A/N: First SGA and John/Teyla Fic. Set after Suspicion, Season 1.
He can't help but watch as her tanned fingers glide over the stunning glass. Something in him worries over her withdrawal from everyone, even Atlantis itself, something in John and in the Major. He can't describe it but he knows he doesn't like it. He sees her but he wonders if Teyla ever sees only herself in a mirror and not all of Athos on her shoulders.
He's waiting for the doors to close on him, alerting her to his presence but he's still watching as her fingers dance across the window. John wants to ask her something, start a conversation but he doesn't know how, he usually leaves that to her. Lately Teyla has taken nothing from anyone, always giving but refusing to receive. Maybe she always has, he muses, but now he wants to give her something, anything to make her smile and again he doesn't know how. He doesn't know what's wrong, that bothers him more than anything else right now.
He realizes she has stopped moving just letting her fingers rest. He wonders if the glass is cold or if its still vaguely warm from the setting sun. His eyes drift along her profile, she looks weary and ready to collapse in on herself. He hears her sigh, letting her exhaustion echo through the gym.
"Teyla." He finally says, knowing she'll close up from the concern in his voice. He stifles the urge to heave an annoyed sigh as she turns to him, her face filled with that bland serenity that is her trademark. He notices her eyes seem heavier than he remembered, as if they were holding a secret they couldn't bear.
"Sorry, Major, did you need something?" She asked, throwing off his worry like an old shirt.
"Everyone's worried about you." He states, knowing the phrase will get him nowhere yet he hopes for her it's something nice to hear.
"There is no need." She assures him without much conviction. Her dark eyes float over him quickly before turning back to the rapidly darkening window.
"I've hardly seen you since you came back from the mainland." He points out, hoping she'll pick it up and give him the answers he wants to hear.
"I have kept myself occupied." She replied flatly. He's almost relieved she isn't facing him so she doesn't have to see him frown. John knows he will need to pick his words wisely. He seats himself next to her on the bench but remains careful with the distance.
"Anything you want to talk about?" The words feel awkward on his tongue as he says them and they hang in the air as she meticulously formulates an answer. It's the look of deep concentration on her face that signals that she hasn't completely ignored him.
"Things are different now." She explains sounding unsure of what she was trying to say. He knows what she means, he always has since he first met her. It's a connection he can't explain, one unlike any other he's had and one he wouldn't give up for all the ZPM's in the galaxy. John knows how hard Teyla has taken the news of her Wraith DNA. Everyone treats her a little differently, there's no denying that but she has treated herself differently too. She is still Teyla Emmagan, the brave leader to the people of Athos, an indispensable part of an Atlantis expedition team and a woman dedicated and loyal to both sides.
"Give them time. Everyone here will get use to it." He advises, knowing its an inadequate response.
"It is not just here. My people also see me unusually now. " She angled her head back in his direction, he watched as the last of the sunlight played across her golden honey colored hair. "They view my choices as betrayal and now they seem relieved am I no longer among them."
"I doubt that's the case." He replied automatically.
"You were not there, my presence seemed to make everyone uncomfortable. It is difficult being stuck between two worlds without being able to call one home."
"Atlantis isn't home?" He asked, a little hurt by the admission. Her coffee colored eyes had always held determination and purpose now only held confusion and loss.
"Maybe some day. Suspicions still linger and questions are arising that cannot be ignored." Her voice was weary now, matching her body language.
"What questions?"
"If I can detect the Wraith, does that mean they're able to detect me?" He knew she thought only of how her abilities would effect everyone else. Athos or Atlantis may throw her out but she would still have their best interest at heart.
"I doubt that. Teyla, listen to me." He reached for her hand, wanting to relieve her of her worries with more than just words. "No one can and no one will hold any of this against you. You are who you are and I wouldn't have it any other way."
She gave a small warm smile as her fingers wrapped themselves around his.
"Thank you." She said sincerely, fighting against the tears that burned in the back of her throat. Crying was not something she knew how to deal with and she had feeling it was not one of John's strong suits either.
She reluctantly released his hand and rested hers on his shoulders in preparation for the Athosian greeting. A gesture, he came to realize, that had so many meanings yet he knew exactly what she was showing him. Trust, relief and companionship. He raised his own hands to her shoulders, soaking up the heat from her skin. He felt solace and support when her forehead touched his. They both stayed lock together unwilling to let it end. Teyla moved her head back only centimeters wanting linger in his nearness. Her eyes found his again and he saw they were no longer shrouded in mystery but open and receptive.
He found his gaze drawn to her lips now. The soft long curve of deep pink against her dark golden skin. He felt the potential of this moment closing in on them. Teyla felt nervous under his weighted gaze. She felt what he wanted and she wanted to give it to him. His forest hued eyes flicked back to hers and she found herself leaning forward, giving in without being asked.
The contact was meant to be brief, his way of thanking her for all she had done for Atlantis, for her own people but most of all for him. She only had to move her lips across his to deepen it, for the question that would go unasked to be answered. He leaned farther, never realizing how much he had needed to kiss her.
When he felt her hands tug slightly bringing him a little closer, he pressed his lips more insistently against hers. He was a little surprised when her petal soft lips parted and her tongue darted out against his.
She tasted unique, earthy and sweet. The smooth glide of his tongue over hers sent waves of desire coursing through his veins like honey. The movement of their mouths against each other was slow, letting them both shut out everything around them to savor this one moment for themselves. It was only about their lips and hands ghosting over each other, no frenzied need for deeper acts that would have farther reaching consequences, it was just this.
She pulled back regretfully remembering the need to breath and think.
John would never forget the imprint of her lips against his, for now though he would let it go. There could be hope for them one day but today it was only a promise of something to look forward to.
He still had her friendship, her strength, her support, her trust which was enough. John couldn't help but think what would happen when it no longer was.