First in a one-shot series. Each one will be very quick, as they centre around a single idea. First one takes place during the Pain Invasion Arc. Enjoy
Uzumaki Naruto was engaged in what could only be described as the greatest fight of his life, and indeed, one of the greatest battles ever to have taken place in Konoha's history. Period. His foe was none other than the diabolical leader of Akatsuki, the man with six, sorry I mean seven, bodies. The one, the only, Pain aka Nagato aka supreme bastard.
Naruto had already arrived to find his beloved village in ruins, and after a brief period of intense combat, had managed to reduce Pain done to a single body. His expert use of Rasengan; Rasenshuriken and Sage Chakra had propelled him to an equal, and dare I say it, superior level to the villain. Pain seemed to have realised this fact, and although his face remained as stoic and unreadable as possible (owning to a tragic lack of facial nerves, caused by a childhood accident) his mind was a whirlwind of activity.
"Damn this impudent brat!" he thought to himself "If I am defeated here, my dream for a world of peace will never come to fruition. For, the world will only know true peace once it knows true Pain. Yes, that's right. I capitalise the word Pain, even when its not being used as my name. God I'm evil."
Out loud, he spoke to Naruto, in that same robotic, emotionless voice of his (which was surprisingly similar to Brad Pitt's) "You have forced me to the very limits of my power, and I acknowledge your might as an adversary. However, your pitiful opposition will end with this next attack!"
With that, he reached into his back pocket and pulled out a vial. "Damn it, I'm been forced to resort to using Soldier Pills like a common Genin." he thought "I guess using the power of gravity to crush the whole of Konoha cost me more than I would've thought. I curse the day I signed that summoning contract with Isaac Newton! Does he not realise the might of the God he is dealing with?! And do I not realise the futility of using rhetorical questions to prove a point to myself?! Well, do I?!"
(One might ask why Naruto did not simply capitalise on Pain's apparent distracted state. The answer being that, in this universe, only evil ninja attack from the shadows. Good ninjas wait for designated attack opportunities, so that no valuable opportunity for a flashback or character development monologue is missed. And Naruto was most certainly a good ninja. Moving on.)
His face still betraying none of his inner mental trauma, he calmly placed a single pill in his mouth and swallowed. Moments passed, and a bead of sweat formed on his otherwise porcelain face. Then, he seemed to pull at his collar, miming a choking action. His movements became even more frenzied as he appeared to be clawing at his own throat in a mad fashion. After 5 minutes of this, he collapsed to the ground, and lay still.
Naruto tentatively moved closer, and poked the now deceased body. Kicking it once for good measure and finding no signs of life, he cautiously reached to the ground to examine the vial that was so obviously the cause of the madman's death. As he read the label, a visible sweat drop appeared on the back of his head. "I just can't believe this…" he mumbled.
For, on the label was clearly written:
Aspirin
Guaranteed Pain-Killer
Fear the Pun