An: Happy New Year! :D So originally when I wrote this it was a song fanfiction to duck and summer by Dashboard Confessional. But as I was editing it I took out all the lyrics. But anyways I don`t own Spring Awakening.
When you met: the first time you saw her she was up on the mountain top. A dimly lit summer's night, with only a fire on the horizon. She was dancing around the rays of light wearing an attire resembling a gypsy's outfit. You couldn't help but to laugh. She looked up and smiled over at you inviting you to dance with her.
Staring at you with a bright glimmer of hope. She was a sight you'd never beheld before. She gripped your hands as she twirled you around singing a haunting tune of the sea, leaving it ringing in your ears:
"The sea was so violent
The crew went below
They begged him to join them
But he would not go
Oh sail a little little
For just a little little
Oh sail for a little
Until she finds him"
Every where you travelled with her, it stung in the back of your mind. She would hum in under her breath, singing different lyrics every so often.
"Her heart was so laden
She fell by a tree
Sang of some pirate
Who haunted the sea
A wail through the willows
All hollow through the willows
She'll wail through the willows
Til she finds him"
You travelled over the old jagged rocks of the mountain: by foot of course, her and her wild bohemian ways. Having you the way she wanted and you didn't mind, she was yours and you hers. Something about her, the mysterious beauty she was. You found it utterly captivating.
You'd lie down on the mountain rocks, gazing at the sky, listening to the ocean... not daring to speak or to interrupt the ocean's melodic harmony entangled with her ominous humming it was too forebodingly beautiful to stop. The harmonies began to occur more often as you were merely an observer of the sound you began realize you were just another stop on her endless journey. She craved adventure and you were just another one of them.
Grasping for her hand across the jagged rocks, you knew she wasn't really with you. She was lost in her head just as she was when you had met her. Dancing around the fire as if singing to someone she knew but left along her journey. Wishing it was you wandering in her mind. Her intriguing ways made you want to be a bohemian with her. Follow in her foot steps. But she'd easily grab your hand and keep you right beside her, not wanting to lose anyone.
Following the nights you spent together wildly on the rocks you'd awake to her glowing smile. Laughing at your notably messy hair as she would run her worn fingers through your hair, playing with it, giggling while mumbling under her breath.
She made everything blissful and serene. But as you travelled farther and left your jagged rocks, she told of her own jagged edges. She told you of the ones who pained her of the ones she had lost. The way she told you, a sorrowful pained smile decorated her face. The coat of bliss she had painted herself with. Then you knew the world she was living in was one she had painted protectively. Even she wasn't this bliss; she was merely living in the tranquil picture she'd painted. Wishing and willing it to be real. Fighting for the fact that if she truly believed it could be. But you both knew the paint would chip and the reality would come shinning through.
You gently ran your untarnished fingers through her hair. Looking to the sky as if to ask why this idyllic girl isn't as she seems. The sorrow, the agony she knows, it's all tucked inside. Some how forgotten and as horrible as it is you liked it better when it was forgotten. When the ways of her world were locked inside her. Not exposed to you. When she was the blissfully mysterious: Ilse.
And perhaps it was evident in your eyes, as if to answer your expression, she exclaimed:
"The summer can't last, the mountains freeze cold. It is spring and fall, as we all know. We bury the pain for it's easier that way. The sky can't answer." Tears began to stream down her face and you pulled her in. Gently stroking her hair. But as she would she knew your tender strokes would soon fade, just as you would too. You knew it wouldn't last; the edges couldn't be smoothed by a weak hand.
You weren't poised enough to hold on, but feeble enough to loosen your grasp and walk away.
You told her "The pains she suffered would be forgotten if she'd let them be. The scars, the wounds, they could fade with the summer's skyline only to be whisked away by the wind." You knew there was more to her then she had confessed. She wouldn't reveal it all, it was locked inside her. As if to confirm the winds started to swirl about the ocean side.
She sat up and smiled, proceeding to stand with her arms wide open as if to hug the wind. Her hair blowing wildly as she stood statuesquely on the rocks. Right at the mountains edge.
Staring down at the ocean her smile didn't fade.
You had thought the climb to the mountain top had led you to a treasure, however it was already an unlocked chest. Full of broken treasures you didn't know how to mend. Spending the summer's days trying wore you jagged as well. Finally giving up to dance in the dull night's breath with the bohemian.
Watching her walk away, following the wind with the smile still on her face. On to another adventure to tell another new soul of her pained past. Or to paint a new picture willing it to last. You can't hold on to what you never had, and you didn't have her. No one ever will for she is forever lost.