Unbetad, probably has a lot of mistakes. Sorry.
Kurt Hummel grew up with the values of good thoughts, good words and good deeds from his mother. From his father he learned that no one pushes the Hummel's around. It was a bit of a mixed message. His mother was a pacifist, she believed in absolutely no violence. No matter the circumstances. His dad believed that yes, sometimes violence is the answer.
As a kid, Kurt used to side with his dad. He was a runt, and used to get pushed around quite a bit. But, after he stood up for himself and pushed back, no one seemed to bother him again.
Then when his mom got sick, Kurt gave up fighting with the kids in his class. He had no energy for it anymore. He didn't care if they tried to push him around.
When his mom died, Kurt cried for days on end, curled next to his grieving dad.
His outlook on life changed. He decided to carry on his mother's beliefs, as she was now incapable of doing so. He believed that if he carried his mother's beliefs, stored her clothes under his bed and tried to remember every memory of her, she would come back. It would be as if she never left.
Still, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't remember every single thing about her. Things started slipping his mind. Her scent no longer lingered to her clothes. He continued believing in goodness in people, continued believing in God.
Then his dad died.
Kurt's world crashed around him.
His first thought was, I can't carry him too. That was the last thought he had for a while.
His mind went blank. He couldn't allow himself to think anymore. That became his defense mechanism. Blankness.
He heard words such as grieving, suicide, couldn't handle her death. He ignored those words. He knew if he thought about them and pieced things together, he wouldn't be the same.
He no longer tried to remember. It hurt too much.
Bobby never wanted to have children. He really didn't.
He saw what bad parenting could do. Hell, he was an example of what bad parenting does.
He wasn't good with children. He didn't seem to carry the capacity to love and care for them, as his late wife seemed to.
He never planned to have kids. Dean and Sam were enough for him. He didn't want more, he didn't need more.
Yet another decision God took away from him.
Staring at the disconnected phone in his hands, he sighed and took off his cap.
Burt died. His baby brother, dead.
His nephew all alone in the world.
Sighing once more, Bobby got off his chair.
Nothing he could do now. The decision was out of his hands.
'Hell, I just hope Kurt lives to adulthood in my care,' Bobby thought, shaking his head, 'I'm bringing him into a dangerous life'.
Sometimes Bobby thinks that he didn't live a life at all.
The last time Bobby visited Burt and his family, they were bursting with life. It hurt looking at them. He knew that his one chance at having that was gone. Kurt had come running up to him, after Burt finished hugging him.
He reached up for a hug, and once settled in Bobby's arms, he smiled and said "You're my favourite uncle, on daddy's side."
"I'm your only uncle on daddy's side."
"I know," Kurt said, his smile turning cheeky. "That's why you're my favourite!"
Looking at Kurt now, he couldn't find a trace of that happy kid.
Understandable, as Kurt's parents are dead and he is now an orphan.
Still. It broke his heart.
"Hey," Bobby says, crouching next to Kurt. "You okay, sweetie?" Kurt didn't reply and didn't give any indication that he was going to. He just stared straight ahead, his face completely emotionless except for the tears running down his cheeks.
Bobby cursed himself. Nice one, asking him if he's okay. Sighing, Bobby tore himself away from those thoughts, and sat on the chair beside Kurt.
This would be a long wait.
Also posted on my tumblr.