Disclaimer: Rizzoli and Isles is not mine
All mistakes are mine.
Hi guys! This is the aftermath of Susie's death. I hope you like it!
"Where are you going?" Jane asked Maura upon seeing her walk towards the door.
"I forgot something in my office and I have to get it." Maura replied in a monotone voice that she had keep on using in this whole ordeal.
Jane knew this.
Maura knew that Jane knew it. She just didn't want to deal with the look that she's seeing in the brown orbs of her friend.
She needed time.
"Do you want me to go with you?" Jane asked hoping that Maura will say yes. She had been deciphering her every actions since they all found out what had happened to their friend and colleague. Maura maintained the air of professionalism and imperviousness throughout the case and she knew it's a bad thing.
Maura had been compartmentalizing her feelings from the very start and any moment from now, she'll burst and she wanted to be there when that happen. She had been giving Maura way too much space for her liking but she knew that her friend needed it. When Maura called the governor, she knew that it was her way of shutting everyone down, what she didn't expect was that the shutting down included her.
"It's alright, Jane. You can stay with your family. I'll be fine." Maura replied weakly.
A lie.
Jane stared for a whole minute before sighing in defeat.
"Just take care of yourself." She replied before opening the door for the woman.
Maura walked towards her car. There were so many thoughts popping in her head, remorse, regret, longing… everything. The silence in the car didn't even made her feel relaxed. She was trembling but she steeled herself not to cry.
Not here.
Not in a place where any moment someone might see her.
Maura drove to BPD. She didn't forget anything but she just wanted to be in the solace of her lonesome office. She didn't want to go back to her house because without the small noises her pet used to make she'd only get deaf by the silence. She was on her way to the office when she heard a noise down the hall.
In the freezers.
Maura wasn't one to believe in ghost or anything about a spiritual fiasco. She believed in science and that's just it, however, at the back of her mind she was wishing that she'd see Susie in there alive, and working on a case.
Tentatively, she walked towards the freezers and there it was… a pint of Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream was sitting in front of the door, beside it was Yoshima, Susie's friend and one of her trusted analyst.
"What are you doing here?" Maura asked quietly.
"Remembering her." Was a quiet response from the analyst.
"May I?" Maura asked gesturing at the space on the other side of the pint.
Yoshima nodded.
Upon sitting, Maura picked up the pint of ice cream and look at the labels, reading them for no absolute reasons.
"She used to eat those whenever we hit 12:00 mark. She said that she needed extra energy and explained to me how soothing the dessert is." Yoshima commented.
There was a comfortable silence as they both stare at the lonesome dessert on Maura's hands.
"I miss her, Dr. Isles." Yoshima said.
"I do too." Was the quiet response of the doctor.
Yoshima rarely see an emotion to the doctor but diverting his stare on the pint and looking at her, he could see how she was fighting in holding back the tears.
Susie told him before that when Detective Barry Frost died, she found Dr. Isles crying near an ambulance. It was a devastating sight. Seeing their composed Chief sobbing felt like someone's ripping her heart out while she's still alive. Susie told him that the only reason he told her was that she had to let it out to someone. She said that keeping it made her feel sad. Yoshima knew how much the senior criminalist idolized the doctor and he thought that maybe the reason why she told him that was because seeing the composed doctor left a mark on her and every time she thought of it or even remembered it, it triggered something, but that was him concluding something that will never be proven.
Seeing the doctor now seemingly trying to compartmentalize but failing made him feel the same way as Susie, and the doc wasn't even crying.
"Doc, why don't you go home? It has been a long day." Yoshima asked whilst standing and offering a hand to their chief, which Maura accepted.
"Why don't you go first? I just have to get something from my office." She said smiling at the analyst.
"Will you be okay?" Yoshima asked.
Maura nodded.
And with that Yoshima left Maura alone with a pint of Mint Chocolate Chip. She punched the number of the door and put it in the freezer where she felt it belonged. She locked the door and walked towards the direction of her office.
She's walking on the hallway when she vividly remembered this year's heat wave. Susie was outside hindering the people from different department in entering the lab. She could've asked Yoshima but she didn't, instead, she stand there outside. It didn't matter how hot it was, as long as the whole team was working peacefully, she'd be fine.
Maura smiled at the thought. Maura arrived at her office and opened the dim lights. She tried sitting on her couch but she seemed to get restless just like when she couldn't do anything to help them about the case. She walked towards her chair and noticed the plaque.
"they called how to engrave the plaque and I had to tell someone…" were her exact words.
Maura checked the time.
11:00pm
During these time when they're in for the long night, Susie would enter her office and they would talk about everything and anything. Susie was the only one who understood her when she blabbered something about the beauty of science. Susie always listens to her and in effect, she would banter on her own theories. She found another best friend.
She remembered when Susie asked her to go sky diving and she hesitated not because she was afraid of heights but because a part of her was afraid of taking the risk. She admired Susie, she never told her that but she admired how she lived her life. She was carefree.
A kindred-spirit.
Tears were slowly falling from her eyes creating two trails of warm liquid but she didn't mind. Soon enough, under the pale light of her office, she succumbed to the darkness and pent up emotions she's trying to keep at bay. She let out a small sob and soon enough she was breaking down. She held onto her chair until all was left was to sat for she knew that her legs would eventually give up.
She lost one of her best friends.
The room felt too big for her and it reminded of her the old times when she would fall asleep at one corner of her room because she felt drowning on her huge bed.
She's drowning now.
She couldn't breathe and different thoughts were swirling in her head. She wanted to hurt someone, throw something away; maybe it would make her feel better.
Warm arms engulfed her and she heard Jane's voice.
"Let it all out, Maur." It all said.
Jane was standing outside when Maura started to broke down. She wanted to give Maura the space to cry but seeing her looking so small made her changed her mind. Maura was in pain, she is too but seeing her best friend crying looking like a small ceramic angel falling into pieces made her want to swoop the pain away and take it all in.
At first she called Maura's name but she didn't seem to hear her so she pulled Maura's small fragile body to her and just let her cry.
"Why Jane? Why? Why her?" Maura sobbed.
Jane couldn't explain it herself. It was unfair. They just lose a friend recently and now, they lose another one of their own. Susie was a friend, a sister.
"Sweetie, come. Let's go to your couch." Jane said coaxing Maura up and guiding her towards the couch not minding her own tears falling from her eyes.
Jane pulled Maura into her. She wanted to shield her from anymore hard and pain. Maura clutched into Jane as if she was her lifeline.
Jane mumbled words of support.
Maura sobbed incoherent words.
Jane held Maura tighter until her tears subside.
Maura fell asleep with tears on her eyes in which Jane gradually wiped. Seeing this strong woman currently sleeping on her lap so broken made her heart hurts.
When Maura told her she was fine, Jane already knew she wasn't. She saw Maura in the car trembling, looking so lost.
Jane followed Maura after telling them that she needed to get some file from BPD. She went up for a while, gather a file that she indeed left, and read it briefly, giving Maura all the time that she needed. After an hour and half, she went down the morgue to see how Maura was and there she was… a broken ceramic angel.
"I will always be here for you Maur. I'll never leave you." She said as she let the tears fall from her eyes.
We will miss you Senior Criminalist Susie Chang!