Sometimes, I find it hard to forget. Forgetting is a very hard thing to do. Moving on is even harder. It's been almost six years since I left Sunnydale, and I find it hard to shake the pictures of it out of my head. Sometimes, when I walk around, I find myself, turning down streets, thinking that I'm headed towards the libary, or Giles's apartment. I can't seem to stop.

Then, I remember that I'm in New York. Not Sunnydale, not California. I often stare off into no where, while I'm shoveling books at the libary, adjusting my fake glasses, that make me look more studious. And I find myself wondering about my old friends. I haven't talked to Willow in some months and it's been about a year since I've talked to Xander. Last I heard from him, he was working on some oil rig outside of Tuscon. He even sent me a postcard. Giles was still in Sunnydale with Faith. I talked to Giles sometime last week, and I talked to Faith yesterday.

And now, I have to get back to shoveling books.

"Mrs. Summers?"

It was a familar voice. I turned around. It was Jake, a fellow libraian.

"Buffy... and yes?"

"Did you happen to see the..."

His voice blured. I shook my head 'no' I didn't know what he was asking for, but I haven't been able to see much of anything today. It then dawned on me how much Jake looked like Angel.

Angel. Angel. God I could say that name a thousand times and it would still send chills up my spine. I hadn't talked to him in five years. I missed him. He mailed me a short letter from Toyko about a year ago. I wrote him back but got no response. When I last talked to Willow, she said that he had called her a while back, just to see how she was. He seemed fine according to her "Angel like". I wished I could go to him, talk to him.

I placed yet another book onto the shelf. I thought back to Angel, to the cross he gave me, which I bore around my neck. I began to think. Where is he? What's he doing? How is he? Is he even alive?I can't think like that! Of course he's alive, of course he is...

There was someone behind me. At first I thought it was Jake but then I froze. I knew who it was. Angel. He made no noise, didn't move. But I knew it was him. I didn't turn around, I figured he didn't want me to. So I adjusted my glasses and continued to shove books. He walked up behind me and began to rearange all of the books that I had just spent two hours shelving.

"What the hell are you doing?" I asked him, without really thinking

He raised an eyebrow and continued to switch books.

"Hello? Did you go deaf in the past five years?

"You're supposed to shelve them by authors name. If it's the same name then you go by the number."

"Not by..."

"No, not by title."

I shifted a bit, and he contined to remove books. I watched him for a moment.

"So what are you..."

"Dickens."

"What?"

"The Dickens book under your foot, hand it to me."

I bent down and handed him the book and he contined to shelve the books carefully.

"So what are you..."

"How did you not get fired?" He asked, raising an eyebrow

"The bosses son likes me." I replied, refering to Jake

Angel rolled his eyes and continued to shelve the books.

"You don't have to..."

I stopped. He finished the books, dropped some back onto my cart and began to push it.

"So where have you been?"

"Around."

"Where?" I asked

"Um... Iceland. Nepal, Japan, Asia, Vegas, Jersey, L.A., San Franciso, Tuson. I saw Xander. Stopped in Sunnydale about two years back, talked to Giles, Faiths doing pretty well, um... I went to Phili for a while then to Miami... Willow's doing okay. I went to Toronto for a bit then to Maine for about two months. I just got here today, thought I'd pay you a visit."

"How'd you know where to find me?" I asked

He stopped at another shelf and began to place books on it.

"I uh... "

"You uh what?"

"I've been trackin' you all day. Are you aware that you walked into thirteen poles on your way here?"

He removed a book.

"Yep. So what took you so long to come to me?"

"I went to get a bite to eat..."

Both our eyes widened.

"Angel, it's one o' clock in the afternoon."

"I saved this sorcerrest from a fire or something..."

"Huh?"

"I was drunk when I did it. Anyway, she gave me the gift of light, and of an everlasting soul."

I chocked on my spit.

"I didn't really know that she had did it. All I know is that I woke up in Mexico in an alley."

He then realized that I was chocking and patted me on the back.

"You okay?"

I didn't reply. He looked up at me and I looked into his deep brown eyes. They stared at me, slightly worried. I wanted him to take me into his arms, to have him hold me, kiss me. But I didn't let him. I had a whole new life know... it was a new time and a new life. I didn't want to make the same mistakes again.

But then, wasn't the soul and sunlight the only thing in our way? Now that he had had it 'taken care of...'. It was then that I looked up at Angel again, who was standing there, waiting patiently. Looking like some kind of bronze god. All of his features were perfect, perfect smile, perfect eyes. He was so old, he knew so much more than anyone I'd ever known, things about people, things about the world, yet he looked so young. It was his everlasting immortality. Something I didn't have. A book fell off of the shelf. Angel caught it. It looked like he planned it or made it fall himself but I knew he hadn't.

"You alright?" He asked me, absently tapping the book against his palm.

He dropped it and it fell open. Immortality. We both froze. Then Angel, knowing how wrong it was, closed the book back... and shoved it into his shoulder bag. We didn't say anything for a while after that. It was just our little secret.

Angel's hands were jammed into his pockets.

"So." I began "Do you have some where to stay?"

He shook his head in a 'not yet' way.

"You could stay with me..." I replied

He smiled up at me, catching the hidden meaning in the sentence. He walked to me, took me into his arms, kissing me sweetly. That kiss erased the past five years. It was like we were never gone. Like we were still in Sunnydale. But our passion rose. I pushed him into a chair, stradeling him. He stopped.

"Not here." He said

"Why?"

"It's a freakin' libary." He said, smiling

I took his hand and quickly excused myself from work. But when we got back to my apartment it was a totally new story.

"You're amazing." I said to Angel, who had me cudled up in his arms.

"Likewise." He replied

He held me a bit closer.

"So, what have you been up to in the past five years?"

"Nothing much..."

I looked back at him. I knew he was lying.

"I've just been around... thinking I guess."

I didn't reply.

"Been missing you like crazy."

I nestled deeper into his arms. That was the reply I was waiting for.

"So Slay Gal... what have you been up to?"

I knew what he meant by that. What he really wanted to ask was, 'why aren't you patroling?' killing vamps?

"Nothing much. I haven't been patroling if that's what you meant. I just kinda hoped if I moved away from Sunnydale... maybe... maybe I could start over. Get a whole new life... new destiny."

"You are destined to be the slayer. Nothing can change that."

I paused.

"Well of course ... if you're going to use logic."

He laughed slightly.

"But... I just wanted to get away from it all. Just be on my own. Have my own rules. Forget that vampires even exist."

"And that didn't work did it."

"Nope. I miss slaying but I try so hard not to. I want to forget it. I want to pretend that I'm not the slayer. That I don't have super strenght. That I'm not in love with a vampire."

"Same here." He began "I wanted to forget everything and just have my own totally different life. Another destiny... but... then I realize... that... this is my destiny. This is our destiny. We can't run from it. We can't stop it or change it. Only embrace it. We were born to protect this earth... and we weren't meant to ever stop fighting.That's our curse. Our fate... destiny."

I didn't reply. I knew he was right. So I listened to him. The next day, Angel began to help me train again. I soon got fast and strong and swift. Angel did to, soon we moved back to Sunnydale, where we were put, were we were supposed to be. Where a Slayer and her vampire are going to stay. For eternity.

I now see my destiny. I was meant to love Angel, to be with him, to fight and protect for eternity. So was he. I now except my destiny and understand that... I now realize that I don't have a choice. I was given these gifts. I was supposed to use them and I do. Angel often wonders, 'Will this ever end?' and I reply nope. It's never going to stop. Not even after I bury Giles, my Mom, Willow and Xander. When those days come, I'll still have to fight, I'll just have to do it without them. But I'll always have my champion with me. To fight by my side.

It is strange to think that I fell in love with a vampire. A vampire and a Slayer... the huntress and the prey. But it is even stranger to imagine a vampire slayer and the great Angelus, the one with the angelic face. Any Slayer who's ever come up against him has lost, has failed, while others hid from him in fear. But I fell in love with him. I saw his heart and his sprirt. I saw his bravery and his strenght. He's my lover. My strenght. My guardian Angel.

I look at him and I know I'll never be alone. He's amazing, brave and kind. And so beautiful. Not just handsome but a rarer beauty, one below that. He's some kind of god. Some classic and rare beauty lies with in his veins. In his deep brown eyes. When I look into them I can see myself, and when he looks into mine he sees me. I'm forever in his heart. He's forever in mine. He's in my eyes, and I'm drowing in the eyes of an Angel.