Last time on Funky Undead Outbreak……
…
"Then bite me, dammit! If you think I'm pretty you will prove it by biting me!"
"I-I'm sorry, but I just don't glide that way!"
"Excuses! I won't have my prettiness be denied!"
"Can't we just cuddle!?"
"Suck me, damn you!"
"Help! I need an adult! I need an adult!"
"Suck me!!"
…
And now the absurdly shameful continuation…
…
Like any children-doting, responsible parent, Hakoda was alarmed by the strange racket and suspicious thumping coming from his daughter's ever-so-blue and plushy-filled room.
At first he thought she was just being a normal teenage girl. They seemed prone to throwing fits in proportional volatility of their estrogen rates, or at least that's what he gathered from the chart Bato lent him. However, it was predictably useless in countermeasures against the raging beast that used to be his little girl, and he had vowed never to put himself in the line of fire ever again without a proper meat shield. And since Sokka wasn't around, he opted to remain in the safety zone that is the living room.
But then amongst the clattery vibrations and rowdy pounding came a seemingly muffled cry for help, and his fatherly senses kicked into alert code ORANGE.
It sounded like a girlish plea for the rescue of said girlish person's vanity, and as his daughter was a girlish person who had an unhealthy craving for all things cute, the probability of her being in danger was speculatively high.
So he unsheathed the machete he carried regularly like any good father, silently crept up the stairs not unlike a veteran soldier, and crouched against the door to his daughter's room.
What he heard through the wooden entrance certainly did not relieve him of his worries, but neither did they confirm them. For all he knew, his daughter could be watching a very peculiar television program on full volume. But whatever the show was, it seemed to have a racy theme he wasn't too comfortable with, and it seemed to escalate unabashedly.
As the father contemplated his current options without the presence of his trusted cannon fodd—um, son, the voices in the room elevated enough for him to hear his daughter clearly, along with—gasp—a stranger.
"-an't -- ju- cuddle!?"
"-uck me, damn you!"
"-lp! I need an adult! I need an adult!"
"-uck me!!"
Holy guacamole! He sure as heck didn't need any additional prompting.
With a squeaky war cry, he kicked the door open with all the strength in his leg and arrived at the scene of the rather misleading commotion.
"Halt, foul evil-doer! Get away from my precious dau—guh?"
The situation before him definitely did not conform to his imagination. Instead of seeing his daughter fighting tooth-and-nail against a dastardly villain with green eyes and purple skin, he saw his daughter straddling an innocent-looking and obviously frightened boy, with her skirt hiked up by the boy's knees and her fingers tugging at the lad's mouth in a rather unsanitary manner.
"D-dad!!" Katara exclaimed, "Th-this isn't what it—"
"It's exactly what it looks like!!" The boy, having escaped the girl's prodding fingers, interrupted frantically, "She's gone bonkers! Please, Mister Machete Man! You must help preserve the holy attribute that is my innocence!"
It was a poor, not to mention misleading, choice of words, for sure, but how else did one expect the situation to progress?
"What innocence!? Stop using excuses to avoid my prettiness and taste me!!"
The entire event was confusing and disturbing, to say the least, but the worst part was the fact that Hakoda wasn't even that surprised.
"Katara! I thought we talked about this!!"
The dark-skinned girl ignored her father momentarily to wrestle with the, once again, struggling vampire beneath her.
"Dad, you don't understand!" She declared, and continued in a much, much darker tone with a dangerous glare to match: "He doesn't think I'm pretty."
Hakoda really wished Sokka was around.
The boy, seemingly sensed his assaulter's distraction, wrapped his legs around her waist, eliciting a surprised yelp from the girl, and with a push of his elbows flung her sideways in a move that resulted in them swapping positions, with their faces a mere inch apart.
They stared into each other's eyes in a mild trance, before the boy pulled away and dived through the unopened window arms-first. He landed on the lawn, breaking his fall with his face, the shattered glass showering on him like sharp, glazed drizzles. He recovered quickly, though, and after wobbling like an inebriated hobo, made a mad dash for freedom down the street.
Katara, now sitting upright, stared off distractedly toward the broken window, her hand gently feeling her cheek. For some reason, she blushed.
That quickly ended when blue eyes narrowed and she climbed to her feet.
"Oh, no, you're not getting away that easily! I swear upon my set of Hello Kitty plushy dolls, by the end of Halloween, you will think I'm pretty and suck my blood!"
With that random declaration, she grabbed her conveniently placed hunter's toolkit and set of night-vision goggles, darted out of her room and down the stairs, having entirely forgotten about her machete-wielding father.
Said father was thus left wearing an expression akin to someone having discovered a three-headed goose with a beaver tail.
He looked at the shattered window, curtains flapping to the invading wind. He looked at the unhinged door. He looked at his daughter's set of plushy dolls that were just positively laughing at him.
"………………………" They said.
Silently, he dropped his machete, reached into his pocket for his wallet, and pulled out a picture of his wife.
"Oh, Kya! Where did I go wrong!?" Hakoda wailed.
His anxiety would only further increase, when Sokka would be sent home in an ashtray.
AN: This is my sad contribution to Halloween, a mildly demanded return of Aang the Vegetarian Vampire. You will need to read chapter 18 of my collection: Elements of the World, to understand the ridiculous back story, so you probably shouldn't do that, and just enjoy it for what it is. I was going to post this much earlier, but ended up being too busy. So now it's going to be multi-chaptered and I have no idea how long it's going to be. I'm willing to take requests of the appearance of other characters. But you have to be specific about what they are: human, werewolf, goblin, fairy, etc. And I'll see if I can fit them into the story, which I probably can, because this is mostly crack. Hooray.