"I can't keep doing this."
"Don't what 'Livia?" Peter stared at her, unsure what she was saying, not understanding where she was coming from. This couldn't be it, the end for them. They were such a good team, made a great duo.
"Lying to everyone." She'd been down this road, this path before. Most of the men she'd been with, she'd found herself promising them not to tell a soul about their relationship. He was different though. He wasn't like most men and though they were colleagues-he wasn't her partner. He wasn't FBI. He didn't have a badge or gun. He wasn't the typical guy she'd usual find herself attracted to. She wasn't sure why.
Peter stared at her in the hotel room, watching her pace a hole on the rug as he sat down at the edge of the bed, watching her. "I just think its better this way." He'd certainly never intentionally lied to anyone but he'd never shown her any affection in front of their colleagues either. She'd been the one after their first night together, to smile and pretend it was the liquor. She'd been the one wanting to keep it quiet. Not wanting everyone to know about her personal life. Not wanting everyone to judge her-all over again. She'd worked hard at getting where she was. She didn't want it taken from her, not in the slightest. He didn't care about the excuses she made, he knew they had both been consenting adults, they had both been attracted to each other long before the three shots in the bar. The eyesex, the flirting, it had been going on for weeks, no months. Neither were oblivious to such notions. "We're just being discreet," Peter shrugged. "I could make a sign, hang it outside of the lab?" He joked. She didn't seem happy lately. He knew he was in part to blame but she didn't understand.
"Yeah," she scoffed at the notion. He had no idea what this did to her, did he? "Why the hotel Peter?" She hated being in such a cheap place. It reminded her of John Scott. It was clear they couldn't go to his place, his father was there—it wasn't that she didn't want Walter to know but—she couldn't help but feel confused, hurt from some of the things she'd learned about his past. She could keep the façade up at work but around Peter, there were times she could open up, share herself physically and emotionally. She didn't want Walter interrupting in any possible way. She knew he was capable of it, without thinking twice. He'd certainly made enough crazy statements over their first year working together, nothing should have phased her anymore.
He didn't answer her. Not at first. He knew they could have gone to her place, her apartment, shared time there, in her home. That would make this a relationship though and he was the worst one at sharing himself beyond sex with a woman. "I thought you liked being wined and dined," he knew it was a lousy answer given the status of the hotel. It wasn't the worst one in Boston but it wasn't going to impress her either.
"Please tell me you're joking." She gave him the dead panned expression and he watched as she put her clothes back on.
"Wait, 'Livia, please." He didn't want her leaving. He knew she wouldn't talk about it at work with him. He knew she'd put up that brick wall around her heart. It hadn't been easy to break past and he knew he had probably put up one much like her own.
"Give me one good reason I should stay here, with you." Olivia buttoned up her blouse, glancing at him, waiting for an answer. She really didn't expect one. This had been a mistake between them. Not that it hadn't felt good, amazing in fact. The sex was phenomenal, better than anything she'd ever experienced but that was it. He closed himself off after to her. Sure he held her, kissed her, told her everything she wanted to hear but when it came time to opening up, to trusting her, she felt more alone then ever. At work they were just colleagues, in the hotel they were lovers. She didn't know what happened to them being friends. She didn't know where the Peter she had fallen for had gone. More nights then she could count he'd ravage her body. His mind was gone, his eyes dark. He wasn't the Peter she knew.
She knew he wouldn't tell her he loved her. He didn't get attached to people and places. It wasn't like him. He traveled, he escaped, he journeyed the world and for what-he still didn't know. To find himself, to find her, perhaps. It was a cliché and he was sick and tired of them.
"I don't have one." It was a lie. As much as he wanted to beg her to say, she was better off without him. It was how he always felt, had always felt. She deserved better, not the baggage he had and his crazy father. She was getting herself in deeper every moment and he wanted to save her any way he could.
"I loved you, Peter." She's not even sure if it's true. Love is such an abstract word, thrown about far too often but she has to say it, just to make her leaving him sting even more.
Peter can't help but watch her, feel his heart heavy and he reached out to her, grabbing her arm, pulling her to sit beside him on the bed. His palm lands on her thigh, his thumb stroking in soft circles as his palm refuses to move. The touch is firm yet comforting. "You deserve to be happy."
"Then why can't you do that? Why can't you let me be happy?" She didn't understand why he was so stubborn, why time together after work meant them staying in a crummy motel when all they were doing was hiding the truth from themselves.
"I do want you happy, 'Livia." Why did she have to turn his words around? Though he knew he hadn't said what he'd been thinking. "Your apartment, how can you trust it's safe? How can you be sure no one knows we're together? If they know how I feel about you-they have leverage, 'Livia." It's why he insisted they remain friends in front of everyone. He can't chance losing her. There have been too many close calls. Too many times fate has intervened and he can't help but wonder when her number might be up. He doesn't want to be the cause. He knows he can't live with himself if something were to happen.
"Why would anyone-" she can't help but sigh, but wonder if Walter were to know, or Astrid, or anyone else at the Bureau-that the information could easily fall into the wrong hands. There were rogue agents, spies in the FBI. It was a horrible reality but with all she'd witnessed, with ZFT and William Belle, she wasn't sure what to think, what to believe. She'd been a possible test subject of the drug Cortexiphan while she was in Jacksonville, Florida. She tries not to think about what's inside her body, the fact whoever did the tests, might not be done with her. She's seen too much to ignore or deny it. It's hard talking about it though-some things she still hasn't been able to share and now she sees Peters concern.
His hands reach out, finding their way into her blonde tresses. "You are too valuable to them."
"What are you talking about?" She felt her stomach tense.
"There are files I found," he's not sure how much he wants to elaborate. Living with Walter though, finding a file on 'Olive', it couldn't just be a coincidence. He asked Walter about it just hours before he ended up falling into bed with her. Though he never did confess to her why he found himself at the bar, drinking his anger away.
"And?" She's hanging on his every word. It's the first time he's spoken about anything regarding her and the past. Weeks ago, he was there and she had questioned Walter, he'd thought she was crazy, giving into his father's delusions.
"I can't tell you." His eyes fall to his lap, his hand stays planted firmly on her thigh. It's the one thing keeping her from moving. It's the small reassurance that he doesn't want her leaving him.
"Peter." Her eyes bore into him. "You can't tell me there's a file and then just leave me hanging."
"You don't want to know," his eyes move to find hers, a sadness overlooking her.
"Don't pity me." She could see the look. The same darkened one that crossed his face when they were together. "Tell me the truth, Peter. You owe it to me." Immediately she stands, staring at him, demanding an answer. "Peter."
"The tests didn't end in 83'." He sighed watching her stand up. She backed away from him, her eyes wide suddenly afraid. Her heart was pounding in her chest. She couldn't help but feel afraid, terrified in fact.
"What are you saying, Peter? They're still doing Cortexiphan trials?" She had thought they were done. That she had been in the second group but it was over. She prayed it was over. Though she hadn't remembered it, she knew it couldn't have been good.
"Not Cortexiphan," Peter shook his head. "It's deeper than that. I don't know all the details," he confessed, "I just know, they're watching you, observing you." He stared at her. "They're waiting for your ability to surface. I fear if they know we're together, if they know the hold you have on me, they'll use it to their advantage."
Olivia nodded weakly. She wasn't sure how he'd gotten that from an old file but she didn't question it. The fear in his eyes, the concern, it was genuine. "Then they won't find out." She breathed a heavy sigh, "you think my place is under surveillance, bugged?"
"I think it's not safe." Peter nodded. "I know Walter isn't behind any of this anymore-but I worry his work hasn't ended."
"William Bell?" Olivia guessed. It wasn't a happier moment but she'd dealt with enough involving massive dynamic, she didn't put it past him. With a sigh she sat back down on the bed, her head hung down, thinking it over. Nina Sharp, who worked for Massive Dynamic certainly had known a lot about her. Most of it was easily attainable but keeping tabs on people wouldn't surprise her. She knew they had access to surveillance equipment and could monitor anyone they deemed necessary-without question, it was a scary thought. "So what do we do, Peter?" She hated sounding scared but for the briefest of moments she was terrified.
"We keep our distance, we keep things professional because when the time is right, we'll be the ones in control."
Olivia sighed, she hated that he sounded so paranoid, it wasn't like him but she knew, he was probably right. He wouldn't have been this discreet if he hadn't been concerned. "You know I don't like it," she wanted to voice her opinion, at least to him.
"Me either, 'Livia." He pressed a kiss to the top of her head, feeling her body relax under his touch. "We'll make it work between us, I'm sorry if I've been different lately," his lips found her neck.
"You don't think they already know?" She found it hard to believe-if they were looking intensely, they'd have figured as much out. "If they're watching then they know I'm here with you." She relaxed into his touch, her arms finding their way through his hair.
"They don't." He was adamant. "If they knew, someone would have said something." He was sure of it. "Did you hear me, I'm sorry?"
"Yeah, I did," she nodded pulling her head back slightly, her eyes staring into his. "I'm not good with this Peter," she'd voiced as much the first time they'd made love. It wasn't the act she wasn't good at-it was the relationship.
"You're great at it, 'Livia. I'm the one screwing things up, making it more complicated than it needs to be." His thumb stroked her cheek. "I can't risk losing you."
"Sometimes I feel like you don't have me at all." She confessed, moving to straddle his hips, her fingers moving through his dark hair, staring into those eyes intently. "I hate pretending. I want everyone to know what you mean to me. No matter the consequences, Peter."
"It doesn't worry you, William Bell, Massive Dynamic, ZFT?" He knew they were out there, watching them-watching her. Someone had been involved in the Cortexiphan trials and he couldn't believe they were done. Not with the fact she'd been abducted months ago, taken if only to be 'activated' as David Robert Jones had put it so mildly.
"Why worry my life away, Peter? What good will it do? Besides," a smile crept on her lips, "who says I don't have an ability."
"The lights thing?" He still wasn't sure how or what to classify that experience as. He'd never forget it though, the moment he thought she would surely die. He couldn't have left her alone, no matter how hard he tried and he knew if she were to die, his fate was the same.
"Yeah, there's that," Olivia smiled weakly, "and bits of things I'm remembering as a child. They're fuzzy and not quite clear," she confessed, "it might not even be relevant," the bright yellow clothes she was in, the smell of charred flesh and the flames high among the walls. It was bits and pieces she could recall, never the whole thing.
"So you're special?" Peter smiled. It was rare she talked about herself in such a way. Sure they'd witnessed crazy phenomenon, come across the most bizarre experiments but to see that look in her eyes, to hear the way she spoke about it, she knew something.
"Maybe." She shrugged with a faint smile, "I don't want to let someone involved with ZFT calling the shots." It was crazy to her that what she knew and believed to be a terrorist organization, were also the ones that abducted her, activated her, and were the ones possibly watching her. Unless they were just a piece of an even bigger puzzle.
"No, trust me. You're special," he breathed leaning in, his lips not quite touching her and yet they could both feel the kiss, the spark between them. They could feel a sensation that hadn't yet occurred and for the briefest of moments, Peter realized it as much as Olivia—he was special too.
A/N: Thanks for reading and supporting my writing! I've now writing full time and have published a novel Aberrant, a Young Adult Romantic Dystopian Adventure. Be sure to check it out at