Disclaimer: A writing project that had been rusting for a while. Sorry.
Warning: OOC instances, suicidal commitment and soft slash (PatBob) are involved.
Pouring strength like a rock...
The only force left in me to stay strong
For so long in time; and that was why
I couldn't understand what went wrong.
Painfully big: the size of your lie.
Over weak pencil traces and tear stains,
You'd said it, as I grasped this fragile letter;
Stating that I was only your best friend
For never knowing anyone better...
Scattered around a once polished marble,
There laid all of our happiest memories;
Oh, so many— to say, almost uncountable,
Now destroyed, like any unpleasant mistake
Someone would really like to forget in a hurry.
And yet, I could not reprimand you.
To say, I'd been a terrible liar myself.
I never gathered enough courage to express it:
You had so much value in my empty life...
Even more than a partner to hang out with
Or a shoulder I could rely on and whine.
"I j-just... loved you so much..."
But my cowardice blocked away my words.
Who could ever imagine that my poor
acting would bring so much misery?
My heart started breaking at the thought.
What would our praised heroes think of me now:
Experienced men, enhanced with genuine bravery?
And I kneeled at your side,
Shaking, fighting my urges to cry.
"Answer me!" hoping for your silence
To be over, since it truly hurt:
"Can't you see this breaking soul of
Mine being so afraid to wander alone
In this cold, careless world?"
And yet, you never let out a response.
In fact, the touch of your skin started
To develop a tetric, frigid feeling.
Just like Sister Sam, Dad and Mom;
Everyone I cared about so deeply
Had all left me behind, weeping.
If only I have acted, even by raw impulse,
Then maybe, my grieving wouldn't have
Torn me apart as it had done me today.
Without your affection and pulse
I'd forget even how to breathe...
Would anyone care for a how?
You too were my rock, and
It pains me to admit that:
No tears of bitterness will ever matter
Once your source of happiness is long gone.
Our future, our friendship— all shattered.
And a little voice in me pleads so quietly
To simply carry on...
—Or perhaps, I should not.