Clouds and Smoke Float Past the
Eyes (Chinese Proverb,
trans. by author)
It is early in the night. I
wake once more to walk among the bustling streets of the night market.
Who am I, you ask? Ai… just another face in the masse. I have seen many things, I have been
many things…_Aiya_…no use explaining, eh? One hundred and seventy
years have passed me by. And yet, I am eternal time, blooming for all
eternity…they called me Yuh Tuh, the legendary jade rabbit who dwelt in
the moon, at the tea house.
In those days, I was as nimble as
bamboo in the wind; the 'fluttering crane' was of my possession, all the
gai-jin lords sought me. No more though…
Innocence always enflames those of hardest souls. Guei-lao
fell at my feet, laying presents after my foot steps. I had it all…until he
came…
He was just like the rest of them:
pale of skin, pale of hair, and pale of eyes. He was cold, and I, with
all my ignorance, scrambled to warm him. Those nights were filled with
what I knew as passion. But, lust was all that drove him.
Little did I know, there was more to
him then what I saw.
Ahma warned me. I did not heed her
cares. What I saw was the picturesque knight of the sun, who came to
claim my bed at night and claim me as his Moon-princess. We never
dallied into the morn; he was always adamant about leaving before the cock
crowed.
What do you say?…You flatter me…I
wear the mask of death, do you not see? Perhaps you find that
fascinating? No, no, I won't bite you…How can I? You've been the
most attentive listener I've had in years…Anyways…
The Wu approached sometime during
1851, during the first battles of the Taiping Rebellion. There was the
murderous intent in the air and they told me of him…that he was Kin-jin, a
barbarian blood sucker. They asked for my cooperation in the ousting of
their strongholds among the guei-lao. Distraught, I declined,
shattering two jade cups against the wall, and sobbed wildly. However,
before the guards arrived, they were gone, and so, my first contact of the
spirit-kind ended.
He came that night with the news…and
with others of his kind. He asked me to come…he did not have permission
from his Prince to embrace me, but said that it would be arranged that I be
approved.
My heart was torn…could he truly feel
for me? Could I ever live as one of them? My answer was unsure at
first, but, as he rose to leave…I knew exactly what I wanted: I wanted nothing
to do with him. I told him that if he truly loved me, he would stay, no
matter the odds.
He left though, without replying, as
silently as he came.
The rest stayed, however, and they
approached me to say that I knew too much. I was a threat to their
safety. Baring their teeth, they fell
upon me. One looked at me before sinking his teeth into me, that I had
chosen my destiny, my fate…to die at their fangs. I can still remember
their touch… They didn't let me die
immediately; they kept me alive, cutting my skin slowly all the while letting
the blood drip to places unbidden, where they would lap it up. It was my
punishment for the naivety, to think that one of theirs could ever love me!
Sated in my blood, they fell on
the floor, like bloated ticks, wretching up the blood they could not keep in
their bellies…I never knew pain like this…my heart flickered before giving
out. The trip to Yomi was even more
terrifying. I stood, overlooking the torture, in my bloodied silk
robe. The blood flowed endlessly, soaking me…there were no wounds…just
blood. It came in waves, gurgling in rushes…
I don't remember anything past
that…only that my soul knew that I had sinned gravely as a human… Yuh found me later. His eyes
flashing…yes, the Wu accepted me, even as I had shunned them in the
beginning. I learned, as you shall learn, what I was and why I came to
be.
Do I hate the Kin-jin? I cannot
say. I do not care for them, they only bring imbalance wherever they go…
But I am as you see me now: timeless and forever. Come, you are young and have much to learn. I will not
spend the night speaking of my ills…for things are like clouds and smoke
passing in front of the eyes: with no lasting value or substance, only leaving
a mirage behind.
