Hello! I've been on holiday, Suffered from writers block, and had my written out story be eaten by a virus.
Bumblebees will NOT be updated for quite a while now, as I'm going back to school on tuesday.
I shouldn't even be putting this up, I should be cleaning my room, and ... stuff. Gah. I need to get my stuff ready, too. And unpack. Guh.
I hope you enjoy it! It's a songfic, for ALICE again, CITIZEN ERASED, by Muse. Good song, from their album...Absolution I think.
I am also interested in a Beta, should anyone want to help out. I've never had a Beta before, so I'm not quite sure how it works. Any help would be brilliant.
Thanks!
-Sun x
My name is Peter White.
And I am broken.
I looked across at the small lump in the bed, which I knew to be Alice Liddell, The girl I loved, and had loved, since I first took her from her native world.
I would kill myself for her.
I changed myself for her.
I tell her I love her every day.
I never want to let her go.
She will never look at me twice.
And perhaps the only reason I loved her was due to the blasted rule:
YOU MUST ALL LOVE THE FOREIGNER.
But I didn't care. Perhaps I only loved her because she was new, because she was...Unique.
And she was unique. You would never meet another like Alice Liddell.
But I did not understand why it must be that she did not love me back.
I loved her, and in her blindness she would not believe me.
And it hurt, that if she didn't believe in me soon, she would fall for another man. Maybe Julius, Or even Blood, if he cleaned up his act a bit.
Break me in,
Teach us to cheat
And to lie, cover up
What shouldn't be shared?
All the truth unwinding
Scraping away
At my mind
Please stop asking me to describe him
I looked over at her, and tried to imagine her dreams. The way she was perfectly content, for HOURS on end. And the way she thrashed and screamed, and cried her eyes out .
Nightmares were a pitiful thing, and even the Incubus was powerless to stop them, the way I had asked many times.
I had visited her particular dream world, and it seemed that Nightmare was particular to it too. Though I guessed that like me, it was Alice he was partial to.
I would have to make her love me soon, or even the dream demon would be on my hit list.
Alice's dislike for killing would become very cumbersome indeed if someone else won her affections.
I stood up, and crossed the small space between the large bed and the chair I had been sitting on.
I padded slowly; Waking Alice was not an option. I crouched by her, and gently teased her silky hair away from her face.
I looked at her; properly. Her features were flawless, her lips full and rosy, and her glorious hair framed her face. I leant on my back legs, and rested my chin on the mattress.
"Oh, Alice..." I extended my finger, and tentatively stroked her face, from her ear to her jawline.
She stirred in her sleep, and her nose scrunched ever so slightly.
"P...P...ete..r..." Alice's mumbled words nearly sent me over the edge- It was all I could do not to leap on her and take her right there.
I found myself so tied to her. I was...so...Incapable of defying her.
For one moment
I wish you'd hold your stage
With no feelings at all
Open minded
I'm sure I used to be so free
I thought back to the men who I was up against. I ran over their prospects, beginning with the one least likely to succeed.
Blood was a lowlife when it came to Alice, not knowing how she would react, so instead making sure she disliked him. I would not have much competition from him.
Ace didn't know what was good for him, let alone a woman. He was lost easily and senselessly violent underneath his bubbly exterior.
Boris was a young teenager, he had no idea how to act. He was arrogant, and sure of himself.
I couldn't carry on listing through them. I leant down further, so my lips were level with hers.
"I love you, Alice Liddell." I stroked her cheek again, and leant my forehead onto hers. I sighed into her hair, and watched as the perfect strands flew around her face.
"A..Alice, I love you so, so much..." I heard my voice break, and I sprang up. I couldn't let her find me watching her.
She'd never forgive me.
I ignored my better judgement, And crouched back down. Looking around and checking that no one was watching me from the velvet upholstery.
I HAD to be the one she wanted.
Self expressed, exhausting for all
To see and to be
What you want and what you need
The truth unwinding
Scraping away
At my mind
Please stop asking me to describe
Didn't I? I did everything she asked of me, aside from leaving her alone. Wasn't that enough?
I placed my hand on her arm, and no matter how emotional I was, tried not to squeeze.
I gently pulled off my glove, and replaced my hand in its place.
Putting my forehead against hers again, I gently pushed my lips to hers.
My eyes cracked open. Alice's eyes had shot open, and were regarding me with shock. Her lips were frozen, and she was unresponsive in my grip.
I pulled away.
"I'm sorry." I turned, and swept out of the room, ignoring the girls pleas.
It hurts, You know.
It hurts so much.
I love you.
I need you.
Those were all things I wish I could tell her, and they were all things I knew she would never believe.
She really was rather sensitive beneath her spiky persona.
She was so innocent, she had no idea what to do in the situation she was in. She was so easy to love, and so HARD to keep loving.
"Alice..." I knew Blood had been before, and in Alice's sleep-ridden stupor he had taken advantage of her. I would not let myself fall into the same category as Blood Dupre.
Perhaps I should follow her advice, and stay in my rabbit form. Perhaps she would love me better then.
Tears flooded my eyes, and despite my sadness, I could only think of how pathetic I was. At the very least, she loved my rabbit form.
At the very, very least.
If only she would really look at me.
For one moment For one moment
I wish you'd hold your stage
With no feelings at all
Open minded
I'm sure I used to be so free
I wish you'd hold your stage
With no feelings at all
Open minded
I'm sure I used to be so free
"I will love you Alice Liddell. I will love you forever and a day.
And no matter what I do, You will never look at me properly. You will avoid my eyes, Alice Liddell.
Because you know that the adoration you will see in them will sway you. You'll change your mind.
You'll change your mind.
Please, Please say you'll change your mind.
Please say I can forget the pain.
Just... Please say I don't have to leave you."
I was barely conscious of my lips moving, Barely conscious of the words I had been saying.
I was barely conscious of the fact that Alice was opening the door, and that she had tears in her eyes.
I noticed it when she put her arms around me, and whispered in my ears.
"You," She murmured, "You...You can forget..."
Wash me away
Clean your body of me
Erase all the memories
They will only bring us pain
And I've seen all I'll ever need
I fell asleep with Alice in my arms, sitting on the floor of a corridor.
And maybe... Maybe it was okay, Maybe it was ALRIGHT that she would not remember this. Maybe, Maybe this just gave me a chance.
Maybe.
My name is Peter White.
And maybe... Maybe I'm not quite so broken after all.