Bittersweet

Chapter One- Spencer

Miss Cooper pours another glass of water from the clear jug. Spencer gulps, feeling as guilty as a murderer on trial. "So, Spencer, what brings you here?" She asks, pulling out a blue file. Spencer knows it belongs to him; he's no stranger to his file. She takes a sip of water. "You don't usually visit me." Miss Cooper smiles. She's one of the youngest teachers in the school, only about early twenties; she's pretty-ish, dull ginger hair that flows in ringlets to her shoulders and bright green eyes that are caged behind thick glasses. Spencer gulps once more, his heart races, why does he feel like this? "Is everything okay at home, Spencer?"
"Everything's fine, Miss Cooper." It's the honest truth; he's not here for home issues.
"Please, call me Karen." She smiles, she's got a nice smile, and it's genuinely kind. "Then why are you here?" She asks. He places his head in his hands, forehead first.
"I don't know why I'm here." He mutters, that's a lie. He knows why he's here.
"Would you like to play 20 Questions?" She says. "It's easier for you to tell me that way." Spencer nods and lifts his head from his sweaty palms, running them through his hair. "Is it something to do with school?"
"Sort of."
"Okay, is this about you?"
"No."
"Is it a rumour?"
"It is now."
"How does it make you feel?"
"Scared, hopeless, useless, lousy and pathetic." He sighs.
"It's about someone close?"
"Yes, they're very close."
"Have you known them for a long time?"
"Yes, since I was little."
"So, are they in trouble?"
"He's putting himself in trouble."
"Could this affect him badly?" She takes another sip of water and pushes her thick glasses further up her nose.
"If it gets too bad."
"Is this about Ryan?" She says knowingly.
"Okay, Yes." He mumbles. She nods and pulls out another file from the draw besides her desk.
"Is it the rumours about him being gay?"
"No," Spencer shakes his head. "This is about what he told me last week. I always knew that he was gay." Spencer lets out a shaky laugh, Miss Cooper looks alarmed at Spencer's inside joke. "I never minded of course, he was still Ryro."
"Ryro?" She asks.
"It's his nickname." Miss Cooper nods in acknowledgment. "I've always called him that since we were kids." She smiles.
"Now, back to what he told you, is it something at home?"
"It's shared between everything, he's been having a rough time everywhere he goes."
"He's been known to get into trouble. How can this affect him badly?"
"If he takes it too far he can kill himself."
"Is he addicted to anything?"
"Oh god no, at least I hope he's not, we haven't talked in days."
"Why not?"
"He's afraid, I think. He's afraid I'll tell his secret."
"Who knows about this secret?"
"Not many people just me, Brendon and Jon."
"How did they find out?"
"Ryan told Jon and Jon told Brendon but Ryan doesn't know that Brendon knows."
"How do you know Brendon knows?"
"He asked me about it yesterday."
"Has it spread further?"
"No, not that I'm aware of." Spencer gulps once more and finally blurts, "Ryan self harms regularly." Miss Cooper seems reserved, as if she handles this daily, but she probably does, this case is probably no more than an angry teen taking it out on himself, Spencer however feels on the verge of tears, he starts to choke on them and he struggles to take a simple breath. Miss Cooper hands him a tissue and he dries his eyes with the soft paper.
"Spencer, it's okay, it's not your fault. Now tell me why he feels this way."
"H...He says it's because of his d...dad. But I think its B...Brendon; he's been differently l...lately." Spencer struggles to hold his words together; he chokes and takes a sip of water.
"What did you say when he told you this?"
"I told him that there was no need, he knows my parents are fine with him staying if things got really bad, he knows that I can speak to Brendon and he knows I'm there for him, I always has been and he's always been there for me." He says, "He just told me that he's fine and he can deal with it, but I know he's not, he can't, he's not the same."
"Do you mind if I ask a few more questions?" Spencer shakes his head, he's sick of the pressure on his chest, it's amazing to have it all come out now and know that it's only going to get better. "You say Brendon's been acting differently, what do you mean by that?" She takes out a ring binder from the third draw, it's full of red sheets of paper and the cover can barely be seen for different coloured stick notes, no doubt this is Brendon's file.
"He just can't make a decision, he doesn't know what he wants, sometimes he seems to hang out with us and other times he doesn't want to be seen with us. I can't say much, I've only just started to notice but Ryan seems to have started paying attention a long time ago. It really upsets him, seeing him talking to him like nothing's happened one day and the next it seems as though he hates him."
"Is there anything more you can tell about Brendon and Ryan?"
"It's been on and off for months now." He keeps a straight face, he always found it funny that two of his best friends were dating but now it didn't seem so hilarious.
"Months?"
"For about three now. During the first we were all happy, Jon was a little freaked out but I just found it funny."
"Did they know you found it funny?"
"Yeah, I think that's why Brendon decided to stop being around all the time, it harmed his ego as well as his reputation to know that they were all laughing at him but they weren't in fact it made him more admired because of the guts he had, it's my fault isn't it?" A sharp pain of guilt shoots through and he starts to feel sick, he now realises that he may have caused Ryan to suffer because of his humour.
"No, Spencer it's none's fault, sometimes people feel like this." She hands him another tissue as more tears stream down his cheeks. "Why did you come to me, why didn't you confront Brendon yourself?"
"I tried but he wouldn't listen he doesn't realise how much Ryan needs him, he doesn't notice he's not the only one with issue. We all have them, even Jon and I do sometimes."
"I'm glad you recognise that, you're being very mature in this situation. I think maybe now you should return to your classes, this is confidential, I won't tell anyone and don't need to either but promise me you won't tell Ryan, he may stop trusting you in his fragile state of mind, he could lose his last friend and he could fall over the edge." Spencer nods and rises from his chair.
"Thanks Miss Cooper... err Karen." He tells her and he leaves, relieved that he finally got all of the worries off his chest.