I don't know how it came to be. I was just sitting there reading a book, minding my own business, when he decides to approach me. If Harry and Ron knew I hadn't run away at the mere sight of him they would commit me to St. Mungo's for life. I know they would. I probably would too. It's mental really, the fact that I couldn't move. I looked up into his light grey eyes, eyes that were almost silver in the light of the library, and couldn't run. He looked so helpless there. Like he wanted to run, but couldn't because he knew it would mean trouble. So I asked him what he wanted. He just kept staring at me. I started gathering my things figuring I wasn't going to be caught with a Malfoy. Not if I wanted to live. He grabbed my shoulder and handed me a piece of parchment. Meet me here tonight at midnight. It's an understatement to say I was curious. I was intrigued. What would Malfoy want with me? Gryffindor's Mudblood Princess. He didn't even stick around for me to ask him. By the time I was finished looking at the note he was out of the library, heading towards his common room I suppose. I didn't follow him so I don't know. I finished gathering my stuff and headed down to dinner. I hope tonight goes by fast. I hate not knowing what's going on.
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I don't know what possessed me to ask her for help. I could do it on my own if I wanted to. Besides, the main reason for this whole tutoring thing is because my father says Lord Voldemort wants me to get close to her and deliver her to him. I don't want to. I'm glad I'm such a skilled legilemens or my father would know too. No one is to know of these feelings I have for the Mudblood. It's not like I want them, but they're there anyways. I can't fault her in her looks. She's perfection personified. Long legs, toned stomach. Not that I can see much of her stomach through her robes, but I can tell when she sits or stretches that there's no fat there, or any other part of her. That long bushy hair that just begs to be wrapped around my hand, and a pert nose between two caramel eyes. I could get lost in her eyes if I let myself. I can't let myself though or she would realize something. The full mouth that just wants to be kissed and it isn't helping that she keeps pulling it between her teeth. It should be illegal to have teeth that straight or white. I should have told my father no. This is torture. I should be paying attention to what she's saying about Herbology. I do really need help in that subject. I'm close to failing. I'm hanging on by a vine if you would. She's packing up her books, damn. There's no way I missed the entire thing. We agreed to stay here an hour a night. It couldn't be an hour yet. She's saying something. She wants to meet tomorrow night too. She's saying I didn't grasp anything she said tonight so we'll try tomorrow. Okay, that's fine with me. More time with her, while also pleasing father. She's leaving and I can't help but to watch her walk out. I am in so much trouble if this keeps up. I head to the dormitory and another lonely night with bushy hair and brown eyes in my head.
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Does the boy grasp nothing? We've been doing these private lessons for about two weeks now. There was no way he didn't remember a thing I'd taught him. I tell him if he doesn't start improving I may not be able to help him and we may as well cancel these tutoring sessions. I see a flash of panic in his eyes and wonder why. I hate to give up which is why I've kept at it for these past two weeks despite the lack of progress, but this is getting tiresome. Even thought I have to be honest with myself that this is not the only reason. I've noticed him more. I could say I'm forming an attraction to him but I'm not ready to be that honest yet. I have noticed him more though. The way his hair is more fine than greasy, how strait his nose is, and how those of eyes can be as mesmerizing as that smile of his. His smile should be illegal. If I wasn't trying to hide it so well I think I would have succumbed to that smile already. He can't know though. Nobody can know, especially not Ron and Harry. The thought of Ron and Harry snaps me out of my musings and I end the session for tonight. I tell him I'll give him two more weeks to improve before I give up on him. As I gather my things to leave I see a flash of something else in his eyes. Was it hurt? I'm even more confused as I walk out of the library that night. Why would Malfoy be hurt by something I've said? He doesn't even like me. As I lay in bed trying to sleep all I can see are his eyes in my head, and that flash of hurt. All I can think is how I hate to see it there and how I wish I could erase it.
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I have to tell her. I can't keep it hidden anymore. She has to know what my fathers plans are. I can't let her go unprepared. She's going to want to know why I'm telling her though. Should I inform her? Should I let her know that I love her? A filthy little mudblood according to my fathers standards. To me she's so much more, though. From her frizz of chocolate hair, to those perfect lips, all the way down to her lovely feet. It makes me nervous but I have to do it. I can't let her go unprepared. That's what it all comes down to. She has to know. I don't know what I'd do with myself if she ever got hurt. I need to know if she at lease somewhat reciprocates my feelings. It's final I'll tell her tonight at our tutoring session. It's the last night of the two weeks she gave me and I believe I've improved. Hopefully we can keep up seeing each other, maybe in more than just a tutor/student relationship. I'm nervous about telling her but there's an excitement there as well. I pray time goes by faster. I want her to know once and for all. My father will not get away with this. The Lord will not win. I won't let him hurt one hair on her head. I'd kill him myself before I let that happen.
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Something's bothering him. I hate to say I've started 'noticing' him that much. But I have. I've finally admitted that I'm attracted to him. He's improved impressively over that last two weeks. He won't need me much longer. I hate to say the thought hurts me. I've been getting more honest with myself over the last two weeks. I've started to have feelings for him. I've started to have feelings for Malfoy. Just little catches in the heart when I look at him or butterflies in the stomach when I catch him looking at me, which has been increasingly tonight. I snap out of it as I hear him call my name. It's the end of the lesson. He says he has something he needs to tell me. I look at him and feel that catch again. I wonder what it would feel like to press my lips to his. To feel his tongue at war with mine. To feel his hands on my body. I snap out of my day dreams as I hear him talking. He says it's rather important. I tell him I'm listening. I frown as he continues talking. He's telling me about his father, and Lord Voldemort. They have a plan. He was supposed to get close to me then turn me over. I gasp as I realize that's what it was about all along. I feel my heart start to crack a little bit. To think I'd started liking him. He sees my gasp and starts to approach me. I see him talking but I can't hear it. All I hear is a buzzing and I feel my knees giving out.
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What am I supposed to do now? She's fainted on me. I cast a disillusionment spell to turn her invisible and levitate her to my rooms. That's the only place I can think of. Everyone's asleep so I put her in my bed and climb in with her. I make her visible again while casting a silencing spell so when she wakes she doesn't wake them up. I need her to listen to me. It's of the utmost importance. She can't die. I see her stirring and double the silencing spell just in case. As she opens her eyes I notice the panic in her eyes. As soon as she looks at me I see the hurt. Why is she hurt? She should have guessed what it was about. Nobody knows about my feelings for her, least of all her. She should have guessed something was up. I ask her to be quiet as I explain to her again. My father asked me to get close to her. To lure her in, make her like me maybe, anything to get her to trust me. When I feel I've reached that level I am to invite her to the manor. It would be the simplest thing. The Dark Lord is using it as his lair right now anyways. They'd have the brightest witch and Harry Potter's best female mate. Perfect in all ways, except they never anticipated Draco would have feelings for her. Never thought for a second that Draco would try to warn her and betray his family. Betray everything he'd been taught since before he could walk and talk. But I couldn't do it. I tell her that I love her. That all I want is for her to be safe. Everything else about this way can go hang itself as long as she is safe. I let her know I'm OK with her not returning my feelings. It's to be expected with the way I've treated her, but just listen to me. Let Harry know about it. Let him know what the Dark Lord's plans are. Let him know she isn't safe. That way she'll get protection. If that's all I can do then so be it. As long as I know she will not be harmed. I turn away as I feel tears fall down my cheeks. I didn't realize I would get so emotional. I feel fingers on my cheeks. I turn to see her wiping my tears away.
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I don't know what I'm doing. All I know is I want him to stop crying. I don't want him to be hurt. When he turns back to me I do the unexpected. I kiss him. His lips are harder than they look, but they have a softness, a gentleness, to them as well. It's magnificent, this kissing him. I didn't know it would feel so divine. I hear him groan and go to pull away. HE protests and pulls me back, kissing me with more passion than I would expect from someone so icy. I gasp in surprise and that gives him a chance to sweep his tongue in. It's not a bad feeling. I've never kissed a guy before so I let him lead. It feels nice to touch my tongue to his and to follow it back into his own mouth. I gasp once more as he sucks on my tongue. It does strange things to my stomach. I put my hands on his shoulder and push away. I should not be doing this. I need to be on the way to Gryffindor Tower. I need to let Harry know what Draco has told me. I tell him what I need to do but that this isn't over. I will meet him again. I kiss him once more. The taste of him is too much to not enjoy. I cast a disillusionment spell so I won't be caught on the way to the tower before jumping out of his bed and racing away. The quicker I tell Harry the better everything will be. They'll know Draco is good now. Maybe things will be OK for us. I fear I may more than like him and he has already admitted he loves me. I fear I may love him too.
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She's not happy. I see it every time I look at her. She won't even look me in the eye anymore. Especially if Potter and Weasley are around. I notice they're around more often though. Something good did come of what I did. Father is not happy that I'm not getting closer to her. I'm not happy about it either, for completely different reasons. He punished me, but I would endure anything to keep her safe. I'm punished every day I see her and can't talk to her, can't hold her hand, can't kiss those lips again. He doesn't know that, he can never know that. It's for the best if we aren't together anyways. I look at her again but she's gone. It's easy to tell myself it's for the best when I can't see her. When I do see her I see that dead look in her eye. I want so badly to approach her. Say damn what everyone thinks and just be with her. Potter had to say something to keep her away. She was so excited when she left my dorm bed that night. I could see it in her eyes. Feel it in the way she kissed me. If only she would talk to me instead of run away every time I approached her in the back corridors. I decide then and there that she will be mine. No one will keep her from me. We were meant to be. Damn my father and Potter and Weasley. They can rot. She will be mine.
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I can't bear to look at him. Every time I do I want to curl into a ball and cry. Harry and Ron have threatened to stop talking to me if I don't keep away from Draco. It seems so stupid really that I would stay away for that reason. It terrifies me though. They've been my only friends my entire life. Yet, I feel like keeping away from him I'm losing so much more. Is it really worth it to gain love only to lose my two best friends? At the same time I can't help but think how it seems rather selfish of them to threaten me this way. Why do they get to be happy with the girls they love while I'm miserable? Why can't I be happy too? The night I told them about Draco's father's plan they blew up. They couldn't believe I would tutor Malfoy in the first place let alone let myself fall for him. They couldn't believe I wouldn't tell them. That's exactly why I wouldn't tell them. This reaction. I want so badly to approach Draco. To just say damn the consequences and be happy. I deserve to be happy. I hated running away from him in the corridors. I didn't want Harry and Ron to find out. I look around the common room and spot Ron snuggling with Lavender. I turn away ready to cry. I decide to scan the other direction. I notice Harry snuggling with Ginny. At that moment I decide. If they can be happy, escpecially Ron with someone as annoying as Lavender, then I deserve happiness. I get up and exit the common room, nobody noticing my departure.
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What are the chances that I would see her already? She looks beautiful as always. I notice she has a determined look in her eyes. That's one of the things I like about her. She doesn't let much get in her way. I remember my decision and walk up to her not caring about the random students in the hall. She looks surprised to see me and I wonder why. It doesn't stay long, the wondering. I let nothing get in the way of what I want. She's stopped moving so I complete the walk to her, and right in front of everybody, I kiss her. It's just as wonderful as I remember. Sadly it does not last long. She pulled away. I look at her and I tell her again. "I love you." I kiss her again before she can throw my words back at me. I might as well get what I can out of this. I'm ruined already. This will get back to my father and he'll probably kill me. I groan as she pulls away. Doesn't she understand? This could be my last chance to hold her. My only chance to hold her. I need to take this. I look in her eyes and see something I never expected to see. I shake her and demand her to tell me. I won't let her walk away without her telling me. The last few weeks have been torture. I need to hear her say it. She's debating something. I can see it in her head. I look around and notice we have quite the audience. I glare and threaten to take away points if they don't move along. Before waiting to see if they comply I drag her behind me to an empty classroom. We're going to get this out if it's the last thing we do.
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I'm scared. I love him. Why can't I just tell him? It would be so simple to just say it, but I've frozen up. I keep seeing Harry and Ron in my mind. What would I do without my best friends. I stop walking and he's jerked back. "I love you." I watch his jaw drop. He's quiet for far too long. We're standing in a deserted corridor and I pull him the rest of the way to a classroom. I close the door and cast a silencio. I wish he would say something. Hold me. Something. I'm about to walk out again when he grabs me and spins me around. Next thing I know I'm against the door with Draco pressed to my front and his lips pressed to mine once more. I could get used to this feeling. The butterflies in my stomach, the feel of his hands tangled in my hair. I know we have to stop though. As much as I hate to say it we have to talk. I gently push him away and tell him so. He doesn't like it. He walks away swiping a hand through his hair. I realize he knows we have to but he doesn't want reality to intervene. That's OK, neither do I.
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I don't like it but I know we've got to talk. My first thought is to hide our relationship. I can't do it. I want everybody, especially every man, to know this beautiful creature is mine. I advised that we just be open with it. If people don't like it they don't have to look at us. I tell her I love her again and lead her from the classroom holding her hand. We head down to the Great Hall. It's well past the start of dinner and everyone will be there. What better way to announce our budding relationship? As we pass through the doors the entire hall slowly goes quiet. She tries to turn around and leave but I tighten my hold on her hand. We're going to do this. She looks at me for reassurance. I mouth the words she needs to hear. I love her. I'll be her rock from this day forward. I see her square her chin and feel proud of her. We can do this. I slowly lead her to the Gryffindor table where Harry and Ron are sitting with mutinous expressions. If they love her like I think they do they will forgive her. Until that time she'll have me to lean on. I won't let her fall. As we sit down opposite them all I can think is. This is what I've been looking for. It may not be perfect now but we will work to make it as close as we can. If I've got Hermione by my side I can take on all.
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A/N: So there it is. A little one shot I started about 3 years ago. Hope you enjoyed. I read a story somewhat similar. Where they didn't speak. Just thoughts. I kinda liked it. So I thought I'd write one. Anyways, please review. Let me know what you think.