Warning: Possible triggers

I DO NOT OWN VAMPIRE DIARIES OR THE CHARACTERS.
Music Credit: "Take Me Away" – Avril Lavigne

~*.*~
'I cannot find a way to describe it.
It's there inside – all I do is hide.
I wish that it would just go away.
What would you do, you do if you knew?
What would you do?

All the pain I thought I knew, all the thoughts come back to you.
Back to what was never said, back and forth inside my head – I can't handle this confusion.
I'm unable – come and take me away.'
~*.*~

I sat by the toilet and looked at the emptied contents of my stomach. I grimaced and flushed the toilet. I got up and went to the sink. I rinsed my mouth with water before brushing my teeth. My phone started going off as I swished my mouthwash. I checked the Caller ID. It's Dad. I guarantee he's calling to tell me that he won't be home for dinner and it'll be another late night. I let it go to voice-mail. That's all he ever calls to tell me. That's the only interaction I've had with him in months. I could look like a skeleton and he won't notice anything different.

I remember what he was like when I was younger – he was a completely different man. He was loving and doting. We would play catch in the backyard and he would even help me and Mom with the garden. That changed as soon as she left us. He used to come home drunk and tell me that I looked too much like her. He claimed I was just another reminder that he was a failure as a man and he couldn't bear to be around me. He got his wish.

Grams raised me. I would like to think that she did a decent job. I've been so lost with her gone. It feels like everything in my life is out of control. Even with the supernatural issues aside, my feeling of inadequacy seems to grow more and more with each day. That's what started all of this.

For a while, I was so stressed out, that I couldn't keep any food down. It wasn't long after that, that I knew I had to make a stand in my life. I had to do something that I could control. I had an emptiness that I couldn't fill. I tried drinking my demons away, with little success. People notice if you show up everywhere intoxicated. What they don't notice, is purging every night.

After I got over the stress I had, I ate more than enough for two grown men. I was disgusted with myself. I did the only thing I could think of – I threw it up. It was freeing, in a way. I felt in charge. I missed that feeling.

And it worked – for a while. About a week later, I couldn't stand looking at myself after I had eaten something. I knew I wasn't huge, physically, but I couldn't make myself believe it. I felt fat and I needed to do something about it. Once I did it again, I couldn't stop.

I keep enough down to keep me going, but no more. I've been wearing baggie clothes to hide the differences in my body. No one has said anything or looked at me differently. I must be doing something right. Dad is never home, so I don't have to worry about him.

The bell rang, pulling me back to reality. I sighed and headed downstairs. I'm so not in the mood to see anyone right now. I opened the door to find a very amused looking Damon waiting.

"What do you want, Damon?" I asked him. He just smirked and stepped inside. "Sure Damon, please invade my home." I sighed and closed the door and followed him to the living room. "Why are you here?" I asked him, aggravated with his silence.

"I just came to hang out with my favorite witch. Is that really such a crime?" He asked me. I nodded.

"Yes – especially when you're not wanted." I told him.

"That hurts." He rolled his eyes.

"Why are you here?" I asked him, again.

"I wanted to check on you. I realized none of us had really talked to you in a while. Barbie said that you've been distant. SO, my handsome self decided that I would take a crack at it." He told me. It was my turn to roll my eyes.

"And why would I talk to you?"

"What reason would I have to judge you?" He countered. I shrugged and sat down.

"You've never cared enough to ask before."

"Well, I care and I'm here now. So, talk." He sat up straighter and turned his body to face me. I sighed.

"What do you want to know?"

"How are things for you?"

"Things are like they always are, Damon. My Dad's always gone. I'm everybody's accessory. I'm only around whenever some big evil thing comes to town and you need me to save your ass, at my expense." I told him. He looked uncomfortable.

"We don't do it on purpose. It's just with everyone after Elena –"

"Everyone is always after Elena, Damon. Why is she worth everyone else's pain and lives? How many of my family members have to die because you want to save her?" I asked him. He was silent. "I'm done putting my ass on the line just to get burned." I told him.

"You can't mean that. She's your best friend."

"I've been her friend. When has she been there for me lately?" I asked him. He couldn't answer. "I was her friend. Now, I'm lucky if she gives me the time of day. I'm friends with Caroline and Matt. Jeremy isn't even around anymore."

"I'm sure it's not as bad as you're making it sound."

"Look, Damon, I'm not expecting you to understand. You've been obsessed with Elena since you've come to town. You shouldn't have come. You can go now." I told him. He sighed.

"Has it really been that bad?" He asked, quietly.

"It's been hell." I whispered. He looked pained. He placed a tentative hand on mine. I looked down at our entangled limbs but didn't move away from him.

"How can I make it better?" He asked.

"I need a friend." I told him. He nodded. "I need someone who isn't going to expect me to kill myself over saving Elena. I'm my own person and I'm not going to live my life like that anymore. I refuse."

"It's not like I'm exactly heading the 'I-love-Elena' campaign. She's back with Stefan." He admitted.

"And what happens when she decides she would rather be with you?"

"You're assuming that I'll still care."

"Haven't you already done this dance with her before?" I asked. He smirked.

"Maybe I've finally learned my lesson."

"What makes you say that?"

"Maybe I want to try something new."

"By something new do you mean someone new, by me?" I asked, not bothering to beat around the bush.

"And what if I do?"

"Then I would tell you that it's not your best idea and I'm not a rebound."

"You're a lot of things Judgy, but I can't see being a rebound." He told me softly.

"It wouldn't end well."

"Would it matter?"

"Not really."

"Then why wait?" He asked, bringing his lips to mine. I didn't have time to think about it, only to react. I kissed him back and climbed on his lap, getting closer to him. He brought his hand into my hair. He slipped his tongue into my mouth before pulling back, abruptly. "Were you sick earlier?" He asked. I started to panic.

"Why?"

"You taste… like you got sick earlier." He said. I brought my hand to my mouth, self-consciously. He shouldn't be able to tell. I guess with his vampire senses it's a different story.

"Yeah, I ate some bad food. It didn't agree with my stomach. Sorry." I apologized. He nodded, but kept his suspicious face.

"You've lost weight. I didn't really see it until today." He murmured. I looked up at him. "Are you sure it was just bad food?"

"What are you suggesting?" I asked, defensively.

"I'm not… unless you have something to hide."

"Even if I did, why would I tell you?"

"Like you said, you need a friend. Who better to tell?" He asked. I shook my head. "Would you tell me if I guessed?"

"I'm not sure."

"Are you eating?" He asked me. I shrugged, getting off of his lap.

"I eat enough." I deflected.

"Do you force yourself to throw up?" He whispered. I looked up at him, suddenly terrified. I inhaled a shaky breath. I did the only thing I could think of – I bolted. He was in front of me before I even got a foot away. "Answer me." He demanded.

"I-I…" I started. My chest felt like it was tightening up. I can't breathe. My heart's racing. I feel so dizzy. Everything started to go black.

"Bonnie, wake up!" Damon yelled at me. I jumped and opened my eyes. I grabbed my head. I moved way too fast. "Don't scare me like that, again."

"It wasn't on purpose." I whimpered. God, my chest still hurts.

"When's the last time you ate something?" He asked me. I shrugged.

"Yesterday," I told him.

"And you threw it up." It wasn't a question. He was making a statement.

"Come on." He picked me up and put me on my feet.

"Where are we going?"

"We're going to get something to eat." He told me, handing me a pair of flats. "And we're going to talk."

"Okay." I put them on and followed him out the door. We went to The Grill. I ate as much as I could, which wasn't much, considering how much my stomach shrank. "You know making me eat isn't going to help, I have a problem. I have a problem that I don't think I can beat by myself."

"You're not alone."

"Until you decide to chase someone else. We haven't even been friends for a day, Salvatore."

"Is that what you're calling it?"

"What else would I call it?"

"What would you call a bulimic, judgmental witch getting kissed by an arrogant, homicidal vampire?"

"A girl was kissed by a boy."

"A boy? I'm a man, Judgy." Damon smirked.

"What do you want this to be?" I asked him.

"I'm a fan of kissing privileges."

"So you wanna be friends who french?"

"'Friends' is such a vague term."

"I barely know you."

"So start dating me and get to know me." He tried. I sighed.

"Maybe."

"Come on. Who can resist me?"

"That argument aside, how do you think you can help?" I asked him.

"You said you needed someone. Well, I'm someone and I can keep you on track."He offered. "When did all of this start?"

"That's a huge responsibility. I'm not agreeing to let you take that on." I argued. "When Grams died… everything became too much. With my dad always MIA… It made me feel worthless. I felt like I wasn't good enough. Everything in my life was spiraling downhill. And with all the craziness in Mystic Falls, I just needed something I could control. It made me feel better."

"What if it wasn't just me? And it can kill you, Bonnie. You should have come to me or someone."

"I don't want everyone to know that I'm dealing with this. And, I haven't died, yet, Damon. You're overreacting. We weren't exactly on speaking terms."

"That's not what I mean, Witchy. And that doesn't mean that you can't die. I'm not overreacting. What do you think Barbie would say if she found out? Do you think that she would say that I'm overreacting? Why don't you talk to someone?"

"I'm talking to you. And yeah, she would probably agree with you on that one. I just don't see what the big deal is. I'm not going to kill myself, Damon."

"Why don't you talk to someone professionally? It's a consequence! Your body can't run off of nothing. You're wearing your body down and not refueling it. That's dangerous. You could die. You need to listen to me. Why would I lie to you about this?"

"Like a therapist? And I don't know. It's just… I haven't had any problems from it so far. It's hard to believe that it's as dire as you claim it is." I explained him. He nodded.

"Yeah, a therapist. They specialize in this kind of thing. They've been trained for it. They know techniques to help. I'm worried about you. And, it takes a lot to make me worry about someone. And what do you call what happened earlier? You don't think passing out because of your problem is serious?"

"That's not a bad idea. I saw someone after my mom walked out, but I stopped like a year later. I think she still has a practice in Mystic Falls. I could try to talk to her. Okay, so I've had one complication. It's not the end of the world." I tried.

"I'm not letting you slip through the cracks, Bennett. I made that mistake with Stefan. I'm not making that mistake with you. I'm not overreacting. I'm going to make you see how serious this is and I'm not going to let you talk me out of this." He cupped my cheek and pressed a chaste kiss to my mouth. "I want you."

"I still think you're blowing this out of proportion. But, I appreciate what you're trying to do. And keep it in your pants."

"I'm not blowing this out of proportion. You'll see. Just give it time. And I want to be with you." He corrected.

"Okay. I'll try and take your word on it. Maybe… Maybe we could try it out – take things really slow." I told him. His face softened. I've never seen this side of him before. Now, I'm starting to see what Elena saw in him.

"I knew you'd come around and see it my way. Whatever you say, Judgy."

"I'm going to regret this."

"You're not getting rid of me that easily."

~*.*~
'I feel like I am all alone – all by myself.
I need to get around this.
My words are cold – I don't want them to hurt you.
If I show you, I don't think you'd understand – 'cause no one understands.

All the pain I thought I knew, all the thoughts come back to you.
Back to what was never said, back and forth inside my head – I can't handle this confusion.
I'm unable – come and take me away.

I'm going nowhere.'
~*.*~

A/N: SO, this didn't really go how I imagined it, but lately that's how almost all of my stories end up. Anyways, let me know what you think. Song suggestions, story ideas, PM me. Reviews would be stellar.
-Anneryn