Disclaimer: Sadly, nothing belongs to me. All characters and locations belong to J.K. Rowling. I'm just a deprived fanfiction writer, waiting for her next book! I'm sure all of you guys can relate, seeing as to how you wouldn't be here at fanfiction.com if you weren't waiting for her new book as well. ;D
A/N: Well, I was bored, this plot-bunny came to me one day, I am extremely sorry if it offends anybody, but it is in the R section, and if you aren't prepared for reading any SLASHy goodness, then please leave now before you scare yourself permanently. Yes, story contains BOYBOY love. Yummy, I say.
P-W-P (porn without plot) which you should have guessed...
R (for those who get their jollies off of Harry/Draco or Draco/Harry stories. This is for you.)
"talking"
'thoughts'
POTTER vs. MALFOY, The PEN15 Teams
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The RULES
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"Why, hello there Potter. What a pleasant surprise. Never, in all my years, had I thought that I would catch the "Golden Boy" in his birthday suit." Harry turned around super fast at hearing that drawling voice just meters away from him. 'Ah, so THAT'S why they call him the Golden Boy! Should have known that, really. Look at those hands. My, my, my, Harry Potter is pretty well equipped, isn't he?'
Harry looked shocked, then relieved that it was only Draco Malfoy standing behind him. You would be relieved too, if you were number one on Lord Voldemort's "Must Avada Kedavra His Ass" list. He was also pleasantly surprised that Draco Malfoy only had a towel wrapped around his waist, promising that once that dreaded piece of cloth fell to the ground, Harry would get an eye full. Or would he? It is common knowledge that boys only think of two things.
'Hmm, is Malfoy bigger than I am? He sure does talk a mouth full, but can it all be an act? I mean, those delicate features, he's all slim and lithe. And damn it, I have noticed all these things! Just my luck, I'm sexually oriented to the same sex... and right now I'm finding Malfoy quite sexy. What is my problem?'
'Why is he looking at me like that? And OMYGOD, is he getting even bigger DOWN there?! Oh, this is good. Or no wait, this is BAD. Bad bad bad bad... ugh fine, it's good. Is he doing that, just because of me? Oh, I bet he is getting all these nasty images. Who would have thought that the Boy-Who- Lived actually likes boys? That's priceless. And he's getting his jollies off of me! Well, might as well indulge. This could be my only chance to actually beat him at something. Not like he just beat me at that Quidditch match. 340 to 160, how bloody embarrassing. Lord oh mighty, he is enormous!'
Draco had made up his mind. He dropped his pants, and boy-oh-boy, what a sight! Harry's eyes bulged out of his head. 'I don't even need my glasses to see that thing! Holy cow, I was so wrong. He's... he's...HUGE! Who would have guessed? Oh well, seeing as to how all the girls throw themselves at him twenty-four seven, they would have guessed. Even Hermione tried to have a go once, but since she's a "mudblood," Malfoy wouldn't get too close. What a picky little wanker. Wait a second, he's having a hard on. What the hell? Man, that is delicious looking. I must get me some, right now. He must have noticed my boner by now, I mean come on, it's not hard to see, even with all this steam. Oh, perfect idea, if I do say so myself! 50 points to Team Potter! But if everything goes right, I'll be racking up the points like nobody's business.'
"Wow Malfoy, I thought it was "common" to drop trou in front of half- bloods, such as myself? What will all the pureblood brats say, once they find out?"
"Who says they are going to find out? Besides, it's the flipping locker room! I'm sweaty and muddy, and I need a shower. Jesus, who appointed you the King of the Showers?''
"I was only joking. Don't get your knickers in a twist."
"Oh shut up, because if you haven't noticed, I'm not wearing any knickers."
"But I have noticed, Malfoy."
'What?! Since when is Potter so straightforward? That is so strange... yet so sexy. Oh, bad bad bad, not supposed to think that's sexy. NOTHING Potter does is sexy. Besides getting a boner in front of me. No, that is a bad thought. No naughty thoughts, Draco!' Harry chuckled at Draco's facial expressions. They were quite comical, even if Draco didn't want them to be. When he noticed that Harry had been laughing at him, he got really pissed.
"Oh so you're laughing at me? I don't know why, seeing as to how you're such a runt. And here I thought all the rumors were true."
"Rumors? What rumors? And please, Malfoy, you can not seriously be talking about my... well you know... because I am so much more bigger than you in that department. And, come to think about it, I'm bigger than you all over, so if you don't want a big can of woop-ass, you'll keep your mouth shut!" 'Wow, he just said what I was about to. How weird! He's like reading my mind or something. Well then, at least I wasn't the one to call him small. Although, he most certainly is not. Haha, this is great.'
"You? Bigger than me?! Preposterous Potter! I was bigger than you... DOWN THERE... when I was born! And I most certainly am bigger than anybody in Slytherin, probably in the whole school, so I have no clue as to how you got the idea that YOU have a bigger "thingy" than me." 'I am so talking out of my ass right now. He is so big it's amazing. It is hard to even believe that I can get all of him in my eyesight, it is that huge. I mean really, who would have guessed? And what is the deal with us not saying penis? Penis... peeeenis... penis! Hahaha if you stick the words penis and wiener together, you get wenis and piener. That was good. You should pat yourself on the back for that one Malfoy.' And he did just that.
Harry had already been shooting Draco glances where you could tell he thought Malfoy was the strange one in a bunch. No matter though, for a plan was formulating in his mind quite nicely.
''Oh yeah? Fine, Malfoy." He spat, trying his hardest to keep a straight face again. "If you are SO much bigger than me, then you won't mind us making a little bet?"
"Uhh..." Draco was actually contemplating this! Doesn't anybody know that Gryffindor's are crazy, and to never mess with them? "Sure, depends on what it is. But I'm game if you are, for I can do anything you can do, but better" ...Guess not.
Harry snorted. "Sure you can. Okay, there are three stages. First we stand side by side, and since, and I have no clue why or how, we are both fully... attended right now, we will measure who has a bigger one with. Got it? That's the first step."
"Yeah yeah, okay. Wait, with? With what, exactly?"
"With an erection, dumbass! Pay attention!" 'Ooohhh... teehee it's the blond in me. Can't really blame me, can you?'
"Okay, now come over here." Draco followed those orders, mumbling the entire time about how nobody gives Malfoys' orders. He got quieter and quieter while approaching Harry, seeing him up close in all his glory. 'Damn.'
"Good, now stand right next to me." Draco did. Draco noticed that Harry was just a tad bit taller than the himself, but that could be blamed on Harry's incredibly untamed mess of ebony hair that added ATLEAST two inches to his frame, right? "Okay, now lets look down, and who's ever sticks out.. the um.. farthest wins. Deal?" Harry then thought to himself 'This has got to be the nastiest and most perverted deal I have ever made in my entire life.'
"Fine, fine, whatever."
"Good, now on the count of three. One, two... three!"
Both boys glanced down, seeing their mighty proud soldiers standing at full attention, giving their viewer's all that they had. 'Hmm, so he IS a natural blond. Damn, I was so sure he dyed his hair that color. Geez, this is quite the interesting position we are in. I mean, I see him, ALL of him, one of my arch nemesis', and I can't even find it in myself to think it strange. Am I going mental? Finally?' As all these thoughts passed through Harry's mind, he hadn't noticed that a bit of time had actually passed by, but he just kept on staring. And staring. But Draco didn't mind that, because he defiantly was making the most of his position. See Draco... well, lets just say that Draco wasn't entirely all about the girl's either. He liked them well enough, had never been with a guy that was for sure, but with girls, he couldn't help but find them over hormonal. Crying and gasping and crying some more. Their hearts were too easily broken; it was pathetic, really. But guys, they groaned and moaned in ecstasy, or so he had heard, and just overall made gorgeous sounds that girl's were just not capable of. So why wouldn't he enjoy the view? Everybody knew that Harry was gorgeous. Even Harry knew, but being humble was Harry's thing, and he just didn't need all these girls literally falling at his feet, so he played the bashful shy type of guy. Girls were afraid to approach him, he didn't mind not being approached, seeing as to how he batted for the other team. His situation wasn't very well known, not yet anyway, and he just didn't feel the need to exploit himself. The newspapers would have a field day, and he wasn't looking forward to the day that they all found out. Harry finally spoke up, after a good 5 minutes.
"I don't see that big of a gap between the two. They are both about the same size, mine being a bit thicker, but hey... it's all good."
"You know, I actually agree with you on that one Potter. Okay, so. What next?"
Slightly dazed, Harry responded, "Next?" At Draco's exasperated look he said, "OH yes, NEXT! Why don't we make a little deal then, since there is not much of a difference between both of our anatomies, and you still think you are better than I am. Let's see who gets the best of the other one. Seeing as to how you are well... please don't get mad at me if I'm wrong but, seeing as to how you are not ENTIERLY straight, then I was wondering if we could perhaps perform a few of our techniques on each other. We'll rack up points seeing as to how we get the other to respond. Deal?"
Throughout Harry's long sentence, Draco couldn't do anything but stare at him with his mouth open. 'What is we suggesting we do again? I MUST have not heard him right. I could have sworn that he said we should test our sexual techniques on one ANOTHER and see how it gets the other one to RESPOND?! That is brilliant. Waaaait a second, did he just call me gay? 'Not ENTIRELY straight'... yeah he called me gay. Great. Guess how he figured that one out.'
"Potter, why do you think I'm gay?"
"Well, it just seems like a very gay thing to do to compare your penis to another guys, while standing in a very close proximity such as we are right now, at this very moment." Grinning, Harry hoped that Draco actually got what he was saying. It seemed like the blond did when realization dawned on his beautiful angular face.
"Oh! So you're gay then?" 'Goodie for me! Oh, happy day.'
"Yup."
"Good, cause then I won't feel weird about doing this. Fine, let's make the deal then. But first, tell me, just exactly how far are you willing to go? "First base": just snogging each other senseless, with some groping here and there, above the clothes of course. "Second base": hand jobs and such. "Third base" blow jobs and other jobs of that variation. And "Home": well, you know what that is. Now, what do you feel up for, for tonight that is?"
When Draco glanced at Harry and saw his expression, he looked down to see little Harry again, and pretty much knew what Harry Potter was "up for" at the moment. 'So, he likes it when I talk dirty. That knowledge could come in handy.' "Well, Potter, how is it?" 'Haha, I am so bad.'
Clearing his throat, "Uhh, well, I'd say I am pretty much up to anything tonight. You seem to have gotten me into quite the state here." 'Wait!' "HEY! When did you start coming up with all the rules and stuff? First base and all that. It was my idea, therefore making it my rules. And okay, I know that what you said has merit, so we'll stick to that. But I get to assign all the other stuff!" Whiny!Harry is just as attractive as another Harry.
"Fine Potter, whatever tickles your pickle."
Harry took on a surprised look. 'Man, this kid is so dirty. And its doubtful that he knows what that stuff does to me. Okay, the rules. What should the rules be? Ah, I know.'
"Okay Malfoy, you can get points by doing the following: a whimper or whisper or sigh is 3 points. A groan or moan is 5. A yell of frustration, or any kind of yell, 10 points. Coming first 15, asking to come is 20. Begging for anything is 50."
"Yeah, that sounds good. Now, what does the winner get?"
'Oi, crap, haven't thought of that.' "Um, what do you think the winner should get?"
"How about whatever he wants?"
At Harry's skeptical look he said, "No personal possessions or anything. Just, whatever favor I ask of the loser, meaning you, then you have to give it or do it to or for me. Good enough?"
"Yeah, I can handle that."
"I knew you could. Now, how should we start?"
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Please excuse the errors. This is unbeta'd. Review! Oh, and I know this is really a really weird type of story, but that's the beauty of fanfiction. If you are in ANY way offended, please just don't continue to read. Review!
-Spanks