Antebellum
Standard disclaimer applies
It ended almost as soon as it started; a chaste kiss on his lips, her face inches away from his before she pulled his coat and kissed him. He could barely register the occurring, or the flowery scent of her person. The kiss was quick, almost too subtle but it made him flush with heat and his chest swell, and when she pulled away and he felt his breath stunted, he could make out her blushing cheeks and swelling eyes as she turned away.
"So, what do you think?" Leia finally speaks; fiddling her fingers as she tried to avoid his eyes and underneath the streaks orange sunset of Trigleph by the window, he never saw her glow as much.
"Well, uh" As his cheeks flushed and he felt the heat in his ears, he tried to back track the events that lead them here. A coffee house by Trigleph harbor, Leia and him were having their usual weekly catching up which is usually a case of complaints from each end. He tried to remember what exactly were they talking about; work, relationships, more work, call from her parents, their friends and somewhat rarely, Ludger.
Try as he might, he couldn't recall exactly what and why before she suddenly pulled his coat and kissed him.
"It's okay, I guess." He finally lets out, trying to calm his heart beat and his cheek.
Perhaps, he shouldn't have said anything at all.
"Okay? What do you mean 'okay'?!"
"Come on, Leia." He tried calming her down, "You've got me by surprise! How am I supposed to know whether it's good or not! I don't exactly have previous experience to cross reference or anything!"
"Oh god, Jude." The girl sighed, "I just kissed you and the first thing you do is compare me with other girls?!"
"How can I even compare, you're the only that ever kissed me!"
Staring at her red face, nose fuming, he took a deep breath, composing himself before he did or say anything stupid.
"Look, Leia. I'm just surprised. I've never really kissed anyone before."
"Well yeah, me too. That's why I'm asking for a feedback."
He raised a brow, "You kissed me as an experiment?"
"Well," the girl looked away; a guilty look adorned her smile.
"Leia,"
"Look, you know I've been writing right? How am I supposed to properly convey the feeling of actually kissing someone without experiencing it firsthand?"
"You could've actually asked someone experienced! I'm sure Alvin had his share of women!"
"Well, what if he comes up to me you know? Wrapping his hands around me, eyes straight as he slowly tried to close the distance."
He accidentally lets out an ungraceful snort, "Leia, you're thinking too much."
She puffed her cheeks in embarrassment, "Well, what do you expect. I'm a journalist and a writer!"
He lets out an uncharacteristic laugh and before long, she laughed with him. Cheeks blushing, heart swelling and in the midst of the dim atmosphere of the café and the gentle lighting, he felt like they were kids again, getting away with one of their pranks and hiding and he could hear distant screams and the seagull by their hometown harbor.
Both of them have grown so much. In all his life, he would never think that he would become an energy researcher and her, a writer journalist combination. But then, staring at her green eyes as their laughter slowly died, he thought to himself that somehow, strange things can happen.
"Look," he began. "The kiss was nice. I'm sorry for overreacting like that. I was actually surprised you know?"
The girl just offered him a smile, "I should be the one apologizing. After all, I did it without your consent."
He could only smile at that. "Yeah, I guess you did."
It's one of the easiest and simplest things ever, apologizing to Leia. Ever since they were children, kids with simple needs and simple wants and the beginning of their weird but eventful relationships, he couldn't remember when Leia has ever not been part of his life. His decision on becoming a medical student, his journey across the world, his meeting with Milla and the rest of their friends, their encounters with Ludger and the pain they felt when he left them, all this event has been painted with her color.
And when she offered him her smile, free of judgment and blame, the most honest smile he had ever seen, he couldn't help but smile black and underneath the light of the setting sun and the scent of coffee, he was glad that there's only two of them there.
They began talking again, about his work and her books even if his mind ponders on her kiss. Leia has started writing novels and short stories the past three years and she managed to publish her first volume of her new series earlier this year. It's a romance and adventure series, a strange mix but it somehow works as she received critical acclaims and her writings have been the talk of the media and people all around. 'A wonderful mix of heartbreaking romance and epic adventures, the dilemma faced by the protagonist and his longing affection for the heroine is a great presentation of the current tension between Elympios and Rieze Maxia,' he remembered reading it in a review before.
She never allowed him to read it, saying that it's not his genre and it must have been filled with so much scientific discrepancies that he could make a case of it being stupid. He remembered telling her that he won't mind the discrepancies, so long as the story is nice. Even then, she still forbids him from reading it and he complied. He was silently glad about it, romance as she mentioned was never his genre.
"Talking about romance, how are things with you and that Ethan guy?"
"Ethan?" she lets out an honestly bored look. "He's sweet and all. At least for first impressions but he talks about his family properties too much, like it's the only thing that defines him."
"Maybe he's just trying to impress you, or actually really nervous." He was actually quite honest about the last one. If he ever did go out on a date with Leia, he would be a wreck to say the least.
"That's what I thought at first, but I did go out with him four times afterward and he still talks about his houses and how much rental he is making every month!"
"Well, that's your husband candidate right there. At least you know his income is stable."
She lets out a disgusted look, "My income is stable too!"
"That's not what I meant,"
"I know, but guys like that just pissed me off. Showing how rich you are, how eligible and how wanted you are among other girls, it's like they have no other redeemable qualities!"
"Huh, so what kind of redeemable quality you look in a man."
She put a finger on her chin, thinking. "Well, someone simple. Someone who doesn't care for showing off and doesn't really care about what others think of him and work hard to live his life regardless of the hardship he faced."
"That sounds like Ludger," he accidentally lets out, surprising himself and her as he could see her eyes clouded and he suddenly felt a tang somewhere in his chest.
"Yeah," she lets out a soft smile, "Maybe someone like Ludger."
It's always like this. Whenever the topic accidentally came to Ludger, he can't help but feel this strange void inside and from the look in her eyes, he can tell she feels the same as well. It has been three years now, but the regret he felt on that was still raw, fresher than any painful memories he ever had. Ludger sacrificed himself to save himself and in turn the world and he made a promise to himself that day to be the best humanity can offer so that his death would not be in vain. Three years later, he still doubts whether he actually did anything or not.
"Anyway," he cleared his throat, trying to change the subject, "Is that all you ever look for in a man?"
"Well," she smiled at him, her moods shifting from the dark atmosphere, "Actually, I don't really think about what I look for in a man."
"And that larger than life checklist is?"
"It's just expectation. Women like to put expectations in a man so that they actually have something to talk about."
"Wow, thanks." He laughed. "So, you don't actually want someone kind, simple, humble and hard working?"
"Who knows, the only boy I ever fall in love with is you."
His heart stopped and he blushed.
"Hah!" she poked his cheeks, "Got'cha!"
"W-wait a minute, that's not fair!"
"Dear diary, today I manage to make the great Jude Mathis blush twice," she began to mock type on her phone.
"Oh, come on!"
They began shouting again, the way they did when they were kids and it was only when the owner regretfully asked them to quiet down that they stop, blushing in embarrassment as they both apologize to the kind old man, and as his annoyance reach his peak, and he glared at her, she only lets out a grin, bright and wide, the classic Leia grin that used to charm boys her age and fool the older people back when they were kids.
Letting out a sigh as he felt his shoulder loosed and his annoyance fade, he just shake his head. At least she's having fun, he thought to himself. It became dark sooner than he expected. He offered her dinner at his place but she declined saying that her work is piling up so much that if she were to line it up side by side, it could reach Hamil and back and he laughs at that.
"So, next week as usual?"
She suddenly paused. He didn't think much about it so when she smiled and told him, "Sure," he remembered paying his portion of the bill and bidding her good night as usual, expecting that she will surely text him later.
He didn't receive anything from her afterwards.
The following week, he was caught by surprised when Balan told him that the shareholders wanted to see the result of the eternal engine by the end of the week. The progress was fine but the paperwork was not. He remembered staying up late at night and continues working at home until the morning.
"This better not ruin my Friday night plan!" he remembered telling Balan once then and with a stroke of luck he managed to finish everything on Friday and let out a sigh of relief.
"Good job, Doctor Mathis. Now let's not do this again!"
He had to laugh at Balan's joke then as he stretched his back, feeling something snap and almost let out a cry. Grabbing his bag and checking his stuff, he bid them goodbye. On the train trip, he checked his GHS to see if there's any unread text or missed call and was quite surprised to see none. When he finally reached the café and the owner greeted him as he greets him back, he was quite surprised to see the emptiness of it all. Leia hasn't arrived yet.
He asked the owner about her but he just mentioned that he didn't see her at all. He proceeds to sit at their usual table, fiddling his fingers and texted her on his arrival. After much contemplation, he decided that he should sleep a bit. After all, he was certain that Leia will definitely wake him up with a scream or a shout and she's definitely old enough to not draw any weird things on his face.
He woke up four hours later by the shake of the café owner. The owner was closing down and it's already night. As he settled his bill, he asked the owner again if Leia ever came and to his disappointment, the owner didn't see her at all. He takes a look at his GHS again and still, no missed call or unread text.
Leaving the café, he told himself that maybe Leia was stuck at work and she must've forgotten the time. It was one of the few similarities they shared, being so focus on work that they forget the rest of the world. Smiling at the silly possibilities, he texted her saying that he's going home to sleep and that she shouldn't overwork herself. He didn't receive any text that night so he took a bath, brushed his teeth and went to bed.
She didn't text him afterwards.
Following Tuesday, he was a bit worried. It's not like her to not reply his messages. Maybe she's upset with him? His mind ponders back to that Friday and he began to analyze every little thing he did that may or may not offend her. He didn't say anything out of ordinary and she was talking about normal stuff. She didn't even mention all those boys that asked her out and he didn't remember mentioning anything that offensive to her about it.
By then, his phone bleep and he quickly grabbed it. It was not Leia.
'Jude, dude, Duval, bar, 8 PM. You'll come? Of course you'll come. See you later, kiddo!'
He almost shouted at that message. Part of him was angry that, saying that he didn't give a rat's ass about Alvin and his weird and last minute invitation. Another part of him wished that he never texted at all. But then, as he took a deep breath and calmed himself down, he reads the message again and sighed. He was actually glad that Alvin went out of his way to invite him out for a drink. With all the business deals he secured lately, it's downright unfeasible for just only him and Yurgen to manage it.
But then, this is Alvin, smooth talker extraordinaire. Despite his shady looks and weird one-liners, he had the brain to manage it and the charm to work it so if there's anyone that can be a pioneer for an inter-world business, Alvin would surely top the list.
'Sure thing, see you at 8.' He texted back.
With that in mind, he send out another text at Leia, telling her that he's hanging out with Alvin for the night and that if she had the time, she should join them.
At exactly 8 PM, he opened the door to 'Film Noir' and was greeted by a loud "Cheers!"
Alvin was currently holding a bottle of 'The classic 1890's' and offered him a glass.
"Any special occasion?" he asked after thanking him for it. The bar was full and loud and people were drinking and laugh and cry like the end of a long cold war.
"Well, not to brag, but we just reached our first 10 Million gald in profit,"
He almost choked on the drink as he wiped the ensuing tears and spit and the leaking from his nose before laughing. "Congrats, Alvin!"
The older man just laughed as he poured down a glass and offered it to another customer. As they sit down by the counter, he then began to talk about all his ventures and all the trips he went and how he and Yurgen almost close down their business and how this one time their goods were spirited away by one of their absconded employees.
There never was a dull story with Alvin. Always the right thing to say and the right tale to tell but from the glow in his eyes and the addicting mirth of his laughter, he can tell that the man was happy and for that matter he was glad.
"By the way, where's Leia?"
He was taken back a bit, but he offered a smile and before he could say anything the older man just shake his head.
"Trouble in paradise, kid?"
"Well," he contemplated on what to say then. "No, not really. It's just that, well."
"Well?"
He let out another sigh. "She didn't really texted me, that's all."
"Oh,"
"Well, I did text her once in a while but she didn't reply. So, yeah."
"Wow," Alvin actually looked impressed. "Kid, what the hell did you do that Leia actually puts you on her shit list?"
He sighed again. Ignoring Alvin's usual innuendo and teased, he remembered telling him everything that transpire on that particular Friday, the gist of their talk, her life so far, his progress with his research, and embarrassingly, the kiss.
"Wait, she actually kissed you?"
"Well, yeah." He looked away, trying to hide his blush.
By then, the older men grinned and let out the biggest laugh he ever heard and slap his back. "Wa-hey, great job kid, I thought you're gonna go eunuch on me! Bartender, give the kid a drink. Fella just got his first kiss!"
"Alvin!"
"Hey, to think that behind the lab coat and nerdy glass, geek has the red blood of youth after all. I'm so proud of you, I think I'm gonna cry."
"Have you completely ignoring the fact that she's the one who kissed me?!"
"And you tell her it was nice. Kid, that takes guts, I give you that."
"That's not it at all!"
Alvin just laughed as he felt his frustration peaks and he just sighed, taking off his glasses as he rubbed his temple, the bridge of his nose and his eyes.
"Here," Alvin offered him a drink. It was colored in red, light and pink with plum on top and the sweet smell of fruit. "It's called first love, on me."
He took the glass from him. Looking at the texture, he gave it a sip. It's sour but then, sweet.
"They say that first love is both painful and sweet, and that nothing can beat the happiness you feel, watching the person you love smile and talk to you but at the same time, you felt this sudden pain. You don't know whether that person felt the same way for you. And then you see them, talking to another person and smiled at them, a smile so foreign and strange and beautiful and you wondered to yourself, why didn't they smile the same when they're with you."
"You sounded like you talk from experience,"
"Who knows, kid? Men my age, we have our fair share of romance."
He let out a small laugh. In the loud bar, where people shouts and cry and their shout filled the air in a weird mix of joy and solitude, and the slow jazz music playing, underneath the dim and homely atmosphere and he took a sip of the drink, a thought came to him and haunts his head and the drink and the music and the shout became numb.
"I," he began, "I didn't know she still has feelings for me, all this years."
The man let out a smirk, "Do you still think about Milla?"
"Well," he paused. "Yeah."
"Then is it that weird to know that she's still in love with you?"
"But this is Leia!" he almost shouted. "She's always been stronger than me."
"Well, then maybe the fault lies with you."
The statement stunned him.
"After all this years, you still listen to her, joked with her, attentive to the point of motherly, encouraged her and regardless always, always be kind to her. So, is it really that out of this world in the whole town and all the world that she became more in love with you?"
He was speechless, his brain numb. Maybe it's the drink, maybe it's the gentle music or maybe it's the shout and scream but his mind is suddenly filled with her, her form, her laughs, her cries, her hand, her smile and all the wonderful things that made her and will always be hers flood his thought and his shoulders fell.
"I love Leia," he said, the word sounds foreign but somehow, natural.
"Yup,"
"But not the way she loves me,"
"I know,"
He sighed, burying his head in his palm again as the hopelessness wash over him and the decision felt heavy.
"I have to let her go, don't I?"
"Kid," Alvin began; his tone sounded surprisingly gentle. "There's no hope for a flower from a broken tree. The best you can do is just tear it off and hope that a new flower will grow from it."
"Yeah, I guess."
The slow song resumed playing, and the shout and the cry still high in the air and underneath laughter and the cry and the dim light of the warm and welcoming bar, he felt cold. He knows deep down, he had to let Leia go, but the question that haunts his mind was that he's not sure if he's strong enough to do it.
The next day, he still received no text or call from Leia.
Work became normal and every day seemed usual enough that his mind didn't ponder enough on it. He worked, laughed, talked, eat and sleep like usual and when another crazy deadline come in, he shouted and screamed and went days without sleep like normal. This is everyday life, the weird usual life of Jude Mathis and when the day is done and the work is finished, he thought to himself that this is normal.
And then Friday came along. He finished earlier than usual and asked if Balan had anything extra he can help with. Telling him to just enjoy his weekend, he left the building and wandered around the garden. He never realized he had this much of free time before. Taking the train and watching people come and go and feeling number than usual, he decided against his better judgment to drop at the next station. Before he realized it, he was standing in front of Leia's work building.
The complex was at least 30 storey tall and while not the tallest building in Elympios, it was an obvious upgrade from the newspaper's old office which is situated by a dusty old shop lot. He found himself sitting by bench and just stare at the entrance. He didn't know what to expect or rather, he couldn't. He just wished that maybe, just maybe by a strange stroke of luck he would catch her exiting the building and confront her then.
Even if that's the case, he didn't what he should day. There's a hundred and one things he could've said then, scenarios his head invented in the case if he did saw her then, her brown hair and her bright green eyes but he thought to himself that all this hundred and one things doesn't really matter. He just wanted to see her.
He waited until the sky turns dark and the street light was on. He waited until he saw people leaving the building like schools of fishes in different color until their number dwindle and no one left anymore. He waited until he felt the cold of the night and realized that he should have worn something warmer as the nights in Elympios is surprisingly cold. He waited until one of the guards kindly asked him to leave and he looked at his watch and realized it was already 9.30 PM.
He walked to the café by the harbor and saw the owner cleaning up. Gathering his words, he asked if he saw Leia entering the café. The owner shook his head and he felt his heart sank. Walking home, feeling the heaviness in his step, he fight strong urges to text or at least give her a call. But then, when he reached his room, taking his bath and have dinner and he felt his body weary, he drop his head on the pillow and straight to sleep.
He did not receive anything from Leia that day.
Monday came again; and he felt this sudden anger in his head as he marched straight towards her office building. Deep down, he knows what he's doing is counterproductive and idiotic but his brain is filled with her all week and he just has to talk to her. Taking the lift and avoiding the weird stares of people and his legs paced, he dashed out as soon as the door opened to her floor and he reached her office.
"Excuse me," he said, as calmly as he can to the receptionist, "I'm looking for one Leia Rolando. Is she in?"
The lady eyes lit up as she heard her name but subsequently darkens as she apologized. "I'm sorry, but Ms. Rolando is no longer working with us."
He felt his heart drop. "What, how!"
"She resigned from the company three Fridays ago."
Three Fridays ago, the last time she spoke to him. There's a building emotion in him, as he let out a sigh and felt the coldness coming in, he could only stare at the lady as she looked at him in honest pity.
"Are you her friend?" the lady asked kindly.
"Yeah," he managed to let out. His heart felt heavy and his body cold. His ears numb and he felt gravity grabbing him by his legs. He apologized to the kind lady and left, feeling colder and weaker than he usually did. He didn't know what to think. Rather, he couldn't think. He grabbed his GHS and without thought, just dialed her number.
There's a tone but no one answered. He tried again one time and another time after that. He lost count of the last one as he felt his form heavy and he just drop at a nearby bench. He received a text from Balan, asking where he is. Forcing himself to write, he told him he had something going on and that he's not coming in to work today.
Taking a deep breath, he thought for the final place he could try; her apartment.
When he reached the yellow and brown building and met the land lady, she offered him a sorry smile, the second one he received that day.
"Sorry, Jude." She told him. "Leia has already moved out."
"Let me guess, three weeks ago?"
"Yeah, sorry about that."
"Did she mention where she's going?"
"She didn't say. Only that she wants to focus on writing her novel so I'm guessing somewhere with flowers and stuff."
He let out a weak laugh; Leia would enjoy a place like that.
"Okay thanks,"
"Maybe you should ask your friend."
"Huh?"
"You know, the tall man. Muscular build, little beard, charming smile. He was helping her carry her stuff when she left."
Alvin.
His blood boiled.
"I see, thanks."
There's a dreadful feeling coming from his gut, stuck at his throat as he felt the heat rise to his cheeks and his neck. He took the train silently as he tried to remember his way. He reached the office building and rode the lift. He thought to himself that Alvin had better not be in his office today.
He opened the door and the first sight he saw was Alvin, first surprised and then a grin.
"Hey, Jude. This is a nice surprise, what brings you here!"
It was an explosion in his ears and in his throat as he dashed towards him, his hand reached for the man's collar and he screamed.
"You knew didn't you!?"
"Wait, Jude calm-
"You knew and you DIDN'T THINK OF TELLING ME!"
There's a sorry look in his eyes as he smiled towards him. "You found out, huh?"
"YOU KNEW! YOU KNEW AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN, WHY?! WHY?!"
He was pulling his collar, asking him again and again, why, why, why. There's a burst in his throat, an explosion in his chest and he was shouting, almost weeping as he keeps on shouting at him why, why, why and why before his frustration died, his form began to weaken and he could only mutter a painful why. But the man just offered him a kind smile, "Calm down, Jude. Shouting won't really get you anywhere you know?"
The man asked him to sit down as he himself tried to sort out his emotion. Feeling suddenly exhausted and spent, he slouched on the sofa, his head fuzzy and his eyes hurt and his mind ponder to Leia.
Alvin gave him a glass of cold water, to which he took and said thanks as the man sit the opposite of him.
"So, have you calmed down?"
He gulped the drink, feeling it wet his tongue and his throat but subsequently, he still felt terrible.
"Look, Jude." The man began. "I don't exactly agree to hide it from you, but I did promise her. So, there."
"How long have you known?"
"A while. She didn't exactly try to do it on impulse. She did think about it before coming to the decision of becoming a writer."
"And she didn't tell me,"
"Even if she did, would it matter?"
He can't answer to that. His eyes felt tired as he laid his head against the couch and look up, feeling the weight crushing his heart.
"I could've listened. I could have actually helped."
"And, she would fall harder in love with you, the circle continues." The man puts his empty glass on the table as he stared straight at him. "Tell me, is there ever any chance that you could fall in love with her?"
He can't look at Alvin then, he couldn't. His gaze was sharp and cold it pierced through him and his core and he knew then, he couldn't lie to him.
"I often wondered," he began, feeling the ceiling stared back at him. "If I didn't meet Milla that day, would I have fallen for Leia?"
"And,"
"I don't know." He answered honestly. "She was always there with me. Even if I were to go far away, I know the only person who would never leave me and wait would be her and somehow, the thought of actually leaving her never really come to mind."
Alvin let out another sigh, "Jude, Leia has always loved you, regardless of what you feel for her. That's why she left. Because she knows, the only way for her to move on is to let you go."
"But, she could at least tell me."
"And having you stop her from moving on? Face the music, Jude. You want her to stay with you as much as she wants to."
He didn't answer to him then, he couldn't. The fact rang true, it hurts.
"So, what should I do now? What can I do, now?"
Alvin lets out a gentle smile, "Just move on. It's best for both of you."
"But how,"
"Take up a hobby. You fancy golf? I could show you a trick."
He let out a weak laugh at that as the man pulled him up and slapped his shoulder.
"You're gonna be fine. As will she. Now go home and sleep. You'll feel better in the morning."
"And if I don't?"
"Well, shit."
He laughed again. Following Alvin's advice, he straight away head for the bed the minute he reached home. His head felt dizzy and his body weak, and in that rare moment, he never thought his bed could be so soft. Brain in a daze, he checked his GHS and scrolls through his message history. Approximately 85% of his messages were from her. It's not because she texted him that much but simply because he never deleted anything about her in his memory.
Her first message was a simple, 'Hey, hey, hey, so Jude now knows how to text, huh?'
He remembered laughing at that and replied, 'Leia, you're standing right in front of me. Is there a need for this text?'
Her reply was swift, 'Well yeah, now that I know you'll have no choice but to read my texts, I'll send you a whole lot more!'
'Great. Looking forward to it.'
Her next text comes later that night when she wished him good night. From then on, she began texting him almost daily, telling her about things she thought was interesting, her daily life and sometimes, their parents. Her texts have always been bright and colorful and his reply was always to the point and direct and they always had silly arguments.
He loves their silly arguments.
On the rare occasions that he actually texted her first, telling her the progress of his research or sometimes, asking her out for dinner, she burst into excitement, asking him if he was sick or needed help.
'You always call me when you need help, or sick.'
'That's when I was a kid. It's been ten years, Leia.'
'And you never change much, still lame and needy.'
'And taller,'
'By a few inches, give it a year and I'll definitely catch up!'
'Leia, biology doesn't work like that.'
She texted on his birthdays and his overtimes and as always, there's just something they can talk about. It's a weird feeling of not being bored of her even if he knows her all his life. Annoyed and frustrated, many times. But bored? It's a silly thought. He could never imagine that he could be bored from reaching home late at night, having a simple dinner and receiving a 'good night' from her.
He would never get tired of it. But now, he was sure as mad miss it.
He fell asleep reading her texts in his message box, and his brain played the sound her laughs.
The first month without her was hard, harsh even. His mind was distant and his work was slow. Experiments they did went haywire because of him and he was thankful Balan was there. They manage to recover what they have lost but the assistant researchers looked at him funnily and for the most part, he just didn't care. It was then when Balan talked to him one on one and asked him to shape up.
"I don't know what happened to you and I don't want to ask, and if I went and ask Alfred first, that would be kind of cheating but buck up, Jude! We're almost at the end now; you can't end it like this."
He appreciated Balan's talk then. He sure needed that.
With great effort, he managed to return back to his game and keep up with everything as per schedule. Balan told the shareholders that there was a hiccup in the development of the eternal engine but if they were to go on moving at this pace, they most likely will be ahead of schedule.
The second month was still painful. He managed to not think of her as much, working like normal and doing overtimes like usual but it was when he was alone and at home, lying on his bed under the dark and his eyes scanned through her messages from the GHS that he felt he truly miss her. Alvin invited him for a drink, and they drink and laugh and cry and fight and laugh again and when he passes out on Alvin's couch, waking up with the worst hangover in his life and remembered that he had a meeting that day, kicking the man up as he dashed to his lab and pray that he doesn't smell to much like vomit and manages to somehow present it appropriately, he still misses her.
He missed her a lot, every day. But like many things in his life, he learned that all he can do is just try to go ahead with it rather than ignoring it. It still hurts whenever he thinks of her, but the pain keeps him going and for that fact, he was grateful.
The third month, he saw his local book store was having a sale. He peered inside and on the best seller section; he saw her book, the second volume of her series, selling like hot cake. The buyers, to the surprise of him were people from different demographic; Rieza Maxians, Elympians, children, man and woman. He couldn't help but feel proud of her and glad. People actually love her books.
He felt a finger poke his left shoulders, and when he turned, he saw the maw of a monster and it was too late. There's only darkness now.
"Jude!" the monster said as it chews on his face. "I miss you!"
"Damn it, Teepo, get off my face!"
With great force and greater strength, he managed to get the thing off his face and he saw the smiling face of Elize.
"Jude!" her face glowed, "It's been a long time!"
"Hey," he smiled. "Nice to see you too, Elize."
"What about me, what about me?!"
"Yeah, yeah. Hi, Teepo."
They stopped by a coffee shop near the book store as he listened to Elize and Teepo, talking about their life, what's happening then; a simple catch up. She was taller now, almost sixteen. Head reaches just below his nose, hair long and a black ribbon on her head, she looked well, beautiful even. And as her eyes shine with her stories, the colors change from excitement, to embarrassment and sometimes anger, he felt a slight moment of proud and glad. He was happy she turned out so well.
"So, what are you doing here, Jude?"
"Well," he scratched his head. "Nothing much, just browsing for books to read."
"Have you tried Leia's book?" Her eyes suddenly glistened in excitement.
"Elize love it so much, she reads it every day before going to sleep!"
"It's just that good. You should read it!"
He just laughed at that as he resumed drinking his tea. "I never know you were into romance, Elize."
There's a pretty blush on her cheek as she fiddled with her fingers. "It's not that at all. It's just that the story was nice."
"Elize was into romance lately because she suspected a boy in her class fancy her!"
"Teepo!"
He spurted the tea in the most ungraceful manner, "What?!"
It was not that foreign a thought, a boy fancying Elize. Elize, even when he met her all those years ago have been pretty, anyone could see that. Leia used to mention that she was jealous of her skin; pale like snow, and the color of her hair. Leia used to mention that Elize will grow up to be a very beautiful woman and that man all over will fall on her heels.
He did agree on her on some of that, but he didn't realize it will be that soon.
"So, uhh. Is that so?"
The girl was blushing a pretty red, "It's not like that at all! It's just that he always helps in class and sometimes walks me home. But that's it!"
"Okay,"
He felt this sudden weird feeling of annoyance. Who is this boy, and what is his game?
"And then this one time, he asked Elize for dinner and pay for her meal!"
"Teepo, that was supposed to be a secret!"
"Teepo, tell me everything about that boy, now!"
"Will do, best bud!"
"Both of you, stop it!"
The girl later clamped and won't say anything at all with regards of that matter. He apologized to her then and the girl just smiled.
"I know that you're worried about me, but I'll be fine. I have Teepo with me!"
"Yup, and if he does anything funny, there's a reserved part of my stomach for just that."
He just laughed then. They talked until it was quite late and offered to walk her home. She declined, saying that she's meeting her friends for dinner, a fact that Teepo confirmed. As he bid her farewell, Teepo suddenly came and whispered to him.
"You want to know something about him?"
"Hmm?"
"He reminds me a lot of you,"
"Sorry?" he couldn't hear it.
"Night night, Jude the brood!" and the plushy gulped his face again.
The girl and her weird friend waved at him and they went their way, talking like usual and he just sighed. His eyes went to the book store, seeing the owner preparing to close down. Acting on 'what-the-hell' he went straight inside and bought the books.
On the third months when he truly misses her, he bought the volumes of her series. When he arrived home, took his bath, ate his dinner, he sat on his bed and turned on the first page. The introduction page just reeks of her, with her long winded expression and the energy and he burst out laughed at the first page which was written,
'To friends, colleagues and family who helped me and bear with me in the completion of this book, I thank you. Except you, Jude. I'm not even going to pretend that you helped!'
And when he finally started reading it, he enjoyed it immensely. Her language was gentle and warm and her characterization, while sometimes cliché', he enjoyed how she writes them, their emotion, their fears and how she portrays certain tragedies. She had flair with the dramatic, that much is certain but to turn that drama into something that means something, he had to give credit to her.
He reads the two books end to end and when he was done, he was shocked by the fact that he actually enjoyed it. She must've done considerable amount of research to actually write all this and the fact that she managed to finish them in just mere two years is a feat for itself. A part of him was quite jealous of her, managing to complete this even in her hectic day life. But the other part of him, the part that puts the book at corner of his shelves, where his eyes can catch it easily just missed her.
It's been three months now, and after finishing her books, he still misses her.
On the fourth month, Balan surprised him with the news that a major corporation offered to use their prototype engine. He was laughing with him as the whole lab cheered and shouts. They wanted to see the engine the next day and Balan wished for Jude to lead the presentation and he gladly accepts it.
"We're one step closer, Jude." Balan told him. "If we're successful, this engine will be used for home appliances!"
He laughed at that. Through the noise and laugh of the lab, he heard his GHS rang. It was a message from Alvin.
'Jude, my guy just saw Leia in Leronde. Drinks on you this Saturday.'
His heart fell. Feeling cold and nervous he turned to Balan. "Balan, I gotta run. I'll see you tomorrow morning."
The man just smiled and waved at him as he dashed towards the harbor. His feet couldn't run fast enough as he counted that pace and the second it took to finally reach the harbor and the ticket counter. A boat journey to Leronde takes about five hours, give or take but he just risked it, buying the ticket and jumped on the boat without any second thought. His hands are shaking, he felt the cold down to his back and as he stares at the orange sky and the sound of the engine, he wished for the boat to move faster.
He reached Leronde harbor at ten at night. The harbor was still busy and the sailors were readying for their final boat to Elympios. He moved faster, avoiding the crowds and sailors as he smelled the familiar scent of the harbor and ocean and when his eyes saw the entrance to his town, his legs stop.
It was like looking at a photo, something so surreal. He could hear his heart beat as he saw again her brown hair, her white skin, her green eyes and standing under the dim light of the moon and the sounds of boats from a distant, his breath stop and he finally see her again. He walks to her, seeing her eyes gleamed and as she walks towards him, he drink into her form and his heart beats again.
"Hey," she said, her voice sounded distant and soft, rang into his head and his chest like bells.
"Hey," he manage to voice out, surprised by the sound of his own voice. "I didn't realize you'll be waiting."
"Alvin texted me. Said that he got a present for me at the harbor."
"And is that what you want?"
Her smile was solemn and sad, "More than anything."
He could only smile at that. He lets out a deep breath he never thought he was holding and for that moment, breathing felt easier.
"Will you be here long?" she asked.
"No, actually."
"Hmm?"
"25 minutes,"
"What?"
"25 minutes and then I'll take the last boat."
She lets out a laugh that sounds honest and sad and he couldn't help but only smile at that.
"We've met for the first time in months and that's the joke you come up with?"
"It's not a joke,"
Her laugh died, "What?"
"It's not a joke. We only have about 25 minutes and then I'll have to go back."
Her eyes wide and her cheeks pale. "Why?"
"I just want to see you," he manage to say. "Even if it's 25 minutes."
Her eyes wide and her pupil darken and he saw her face tense as she turned away. "That's not fair," she breathed, her voice shakes. "You always do this."
"Sorry,"
Before he realized it, she buried her head into his chest, feeling her body tense and shakes. "Every time. Every time I try to let go, you just have to do that didn't you?"
She was crying now, her body shivers and he hear her whimper, and he could only held her then, caressing her head and her brown hair as she cries on his chest.
She finally calmed down as they sat on one of the benches, the ones they always sit at and he thought he could see the whole star and the world. She was leaning on his right shoulder, her hand in his as her cry dries out. He felt warm and his heart swell and the scent of her fill his senses and he never thought he could breathe this easy.
"I miss you," he said to her then, feeling her hands hold him tighter.
"I miss you too," she said.
He just smiled at that.
"I tried moving on from you, you know?" she began.
"Yeah,"
"I tried, going on dates with other guys, laughing with them, planning the next one with them, I did all that."
"I know,"
"And then you had to do something stupid that renders them all insignificant and before I know it, I fall for you again."
"Sorry,"
"You asked me before right, the checklist of my perfect man. Well, how can I think of that when all I could think of was you?"
"Sorry,"
"Sometimes," he heard her sniffed, "Sometimes, I wish I was Milla, that I can be everything you ever wanted and be loved by you beyond all else."
"Hey, don't say that, okay?"
She was crying again and burry her face in his shoulder. It was heartbreaking, seeing her like this, the always strong Leia crying for him and he hated himself for the being the cause of this, loathe it for the fact thinking that she was heartbreakingly beautiful, even with her tears.
"Sorry," she said, among her tears and her wheeze, trying to stop herself but failing. "You only have 25 minutes and I waste it all by crying."
"It's okay. If you didn't cry, I think I would."
She laughed at his pathetic attempt of a joke as she wiped her eyes and face, and she willed herself not to cry. She leaned again on his shoulder and he never thought he could feel more comfortable with her around.
"So," he asked, trying to change the subject. "How long will you be here?"
"Until tomorrow. I'm going to Mon Highlands later."
"Mon highlands?"
"Yeah, my story would lead them to a cold terrain place. How else would I write if I myself didn't know how it feels?"
He laughed at that as she slips her hand into his again.
"So," he asked. "When will I see you again?"
"I don't know," She answered honestly as her fingers tighten. "Someday soon, I imagine."
"Yeah,"
"Don't miss me too much, okay?"
"I'll try,"
They didn't talk for the remaining of his time. Hands clasped together and he felt her beside him, it was more than enough for him. She didn't have to say anything, he's just glad and utterly relieved that she's here now and at that time and that place, that's the only thing he ever wanted.
A ship in the distant honks as the sailor shouts. The boat for Elympios is ready for boarding.
"Already?"
"Yeah, I guess."
25 minutes have never moved this quickly before. He was about to go when her hands hold him in and he turned to her.
"Hey, can I ask you a favor?"
He just smiled at her, "Sure, anything."
There's an obvious strain in her eyes, as she looked straight at him and he feel her fingers tense. "Just this once, please. Just really look at me."
His heart stops for her and he saw the slight tear in her eyes. Her hand in his, eyes set, his left hand trails the tears from her eyes and her cheeks flush and underneath the moonlight and the dim night light, she had never looked more beautiful. His forehead against her, nose to nose and as he felt her breath on his, he finally reached her lips, claiming her breath and she breathed with him, her hands around his neck and her body arches.
Trying to fall in love with Leia Rolando was easy. He never tried it because he knows it's unfair to her and to him, and if he ever let his guard down, the gravity of her would pull him in and he could never walk away and in that instant as his senses filled with her scent and her breathes, he thought to himself that maybe, he was already in her gravity a long time ago.
There's a moment during their childhood that he never told anyone; not Leia or Milla or Alvin or even Ludger, a simple memory that he would never forget. They were eleven then, still children and foolish, thinking themselves the kings of summer and the whole world was theirs to have and to rule.
A rare instance of carelessness caused her to twist her ankle and she almost cried. She was taller than him then but still, as she groan and moan, massaging her feet as she tried to make it better, he offered his back to her, saying that he'll carry her to town.
"No, it's fine. Jude, just tell my mom I'm here and she'll be here in a flash."
"No Leia, I am not leaving you now hurry up."
There's a moment of hesitation in her part, another rare moment before she gritted her teeth and climb on his back, yelping a moment of pain as he steadies her and stood up, beginning her walk. She was not as heavy as he thought she would be, tall Leia with her brown hair and green eyes and a smirk that can end worlds and in that moment in time, it was the first time he realized that Leia was a girl.
"Leia, you can cry if you want to."
"I'm not crying!"
"You sure? I promise I won't tell anyone."
"I am not crying!"
He remembered laughing then. "If I were you, I would definitely cry."
"Well, good for you I'm not a crybaby."
He just laughed it out. The distant from this part of the wood and his clinic was not far but he remembered then, it felt longer than it should be but he didn't mind.
"Hey," Leia called him. "Thanks for carrying me,"
"No problem. If it happens to me, I'm sure you would've done the same."
"Yeah, and maybe you'll cry the whole way."
He laughed again.
"To be honest," she began. "I actually feel like crying."
"So, why didn't you?"
"I don't know. Something about your voice just calmed me, I suppose."
"Well, thanks?"
They arrived in town approximately ten minutes later. His mom as usual over worry about her condition and his and asked him to call her parents while his dad was stoic as usual. Her mother came in later with her dad. She was laughing as usual, telling them that pain is a good teacher, a fact that his mother disagree with as she tried to explain to her how major a broken bone could be.
Amidst the whole shout and laugh as he saw Leia smiled nervously, trying to calm her own mother down, he remembered feeling relieved as he saw her doing well. It was then when her dad, stoic as he can be sits beside him, arms crossed and eyes sharp and he suddenly felt tense as his back straightened. Mrs. Rolando was the scariest woman he had ever met but her dad, while kind and gentle, he always felt this tense stare whenever he met him.
"So," Mr. Rolando began; his voice deep. "You carried Leia all by yourself to town?"
"Yeah," he answered nervously. "I didn't want to leave her by herself while I get help."
"That's good," the man sighed. "If left to herself, she would definitely cry."
He lets out a pathetic laugh then.
"You're a bit wishy-washy, Jude. But, you're a great man like your dad."
"Uh, thanks."
Strong hands on his shoulder, her father stare straight to him. "Leia's a handful, but I'm counting on you."
He didn't understand anything then, nor did he comprehend the gravity of his words. But when he nodded to him and said, "I will," he was certain of it. It's a silent promise he made to himself and as he heard her laugh then, he was certain of it.
He will care for Leia for the rest of his life.
Author's Note: When they first announced Leia, I was not really keen on her character, even if she was voiced by the lovely Saori Hayami. And then I finally played the game, and god, she was such a charming character. It's a pity that Jude didn't even look at her in the first game but I was glad that they actually shows that he cares about her in parts of the second game.
Anyway, thank you for reading. Please leave a comment or review or PM and take care.