Disclaimer: Don't own Gunslinger Girl. No spoilers in this one. : Enjoy.
Imagine there's no Heaven,
It's easy if you try,
No hell below us,
Above us only sky.
Henrietta knew she was going to die. It was in the way that Jose looked at her, the way their voices all got soft around her. She was laying in a hospital bed, after all, and wasn't surprised. Triela had died a couple months ago, and she had been "born" just a couple weeks before Henrietta. Her body was breaking down, and poisoning her, and there was nothing she could do. Even her memory was going, and one day she had not been able to remember Jose's name. That had been a low point, and she would not forget how sad he had looked after leaving that day.
She was not afraid to die. A man had come to the building a couple weeks ago, preaching that they were going to go to Hell, because they weren't humans. What was hell? Henrietta had wondered that aloud to Jose, and he had gotten very quiet, before handing her a copy of a book called "The Bible". It was interesting, she supposed, for a fiction novel… Hell was supposed to be this place where bad people went. People who killed other people. She did that, that was her purpose. But considering the book was fiction, she was not scared.
Henrietta wished she could talk to the man and explain to him that not all people who kill others are bad. Some people are just made to do that, and this "God" that was in the Bible could not stop that. Some people are bad and need to be killed, that was what Jose had told her on the first day of conditioning.
Her body ached. She felt so tired.
Imagine all the people
Living for today.
Henrietta hoped that Jose wouldn't be angry at her. She was leaving him, and after all, he had promised to always be there for her. When she had answered likewise, he had gotten a funny look on his face, and ruffled his hair. Some of the fratello thought of them as dolls, just to play with and discard. Henrietta had heard them talking one day; she knew what they thought. She didn't mind. Without them, they were nothing. She just knew that Jose would miss her, even though he wouldn't say that. She wanted him to be happy.
She felt bad for him. Who would do as he said now? Who would be his other half of the fratello partnership that they worked in? Briefly, she wondered if he would forget her, like she was forgetting almost everything that she had known. She didn't even know how to reassemble a rifle anymore. Henrietta wanted him to remember her.
Imagine there's no countries,
It isn't hard to do,
Nothing to kill or die for,
And no religion too.
Sometimes, she thought about the people she killed. It wasn't like the shooting scared her; her conditioning had faced her against all kinds of gore and blood. But there had always been the same fear, right before she got the order to pull the trigger, the same look in their eyes. It scared her now, and she couldn't sleep. No matter what she forgot, she could always remember those eyes, and it drove her to cry sometimes. Henrietta wondered if that was why Jose often took her out places and taught her things, like he felt bad for her. Like he didn't want her to kill.
A knock on the door- Jose stood there looking sheepish, and Henrietta smiled.
"Oh, hi. Did you come to visit me?"
She asked, after the silence hung there for a moment, and he nodded, before pulling up a chair and looking out her window. She wondered if this was the way it was with other fratello, before coughing and trying to reach a weak hand for him, failing miserably. The doctors were saying that her muscles were deteriorating fast, and soon she wouldn't be able to move. Her heart would stop beating. She would die.
Henrietta still wasn't scared. Jose was here. Everything was okay.
Imagine all the people,
Living life in peace.
Why not kill? There was happiness still, but the people she killed were threatening the happiness, right? She never knew much about her mark, that wasn't the way the agency worked. So maybe they had been happy people. Maybe they didn't deserve to die. Jose once said that no one deserved to die, but then the next day he had shook his head and sighed, when she asked why people deserved to live.
Sometimes he was confusing.
Henrietta loved the times though, when it was just her and the rest of the girls, hanging around in their rooms. They had great discussions, and sometimes they played music and laughed. It was carefree, and nice. Jobs were stressful, and relaxing wasn't. She wished that she could relax more often, though from her hospital bed, she always was relaxing. For the better, she figured, because sometimes her muscles hurt so bad she couldn't even move them. At least she had visitors every day.
He was her life, her everything. She wanted him to know she loved him, that she would always love him, like he was her brother and father all in one. Henrietta wanted so much to – Wait.
You may say that I'm a dreamer,
But I'm not the only one,
I hope someday you'll join us,
And the world will be as one.
Turning away from the window, she sighed and looked down at her hands, before looking next to her, and jumping slightly.
"Who are you?"
Maybe there was no life left in her after all.
