This is my first published Fanfic. It's a oneshot of John finding out Sherlock is alive after TRF. I wasn't particularly fond of the was John found out so I put my own spin on it. Hope you enjoy:)

***i do not own an of the BBC Sherlock characters. Rated M for safety.

...

Stillness. Pavement. Blood. So much blood. Who did it belong too? I flipped the body on the pavement over and fell backwards. No. No no no no it couldn't be! Not him! Anyone but him! But there were no mistaking those silver eyes, now staring vacantly at me. Those dark curls, now soaked in sticky red liquid. ...Sherlock.. No.. As a sob escaped my lips suddenly the corpse of my best friend shot up into a sitting position and looked at me with his blood covered face and dead eyes.

"John." He said his voice hauntingly hoarse. I was shocked speechless. "John.. Why?"

"Sherlock?"

"John.. Why?! Why didn't you save me?!" Sherlock shrieked. "John!" His eyes rolled back in his head and he began to shake violently. As I reached out to help unfamiliar arms wrapped around my shoulders and began pulling me away from Sherlock.

"No! No let me help him! Sherlock!" A chuckle resounded in my ear, a familiar chuckle. I pulled myself violently out of the arms of Moriarty. He chuckled at me again,

"You couldn't save him little soldier," he said in a mocking sing-song voice, "and now he's dead." He began to laugh hysterically, I looked back to Sherlock and he now was still, laying lifeless in a pool of his own blood. My heart dropped. Sherlock...

"No!" John screamed. He shot up, the bed sheets falling from his shoulders into his lap. A gentle hand lightly touched his shoulder. John turned to his fiancé, who looked shocked and concerned for him.

"John? Are you okay?" She asked quietly. John sighed and guiltily ran his fingers through his blonde hair, Mary had just fully moved in the night before and he felt horrible for exposing her to his violent nightmares already.

"Yes..yes I'm okay.. I'm sorry I woke you, I was having a nightmare.."

"Would you like to talk about it?" She asked gently.

"Uh.. Not at the moment. Thank you though, my dear." John said, tucking a stray of her platinum blonde hair behind her ear. "I think I'm gonna go for a walk.. Clear my mind a bit."

"Okay..be careful." John kissed Mary's forehead and quickly got dressed. He opened the door and Mary called out to him, "John?" He looked to her in question. "I love you." A smile pulled at the corners of his mouth.

"I love you too, Mary."

...

A cab ride and a short walk brought him to Baker Street. He hadn't intended on coming here but it's where he ended up. Mrs Hudson was undoubtably asleep, it was in the middle of the night, his former landlady was a very deep sleeper and likely wouldn't awake if he knocked and he didn't want to wake her, so John pulled out his key. Mrs Hudson had insisted he keep it, he unlocked the front door then froze when he heard the beautiful sound of a violin being played very softly. Perhaps Ms Hudson was awake and reminiscing Sherlock, she'd often listen to a recording of Sherlock playing when she wanted to remember the spirited detective. But as he closed the door behind him he realized that the music was coming from upstairs.. Perhaps Ms Hudson had been feeling particularly sentimental.

Nonetheless John was curious, he made his way up the stairs silently, all the times traveling up those stairs had lead him to know exactly where to step so that his footfall would be silent. He made his way up to his old flat and opened the already cracked door. He fully expected to find Ms Hudson sitting on the sofa listening to her tape on the stereo but he found something else entirely. He drew his gun and the tall figure standing in the window ceased playing at the click of the gun being switched off safety. The person was defiantly a man, John deducted, judging by the height and stature of the person. It was dark in his former flat but he could just make out that the man had dark curly hair, a woolen cape coat, a scarf around his neck and he was lean with amazing posture.. Just like...no. No it couldn't be..

"Who the hell are you?" John commanded, pointing the gun at the mans head. The man lowered the Sherlock's violin from his chin, "Who are you?" John asked angrily. The man set the violin gingerly upon its stand and put his hands up, expressing he was unarmed. "I will not ask again," John said sternly, the man shook his head, a silent no. Annoyed, John cocked the gun. "I will not hesitate to shoot you and find out myself. Turn around and tell me. Now." The man sighed, he slowly pivoted on his heels and turn towards John his eyes downcast. "...no.." John's gun lowered a bit, he couldn't make sense of what he was seeing. Sherlock Holmes was dead. Two years dead. John had nightmares about his death. He couldn't be standing there in front him, his silhouette outlined by the light of the moon through the hazy window, making him seem like an angel. John shook his head, repositioning his gun. "Your dead. Your dead." The man looked up from the floor into John's eyes.

The gun clattered to the floor as John stumbled back... There was no mistaking those silver eyes.

"Oh Jesus... I've finally gone insane.. Y-your dead! Your dead, Sherlock, and now I'm hallucinating you.." The hallucination frowned and his brow furrowed.

"John.." The hallucination said softly in Sherlock's voice. John shook his head violently and covered his ears. At the sight the hallucination stepped forward, causing John to stumble backwards, his knees hit the armchair and he collapsed into it. The hallucination reached forward, "John.." It gently grasped his shoulder. ...that couldn't be...the hand of the hallucination felt real as it shook him gently. "John..I didn't want you to find out this way but it's really me. I'm alive, John... I'm sorry.. I had to fake my death to protect you and Ms Hudson and Lestrade and everyone I care for from Moriarty.. John.. Please, I am aware you won't forgive me but you must understand...please let me explain.." Sherlock shook his shoulder again, "John?"

John's mind was racing a million miles a minute.. He ran through the day he'd locked away in his memory through his mind.. No.. He'd seen Sherlock jump, he'd seen the body, he'd felt for a pulse.. Sherlock was dead.. Wasn't he?

"H-how?" Came Johns timid question. "I've seen you do unbelievable things, Sherlock Holmes, but you couldn't have faked what I saw..your dead." Sherlock's brow furrowed again.

"John..the moment I stepped onto that rooftop I knew there were only a few possibilities that the situation would end. I planned to expose Moriarty and bring him down but.. Moriarty left me no other choice... He threatened destroy my heart; to take the lives of everyone I cared about.. You, Ms Hudson, Lestrade... Everyone..he had hit men ready to kill you. I tried to outwit and outsmart him, John, I really did. How could the hit men kill you and the others when they didn't have him to place the order? I planned to expose him and detain him, but he just laughed at me and told me that his hit men didn't need him to kill you.. He put a bullet through his skull, John.. The hit men were watching.. I had no choice.." He looked into Johns eyes, "John, I am truly sorry you had to whiteness it..but I needed you and everyone else to believe I was dead so that the hit men would as well. I knew that the meeting with Moriarty could go a number of ways so I had Mycroft in on it.. Quite a few of his men were undercover and on standby, as well as a few of my homeless network members.. It was critical that you stayed where you were because you then couldn't see the inflatable that I landed on, your vision would be obstructed by the ambulance station .. It was like clockwork from then on, you went one way while Mycroft's men and I went another. You caught a glimpse of a dummy of myself before one of Mycroft's men took you out of the equation for a few fleeting moments while I took the place of the dummy on the concrete and Mycroft's and my own people covered me makeup bruises and blood taken from me the day before.. A stress ball pressed hard under my armpit made me appear to not have a pulse and I was whisked away.. And you and the others were safe.." Sherlock explained. When John didn't say anything Sherlock looked into his eyes once more. "John?" Sherlock asked. Suddenly John sprung from the armchair and tackled Sherlock. The two collapsed to the ground, John's fingers balled into fists and he punched Sherlock in the face, once, twice, three times before enclosing his hands around his neck.

"Damn you!" John shouted angrily. "Damn you, Sherlock Holmes!" He said tightening his grip on the shocked detective's neck.

"John!" Shouted a female voice, suddenly there were hands prying his fingers off Sherlock's neck. "John, stop! You'll kill him!" John stumbled back off of Sherlock and Ms Hudson grasped his shoulders. "Calm down, John.."

"How can I calm down?!" John shouted angrily over Sherlock's coughing and gasping.

"Ms. Hudson.." Sherlock gasped.

"Sherlock.. Oh dear. I thought I heard your voice.. I came up and heard you explain everything to John.."

"I am sorry, Ms Hudson.." Sherlock said softly, his eyes drifting to the floor as he picked himself off it. He was nearly knocked back down as Ms Hudson rushed forward and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Oh.." She cried into his chest. "I'm just glad your alive and back, Sherlock!" Sherlock seemed shocked and uncertainly wrapped an arm around her waist.

"Me too." He whispered softly. Ms Hudson pulled back and looked from Sherlock to John.

"Oh.. Well I will go and put on some tea.. You two obviously need to sort some things out." She said, then planted a kiss on Sherlock's cheek and made her way to her flat to make tea, patting John's shoulder as she went.

"Why?" John snapped at a confused looking Sherlock.

"Why what, John?" Sherlock asked innocently

"WHY DID YOU LET ME MOURN FOR TWO BLOODY YEARS OVER YOU BEFORE REVEALING THAT YOU ARE ALIVE?! TWO BLOODY YEARS!" John shrieked angrily.

"I-I..."

"TELL ME!" John shouted, annoyed at Sherlock's lack of words.

"I couldn't come back, John.. I just couldn't. Not until you all were safe for certain. This past two years has not been a freelance, I have been tracking down and detaining Moriarty's men.. It has been hard for me too John, I have wanted to contact you so many times.. But there was always a risk of getting you in danger if you knew that I was alive." Sherlock sighed, "I know you cannot forgive me John, I know that..but for what it is worth I am truly sorry for what I put you through.. But I could not have you in danger.. I am so sorry John..." Sherlock softly expressed, a tear trailing down his cheek.

The tear, leaving a trail down Sherlock's cheek, was like a slap in the face for John.. Sherlock was crying. Sherlock was there! He was alive and right in front of him! Sherlock was ALIVE!

Sherlock stumbled back as John crashed into him, wrapping his arms around Sherlock's shoulders with surprising force.

"Sherlock..." John whispered, his voice breaking.

"Y-yes, John?" Sherlock asked timidly, expecting to be strangled again.

"Your alive." John squeezed tighter. Sherlock suddenly realized that John was embracing him and his own hands hovered over John's back, uncertain.

"Yes..I'm alive.." John began to tremor violently, scaring Sherlock, before he felt hot tears on his shoulder.

"I-I've missed you so much!" John sobbed. Sherlock wound his arms around his best friend and embraced him tightly. John felt tears suddenly drop into his neck as Sherlock buried his face between his own arm and John's neck,

"I've missed you, too.." Sherlock whispered his voice cracking with emotion. "I've missed you too, John.."