SUMM: Post TDA, Duncan's reality TV fame has re-sparked the interest of several of his ex-girlfriends. Now Courtney takes it upon herself to set the record straight, by any means necessary. NO ONE messes with HER bad boy. Starring other TDA cast.

Author's Note: X-Men, WITCH, Twilight, Harry Potter, AND Total Drama Island/Action fanfictions? What can I say? I'm well-rounded awesomeness :)

Disclaimer: And I can still watch this show and proudly claim that I'm not addicted to reality TV!

…Right?

Chapter 1: Overdramatic

"Geez, Court, relax a little," Duncan advised with a smirk, grabbing her wrists and forcing them back down by her sides.

Courtney squirmed out of his grip. "I am relaxed, Dunk," she shot back, fixing her skirt and blouse again as they waited for the elevator to rise. Suddenly, she tensed from head to foot, clasping a hand over her mouth. "Oh my God! What if they don't like me?!"

Her boyfriend rolled his eyes. "You're my complete and total opposite. They're going to adore you. Hell, they might even throw themselves at your feet and worship you"

"Oh, this was a horrible idea," she continued, stamping her foot and fixing something else again.

As Duncan stared up at the dial and the elevator reached his floor, he muttered, "I couldn't agree with you more on that one, Princess"

"Hi Mr. and Mrs. Duncan's parents," Courtney greeted with a shy wave, "I'm—"

"Courtney, dear!" Duncan's mother came forth and embraced her enthusiastically, to both Courtney and Duncan's surprise. "It's so wonderful to finally meet you after all this time! Come in! Come in!"

Duncan lightly elbowed his girlfriend. "Told'ja they'd love you," he whispered as they stepped inside.

Courtney had a glare and smart comment ready but Duncan's mother cut her off, leading them into the dining room. "Oh, I was just thrilled watching you both throughout the seasons! I kept wishing and hoping that I'd finally get to meet the young lady that was going to set my son straight!"

Even though Courtney giggled at the irony of the comment (Basic Straining, anyone?), Duncan rolled his eyes, trying to not blush as red as his Converse. "Mom," he warned, "I thought the deal was if I brought her over, you weren't going to do anything motherly, ridiculous, or overall in any way humiliating"

"No," his dad corrected sternly as sat at the large dinner table already seating Duncan's older twin brothers, "the deal was that you'd let your mother have her evening to meet your reality TV girlfriend and we wouldn't completely remove you from the family will"

"Suck, dad," one of the brothers commented. "Yeah, more money for us," the second one agreed.

Duncan groaned and indicated to Courtney the three men around the table, "Courtney, this is my balding father, my idiot brother Kevin, and his equally useless counterpart, Joseph"

He smirked as his father started, standing up from his seat, "Now see here—"

But Duncan's mom intervened just as Courtney was sure all hell was going to break loose. "Duncan, sweetheart," she said sweetly, pushing him gently towards his seat, "we're going to behave ourselves at the table this evening for the first time in our lives, okay?"

Duncan crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow mischievously, "Really? How'd you figure?"

"Because," she responded, her eyes narrowing, "if you want humiliating, I can always bring out the baby pictures"

Paling, Duncan dropped his arms and hissed, "You wouldn't"

"Don't think for a second that I won't," his mother replied in a sing-song voice as she headed towards the kitchen.

Without diverting his glare from his mother's retreating figure, Duncan grudgingly scraped out Courtney's seat next to him for her to sit down first.

"Why, Duncan," she teased as she sat down gracefully with the flourish of a cotillion graduate, "I didn't know there were baby pictures! I would have brought—"

"Shut up," he muttered as he slumped down in his own chair.

"So, Courtney," Duncan's father began as his mother was fetching the food, "now that you're off that dreadful show, what are you planning on doing?"

Duncan slapped a hand over his eyes and moaned, "Oh you had to ask". Courtney kicked him under the table.

"Well," she began, "I'm going to be heading back to my old school and finishing up my class president campaign, which, after winning, will probably be enough, along with the show, to set me on a path towards law school. After which, I plan on running for office in the province. With enough luck, courage, and under handing, I hope to eventually getting a seat on Parliament"

Noting that Duncan and his two brothers were either fake sleeping or texting and hadn't heard a word she'd said, she smiled slyly and decided to add, "But if that doesn't work, I'm going to ditch school altogether and use my college savings to bail Duncan out of whichever jail he's going to eventually get himself thrown into so we can elope to the States, start a bank heist operation, and have illegitimate delinquent children together. And a dog"

That got the attention of everyone in the room, including Duncan whose unibrow shot up into his hairline. She flushed, realizing slightly too late that it was the inopportune moment for a joke and that she'd just said that in front of his father. After all, she was still getting the hang of the whole 'being bad' thing.

She was about to say something, anything, to break the sudden tension when Kevin looked to Duncan with a smile and pointed to Courtney decidedly, "I like her"

"Thanks, Kay" Duncan replied, tearing his gaze off Courtney and returning to his casual composure, "I think I'll keep her," he added, sending Courtney a wink. She went to kick him again but he'd moved his leg.

"Good call. She's hot," Joseph seconded.

"But in a nerdy, goody-two-shoes kind of way," amended Kevin.

Joseph gave Duncan a double thumbs up as his mother returned to the dining room, "Not your usual, but nice"

Courtney scowled at the two brothers and Duncan bumped fists with them, first with Kevin, then with Joseph. "I'm right here, you know"

"So I don't have to relay to you all the compliments," Duncan replied, shrugging as his mother put a meat loaf in front of him.

"I will ask to see the pictures," she threatened under her voice.

"Whatever," Duncan mumbled, shoving his mouth full of meat loaf.

Joseph made a whipping sound effect and Courtney was barely fast enough to stop Duncan from chucking his fork at his brother's head.

"I must say," his mother flitted as dinner and dinner conversation was almost finished, "that you're by far to loveliest and all around most wonderful girl that Duncan has ever brought home to us!"

"Mom, I've never brought a girl home for fear of this very thing happening," he corrected her, rolling his eyes and taking another bite of his cheesecake. Somewhere inside her, Courtney felt someone strap a jet rocket booster onto her heart.

"Voluntarily," Joseph corrected from his dessert, winking at his twin.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Duncan asked, stopping mid-chew and glaring at his brother.

Joseph indicated to Kevin, "Will you do the honors?"

Smirking, Kevin reached under the table and pulled out five separate stacks of printed out e-mails, each roughly a foot high. Courtney nearly choked on her cheesecake.

"What in heaven's name are those?" their father asked, getting up to inspect the piles.

"Oh, these have been coming in since Duncan first started on the show," Joseph replied casually. "Our baby brother's fame over the past year has seemed to have caught the attention of several ex-suitors and a few new lady fans"

Courtney glared at Duncan vehemently as he started flipping through the impressive stacks of print outs. "'Several ex-suitors'?" she repeated menacingly.

Duncan shrugged, "It's no secret I have a way with the ladies, honey. Not that it should—holy shit!" He sped flipped through a portion of a pile and plucked out a printout in surprise. "All of these were from Chelsea? Man, I haven't seen that babe since the first time I went to juvie back in—"

He stopped short at the snarling sounds that seemed to be coming from Courtney's corner of the table.

"Not that it matters," he amended, trying to sound nonchalant as he placed the printout back down on the pile gently.

"Who do these girls think they are anyway?" Courtney spat, grabbing a large chunk off of the closest pile. They were all from a 'Leona Janessa, with Ex's and Oh's'

"Just fan girls, Princess," Duncan told her, resuming his cheesecake but smiling smugly at the piles of paper. A thought came to him and he turned to glare at his brothers, "Wait a second…how'd you get a hold of these if they were sent to my e-mail?"

"Hacker," Kevin said, pointing to himself and then to Joseph.

"Gotta upgrade your security, man," Joseph added, going for more cake. "Like, who doesn't know that your password's still 'Petey'?"

"It is?" his mother asked, her eyes welling up with tears, "oh, Duncan…"

"Mom, could you do that later? Like in therapy, maybe?" he asked, shoving the closest pile of papers away from Courtney who was still reading a couple and scowling.

"Hey! I wasn't finished!" she protested. But Duncan shut her up by putting another cheesecake slice in front of her and nearly shoving a piece of it down her throat. As Courtney chewed and made strangling gestures at her smirking boyfriend, Duncan's father ordered the two older brothers to get the papers out of the dining room before someone ate one by accident.

The remainder of the evening went without much further problems (and mercifully concluded without the dreaded baby pictures being shown), though Courtney still seemed to be fuming about the e-mails on the car trip home.

"I told you to let it go," Duncan said at last, just before he stopped in front of her driveway.

"I did let it go, you egomaniac," she shot back, snatching her purse and getting out of the car. "In fact, I don't even know what you're talking about"

"Riiiight," he replied with a smirk. Courtney kicked his car tire.

"Just get out of here before my dad sets the dogs loose on you again," she ordered through the open window, exasperated.

Duncan blew her a kiss as he put the car in drive. "Love you too, gorgeous"

She tried to stay mad and didn't respond, even though her heart did the whole rocket ship thing again as he pulled out and drove on. Only when she was sure he was gone did she smile.

Up in her room, she logged on immediately to Duncan's e-mail address, typed in 'Petey' for the password, and gaped at the number of e-mails. The e-mails ranged from the simplest 'I miss you's to a few e-mails so explicit that Courtney had to stop reading half-way for fear of throwing up.

Kevin and Joseph had only printed out some.

"Okay, that is it!!" she exclaimed when she reached the fourth marriage proposal. Yanking her drawer open with a slam, she pulled out a legal pad and titled it with a Sharpie Hit List. "No one gets away for a second with even thinking that Duncan belongs to anyone but me"

She ran through the list of e-mails again and scrawled down the names, e-mail addresses, and pertinent information about the four most recurring writers: a clingy and unhealthily obsessive gamer girl who used to game with Duncan, a disillusioned blonde who apparently was 'fated' for Duncan in 'another plane of consciousness' (but has never actually met him), the erotic novelist who dated him for all of the time they were in transport to their court hearings in Nova Scotia, and the infamous 'Chelsea Dagger' who offered hardly any information about herself or her past with Duncan other than to send a picture and say she was willing to wait however long it took for him to dump that 'ass-kissing brunette bitch' and realize he belonged with her.

Courtney stared at the list for a while as her common sense caught up with her. Maybe she was being a little overdramatic. Even with just the four stalkiest of the Duncan stalkers, she had her work cut out for her. Heck, if she were honest with herself, she didn't even know where to begin, let alone if she could pull it all off by herself.

But then her competitive drive kicked her common sense in the ass.

She was Courtney and Duncan was hers, damn it! Her relationship didn't survive two seasons of Chris McLean's special ring of Hell to be used as kitty litter for Duncan's psychotic ex-girlfriends.

Courtney tapped her Sharpie against her lips. It was going to take more than simply being 'bad' this time.

It was going to take being evil.

Suddenly, it clicked in her brain that she did know someone who would be able to help her. With a resigned sigh, she swallowed her pride and picked up the phone.

A/N 2: So, why CxD? The part about Courtney and Duncan's relationship that I find to be the most fun and exciting (other than the fact that it's excellently written) is that it lives in that 'No Man's Land' between "I want to kill you!" and "I want to tear your clothes off!" They balance each other out perfectly, driving each other two different types of crazy (somewhere between "I'm going to throw myself in front of a truck" crazy and "I can't stop thinking about you no matter what I do" crazy) which just sets them up for all sorts of awesome stories. I hope I captured that in this first part.

Because next chapter, the fur begins to fly.

PPS: I love that Courtney's dad has set the dogs on Duncan. Multiple times. And somehow, he just seems to keep showing up :P