Christmas shopping can either be a calming thing, knowing I could get my dad glitter and he would love it, or it could be living hell.

Thanks to Sam soul-less Winchester I'm dealing with the latter.

(playing the part of his soul is a rather frustrating job, just ask Dean)

Picking out candy-canes while trying to get Sam away from scantily dressed elves is a job I could do without this holiday season, oh the things I do for love.

The only thing that could save me from this hell, I had way too many things to do while babysitting my boyfriend, was to scare away the skanks with reindeer antlers.

"Do I have to wear it? I will look foolish, Veronica."

Every time this new Sammy opened his mouth, becoming less and less like the Sammy I had fallen in love with, it sent a shiver down my spine.

"Wear it and shut up, Winchester."

I fastened the reindeer antlers on the top of his head and it only took that to take care of the female elves wanting to give him a present.

(my god I'm starting to sound just like Dean)

Explaining the whole point of the holiday season to someone without a soul is quite a chore, which is why I left that to Dean while we put up all the decorations.

(making it the first tree since Dean's last Christmas, a time that seemed so damn long ago)

"Veronica, do I have to be a part of this? I could be hunting right now."

Besides the mountains of questions the only other thing that came out of his mouth that night was the begging to be let free so he could go out and play with some monsters.

(and I remember a time when all he wanted to do was be with me)

"For the last time, Mr. Roboto, call me Ronnie, you always do."

I tried to ignore the chill that came out of his mouth every time he opened it but it was hard to do when he was calling me Veronica like he had just met me the other goddamn day.

(instead of spending years together fighting the good fight)

"But I'm not the Sam-"

Every moment he could he had to remind us that the familiar face we were staring at was not that of Sammy but of an empty shell. As if we would ever forget something like that.

"As you've said a hundred million times, honey, but can you at least try?"

Each day that I tried to get him to act like the old Sammy it was like I was hoping that one goddamn word, which once was filled to the brim with affection, would pop his soul back into place.

(I was always good at supplying the false hope)

"I'll try, Ronnie."

When he finally said it, something that those lips have been calling me since day one (always with a smile either twisted or pure), it was just an icicle of a word.

('Hey, Ronnie, promise me you'll never forget me? 'Never, Winchester, I couldn't if I tried.')

Dean pulled me out of my dreams, which were filled with Sammy someone that was staring right at me but I had not seen in years, ready to trade places.

It was our job to keep on an eye on Sam until his soul was back where it belonged.

(and Dean is there to make sure he keeps it in his pants)

"How's our Pinocchio doing today, Ronnie?"

After a day filled with Sam, and that artic chill he sends my way every second, it only took Dean one single hug to warm me back up again.

"His nose has stopped growing, but the more honest version is a hell of a lot more annoying."

Early on is this little game, that is filled with so many damn question marks, I learned that asking a soulless man how you look is not a very good idea.

(out of those horrible lips fly every flaw you have, all said with a straight face)

"It took a lot of self-control not to make fun of the Bambi ears, perfect chick repellent, Ronnie."

Even now he still had on those ears, in my head I could see Sammy with his cheeks a bright red, not knowing that he looked like a huge fool.

(I bet he even wears those suckers to bed)

"At least one of you has some. The puppet wants to bang every breathing thing yet he barely even looks at me, Dean, am I that horrible?"

The moment I found out that Sam was alive; something that took way too damn long for me to find out, all I wanted was for him to want me, kiss me, and hold me.

However, those empty eyes of his have barely even glanced at me since day one and one single look is the only thing I want for Christmas.

(I use all my self-control when I'm with him, wanting his lips on mine)

Secretly, I had started to wonder if it wasn't about the soulless thing but about him not wanting me at all.

"Don't you dare think that, Ronnie, if you weren't Sammy's girl I would have made you mine years ago. Plus the whole not wanting you think is kind of my fault, since I told him I would kill him if he hurt you."

We were at a point where I could let those warm arms wrap around me and have it not lead to anything else, being friends for so long can do that to you.

(but back then I had Sam there in case big brother tried anything)

"Thanks, Winchester, I doubt it would be the same, I'd rather my lover have his soul intact."

Just thinking about kissing Sam left me shivering like it was sixty below zero.

"You and the rest of the world, babe."

"Hope he doesn't cause you any trouble, Ronnie, I still suggest we have the old guy neutered."

"Try explaining that to Sammy when he gets back, besides he may look like a ghost of a puppy but he's still human."

"I highly doubt that, Ronnie, don't let him out of your sight for a millisecond."

The second Dean left the room he took his warmth with him and only the chill of Sam's words and skin was left.

(I was left looking forward to the end of the day when those warm arms would wrap around me and never want to leave)

"Ready to decorate the tree, Sam? It's an artificial one, so you have that common."