What Do You Want From Me?

Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing. Nothing. All rights go to Donald Bellisario and Jerrod Niemann. I am only playing around with the song and characters.

A/N: I see this taking place between Kill Ari part two and Under Covers. Warning for spoilers... And yes, Adrian is what I am guessing is the name of the mysterious red head Gibbs is seeing during seasons one and two and for a few episodes in season three. I own nothing. Not the lyrics, not the song, not the characters, and not the theme. All rights go to their respective owners.

A/N:Okay I was forced to remove the lyrics. If you wish to see the full version, PM me and I will send it to you from there so you can see the full version. I apologize to those who have already read it and are wondering what happened to the lyrics... I'm sorry.

I was sanding my boat, the Kelly, when my phone rang. I swore, not wanting to hear anyone's voice while I mourned over Special Agent Caitlin Todd. But I knew better than to break my own rule number three, "Never Be Unreachable". I picked it up and glanced at the caller ID, my breath catching in my lungs. Jenny Shepard, the new director of NCIS... I swore, suddenly wishing that Adrian was coming home tonight... I swallowed before answering the phone. "Hello?"I answered.

"Hello Jethro. Is this a bad time?"I heard her sweet voice ask. I steadied my breathing so she wouldn't know the effect she still had on me, even after all these years. 'Remember, she left you. In Paris. With a "Dear John" letter. Don't forget that.'I reminded myself. I found myself flashing back to Paris. The stolen kisses, the hugs, the love we showed towards each other. How she would hold me close to her every time after we made love. They way she smiled so warmly and affectionately when she looked at me. I shook my head, remembering that I needed to answer her.

"No... It's not. But I wanna know why the director of NCIS is calling me. Do I have a case I need to be working on, Madame Director?"I asked, albeit more harshly than I meant. Even through the phone I could tell she was trying to re-compose herself.

"No. No case. I was just wondering if two old partners could catch up. You know, see what we've missed in each others lives."Jenny offered. I sighed, finding an old mason jar and filling it up with bourbon. I had a feeling that I would need it after this train wreck.

"Jen. Now is not Paris. I don't mind catching up with you, but you know for a fact what it does to me to hear your voice, to see you. And I really don't like being played."I responded, again much harsher than I intended. I could see her biting her lip.

"Jethro... I just want to talk, I promise it won't be anything inappropriate. After all I am your boss and would rather keep a professional relationship with you, which is why I want to catch up, to be sure that we can be professional..."Jen coaxed me into it. I sighed, and against my better judgment, I tell her that I don't mind catching up...

I could hear the smile in her voice. "Great. I'll see in you in about twenty. Thank you Jethro. For giving me the chance to see how well our professional relationship will work. I appreciate it."Jen thanked me, hanging up. I swore and drank down the bourbon I poured, needing something to take the edge off of the conversation. 'Why in the world would you invite her here? After everything she did to you? What is wrong with you?'the little voice in my head asked. I shrugged. I don't know... Maybe because... A part of me was still in love with her...

I felt myself going back to the last night we had spent in Serbia. We had made love one more time that night. And she told me she loved me. When I woke, she was gone. I thought she had already gotten on our plane. I had went, only to find she had left the mink coat I had managed to buy her that Christmas, with a small letter in the pocket. The "Dear John". Getting up, I went over to a little tool box I had.

Opening it up, I saw the things I've kept over the years. Some served as reminders of what to never do again, others served as the pieces of me I couldn't get back ever again. Like a photo of Shannon and Kelly before I deployed to Kuwait the last time. Photos of all of us, Kelly, Shannon, and me. A cassette tape of Kelly playing the piano. The letter that told me they had passed away, they had been murdered. And among all these items, was the letter that Jen wrote. I picked it up, going to read it...

I hesitated before I unfolded it, deciding it would be better to just leave it in the box. Wasn't much longer when I heard a car pull up. Jen's more than likely. I sighed and got up, heading for the living room to let her in. The red head smiled when I opened the door, letting herself inside

"Thank you for allowing me in Jethro."she greeted. I forced a smile, making myself not react to the fact she was here, with me. Trying to remember that I was in a relationship with Adrian... Although Jen and I didn't speak long. Twenty minutes tops catching up. Then she left. I was alone. Again. I went back into the basement, ready to have a few more cups of bourbon...

I was finally over the fact Jenny Shepard had wormed her way back into my life, that she was the director now. Thrice in the last month, she had screwed me over, breaking my rule number one "Never Screw Over Your Partner". But then again, she would argue that I'm not her partner anymore, instead I'm her employee... But still...

First, she made me go and talk to Kyle Boone. That was something I never wanted to do again. Just talking to him made chills go down my spine, and if I didn't know any better or if I shared Abby's beliefs, I would swear that monster was Ted Bundy incarnate. But Jen made me speak to him, made me play his stupid little mind games... And in the process we almost lost another agent, Special Agent Paula Cassidy. Thankfully Paula can hold her own.

Then Jen had the gall to add in a Mossad liaison officer into my team. We haven't yet got over Kate, and now she wants to bring in someone else? How dare she?! And to make it worse, the liaison officer is Mossad officer Ziva David. She was Ari Haswari's half-sister. And Ari killed Kate... And Ziva killed Ari... To save me... Which is what's gonna make this more than slightly awkward...

And the last thing Jen did to screw me over... She didn't consciously do... Adrian found out that Jen had been over to the house, that I had in a way invited Jen to the house... And she was certain that I was still seeing Jenny Shepard while I was seeing her... Which is a lie! But the red head wouldn't listen to me, instead she walked out the door...

All this is probably why I agreed to go out with Ducky tonight. I needed the fresh air away from the basement, a good friend to pull me free from the darkness I've been seeing more of lately. My old friend smiled and listened as I ranted on and on about everything, ranging from my initial shock of Jenny's sudden re-appearance in my life to Adrian walking out of it. He was sympathetic, offering up his best advice. But we both knew I was going to need more than this, especially after what happened the last time Jennifer Shepard was in my life, and that I didn't really have any close friends who could be there exactly twenty-four/seven... That I was gonna have to distract myself to survive...

I walked into Jen's office, going to give her the case report I owed her. She was on the phone when I walked in, about to hang up, but I heard her murmur "I love you too."before she hung up. I handed her the report. She smiled sweetly. "And which case report is this again Jethro?"she asks. I focus on the question even though every inch of me is screaming to ask her about the phone call.

"It's Tony and Ziva's accounts of what happened at the hotel. And mine and McGee's accounts of the step by step instructions we gave them. Here are the reports. Who were you talking too a minute ago?"I asked nonchalant. I had to know. Jenny smirked. A very cruel smirk.

"I'm glad we wrapped up the case before the FBI had a chance to leak it all. And as for the phone call... If you really have to know, Jethro, it was my boyfriend, Daniel. We've been seeing each other for quite some time now..."Jen let me know. I nod, biting my tongue to keep from swearing at her, to keep from acting as if I was a jealous lover. After all, what claim did I have on the lovely redhead? None.

I turned and left, not wanting to embarrass my self further by asking more about this Daniel guy...

I began sanding my boat again, downing the bourbon, refusing to let her surface in my mind anymore. But it didn't help. I was still thinking about her, and that guy... Daniel... Who was he anyway? What did he do for a living? Was he good to her? Those questions kept swimming around in my head. I took a nice long swig of the bourbon, letting it burn down my throat. Hoping I would forget.

My mind kept showing me the memories of her. The first night she stayed here, helping me with the boat, the first time we made love in that little attic in Marseillaise. When she first told me she loved me... When she first kissed me, how her kisses felt against me.

I swore out loud and hit the palm of my hand against the newly sanded wood skeleton of the boat, feeling the sting. How could I be so stupid? How did I let her worm herself back into my heart when she isn't even mine anymore? Why did I have to care about her? Why? I shook my head, laying down on the floor, hoping the coolness of the floor will help me relax. A realization hit me. I had lost Jenny Shepard again...

My cell phone went off. I groaned, pulling myself up from the floor. Glancing at the caller ID, I made out a name. I swore loudly again. Jenny Shepard. This has to make the fiftieth time she's called me 'just to chat' this month. "What do you want?"I asked, this time I wasn't the least bit upset that I was harsh to her. She was making me miserable, why shouldn't I return the favor? I could tell she was biting her lip, and was possibly in tears by the way she spoke.

"I didn't know this was a bad time Jethro... I was just wondering if... You had time to talk..."she stuttered out.

"What is it Jen? Because right now isn't a good time. You know, I was hoping you would leave me alone tonight. Especially since I just found out about Daniel. I honestly don't know what you want from me when you have him. What is it? You wanna know if I miss you? Because I will admit that I do. That I'm happy with the way things are? Because you know what?! Yeah I'm glad you found someone that you can actually put ahead of that stupid five point plan crap you had. What do you want from me?"I practically yelled at her. Those were things I probably never would've said if it wasn't for all that bourbon I downed. Thank goodness for liquid courage huh?

"J-Jethro... Are you drunk? Do... You really feel that way?"she asked, timid. But I could hear the tears in her voice and swore mentally. I made her cry. I sighed, raising up.

"I may have had a glass or five of bourbon... What's wrong?"I asked, not apologizing to her or answering her other questions. Rule number six "Never Say You're Sorry" and rule number thirty-six "If You Think You're Being Played, You Probably Are". And I sure felt like I was being played by her every time we talked. I heard her sniffle.

"He walked out on me Jethro... We had a huge fight and... He left... Said he never wanted to see me again... Oh Jethro... Can I come over? Maybe have a glass or two of bourbon myself? Please? Misery loves company after all.."she pleaded. I put my head in my hands and without thinking, I answered her.

"Sure... Come over..."

It wasn't long before I heard a knock on my door. I answered it, instantly greeted by Jenny Shepard, and before I had time to process anything to say or do, she kissed me. Hungrily and full of desire. And I didn't stop her. I even let her lead in the kiss, even began kissing her back. Memories flooded back, of Paris, of her letter, of Serbia. But none of that mattered to me anymore.

All that mattered to me right now, was that Jenny was once again kissing me with fervor as she did so many years ago, and that her skin was against mine. A part of me was saying how wrong this was. She was most definitely drunk and on the rebound, that she was just gonna leave again. That I was drunk and in a way, taking advantage of her; that I was just making myself spiral towards another heartbreak...

But I could care less right now, as I head towards absolute bliss. Jen kissing down my neck as I pull her ever closer to me, wanting her closer, loving how her skin feels against mine...

I woke up the next morning, bright and early as usual, my head pounding because of the hangover I probably now had. There was something out of place though... The beautiful redhead that was now laying her head on my chest, curled into me as I was into the couch. Jen. I swore softly, realizing that I really did sleep with her last night, that I let her use me to get over her loneliness, her needs. I carefully got up, making sure she was still asleep on the couch while I got dressed.

That pounding was still in my head, but I had to get her to leave before I went back to sleep. Had to... But she was already gone by the time I made my way back downstairs, a little note on one of the throw pillows. I picked it up, already dreading what I was gonna read.

Dear Jethro,

I wished to apologize for last night, though I know how you feel about apologies... I was most definitely vulnerable last night and used you to try and make things better... I hope it doesn't ruin our professional relationship, and that it doesn't make you think any less of me... And I'm sorry, that I hurt you again... But you were the only one I knew I could go to, and you were drunk... Which made it easier for me to take what I wanted... I'm sorry Jethro, that this had to happen like this again...

-Director Jennifer Shepard of NCIS

I shook my head. I knew it. I knew this was all a bad idea. I should've known better than to let her take advantage of me... And she wants me to forgive her for all this? Bull. Rule forty-two "Never Accept An Apology From Someone Who Just Sucker-Punched You". And yes, I know I probably could've stopped her last night if I wanted too... And the truth is, I did to be with her again... But I had hoped... That maybe she would stay this time...

But no. No this was just some plan she activated to help her get through the night, to help her through loneliness and want. And I let her. Stupid. 'I tried to warn you... But you're to stubborn to listen to me..' the little voice in my head reminded me. I trashed the note. Yeah, I did try to warn myself... But still... I had hoped... 'See...? You hoped what happened to Shannon and Kelly was a lie. You hoped scuttlebutt was lying when it said Diane was sleeping around with an FBI agent named Tobias Forenell. And now you had hoped she wanted you back, that she still loved you like she claimed she did last night. Hope is bad. It makes you hurt.'the voice answered.

I shook my head, feeling my eyes water up. I had trusted her... I was still in love with her... And I let her use me as a rebound... I let myself be used... I felt the tears fall down, and I wiped them away, going to the basement. All I needed was to sand my troubles away, and perhaps have a few drinks of bourbon... Couldn't make me feel worse than I did... Could it...?

I made it home okay, going into my father's old study. I sat down in the chair, pouring me a glass of bourbon. I bit my lip. Boy did I ever feel sleazy. I just used Jethro to make myself feel better... All it did though... Was make me feel worse... How could I do this to him again? 'Because you knew for a fact he was still in love with you, that he was drunk...' I answered myself, feeling even more sleazy.. What made it worse was that I still love him too.

I wanted to stay. I wanted to wake up with him beside me. I wanted to be his again. But that would just complicate things more, make it worse when we fell apart again. And I do know we would have eventually fallen apart again.

It was for the best this way.. Even if my eyes are blood shot and tired, with tears pouring down. The guilt racking up. It would be for the best. I'd be proven that eventually when one of us found someone who would be perfect for the other. Why jinx it all?