Title: Sagrado Corazón de Jesús
Rating: PG-13 -one swear word
Author: Heath07
Disclaimer: Everything is owned by Fox...
Feedback: Yes, please.
Summary: Theresa reflects on her faith.
Notes: I'm not really trying to make fun of Catholicism, but since I was raised Catholic, it is my right to take certain liberties and poke fun. Please don't read if you're easily offended...I mean no disrespect, remember this is "Theresa's" thoughts, not mine. ;) This started as a drabble and spiralled.
The night Theresa found out she was pregnant, she laid in a borrowed bed, on top of the expensive sheets she was always afraid of ruining, and thought of all the money her Mother had wasted sending her to Catholic school. She stretched out her arms and crossed her legs so she looked like Jesus on the cross and prayed for salvation.
Heart of Jesus, Son of the Eternal Father, have mercy on us.When morning came and the stick still appeared positive she cursed Him and her Mother, too, just for extra damnation. She got down on her knees immediately after and prayed for a solid hour.
'Católico culpa', her mother would have said.
Catholic guilt was a very strong force.
Where was her guilt when she took Ryan into her body, moaning and sweating and coming undone? It would have come in handy then.
Heart of Jesus, formed in the womb of the Virgin Mother by the Holy Ghost, have mercy on us.She prayed for mercy.
She prayed for strength.
She prayed her mother wouldn't kill her.
Suddenly she knew how Mary felt. Only Mary really was innocent...unless the bible missed the part where she and God got in on in a barn amongst the sacrificial lambs and such...of course she didn't know how that would've worked since weren't God, Jesus and the Holy Ghost all the same being? The Holy Trinity or something like that.
She had to feel a little sorry for Joseph though, all that time and effort and his old lady gets knocked up by some other guy? And it wasn't as if Mary trapped Joseph, because Joseph was an honourable man and men like that, men like Ryan, didn't walk away from their responsibilities, even if they weren't sure the "responsibilities" belonged to them.
Heart of Jesus, abyss of all virtues, have mercy on us.Theresa was supposed to be the first to graduate highschool in her family and she was going to be the one that was getting out of Chino and, now, none of that was going to be happen. She supposed she could take a night course and get her GED, find some way to save up and buy a ticket out of Chino...
How did Mary cope with such an awesome responsibility as bringing the Saviour, Jesus Christ, into the world, when Theresa could barely balance a double shift at the bakery and morning sickness?
Lamb of God, who takest away the sins of the world, spare us.
She should have listened in school, paid more attention to the nuns as they spoke of temptations and not let David O'Reilly feel her up under the bleachers after class in fifth grade...even if he did have the bluest eyes she'd ever seen...until she met Ryan, that is. She shouldn't have let Ryan get to second base in the backseat of her Mother's Dodge in sixth. She definitely shouldn't have let Ricky Juarez finger her in the alley behind a convenience store to make Ryan jealous in seventh. She shouldn't have let Ryan fuck her in his Mother's bed after the dance in eighth grade, but he was so gentle she couldn't say she was sorry he was her first. If it hadn't been him, it would have been one of the other boys always lurking at her door and leering at her in the hallways. At least with Ryan, she knew she would always be protected.
Theresa was smart enough to know about birth control...smart enough to go on the pill after a friend had a close call, but when her Mother found the round packet under her bed, she was grounded for a month and sent to church. After a lecture on premarital sex, the priest went on to explain that contraception was a sin and embedded more Catholic guilt into her head.
Was she really considering an abortion? Placing her hand over her still flat stomach she prayed for a miracle.
Lamb of God who takest away the sins of the world, have mercy on us.Católico culpa.
Católico culpa.
Católico culpa.
She wished everything could be blamed on Catholic guilt, but the truth of the matter was, she was the one that initiated sex with Ryan, she was the one that told him everything was okay when he pulled a condom from his wallet and she was the one that was going to suffer for her sins. She knew all the consequences and she did it anyway. And she didn't have a logical explanation for any of it.
Was she testing God?
Testing her faith?
Trying to give her Mother a heart attack?
She openly defied everything she'd ever been taught and now everything bad that had been drilled into her head since second grade preparation for her first confession was going to happen to her.
She was waiting for the flames from hell.
The frogs and the locusts.
The floods.
The droughts
She sensed she'd be waiting a long time.
Mary had sacrificed everything for her child and she would do the same. How had she been so brave? What was she going to do when the people from her church called her child a bastard?
Theresa took in a deep breath. She would do what she always did: push down the guilt and move forward with her life... that was the only thing she could do.
end.
Sentences in Italics are from "The Litany of the Sacred Heart of Jesus."
Católico culpa= Catholic guilt