Warning! Warning: This is a total crack!fic. I'm only doing this until I can figure out where to go with So random. My file for a Greaser's Golden Rules got erased and I can't remember what happened next. GRRRR! I was so devastated. SO sorry for the inconvenience. I hope you guys enjoy this.

Disclaimer: I do not own The Outsiders or Alice in Wonderland

Part I

Chapter 1

Down the Rabbit Hole

Dallas was starting to get tired of sitting by Johnny and Ponyboy on the couch, and of not doing anything; a couple of times he had peered into the book the youngest Curtis was reading, Gone With the Wind, it had no cars or broads in it, "and what the hell is the point of a book," thought Dallas, "without cars or broads?"

So he was mulling over, in his own mind (as best as he could, it was a hot July day that made him feel very tired and agitated), whether the pleasure of making socs cry would be worth the trouble of getting off his duff and hunting for some action, when our of nowhere a White Rabbit with pink eyes ran past him.

There was nothing really very incredible in that; nor did Dallas think it so very much unusual to hear the Rabbit say to itself "Oh crap! Oh crap! I shall be screwed!" (when he thought about it again, it occurred to him that he definitely should have wondered about this, but it seemed normal at the time); but, when the Rabbit actually took a watch out of its leatherjacket-pocket, and looked at it, and then hurried on, Dallas started to his feet, for he had an epiphany that he'd never seen a rabbit sportin' a leatherjacket, or a watch to take out of it, and, burning with curiosity, he ran out the house and across the lot after it, and was just in time to see it plop down a large rabbit-hole under the fence.

Soon Dallas to go down after it, never once considering how in the world he was to get out again.

The rabbit-hole went straight on like a long pipe for some way, and then dipped suddenly down, so quick that Dallas didn't get the chance to stop himself before he found herself falling down what seemed to be a very deep well.

It was either really really deep, or he fell really really slowly, cause he had plenty of time as he went down to glance and look around, pondering "Damn it. Sodapop put bleach in the cake mix. Again." First, he tried to look down and make out what he was coming to, but it was too freaking dark: then he looked at the sides of the well, and noticed that they were filled with cupboards and bookshelves: It was here and there that he saw maps and pictures that hung upon pegs. He took down a bottle from one of the shelves as he passed: it was labeled "PEPSI-COLA," but to his grand disappointment it was empty: he didn't want to drop the bottle, I'd probably knock someone out, so he managed to put it into one of the cupboards as she fell past it.

Well Glory!" Dallas thought to himself. "After I get out of this,(God I hope I get out of this ) I'll be able to handle anything! My old man! The fuzz! Hell even Two-Bit's lame jokes." (No seriously have you ever heard one of his jokes.)

Down, down, down. Would this thing ever end? "Man, I wonder how far I've fallen?" he said aloud. "Shoot I'm probably near the center of the freaking earth. Hold up: that would be four thousand miles down, I think—" (for, you see, Dallas had learnt several things of this sort, courtesy of Ponyboy Curtis. "—yep, that sounds right—but then I wonder what Latitude or Lo—Aw who gives a shit?" (Dallas really didn't give a shit he just wanted some Pepsi-Cola.)

And so he began again. "I wonder if I'll end up in China or maybe Disney World! That'd be real tuff. Maybe I'll end up in Vegas, make some loot, and buy an Impala. Oh crap… What if I fall of the freaking planet? I'm so dead." (he was pretty happy that none of the gang was there listening, gotta keep the rep) "—Well better start settling things. Please, God, I know I've done some um, bad things and I'm a worthless scumbag and I'm probably gonna die but can you do one last thing for me? Would you look out for the guys, especially Johnnycakes?" (and he tried to ignore the fact that he was plummeting to his doom as he prayed—imagine that. Do you think you could pull that off?) "So yeah! You should definitely grant me this last thing if you know what's good for ya…um Sir."

Down, down, down. There was nothing else to do, so Dallas started talking to himself again. *cough* Psychotic… "I'm probably gonna miss that party tonight!" (The party was at Buck's.) "Ah, what am I worried about. They'll cancel. It ain't a party without Dallas Winston. Damn! I wish someone was down here with me. Superman, Two-Bit, Stevie? Pony or Johnnycakes? Sod—O hell no! It's his fault I'm here in the first place." And here Dallas began to real sleepy, and went on saying to himself, in a dreamy sort of way, "Rearrange Soda's face..Rearrange Soda's face…" and sometimes "How do you mistake bleach for water?", for, you see, as he couldn't answer that question, it didn't really matter anymore, cause he 'd given up on getting out of here. He felt that he was dozing off, and started dreaming that she was walking hand in hand with Cherry Valence, and was saying to her, in a heated voice, "Has anyone ever told you how fine yo—?", when suddenly, thump! thump! down he came upon a pile of rocks and sticks, at least he'd stop falling.