A/N – So at the request of Vee, here is a NYE one shot! It's based off a song by Rascal Flatts, but I think it's perfect! Please read and review, but above all, Happy New Year! May 2010 bring us some great Jolu!
I'm Movin' On
Johnny took one last look at the area that had once been Claudia's grave. Even though she was no longer there, going to visit and planting flowers had actually given him some peace of mind. He was finally able to tell her all of the things he needed to. All of the things that weighed on his mind once he learned of her death. He had no way of knowing whether or not Claudia could hear him wherever she was, but he relied on faith he didn't realize he had and believed that she could. That she heard him and that she forgave him. That she knew he loved her.
Next, he headed for the cemetery near Crimson Pointe. He took a deep breath of the cold air and headed for his mom's headstone. He didn't visit her often enough, but on this night, he knew he had to. It was another thing he had to do. He told his mom of the year he had been through. About Claudia's death. He closed his eyes and for a moment, he could feel his mother's comforting arms around him, soothing him. Telling him he could get through anything. That he was strong.
And in a flash, it was a different set of arms wrapped around his shoulders. Her comfort was a different kind. She gave him a peace that only existed in his dreams now. Dreams of his Lulu. His hand unconsciously slipped into his jacket pocket where the note he had for Lulu rested. He had to make peace with three women and she was the only one he had left. He laid the roses he had brought for his mother in front of her grave and headed back for his car.
Johnny thought of the note he had written to Lulu. He knew he should probably tell her the things face to face, but he wasn't sure he was that strong. He was surprised he'd been strong enough to even write the letter. But the truth was, hitting rock bottom was the best thing, second best thing to ever happen to him. It had given him the idea to start over. To make amends and move forward. To stop burying himself in the guilt of his mistakes and look towards the future.
I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself
I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long
I'm movin' on
Johnny drove towards Lulu's apartment building and laughed to himself when he passed the parking lot of Kelly's. Morgan and Molly, up to no good, no doubt. Carly and Alexis had been standing off to the side, probably arguing if Johnny knew them and he did. He knew almost everybody in Port Charles. And they knew him. Or they thought they did.
They all knew his last name and they expected certain things out of him because he was Anthony Zacchara's son. The sad thing was, Johnny tended to live up to their expectations. Not because it was his goal, but because it seemed no matter how much he tried to change, no one would let him. Only one person had ever believed in him and even Lulu's faith hadn't been enough to make a difference. At least not a permanent difference.
He pulled the note from his pocket as he sat in the parking lot to Lulu's apartment. He watched as Spinelli and Maxie exited the building, probably on their way to celebrate New Year's Eve. He briefly thought of his and Lulu's perfect celebration this time last year and he allowed himself to smile. He knew it was time to go in and slip the note under the door while Lulu was most likely out. Then he could slip out of town.
Although he had some good memories in Port Charles, he realized that he really would never be at peace there anymore. He realized that staying in this town would be like voluntarily subjecting himself to a life of pain and misery. Every where he turned, he saw a mistake he had made. A heartache he had been through. Port Charles just wasn't home anymore, it was hurt. And he had to escape that.
I've lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different, but they're always the same
They mean me no harm, but it's time that I face it
They'll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong
I'm movin' on
Johnny stared at the door to Lulu's apartment and wondered if he should knock, thinking maybe she was home. He owed it to her to tell her face to face that he was leaving. But, he was a coward. He didn't want to consider the possibility that Lulu wouldn't care at all that he was leaving. The thought was too much to bear. He bent down and slipped the note under the door and left.
Knowing that he had made peace with all of the women he had truly loved in his life, Johnny climbed in his car with a half smile on his face. He knew he was leaving behind the best thing he'd ever had, but she would be happy, so he could have some peace. It didn't change the selfish part of him that wanted Lulu by his side forever, that would never go away. But he finally realized that even if she wasn't with him, she would still want more for him than what he was allowing himself to have.
He was going to travel to Canada and Oklahoma, all of the places he wanted to see. That he wanted to see with Lulu. It would be bittersweet, but it was what he needed to do. Because even if Lulu wasn't there with him physically, she would be with him in his heart. As would his mom and Claudia. He would never really be alone in life as he had always thought he was. He would carry them with him everywhere he went, especially Lulu. The memories he had with her would carry him through even the darkest times.
He pulled over for a moment at the docks. He looked out at the Haunted Star and took it in from the outside, one last time. He had come to the point in his life where he realized he was standing still. Everyone and everything around him was changing constantly but he was staying the same. This was his chance to get out and make a change. He had once promised Lulu he would never start a new year with regrets, and that was one promise he intended to keep. And the only way to not regret the last year was to move on from Port Charles.
I'm movin' on
At last I can see, life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there's no guarantee, but I'm not alone
There comes a time in everyone's life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone
Johnny swung by his apartment to pick up his bags. He had sold a few things to the pawn shop. The rest he was taking with him on his trip. He wondered how long he would stay on the road. He figured he had enough money to stay on the road for at least three months. After that, he would have to find some place to settle down for awhile and make a little money before he set out again. He knew if Lulu was with him she would know ways to never have to stop moving, but still have financial support. She was better on her feet than he could ever dream of being.
He pulled into the gas station on the edge of town to fill up his Camaro. He glanced at his watch and noticed it was almost midnight. He was right on schedule. He was setting out on his journey and hoping for the best.
He thought back to his past one last time before he moved on. He could never regret falling in love with Lulu or any of the time they had spent together. Even though most of their time together had been filled with drama and craziness, he would treasure it. Loving her had been right. So right. But loving her wasn't enough. He had made too many other mistakes and those were the things that had cost him. The lies he had told and the people he had hurt. Those things had cost him everything.
He looked down the long highway he was about to drive down and he nodded, only to himself. That was his chance for forgiveness. For redemption. The open road was his second chance at doing things right. He replaced the nozzle and headed inside to pay for his gas.
I sold what I could and packed what I couldn't
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
I've loved like I should, but lived like I shouldn't
I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road
I'm movin' on
Lulu was driving like a maniac. She had been lounging in her apartment, drinking beer, eating pizza and drowning in memories when the note had appeared from the other side of her door. She had read the note quickly and immediately dressed and headed out the door. After everything, Johnny was leaving town.
She couldn't really blame him. She understood the pain he had suffered. His words had conveyed his emotions perfectly and she knew he was trying to finally escape the ghosts that haunted him. But he wasn't supposed to escape alone. They were supposed to run away together.
Running on instinct, Lulu headed for the highway that led towards Canada. A road she had driven with Johnny many times. And each time they had flirted with not turning back. She had to slam on her breaks when the glimpse of yellow caught her eye. She whipped into the gas station and hurried over to his car. She found it empty, so she perched herself on the hood, trying to mentally prepare herself for the conversation to come.
I'm movin' on
Johnny exited the store, shoving his change and receipt in his pocket. He looked up and was stopped in his tracks by the sight before him. Lulu was resting peacefully on his hood, looking at him with the most adorable grin on her face. He smiled naturally in response and walked the rest of the way to his car, stopping just in front of her.
"Where you headed?" Lulu asked, tilting her head to the side.
"Where are you going?" Johnny countered, desperately hoping she was really doing what he thought she was.
"Wherever you want," Lulu smiled. "Get in."
She jumped off the hood and made her way around to the passenger's seat. Johnny shook his head in disbelief, but clicked the button to unlock the car. They both climbed in and he looked to his right, questioning her with his eyes. She shrugged her shoulders and dug through the glove compartment for his map.
"I know your note said there was nothing left for you in Port Charles," Lulu said, meeting his eyes once again. "There are so many bad memories here for you and I completely understand you wanting to leave. But what you need to understand is when you're gone, there won't be anything left for me in Port Charles either."
"You have family," Johnny noted. "And a job. Several friends. You have a lot left for you here."
"I also have a cell phone that I can use to stay in touch with my family and friends," Lulu replied. "As far as Crimson goes, I don't like that job anymore than I did when I started. I won't miss Kate at all."
"Do you really want to run away with me?" Johnny wondered. "After everything that's happened."
"Johnny, a lot has changed in our life in the last year," Lulu explained. "But even though everything seems to have changed, some things don't. I love you. I've wanted to run away with you since the first time I got in this car and that's still what I want. If you want the company."
"I love you, too," Johnny said, a smile blooming on his face. "And there's nothing I want more than to run away with you."
"Then let's get moving," Lulu responded, looking down at the map in her hands.
Johnny started the car and almost in perfect sync with the engine coming to life, the clock changed from 11:59 to 12:00. Johnny's eyes met Lulu's and they both leaned in, eager to connect their lips. The kiss was slow and sweet, but full of passion. Johnny pulled away and shifted his car into gear. He pulled onto the highway and smiled to himself.
I'm movin' on
They were moving on together.