sex.
It was driving Simon nuts.
"She's only eighteen Inara, some of these things-" The doctor held up a shimmery purple dress with spaghetti straps, and a matching fishnet sweater. "Are more appropriate for someone who is a little older."
"You are being obtuse." Remarked River as she pulled the items out of her brother's hands. After the crew's run-in with Niska, and the mysterious rebel-agent Selma Ennes and her son the young genius had been doing better. Her tendency to behave strangely and talk in code was still prevalent, but there was a clarity in her eyes that hadn't been there before. A confidence that caused her brother to smile as she became more and more like the girl her remembered, and not the one he had found half sane in a government lab.
"I am not being obtuse, I am being reasonable." River shook her dark head, the short strands shining oddly in the dim light of the cargo bay. For some reason she preferred nowdays to have her hair dyed with a purple rinse so that each strand was a different shade of violet. No one could figure out why, but it was part of the new look that River sported, and to Simon it was a sign of her increasing normalcy to be interested in frivolous things such as hair.
"If you were reasonable you wouldn't be thinking of ways to hide my present."
"Why not try the things that Kaylee's family sent you?" Seeing as how it was River's birthday Kaylee had contacted her mother, and asked her to send along some old clothes. The result had been an array of pajamas, socks, pants, and outdoor wear that had been worn at one time or another by either Kaylee or one of her siblings. River just stared at Simon, and went back to her rummaging.
"I'll not be a child forever Simon."
"True, but you're still a brat." River let out a squeal of indignation, and flung a sock-roll at her brother's head. Simon ducked, and prepared to toss the little blue ball back at his sister when something behind her caused him to stop. All of the light faded out of his eyes, along with his smile, just leaving a confused frown in it's place. River turned to see what had killed the joy in her brother, and saw Kaylee standing weakly in the entrance to the cargo bay.
"Hey." Niska, when he had been aboard the ship almost a month ago had shot Serenity's engineer at point-blank-range, and left her to die outside of the cockpit. Unfotunately he had underestimated the strength contained in young woman, not expecting that she would drag herself all the way down to the crew deck in order to warn Mal that the deranged killer was on board.
The result was that River had been able to get her to medbay in time, the downside was that Kaylee had been bedridden for the past three weeks, and had only recently begun to take short walks. The fact that she was now in the cargo bay showed that she had pushed herself past her current limits, and was now wheezing softly as her body strained to take in more air despite it's still-healing lungs.
There was a ghost of a smile on her lips, but Simon who was standing opposite of her looked as if the world had dropped out from underneath of him. Unless he was directly needed by Kaylee, lately it seemed as if he was trying to avoid her, and the rest of the crew for that matter. Mal had bet Zoe ten credits earlier that they wouldn't be able to get him out of his room before noon, but he hadn't counted on it being River's birthday, so the captain now owed Zoe ten extra credits next payday.
Shuffling forward, she gratefully took Inara's hand, and joined River who was staring at Simon with a frown on her pale face. There was something new that she hadn't sensed before radiating off of Simon, but she couldn't quite put in into words just yet.
"Hey, what did you get for presents?" River turned back to the boxes in the cargo bay, and smiled.
"I got clothes from you and Inara, Mal and Zoe gave me a quilt, Book gave me a flexi copy of 'The Tempest' but I've read the real play already. Wash said he would give me piloting lessons, and Simon already gave me an art kit, but he got me something else in that box over there." Kaylee looked at the small cardboard container in the corner, and waited as River retrieved it.
Carefully the two girls undid the lid, and gasped as they peered inside. A fuzzy black head poked up out of the box, revealing two triangle ears, and wide green eyes. Inara smiled as the kitten crept out of it's tiny prison, and hopped down to the floor.
"Wow," said Kaylee. "What are you going to call him?" River didn't get to answer because Jayne chose that moment to walk through in search of an AG cart, saw the kitten, and stopped in his tracks.
"Mal isn't going to like having a hairball on his ship." River looked down at the kitten, over at the mercenary, and to everyone's surprise (including Jayne) gave the bigger man a hug.
"Thank you, now I have a name for my kitten - Hairball." With that she picked up the tiny wad of fluff, and skipped off happily to her room. Jayne stood glaring at Simon, Inara, and Kaylee who were all trying not to snicker at the look on the merc's face.
"I just wan't ya'll to know right now that if anyone EVER finds out that I was hugged there'll be three less plates come meal time." All three nodded solmnely as Jayne stalked off muttering about 'crazy gorram girl" and "had to go make a guy feel all womanly'.
Poor Jayne.
***
Simon wasn't feeling well. He wasn't sick physically, not in the least, but it was his mind that troubled him. It was nighttime, the rest of the crew was asleep, but for once the doctor was awake at an insane hour. In the other room River was sleeping peacefully, wrapped up in the quilt Mal and Zoe had given her, and seemingly oblivious to the turmoil plaguing her brother.
Only a month ago Kaylee had been a happy young woman, and now she was a wheezing ghost that would forever bear a long ugly scar from where Simon had cut into her. He had used every skill available to him when closing her up, but she would still have a scar on her chest. A permanent ugly mark that she would naturally blame him for, something that would be used to remind him of his own failure as a physician.
Rolling over on his side, Simon stared at the wall sadly. If he had been on Ariel, he would have the tools neccessary to completely reomove the blemish, but he didn't have such things on Serenity. In fact, outside of River, he had nothing. His father had ruined all of his personal accounts, his mother had not spoken to him for over a year long before the situation surrounding River came to light, his sister herself was permanently damaged from the government institution she had been held prisoner in, and to make matters worse she had a better rapport with Mal than with him.
"Arghh!" Simon flopped over onto his back, and stared up at the ceiling. He was a healer! A doctor! When he had attended the medical academy on Jullian he had graduated at the top of his class, spent hours pouring over every bit of information he could find on his chosen profession, and before the situation surrounding his personal life he had been one of the most respected surgeons on staff despite his lack of seniority.
Yet despite all of those accomplishments, deep down inside he still felt as though he had failed somehow. It was a small nusiance that had plagued him over the years, but now that he was on Serenity it was a constant companion. Everywhere he looked he could see signs of his failure, the absolute confirmation that he had let down everyone who had ever believed in him. Here he was the product of a prestigious school working on a salvage ship, with a mentally disturbed sister, and patients who had been in far better shape before he came along.
In the dark, a lone tear streaked down Simon's face as he bit back the urge to whmper as his emotions overwhelmed him. It had been a long time since such dark thoughts had intruded upon his consciousness, but he found himself thinking back to an incident in his youth involving a small bottle of his mother's anti-depressants. It had been after he had recieved a D+ on an exam instead of his usual A, and if Robert Tam was anything he was demanding, and unrelenting when he detected failure.
Simon had ended up in the hospital, yet he had chalked up his little slip to feeling down about a girl who had left him, and managed to convince the doctors that he had only taken the drugs as a way to lift his sour mood. His immense knowledge of medicine even then had been the ace up his sleeve, but River who was only seven at the time waited until the adults had left the room, and simply said:
"You told a tale."
"I had to."
"Because you're sad?" If Simon had known what his sister was back then, he sure as hell would have made sure that she never showed her unique insight into human nature to their parents. It hadn't taken Simon long to figure out that his father had been part of the entire conspiracy against his little sister, but he hoped that was one fact that River couldn't pull free from his mind. There was already enough pain in her life, she didn't need any more.
"I'm not sad River, just..."
"Upset that Daddy doesn't love you no matter what." Simon had just gaped at River like he did even now, and for once didn't protest as she climbed into his lap. Something that normally would have resulted in her being tumbled to the floor.
"Don't worry Simon, I love you even though you're a doo-doo head." Simon had just laughed, and held his sister. A bond forming instantly between them that hadn't been broken since. River was his strength, his touchstone. She had kept him sane through some of the darkest chapters of his life, yet now she was shattered into a thousand pieces. According to what Mal had told him after deciphering her code, she was recovering. Her mind or 'the ocean' as she called it was starting to refill, and transform into a beautiful world of life, instead of a 'rank and dirty sea'. Everyday he could see the small improvements, but as selfish as it was he was lost without her there to guide him.
He wanted her to get better, no he 'needed' her to get better. Without her, Simon knew he wouldn't ever really be able to find himself. Yet, he had no choice but to fumble about in the dark. Closing his eyes against the gloom, he turned on his side, and tried to think about something other than his complete inability to do anything right.
Outside of his bedroom door River stood in the hallway staring at the dark rectangle that led to him. Normally she would have gone inside, laid down next to him, and comforted him through the night.
But she couldn't.
There were too many holes in her mind still, the ocean was refilling, but slowly. She could if she so wished complete the process faster, but fear kept that part of her mind locked still. It wasn't time yet, not yet. Even though she could feel Simon crying out to her. Sniffling, she wobbled back into her room, and collapsed onto her bed.
Maybe sleep would offer a welcome respite.