So well. Don't ask me where this idea came from… I have no idea! I was going to make it a one- shot but decided on two- shot. So after this part it will be one part left of it. I hope you're going to like it.

Rated T for mentions of rape. Don't like, don't read.

"Now you've got to stay here."

I stood in the garage at elm tree house. It was actually my day off today but yesterday I'd forgotten my jacket in the office and as today had gotten cold and rainy I needed it before I and Ryder were going out on town to have a day to ourselves.

"You've got to stay here." Ryder nodded and put his hands in his lap where he sat on the chest in the garage. "I'll be right back. I'm just going to get my jacket and then come back?" Ry smiled and nodded. "Okay, do not move!" I left my bag by his feet on the floor. "I'll be right back." With that, I ran out of the garage, up on the porch and into the house.

"May- Li?" Right inside the door Mike stood with Jody, and holding a chocolate bar in his hands seeming to check what was in it. "I thought…" I held my hands up to stop him from starting to babble and explained to him why I was here.

"I know it's my day off. But I forgot my jacket here yesterday and I'm going into town so I need it." Mike smiled and nodded. Then checked the chocolate bar one more time and handed it to Jody telling her it was okay and I walked into the office and got my jacket. And I don't think that what I had imagined coming out was Mike standing holding his palms together looking at me like he really, really wanted something.

"May- Li. Things have just been mad and crazy around here today. Mo pulled in something from the forest that left mud everywhere and while helping him cleaning Ryan was on the computer again. Don't worry. I caught him before he had the time to read anything. Jody almost ate a chocolate bar that had peanuts in it and before I had stopped her I was scared half to death. Harry's got a stomachache and the substitute care worker never showed up. Please, please, please." He sat down on his knees on the floor and lifted his hands pleading towards me. "Don't leave me alone with all of this. I haven't even had the time to cook lunch so the children keep on going for candy and biscuits since they're so hungry. Please don't leave me alone in all of this. Please? Please?"

I sighed. What kind of monster would it take to say no to those puppy brown eyes as he looked up at me and blinked. "Fine." I said at last. "How long do you need me here for? Because I probably can't stay for more than a couple of hours." Mike breathed out and slowly got onto his feet again. "Getting a bit stiff on older days?" He just grimaced at me and then gestured towards the stairs as if he needed me to do something upstairs. "Hold on for a minute Mike, I just saw something outside that needs fixing. I'll be back in a minute." I backed towards the door.

I ran down the porch and into the garage where Ryder still sat and seemed bored already. And I opened a box on a shelf and got out some children's magazines.

"Ry. I have to work for a bit today. Even though today was supposed to be my day off." I took my bag and pulled out a box of what was going to be our lunch. "Here. Here are sandwiches with bacon, lettuce, tomatoes and guacamole. And then there are some funnel cakes with loads of sugar on. Just the way you like them. I'll get you a juice box from inside as soon as I can. What?"

"I want Fanta not juice."

"Ryder."

I moaned- he usually went with anything. But once Ryder had made up his mind he wanted something he wasn't going to give up. And after all, I had promised him Fanta if he let me bring boxes with food instead of eating at McDonald's for both lunch and dinner. And I brainstormed about what would be the best way to get a Fanta at the dumping ground.

"Finn." Not two minutes later I almost ran into Harry and Finn's room and stopped for a moment to work out what I was going to say. "You remember that whole package of Fanta you bought a while ago. Are there any cans left of that one? Can I have one of those I just suddenly had the worse cravings for Fanta and if I can have one from you now I'll give you a big bottle of Fanta later."

"Okay." Finn came forward holding his hand out. "We've got a deal." He shook my hand and I couldn't help but smile. Partly because I was relieved that he'd believed my lie about those cravings and so he took a can of Fanta out from a drawer under his bed. "Here you go. Don't forget my big Fanta now."

"You'll get it later today." Right away I beat myself up for it. How was I going to manage to get it later today with Ryder here and everything? "I promise." With that I looked quickly to Harry who laid in his bed and decided to check on him later. Right now I walked out of the room as quickly as I dared without asking suspiciously. And stuffed the can in my pocket while walking through the hallway, down the stairs and into the garage.

"Here." I gave the can to Ryder who thanked me happily and opened the box with sandwiches and started unwrapping the paper around them. "Have a nice lunch." Ryder nodded. BLT's with guacamole, funnel cakes and Fanta were his all- time favorites. So how could he not have a good lunch? "Stay in here." I told him. "Don't talk to anybody, okay?" Ryder nodded with his mouth full of bacon and guacamole. "Good boy. Here." I kissed the top of his soft, black hair and then left the garage, closed the door and walked into the dumping ground.

"Where's Harry?"

I came into Harry and Finn's room to check on Harry. And when Harry wasn't there the thought hit me that he'd gone out into the garage. Sometimes when one of the children wasn't feeling well to keep away from the others and reduce the risk of passing it onto everybody. What if he had gone out there and I had missed him going here…

"In the bathroom."

I breathed out, but had to hide my relief when Finn looked up from his dinosaur- book and smiled at me. And then walked over and fixed on Harry's bed a little before he came back. Just as I heard his footsteps coming down the hallway and I walked out of the room to meet him.

"Hey, sweetheart. Are you feeling any better?"

"No."

"Do you want the hot water bottle?"

"No. I had some olives and that's not going to help now." I sighed- Harry was allergic to olives and he knew that very well. "It will heart for like half an hour more and then I'll throw up everything I've ever eaten. I think I'll just go lay down in the garage."

"NO." I shouted without hesitating and Harry froze. "I mean… ehrm… No, I'd like to keep an eye on you and that will be much easier if you're inside." Harry looked up at me, then shrugged and went back to his bed where he slumped down and started snoring almost before he had hit the pillows. And I couldn't help but smile before I walked out into the hallway and almost right into Mike.

"What was that all about?" He asked me before I had the time to say anything. "It's like you really didn't want Harry to go into the garage. You know there's this tent bed and everything in there. Is there something you're hiding in the garage and don't want us to see?" I quickly shook my head and tried to seem like I was telling the truth while Mike looked me straight into the eyes. And I could see he didn't believe me so I quickly pulled a white lie.

"I'm planning a surprise. For you and the kids." I said, a bit too quickly. "I don't want anyone to see it yet or even know about it. So… shush shush!" I tried to seem like I was telling the truth and forced myself not to take a relieved breath when Mike bought my lie, smiled and nodded. "So… No one can go into the garage right now. And don't tell anybody."

Oh crap! Now I'd have to come up with something that would have been the surprise as well. Great job May- Li Wang! Great job!

"Can you fix lunch today?" I nodded. "Thank you. We really need to use what we've got in the kitchen before it's too old so don't go off and buy anything new. Okay?" I nodded- I couldn't do that anyway. "Well, looks like it's almost time for lunch." He smiled slightly. "I've got to go talk to Mo about something. I need him to clean out some of his garbage. Anyway. I asked Ryan to stay in his room and he will be on washing up duty for three months. And everyone are getting really hungry so…" He looked at me with his best puppy eyes and I just nodded and headed to the kitchen.

I looked around the kitchen. And then suddenly had the idea- well, if Mike thought we needed to get rid of some of the food then that was what he was going to get! I turned all the stoves on, fried bacon, made scrambled eggs and boiled eggs on another part. Made oatsoup- the children loved that, took out avocadoes and garlic to make guacamole and put chili to the side if anyone wanted that. Took out cheese and ham and toasted bread and placed everything all over the table. And at last there was just one thing left. And we had bottles of lemonade in the attic. (It was cold there so we usually kept several bottles there) and I went to get it. But never got so far.

"My tummy hurts." I suddenly heard behind me in the hallway. And I closed my eyes for a moment and then turned around towards him, praying that he wouldn't be where I thought he was. But when I opened my eyes Ryder stood there with an arm wrapped around his cramping stomach and the other one holding onto the box that I knew had had funnel cakes in them.

"Ryder." I sighed and stomped over to him. "Did you eat all of those funnel cakes?" Ryder looked innocently to the side. "Did you?" He nodded barely noticeable and I sighed again. Then laid a hand on his shoulder and stood up after having kneeled to be at his height. "Then it's no wonder your tummy hurts. Those were meant for the both of us and for the whole weekend." Ryder grimaced and pulled his arm tighter around his stomach and my heart just melted. "Go out into the garage again. I'll go see if I find any…"

"And who is this?"

I froze when I heard Mike's voice behind me and once again closed my eyes and said a short prayer that Mike wouldn't be there and that he wouldn't have asked who this was. So then I wouldn't have to explain to him who Ryder was and why I hadn't told anyone at the dumping ground about him while I turned and then opened my eyes again.

And of course, there was Mike. With his hands shoved in his jeans pockets and looked from me and down to Ryder up and down several times. And I knew that I couldn't lie or keep this secret anymore. Especially not since it would be very easy for Mike to guess who the eight year old next to me was seeing us two side by side. And with the boy holding my hand while curiously looking up at the balding man in front of us.

"Ryder. This is Michael Milligan, my boss…" I pulled out on it as long as I possibly could. But still couldn't fail to notice the look on Mike's face when I used his full name. "And Mike. This is Ryder… My son."

I had already guessed that Mike had guessed who the little boy by my side was. But still, just as he heard who Ryder really was his chin dropped. His mouth slowly closed and then he stroke his hand over his face and then continued staring from me to Ryder, back to me and back to Ryder several times before he must have put everything together piece to piece. And whatever I had expected to hear from him, it wasn't what he said first.

"So Ryder. You ate a lot of funnel cake?"

"Yes"

"And May- Li. You made this funnel cake?"

"Yes."

"I am very disappointed in you." Mike put his hands towards his hips and looked sternly to me. And I felt myself shaking with nervousness. "How come you never told me you can make funnel cake? The children would love that." He opened his hands and held them out to his sides while I still couldn't breathe out and I showed Ryder to sit down on the bench in the hallway.

"Wait here for a bit. I need to talk to Mike okay?" Ryder nodded and crawled up on the bench and his feet hung over the edge below his short legs. "Mike. Can I talk to you for a minute?" Mike nodded and I held the door open and walked in after him before I closed the door so Ryder wouldn't hear us talking.

"I am… So, so sorry I never told you about Ryder I just… I never got to mention it."

"Oh…" Mike smiled slightly. "Not even when I asked you on your interview if you had any kids of your own like I always do even though it doesn't really matter." I lifted one of my hands and placed it towards my forehead while holding the other one towards my hip in a kind of distressed expression. "And you said you didn't have any! Hold on… How old is Ryder?"

"Eight."

"And you are?"

"Twenty five."

Mike counted, and I couldn't blame him. I had already since I had been pregnant watched it happen every time someone saw or afterwards someone heard how old Ryder was and how old I was. Then some people would also count how long the pregnancy was and that led to the facial expression that Mike was wearing absolutely right exactly now!

"I mean… It's not like I go around and brag about that I had a kid two days after I turned seventeen. Would you have expected me to?"

It was kind of a stupid question- if Mike had any children and I asked him about it, I would have expected him to tell me the truth- non biological. But holey hat. He was a dad to loads and loads of children and more of loads and loads of adults who had been children. Actually… he was kind of like a father even to me.

"What did you think was going to happen May- Li?" Mike didn't seem angry or sad. He just seemed kind of hurt and disappointed that I hadn't told him about the most important part of my life. "Do you think I'd fire you because you were pregnant at like sixteen and have a child that you've never told me about?"

"Well it have happened before!"

I had said it before I'd given myself the time to hesitate. Three hours ago, Mike hadn't even known that I had a child. And with this he could just as well know the rest- in fact, then he would be kind of the only one except for me that knew the whole truth. And once I had said the first word I just couldn't stop. It might have been that I should have stopped. But Mike could be trusted I knew, and suddenly it was just coming out of me all at once.

"You do know I lived in China until I was five?" Mike nodded. "Do you know why we moved? No, of course you don't because I never tell anyone that it was because my dad died of cancer and my mum couldn't stand even seeing the country of China anymore so we moved here. I learned English, mum didn't and during the whole of my childhood I was in school half of the time and the rest of the time I worked as a translator for my mum since I was always the only one who spoke freaking Cantonese." Mike raised an eyebrow.

"Freaking what?"

"One of the Chinese languages. But that's not the point. Anyway then she met this guy who was Chinese and spoke Cantonese and I thought it was great because I finally got a break from my mum. And I got out and I started dating this guy named Callum. And he was awesome. Every little piece of him was kind and sweet and wonderful and I loved him so much so every time we were away from each other I thought my heart would break."

Mike was frowning looking down at me, and that already before I had gotten to the breaking point. And I could only imagine what he would look like when I had told him the whole story. Either way there was no stopping now. Besides I couldn't even think about stopping or hesitating about continuing so I just did.

"But Qing- mum's boyfriend took the place as my dad and he hated Callum. And somehow he found out that Callum wanted to wait until he was legally married- whether it was with me or with somebody else to have sex. So Qing tried to find a way to well… have me pregnant so he could trick Callum that I had been cheating so Callum would be gone and Qing himself could make me get an abortion and then throw me out of the house. So he raped me… I didn't get pregnant so he did it again. I didn't get pregnant so he did it again and so over and over and over again exactly every third week for six months until that freaking test at last showed a plus sign. And Callum left and Qing… I knew what he wanted. But I couldn't kill my baby so I packed up all my things and left… I was going to give Ry up for adoption but… Then I saw him and I… And I just couldn't."

"May-Li…"

Mike tried to say something but I continued anyway.

"What Qing did to me and what happened because of it is nothing that I would wish to happen for my worst enemy. But I wouldn't take it away for the world. I love Ryder and if I lose him I've got nothing left. So if you like three bosses before you are going to fire me for whatever reason now when you know I have Ryder then. I quit!"

"MAY-LI" Mike suddenly shouted and I froze. "I WILL NOT FIRE YOU FOR HAVING A KID! And neither for… Wait… So your step father raped you only so you would get pregnant so he wouldn't have to drag on with your boyfriend?" Mike seemed chocked, and I couldn't blame him. There was a reason I had never told anyone about this before!

"He did it before too. Once or twice. I think that part was only an excuse for him to do it again… and again… and again…"

"Okay, okay. I get it. Wow. That must have been such a sick man." I nodded agreeing and tried to fight the tears away. "Would you mind if I kill him?" I shook my head, one part of me wanted him dead for what he did to me. But on the other side that was what had given me Ryder. And without Ryder I was nothing… Then there was one more thing.

"I only heard from him and my mum one more time. It was when Ryder was like six months old. Qing and mum were both killed in a car crash… I didn't go to their funeral. I've never been to their graves or anything. What other people know- as does Ryder is that Callum is his dad. I don't know… I might tell Ryder the truth some time… Maybe when he's older." My voice broke. "You'd never know how much you can love someone Mike. He has gotten me out of bed so many mornings when I just wanted to stay in bed and lie there until I die. He has made me laugh when I'm miserable like never before. And he's the reason I continue to get out of bed every morning. And… It might be with this job and times and Ryder… That doesn't make me a bad mum. And if someone took him away from me I would have absolutely nothing left. And I love him. More than life itself. And I wouldn't give him up for the world."

"I'm not asking you to either." Mike spoke, just as calmly as he ever did. "What do you think I'd do? Make you choose between your job and your kid? Because to me it seems pretty clear that you'd make the right choice! I wouldn't do that. Not to you nor to anybody else. And about what happened to you with that stepdad or whatever… If he wasn't already dead I'd probably look him up myself and strangle him for hurting you like this." I continued trying to fight the tears away but a few ones had already escaped my eyes and been rolling down my cheeks. "Come here." Mike laid an arm around my back before I could have protested and pulled me close when he laid his other hand in my hair. "It's okay."

When I was held like that for the first time in God knows how many years I just broke and suddenly I was sobbing wildly towards Mike's shoulder while he stroke my hair and shushed gently.

"Sch, sch, sch." He tried but for the moment I couldn't calm down. "It's okay. It's okay."

For all of these years, so many of them, all I had wanted was for someone to hold me like this. Show me they cared and tell me it was all going to be okay. But if it had happened a year ago, two or five years ago. Or with someone else then Mike. I wasn't so sure I would have believed them. But now I did. Well… Kind of.

"Are you okay." When I had finally calmed down I pulled away from Mike and he reached for a tissue from a box on the desk. "Here." I nodded as a thank you, wiped my tears, blew my nose and then threw the tissue in the trash under the desk. "Is there something else I could do?" I nodded slightly. "What?"

"Ugh… I'm sorry." I tried to wipe his shirt slightly with my sleeve. "I got snot all over your shirt." Mike just let hear a short chuckle and shook his head. "What? Has it happened to you before?" He just raised an eyebrow. "Loads of times…" He gestured. "Like a billion of times." He nodded. "There's just one thing I need… RYDER? CAN YOU COME IN HERE PLEASE?"

Next I heard the sound of two small feet coming tripping over the hallway floor and then Ryder opened the door and came tip- toeing in. He was looking at me from the start and with the distressed look on his face when he came over I knew he could see the stains from tears on my cheeks.

"You have been sad." He stated before anything else. "Why have you been sad?" I kneeled slightly to reach his height and before I had said anything I pushed my fingers through his hair to get some time to wonder about how I would answer this and Ryder lifted his hand and wiped away the last one of the tears rolling down my cheek.

"I love you." I said at last. "You now that right? I love you so much." Ryder nodded and embraced me while I hugged him back. And he continued with something I had always told him. Usually if we had been fighting and he asked me if I still loved him.

"Now and forever."

So. I was going to go on. But honestly I felt like that was a good ending. I might add another part to this. Do you think I should? Well… this is kind of sick but Muse wants to go where muse wants to go so don't blame me!

Random fact

For almost every kind of meal (Including the blt's and the funnel cakes) I go on polyvore and search on 'foodgawker' and then loads of different of meals pops up. But actually, this doesn't include oatsoup, which is one of the dishes that just makes me really nostalgic!