The floorboards creaked slightly even as Jude took his steps as softly as possible. The inn was probably as old as the city, and when combined with the quiet atmosphere that came with being constantly snow-ridden, it made him feel like even his breaths were echoing loudly against the walls. Of course, it was also compounded by the fact that everyone - at least, he was pretty certain - was asleep by now. The only reason he was awake was because he was reading a book about Kanbalar's spirit clime he had found on a table in the lobby, and tomorrow, he would surely pay the consequences for staying up so late. But he didn't care much.
Now, he was making his way back up the stairs to his room from returning the book to its rightful place. He stopped short though as one of the doors, open ajar and light leaking through it, caught his eye. He wasn't sure whose room it was, only that it must be one of the girls', if it was on this side of the inn. A bit cautiously he peeked his head through, quickly catching a glimpse of nearly shimmering golden hair.
He didn't realize until the pitter-patter of his heart fiercely escalated that he had been hoping it was Milla's room, but this kind of feeling was something he was getting used to, now. The way his heart would dance and leap when they were alone, the way it pounded against his chest when she talked to him. He inhaled a somewhat shaky, deep breath, before taking a half-step inside. Milla was laying on her bed, her back to him, and honestly Jude had found it odd that she hadn't turned immediately around when he had come within a foot of the door. "Milla?"
She didn't respond to that either, however, so Jude could only assume she was sleeping. With her light on and without a blanket to cover her, no less. Somehow it didn't surprise him too much. For a few moments he stood there, one foot in her door and one foot out. And after a little less than a minute, he started doing what he probably knew he was going to do in the first place. After all, it was just too cold. Of course.
As carefully as possible he practically tip-toed into her room, his breaths shallow. Upon reaching her bedside, he couldn't help but smile a bit. It was rare for him to see Milla like this; her eyes closed peacefully, her face lacking any of its usual cool, collected assertiveness. She looked so tranquil and relaxed that it made Jude sleepy seeing her. And cute was the only way to describe the way her arms were curled up near her chest, and how her legs were curled up to match - her slender, bare legs, the skin looking just so, so soft in the dim, warm light. Their perfect shapes that led up to the curve of her hip, then dipped into her waist, mostly covered by her shimmering hair - which Jude noticed seemed to sparkle right now because it was slightly damp from a bath she must've taken before she fell asleep. A rivulet of water formed from the tip of her hair onto her hip, trailing its way along the bone there, down to -
Jude wanted to slap himself. This was not why he had come in here. His stomach twisted a bit. He was just tired. Not that that gave any valid reason to just how long he had been staring at her, but for now he pushed that out of his mind.
He reached down to the end of her bed, taking the end of the blanket in his hands and slowly drawing it up over her. Since retiring to his room earlier, he had done away with his gloves, so more than once his bare fingers skimmed across her skin - her warm, smooth, soft skin.
He hadn't realized his heart could beat so deafeningly loud.
He looked at her once more, for a few moments simply watching the slow rise and fall of her chest with each breath she took. Seeing her like this, so safe and so at ease, was something that made his heart swell. And something that he wanted to see all the time. Something that he wanted to protect.
His gaze moved back up to her face and god she was so beautiful and he really thought he hands were just going to start moving on their own at this point and he'd - what?
- It didn't matter. If he stayed here any longer Milla was probably going to wake up, and then he'd have to explain, and he'd probably stammer and he could almost picture her sitting up and giving him that soft smile and putting a finger on his lips - one of her slender, perfect fingers -
- God, god, he really had to go to bed.
Carefully and gently, he brought one of her hands to her face, oh so softly brushing her bangs aside. Because it must be uncomfortable for her, of course. And then with every inch of his willpower he quickly turned off the light on her nightstand, and as quietly as he had come, left the room, cautiously closing the door behind him.
With a bit of a hurried pace Jude made his way to his room, and after shutting his door he nearly threw himself on his bed, his face shoved into his pillow. As suddenly as his little moments of heaven had come they had gone and now he was left with only a feeling of self-disgust, if anything - he had gone in there to throw her blanket over her and turn off her light, not stand there for god knows how long.
He sighed.
Without looking he brought his hand to his lamp and turned the light off, before reaching down and grabbing his own blanket and pulling it up. Some sleep would surely do him good. He closed his eyes, not that it made much of a difference. He could still see only Milla.
He took a deep, somewhat shaky breath. A second one. A moment or two passed and he shifted onto his side. And then his other. And then back again. His heart had yet to completely slow down since he had left Milla's room - if anything, he felt like it it was quickening a bit again now that he had laid down, now that he couldn't seem to help but focus on the lingering feeling of Milla's skin brushing against his hand. Jude bit his tongue, and took a deep inhale - time to sleep, now - and exhaled. One, and two. Time to clear his head.
His blood continued to rush down.
If this went on he would never get to sleep, and that was the only reason for this, he told himself, as he practically shoved a hand into his pants and beneath his underwear. A small sigh escaped him as he took hold of his fully hard cock, and after a brief moment he started to pump it, bringing his hand all the way from the base, up to the tip, and back again. He curled his legs a little and curved his torso down a bit - it reminded him of how Milla was laying, with her bare, slender legs that curved so perfectly up to -
He bit his tongue, hard. Not right now not right now.
His strokes became a bit quicker, his breathing audible now. Each pump brought him so much closer, felt like a little release of its own now, and god, god, it felt good, and he kept telling himself it was just because he hadn't done this in a while. He took as steady a breath as he could, trying to clear his mind again. He needed to get to sleep. He just needed to let this out and get to sleep.
Precum was now falling below his swelled tip down onto his shaft, making his hand wet. It flowed down, just like the water on Milla's body as it followed the line of her hip bone and -
He bit his lip hard enough it hurt, holding back his release with every bit of willpower in him.
A pant came out of him with each stroke, now, as he twisted his wrist with each motion, desperate to finish this before he mind wandered off again. The nearly slick sounds of his motions felt like they were practically echoing in the quiet room, but it was nothing compared to his labored breaths or the pounding of his heart against his chest. He gripped himself tighter, trying so hard to focus on the feeling and the feeling alone. He gave himself another hard pump, coiling his fingers tight around himself, Milla's fingers, Milla's beautiful slender fingers curled around his cock -
His moan hitched in his throat and turned into a short gasp as he came, warm liquid coating his hand in an instant. His free hand clung at the bedsheet and his body shuddered and god it wasn't stopping and his head was spinning and Milla's perfect warm skin against him and he was still cumming -
Two, long, incredibly uneven shaking breaths later, and the wave of pleasure drifted away as suddenly as it had started. He let go of himself, trying to wipe some of the stickiness off on a dry spot of the inside of his pants. He then brought his hand back up and pulled the blanket over his head completely. His breaths were evening out, now, and weren't deafeningly loud. As his heart rate started to return to normal, so too did his mind leave its pleasured haze, and as soon as that happened he felt gross in more ways than one.
Jude turned over onto his stomach, burying his face into his pillow. The tide of sleep was starting to wash over his body, but that would probably have to wait a few more minutes - at least until the stinging feeling from behind his eyes went away.
i asked my fiancé "if you could have any judemilla fic what would it be" and "xillia 1 jude masturbating and trying not to think about milla" was her first response. so.