A/N: I am so new at this and I haven't quite figured out how to add new chapters. I deleted the story and posted it again. Please be patient with my incompetency.
I apologize to those who followed and reviewed my story. Please do so again. Reviews are very welcome. I need it. Thanks.
I want to tell you my story. But I promise you, you will hate me. You will envy me then you will hate me. You will cringe at my mistakes. You will call me stupid and wonder why made the choices I have made. You will pity me. You will cry with me. And hopefully later, you will learn that I am just like any one of you out there searching for what truly makes a person happy. My name is Spencer Carlin and this is my story.
It's barely 5:00 AM and I hear her voice as she sings in the shower. It's barely 5:00 AM and I'm wide awake lying in bed staring at a very tall and a very white bedroom ceiling. The singing has stopped and the shower has been turned off. Her footsteps make their way to the closet and I can smell her strawberry and peach scented bodywash. Her scent is intoxicating which makes me all hot down there. It's barely 5:00 as she makes her way back to bed and on top of me. She kisses me hard and hungry. And yet she holds back. She props herself up with an elbow as she faces me.
"Hi love…time to wake up." Ashley, my gorgeous fiancée tells me.
"Breakfast and coffee will be ready in 15 minutes. You're suit for today is hanging by the dresser." Ashley, my caring and amazing fiancée, tells me.
"We have to leave no later than 6:15 today so we can make it work by 7:00. The Henderson Trial starts 9:00 AM today my love. I want to go over my opening statement and case strategy with you, Aiden and Madison one more time before we head to the courthouse." Ashley, my intelligent and talented fiancée, tells me as if we haven't been preparing for this trial for 2 long and tiring months.
"Go shower, sleepy head. I'll wait for you downstairs." I smile at her and kiss her on the lips before she leaves me in bed. I watch her oozing with sexiness as she swaggers out the door.
My name is Spencer Carlin, defense attorney, junior associate at the law offices of Carter, Drake and Carter. It's an elite law firm specializing in the defense of the rich, greedy, and guilty. Despite our clients being mostly guilty from the crimes they commit, I secretly do this for those that are innocent. My father once told me that the "Scariest client a defense lawyer can ever have is an innocent one." More about my job later.
I live in small but luxurious 2 bedroom beach front property in Venice Beach, California. I am engaged to my high school sweet heart who will be the perfect wife one day. I have the perfect life and I have the perfect fiancée.
Then why am staring at the ceiling at 5:00 AM wishing I was someone else and somewhere else. And the worst of all thoughts? The thought that I never imagined I would be thinking. The thought that makes me cringe, sick to my stomach, and despise myself all at once. Is the thought that maybe there is someone else out there for me?
Don't get me wrong. I am thankful for the life I have but I can't help but think that there is something greater than a big paycheck and a nice house. And I love Ashley with all my heart. But things haven't been the same in a long time. She thinks we're happy but I'm scared shitless to tell her that I am not.
Ashley, Aiden, and I are sitting here on the defense side waiting for the prosecution to finish their opening statement. Ashley is the lead on this case. Aiden and I are just second and third chair respectively. Sam Henderson is a 19 year old boy being accused of raping and beating his 19 year old girlfriend, Jessica Adams, to death. She was also pregnant at the time of her death.
The fact that Sam Henderson is the son of a California judge has the media drooling over this case. This is one of those cases that makes want to walk out of the court room, throw away my Harvard Law education and join the Peace Corps or something. Sam Henderson is guilty as hell but it is our job to make sure that he is given the best defense his father's money can get him. Ashley never asks her clients about their innocence. She believes that it is not her job to prove their innocence or to convince the jury of their innocence. Ashley believes that her job is to poke holes in the prosecution's arguments and to plant a seed of doubt in the minds of the jury that her client might have not done this crime. If she is able to plant that seed of doubt, then she has done her job.
Anyways, Ashley is confident she can win this one. The prosecution's case is centered on the fact that Sam's fingerprint was on the murder weapon, a cheerleading trophy and that she was pregnant at the time of her death with Sam's baby. Ashley will argue that Sam is constantly in Jessica's room and the evidence might have been contaminated. There is no other DNA evidence and no witnesses. The prosecution thanks the jury for their time and it is now Ashley's turn to deliver.
Ashley looks my way and gives me her famous smile with a nose crinkle and I give her my patented cute head tilt. That's the way we communicate our support and comfort for each other without the PDA. In high school, that was our little way of saying "I love you" or "I miss you". As we got older, whenever we encountered a challenge or something scary, it was our little way of saying "Everything is going to be ok. We're going to be ok." Those two little actions have conveyed so much words, meaning, and emotion between the two of us. I have meant it every single time. But lately, I think I've been doing it out of habit. No scratch that, I have been doing it to mask the emptiness and the confusion I've been feeling inside. And Ashley is clueless.
I didn't even notice that Ashley was finished with her opening statement but I knew the jury was hooked. After all, Ashley is Ashley, a very talented, confident, and almost perfect human being. I, on the other hand, am nothing but a shadow of my former self. A lonely shadow of the former Spencer Carlin. I am now the soon to be, Spencer Carlin-Davies, defense attorney to the rich, greedy, and guilty.
After a few hours of listening to the prosecution, the court is finally adjourned for the day. I am anxious to get out of there. I don't even understand why our firm sends three of us when Ashley is perfectly capable of handling this one on her own. The powers that be at Carter Drake and Carter are probably just showing face to the media by sending in a Calvary.
"Man you were killin' it today Ash, I think you've got the Jury on your side. That was great work and it's only the first day. …We deserve to celebrate…You ladies want to join me and Madison at Tony's for a beer?" Aiden invites us, his usual routine after the first day of a trial.
"I'm definitely up for it. I haven't seen you both outside of the office in forever. And I could definitely use a beer after listening to A.D.A. Hancock's witchy voice." I chimed in after Aiden and he chuckles.
"Um Love, we have still have to meet with our wedding planner and then I have to go on a run. I don't want to gain weight before our wedding. Plus, we still have a long day in court tomorrow. It's too early to celebrate a victory, Aiden. We'll hang out next time, I promise."
That was Ashley who just killed any ounce of excitement that I had for the night.
" Ash, we can always postpone the meeting with the wedding planner until Friday. And you're already too sexy to be worrying about missing an afternoon run."
"Spence, Helena is the best wedding planner in this part of California, her time is valuable let alone expensive. Can we just hold off on any celebration until we finish this trial? Can we?."
"I guess. Sorry Aiden, next time. Have fun with Maddy. We'll see you tomorrow."
"Alright my favorite ladies, enjoy the wedding planner. See ya."
I smiled at Aiden and whispered a small apology once more behind Ashley's back. Since Ashley and I got engaged, everything has been about wedding preparations. And ever since Ashley found out that she was next in line to become partner at the firm, there was never enough time for any fun.
"You know, I'm not really feeling well anymore. You should go ahead and meet with Helena. I'm fine with whatever venue you decide on." I announced as we reached Ashley's Jaguar.
"What? You were fine a minute ago. Is this about not wanting to hang out with our friends? What are you 16, Spence?"
I didn't say anything. I haven't been saying anything lately.
"Look, Spence, I'm doing this for our future. We can't afford to lose our focus right now. The most important thing is that I get you the wedding you deserve and that I get partner at the firm. After that, we can do whatever you want. Please let's just take one thing at a time. I promise we won't stay long at Helena's. I won't go on my run and we'll go to dinner instead. Ok?" Ashley tells me this as she touches my face with her warm, soft hand. I do love it when she does that. So I quietly surrender.
"Ok…" I smile at her and she kisses me on the cheek. The drive to the wedding planner's office was a quiet one. I stared out the window and sat in silence. These small fights have been really getting to me lately. The issue seemed so trivial yet I don't know why I feel so annoyed.
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