I hope you enjoy this story, and Happy Easter!
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"Uggggghhhhh dad, I'm too old for Easter," Nicky groaned, flopping himself down on the information desk. "I mean, I like candy and gifts and all that, but do we HAVE to hide…" He paused, counting the cartons of eggs on the floor and desk. "Seventy-dozen eggs?"
"It's a bit more than seven-dozen," Larry sighed. "Come on, Nicky- it's not that bad. At least we got them all boiled and dyed at home."
"Ugh," Nicky mumbled. "We spent so much time on the eggs, dad, that I didn't even get to play my game."
Larry inwardly sighed. All his sone ever seemed to now was play that stupid game of his. "Nicky, we're going to spend time with our family tonight. Your game can wait."
"But I've almost beat it!" Nicky whined. "I could've beat it tonight!"
Larry raised an eyebrow, lowering the egg carton he held in his hands. "And what'll you do when you beat the game?"
"Get another one," Nicky answered simply. "Duh, dad."
With another sigh, Larry rubbed his eyes. Nicky had been the nicest, sweetest boy- until fourteen hit. Suddenly he thought he was the world. Maybe Erika was right- maybe he was having a hard time raising him.
"Look, I don't want to argue about this tonight," Larry grumbled aloud. "Nicky, take some of the eggs and start hiding them, would you? I'm going to set up."
Nicky sighed, rolling his eyes. "Fiiiine."
Larry watched his son retreat to the North American Hall and sighed. Where had he gone wrong? Nicky use to love Easter. It was one of his favorite holidays- next to Christmas. How could he forsake it so easily?
With another sigh, Larry took the rest of the eggs and began to methodically hide them. Some in the potted plants, some behind podiums, a few in the restroom, and one or two around the exhibits themselves. He made sure to avoid putting any around the cavemen- he did not want a repeat of the Saint Patrick's Day Incident.
After his eggs were in their places, he left out of the museum's doors and went to his car. He lifted a box of decorative baskets, cases of Peeps, and streamers. He had managed to buy a few chocolate rabbits, some Cadbury eggs, and a carrot cake that should be somewhat good. Oh, yeah- and Hopper.
Larry almost cringed at the sight of the giant rabbit suite, recalling the days he had been forced to wear it in his younger days as a sign twirler. Ugh. The memories. But this year, he would not be the one wearing it. Oh, no- this year, it would fall on the shoulders of another unfortunate soul.
Time to decorate. He started with the streamers, taping them up along the stair banisters, the ceiling, and along the desk. Next, he cleared off the top of the desk and set out the food- red and pink punch, the cake, the chocolate, a bowl of jellybeans and, of course, deviled eggs.
"Dad, I hid all the eggs," Nicky said, climbing back down the stairs with his arms full of empty cartons.
"Great." Larry smiled. "Hide them in the maintenance closet."
"Won't McPhee be upset?" Nicky asked, raising his eyebrows.
"We'll clean them up," Larry promised.
With Nicky busy doing that, Larry set himself to the task of labelling and filling the goodie baskets for each exhibit. For the miniature civilizations, he took one large basket and filled it with all sorts of little things they might like- candy, Matchbox cars, rolls of fabrics, and little pictures Larry had printed out to use as posters for any crazy, miniature fans.
For the Neanderthals, he had the bright idea of giving them keychain flashlights- it was better than fire, and a lot less dangerous.
Teddy got some nature magazines and a brush for Texas, as well as some hat cleaner and a new pair of leather gloves.
Sacagawea got a beaded jewelry set, a knitted blanket that Larry just had to get rid of at some point so he would have more room in his closet, and a pair of new moccasins.
The huns got baskets full of furs, and each one had a stuffed animal of some sort in them. Mainly wolves, bears, moose, and deer.
Ahkmenrah's basket had a Beethoven CD, a case of Oreo cookies, an adventure book, and a crossword puzzle. Random items at best, but it was all Larry could think of. Ahkmenrah would like it.
FInishing with the baskets, Larry sighed contentedly and picked up old Hopper. It would be waking time soon. Hopefully, this would go well. It just had to go well, or he was royally in the dog house. No one wants a St. Pattie's Day Incident Part II.
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Jed yawned as he unfroze, letting his arms fall to his sides. The three men around him wandered off to do their own things, like they normally did, and left their leader to his evening routine.
Being a "simple man", Jed's first evening need was the restroom. Lucky for him, the outhouse nearby was vacant. Next, he needed some breakfast. A cup of black coffee, a biscuit, and enough bacon to wipe out the pig population. When he was finished eating, he pulled put on his hat and set about the night's chores.
There were horses to break in, homes to build, banks to protect, bandits to catch, wells to dig, pigs to breed, and eggs to collect.
Wait a minute. Eggs. Eggs….Easter!
Jed almost squealed with excitement. He had almost forgotten it was Easter! Who in their right mind forgot about that? Wait, if it was Easter, then there was something he had to do- something he had promised himself he would do last year.
Barely able to contain his excitement, Jed walked to the other side of the diorama and called out to Miss Cassidy Ann. Cassidy was the local chicken breader, and no doubt had plenty of eggs. That was good. He only needed one or two.
"Hey, Miss Cass," Jed said, leaning against the chicken-wire and wood fence.
Cassidy Anne straightened up, a hen in the crook of her left arm. She smiled and waved at Jed.
"Evenin', Jed! Happy Easter!" She called to him.
"Happy Easter to yah, too." Jed smirked. "'Ey, Cass- ya wouldn't 'appen tah 'ave any eggs fer me this evenin', do yah?"
Cassidy thought for a moment, tapping her chin. "Hmm...I've got some yah can have. How many yah need?"
"Jus' two," Jed said qucikly. He was so excited for his little plan, he had a hard time standing still. Cassidy noticed this.
"What's this year's plan?" She asked, handing him two of the freshly laid eggs from the coop.
"Oh, yah know, a lil' scramblin', a lil' laughin', a lil' prankin'..." Jed trailed off.
Cassidy sighed, shaking her head. "Poor Octavius."
Jed smirked. "It ain' gonna be that bad. He ain't allergic tah eggs."
"He should be allergic tah you, fer 'is own good." Cassidy joked.
Jed feigned a hurt look, putting his hand over his heart. "Ouch."
"Oh, git' out'a here," Cassidy scolded with a smirk.
Jed tipped his hat to her, gently putting the eggs in his jacket pocket. "Thanks, Miss Cass."
With his eggs now safely tucked away, it was time to execute his plan. He trekked back across the exhibit, nodding to anyone who addressed him. Everyone knew he was up to something- he had that gleam in his eyes.
After crossing the tunnel into Rome, he found the city in a much more subtle mood than the West. At first Jed was puzzled, then he remembered that Easter, like many of the holidays moderners celebrated, was unknown to them. Ah well. They could still have some fun.
No sooner had he stepped into Rome, he spotted his Roman friend standing with his back turned to him, walking away after addressing a few of his soldiers. This was it.
Jed pulled one of the eggs from his pocket. He took a deep, stilling breath, and aimed at the back of his helmeted head. This was going to be good. When he was sure he could make the shot, he hurled the egg as hard as he could at the back of the Roman's head.
CRACK!
Poor Octavius stumbled forward in surprise, yellow egg splattering against the back of his helmet. He whirled around to face Jed's direction, and received a second egg- this one to the face. Jed fell down laughing, clutching his sides as he howled with laughter at his friend's surprise.
Octavius, however, did not smile. He was frowning, bits of egg and shell sliding down his cheeks. He had just cleaned his helmet, too. He spat out a gob of yolk, then whipped some of the egg from his eyes and mouth. So Jed wanted to play that game. Well, he was ready.
He casually raised his hand, and before Jed knew it, he had a basket full of sticky, cold eggs pelted down on him. It was his turn to look shocked.
The two egg covered men glared at each other, then burst out laughing. Octavius reached out his hand, helping his friend to his feet. Unfortunately, the ground was so slick with eggs, that they fell onto their backs and lost it.
When their laughter had died away, Jed glanced at his friend, a smirk on his face.
"Glad tah see yah takin' part in the fun fer a change," He chuckled.
"Well, I could not let you get away with egging me." Octavius pointed out. "Besides- over sixty years of knowing you has taught me a thing or two."
Jed laughed. "Nawh, yah don' know nothin' about me."
"Oh no," Octavius countered. "I know everything about you." To add emphasis to his words, he leaned towards his friend's ear and whispered, "Undergarments."
Jed's face paled, and he whipped his head around to gape at the Roman. "H-How did you?...Yah know, all mine were worn out an' all the store 'ad was the women's ones!" Octavius only laughed, and Jed frowned at him. "You're sure laughin' a lot, fer a guy who wear skirts."
Octavius, shaking his head and laughing, finally got to his feet. "Come; we must clean up and change before Larry comes to fetch us."
Jed nodded, and after throwing one more glob of yolk at his friend's face, scampered off to his own exhibit before Octavius could retaliate.
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Ahkmenrah was excited for tonight's festivities. It had been a long time since he had celebrated anything. Well, only about a week. He had just finished celebrating nine different Egyptian holidays. But all of those holidays were familiar to him.
This new holiday, this….Easter, was so...different. As with every holiday the pharaoh had known, this one seemed to have a deity to it. A rabbit, or so he gathered. A large, furry, white rabbit, that was somehow bipedal and granted those who saw it with the gift of eggs and sweets.
A peculiar creature, that rabbit. But there was still a question he had; why a rabbit? If it walked on two feet, was it half human and half beast, like the Egyptian ones? Maybe, it was a man of some sort, that had the head of a rabbit.
He shivered. The image was not all that scary, but more disturbing. The man-beast probably had some sort of large, fluffy tail sticking out of his-
Ewww…..gross. And the eggs? Why eggs? Birds came from eggs. So did reptiles. Surely, no one wanted a venomous snake hatching in their hands. That would not be good. Not at all.
The sweets were a nice touch- what was a festival without something yummy to eat? Not a festival, that is for sure. Larry had mentioned something about a Cad-Berry-Egg. According to him, it was a chocolate egg with cream in the center. A chocolate egg? What sort of creature laid chocolate eggs? A chocolate creature?
That was not all. There was the overuseage of baskets. Baskets were something that everyone needed. And, apparently, everyone got a basket at one point or another. But baskets were important tools that needed to be used to store foods like grain, wheat, and...eggs.
Wait. Baskets to store….chocolate eggs? It all made sense now!
"Larry!" Ahk called from the top of the stairs.
The night guard jumped slightly, knocking over one of the baskets he had so delicately prepared. He sighed. More work to do later.
"Hey, Ahk," He said with a smile. "Happy Easter."
"May the Easter be happy for you, too, Larry." Ahk replied. He was grinning just as widely. "Did the rabbit lay any eggs?"
Larry chuckled and shook his head. "No, Ahk- the rabbit doesn't lay eggs."
Ahk frowned, tilting his head to the side. "The...Bunny of Easter...doesn't lay the eggs?"
Larry laughed and shook his head. "No, Ahk. The Easter Bunny doesn't lay the eggs. He just comes and hides them."
Ahk's eyes widened to twice their size, and he gave a small gasp. "Did he come during the day to hide eggs for us?"
"He might have," Larry replied with a smirk. "When everyone else gets down here, we'll look for them." He turned his head as he heard Nicky coming back down the stairs. "There you are. Did you get them?"
Nicky nodded and set his hand flat against the information desk, allowing Jed and Octavius to climb down from his hand. "They smell like eggs," He commented, scrunching his nose in disgust.
Larry raised his eyebrows at them, but the two miniature leaders replied with smirks and snickers.
After a few more minutes of waiting, Teddy and Sacagawea emerged from the North American Hall, walking hand in hand. Sacagawea was wearing a rather fancy dress- it was a light-brown, and trimmed with flowers. She wore a wild flower wreath upon her head, and was wearing very mild makeup.
Teddy was wearing his usual garb, but his uniform was newly cleaned and tailored tight to his form. His hat had been polished down and placed carefully on his neatly combed hair. Even his boots were newly shined. He had taken a lot of time to craft himself in this way for the festive night. It was a shame.
"Oh, Teddy," Larry said, waving the president over to him.
Teddy, who had been expecting a formal greeting, or at most, one of Larry's hello-shoulder-pat. He glanced at Sacagawea, who smiled and gave him a gently nudge in Larry's direction.
"Hey, Nicky, do you mind starting the hunt when the Huns get here?" Larry asked quickly. He smiled when his son nodded.
Larry beamed at Teddy, and they disappeared into the night guard's office.
On the information desk, poor Jed was becoming terribly bored. He had been expecting their great hunt to start almost immediately. Waiting was not something he was good at, especially waiting for food.
"Jed, do not fidget," Octavius warned. "It is not all that polite."
"But I'm bored!" Jed whined. He flopped down onto the desk, his arms splayed out.
Octavius rolled his eyes. "Really, Jedediah- you act as if your life is so dull, so terrible, so boring-"
"Awh, c'mon, Ockie," Jed said, smirking up at his friend. "I'm jus' kiddin'. Damn yer a stick'n the mud sometimes."
Octavius bristled. "A stick in the mud? You are no better than...than...than a bump on a log!"
Jed laughed. "Nice try, Ockie, but I ain' buyin' it. Yer insults jus' ain' as good 's mine."
"Culus." Octavius muttered.
Jed frowned. "Don' you use Latin on me!"
"O, non, ego ridere ad me ursus!" Octavius sighed in a distressed tone.
"Wha' did ya jus' say ta me?" Jed demanded. "Yah'd better cut that out!"
"Interficiam de qua?" Octavius asked in as petty a voice as he could muster, studying his nails.
Jed growled. "Dammit Ockie."
Octavius smiled victoriously and crossed his arms. "Ego vicit."
Jed opened his mouth to reply, but he was cut off by the sound of pounding footsteps running down the stairs. To his miniature ears it sounded like a horrible rumble of thunder, or the sound of the Earth tearing itself apart in an earthquake.
But to everyone else, it just sounded like Attila and his men.
Nicky gave an irritated sigh. "About time you got here."
Attila did not know what the boy had said, but he caught the irritation in his voice. He crossed his arms, glaring at the boy.
"Can we look for the eggs now?" Ahk as hesitantly.
Nicky nodded. "The eggs have been hidden all over the museum. The person who finds the most eggs in half an hour wins a chocolate rabbit. Go!"
As the larger exhibits each grabbed a basket and scattered in various directions, the two miniatures frowned at each other as they realized something. Something important.
"Uhm...Nicky…" Octavius said, clasping his hands behind his back.
Nicky glanced at him. "Yeah?"
"Not to...be a bother, or anything, but-" He was cut off by Jed, who stepped up to his side.
"How're we s'possed to find an' gather anythin' wit' our size?" The cowboy asked.
Nicky frowned. He and his father had not thought of that. "Oh...uhm...here," He picked them up and set them down on his shoulder. Then, he picked up one of the baskets. "I'll walk around and you tell me if you see any. Then, I'll collect them for you."
Octavius smiled sincerely. "Thank you, Nicky. That is very kind of you."
Nicky shrugged. "No problem."
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Sacagawea was at an unfair advantage in this game of eggs. With her sharp eyes and careful movements, it was almost impossible for her to miss an egg. The exhibits had just started the hunt, and she had already found four eggs. A pink one, a blue one, a green one, and an orange one.
Birds were her favorite animal, and she knew all of their habits. Unlike Ahkmenrah, and a few of the other exhibits, she did not believe that a rabbit actually laid the eggs. No, they must have been laid by birds. And birds tended to nest in high places, or in very quite, very hidden places along the ground. This knowledge, she figured, would help her find what she was looking for.
At the moment, however, there was one egg she had laid eyes on that was just out of her reach. She sighed. Teddy would have been really useful at that time. That silly bird had laid an egg in the far back corner of the tribal weaponry display case!
Thinking carefully for a moment, Sacagawea considered her options. She could attempt to climb up and retrieve the egg, but there was nothing for her to climb on. Or, she could try to knock it off with something. But if she failed to catch it, the fragile gift from the bird would crack.
She finally made up her mind to attempt to climb. Setting her basket down on one of the wooden benches, she adjusted her dress, and leapt as high as she could. Missed. She tried again, and failed again. She leapt one more time, this time feeling her fingers catch on the wooden border of the display case.
Grinning with excitement, Sacagawea pulled herself up just enough for her to reach for the egg. It was rather far from her grasp, but she figured she could get it. Just a little farther….got it!
And then, she slipped. She gasped and grasped the edge of the display case, but slipped down it and landed onto the marble floor. Ouch. She rose to her feet, tenderly rubbing her back. She felt something oddly hard and round against her spine, and pulling her hand away, she found her fingers clasped tightly around the egg- a bright yellow one.
With a chuckled and a shake of her head, she set the egg among the others in her basket, now up to four. This would be easy.
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Attila, being the gentle giant he was, was finding this hunt to be more than a little challenging. It was almost fifteen minutes into the game, and he had found only one, measly little egg. And it was a cracked one, too. This Easter Bunny was not very fair to bearded Huns.
He just had to find more eggs, and fast. The Hun had very few weaknesses, and was one of the strongest exhibits in the museum. However, he did have ONE weakness- chocolate. He wanted that chocolate rabbit badly.
Ever since his last chocolate tasting, he had been deprived of the delicious sweet. It was as addicting as heatherbeer, if not more so, and was what he craved. It was sweet, and melted in his mouth. The best food in the world.
If only he could win that rabbit! But then, he knew, it was not all about winning- no, it was all about getting that rabbit into his belly.
Oh, if only he could find more eggs!...Wait a second.
Attila whirled around, his eyes landing on an old, Persian-style vase. If he were a rabbit, he would lay his eggs in a vase. He slowly moved forward, reaching his hand into the vase. His hand froze as he touched something rather odd feeling.
He carefully pulled out the strange object, and found it was a yellow egg carton. Of course, he had no idea what it was, but it was odd. He dropped it with a deep, heavy sigh. It was not an egg.
As he turned to move off into another part of the museum, he stopped when something cracked under his foot. Narrowing his eyes, he lifted his foot and found and egg. An egg! And he had crushed it!
Before he could panic, his eyes landed on the weird object he had picked up, and he found, to his amazement, eleven eggs inside of it! Eleven! He could not believe his luck. He gathered up the eggs, put them in his basket, and hurried to the next hall.
That chocolate rabbit was his!
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Unlike his friends, Ahkmenrah was having the best of luck. He had searched high and low, and had found so many eggs he simply could not count them. Eggs of all sorts of pretty colors, that reflected what he thought was the spirit of the rabbit that hid him.
He was still wondering about what Larry had meant when he said that the giant rabbit-god hid the eggs. That made very little sense to him. He had been under the impression that the man-rabbit bestowed his eggs upon worthy men to have and cherish.
But to hide them? That was not dignified- that was just plain silly. This rabbit must be wanting to play games with them. Unfair games. Unwinnable games. Well, he would win this game, but that was not the point.
His point was, in fact, that this "holy" rabbit was a pain in the butt. Hiding eggs and toying with men's feelings by placing them just out of reach and in places they would never think to find. It was just childish.
Although his feelings for this Easter Bunny were anything but friendly, Ahkmenrah had to admit that he was somewhat enjoying the search. It reminded him of games he use to play in Egypt when he was a boy. Ah, the memories. Hiding every little object he could and waiting for his big brother to find it after days of looking- hm. It was no wonder Kahmunrah had hated him so much.
All this hunting for eggs was making him tired, but Ahkmenrah could not give up now. He still needed to find more. He decided to look in a place none of the other exhibits would ever think to look.
Asking one of his jackal guards to give him a boost, the young prince climbed to the rafters above his exhibits, near the roof. A smart rabbit-man would hide his eggs somewhere out of reach of mortal men. High in the rafters was perfect.
In the moonlight, which illuminated his exhibit from a newly installed skylight, provided Ahkmenrah with enough light to see the shadowy clump in the corner, where the roof connected to the wall. Perfect.
He reached into the nest-shaped clump, and felt a sharp poke pierce his skin. He yelped and fell back, but was caught by his guard. The rabbit-god! Ahkmenrah raised his hands to defend himself as an angry mother bird pecked at him. A bird? In the museum? It must be one of the ones from the Hall of African Mammals. It must have flown out of its exhibit and roosted in his exhibit.
Grabbing up his basket of eggs, Ahkmenrah skidded out of his exhibit and charged back down the stairs. If the rabbit-man had hidden any eggs in that bird's nest, she could have them.
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"We're never goin' ta find any eggs," Jed sighed, slumping down on Nicky's shoulder.
"Do not think like that," Octavius urged in an encouraging tone. "We may yet find eggs."
"We've been at it fer, what, 'ow long?" Jed asked, lifting his eyes to Nicky.
The boy pulled his phone from his pocket and glanced at it. "Twenty-seven minutes."
"Twenty-seven minutes!" Jed gasped. "We only got three minutes lef'!"
"We will find something," Octavius promised. "I am sure of it. We must be patient."
"You know…" Nicky smirked, narrowing his eyes mischievously. "There IS an egg close by here."
Octavius blinked up at Nicky, an astonished look on his face. "You know where one is?"
Nicky nodded. "I...er...saw the Easter Bunny hide it. It's a really nice egg, and it's somewhere in this room…"
"THERE!" Jed shouted, pointing at the biggest egg the two miniatures had ever seen.
Octavius gaped at the large, purple egg, which had blue stripes around its width. "That...that egg is...massive…"
Nicky whistled. It WAS a large egg- the giant plastic one he and his father were planting as a joke, which would give the exhibit who found it an automatic victory in jellybeans.
"Can we git' the egg?" Jed asked hopefully.
Nicky nodded, and took the egg out of the glass case. Setting in the basket, it felt like it weighed a good seven pounds. If the Easter Bunny had REALLY laid that, then, ouch. He looked back at his phone. It had been thirty minutes. The other exhibits would be heading back to the lobby. He would meet them there to count the eggs, give the award, and see the big surprise his father had planned.
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After tallying up the eggs, the scores were in. Ahkmenrah had won, with a whopping forty eggs. Attila had come in second place with seventeen, while Sacagawea had roughly ten. The miniatures, though, had found the biggest egg, and were proud of it.
Although Ahkmenrah had one, he had not wanted the chocolate rabbit. He had taken one bite and decided it was just too sweet for him. So, he traded it with Attila for a pack of jelly beans from his basket. Sacagawea was not upset by her loss. After realizing that there were no baby birds in the eggs, and that they were hardboiled, she ate hers for a snack. And the miniatures, with their giant egg, began to feast on jelly beans. Poor Jed had gotten a black licorice one, and had hurriedly sifted through the giant beans to get them out before anyone else ate one.
With the prizes passed out and the exhibits happy, it was time to reveal their big surprise.
Larry peeked through his office door, watching his son begin to quiet the exhibits. They had just been given their baskets, and were now talking contentedly to each other in hushed, happy voices. He could not help but smile.
"Larry, are you sure this is really necessary?" Teddy asked, shifting uncomfortably. "Not to complain or anything, but this suit is very hot, rather itchy, and it smells like a horse ranch."
Larry snickered. "Oh, it's just for tonight, Teddy."
"It's hideous, Lawrence!" Teddy insisted, looking at himself in the mirror. "I mean, look at it! Is that red blush on the cheeks? And this bow tie-"
"The sooner you go out there, the sooner you can take it off," Larry added.
Teddy frowned at the night guard, but gave in. With a smirk, Larry slipped out of the room.
"Alright, guys!" Larry said, clapping his hands together to get his friends' attention. "I've got a very special surprise for you, one I think you'll enjoy." He paused, looking around at the exhibits' expectant and curious faces. "May I present to you, the Easter Bunny!"
The door to the office opened, and out hopped Teddy, in all his bunny glory. Floppy ears, bow tie, carrot in hand, and a big, fluffy tail.
There was silence for a moment, before Jed and Attila burst into laughter. Octavius gave the president a pitying look, while Ahkmenrah looked scandalized. And Sacagawea, recognizing who it was immediately, blushed and gave a small giggle.
Teddy forced a smile, then glared at Larry, who was also laughing. Nicky was on the floor rolling and howling with laughter, tears in his eyes as he laughed so hard he thought his sides would burst.
"TEDDY is the rabbit-god?" Ahkmenrah asked in confusion. "Or is that just the representation of him?"
"Gee, Mr. President," Jed laughed, wiping his eyes. "Wha' office do yah hold? Department'a Agriculture?"
"I am so sorry Larry put you through that," Octavius sighed.
Attila just slapped Teddy on the shoulder, still laughing.
"I think you look wonderful," Sacagawea said softly. She moved in front of him and moved one of the ears from his face, giving him a small kiss.
Teddy beamed. "Thank you, my dear. But this will not become an everyday look for me."
The rest of the exhibits laughed at this, and together, they enjoyed the festivities.
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Latin to English translations:
"Culus."- Asshole.
"O, non, ego ridere ad me ursus!" - Oh, no, I'm poking the bear!
"Interficiam de qua?" - Cut what out?
"Ego vicit."- I am victorious.
As much I love Octavius, he might be the real jerk here. XD