A/N: This is my first seriously written fic, so I have a lot to learn. Please give honest comments while being kind if possible.

This fic explores a deeper, more serious side in Mutsunokami's personality. To put it simply, he isn't cheerful all the time. It might seem OOC to some.

This room is always so cold.

I'm always sleeping by myself.

The sky was still grey on that February day.

The snow had melted, but it was still chilly. To keep warm, the smaller swords kept moving around. It didn't matter if they were doing chores, or just playing. Instead of lazing under the kotatsu, if you keptep moving your body, you wouldn't feel cold.

The weather was just right, to motivate them to keep moving for warmth, instead of holing up inside. The yard was full of noises because of that. Laughter, yelps, and footsteps.

Mutsunokami Yoshiyuki was among them. Granted, he wasn't small in the least, but he was the type of person to blend right into the cheerful crowd. The laughter that echoed through the Citadel's yard was mostly his. He had a strong voice, after all.

"Hey! That's not fair, Mutsunokami-san!"

Though his words were mellow, his tone was something else. So Midare Toushirou launched a powerful return blow, and the rubber ball hit Mutsunokami right in the nose.

Unfair, as in Mutsunokami was much taller than him, and of course he would miss the previous shot that he threw at him. But everyone knew that it held little meaning. It was Midare, after all. His brothers cheered for him all around, as the long-haired tantou stood proudly in front of Mutsunokami, who staggered back and fell on his butt.

But the bigger sword didn't seem to mind, as he laughed heartily.

"Good one, Midare-chan! Maybe it was a mistake to aim for ya', after all!"

He stood up and patted the dirt off his pants, admitting defeat with a grin. He didn't expect that shot from Midare, but that's how it would come down to anyway, if you think of it. So he paid it no mind, and ruffled the tantou's hair to congratulate him.

But Midare seemed to dislike this greatly. He pouted and held Mutsunokami's wrist, lifting the hand off his head.

"Your hand has no delicacy at all, Mutsunokami-san! And it's always so dirty, too. I always take good care of my hair, unlike you, so please don't mess it up."

The bigger sword retracted his hand and used it to 'mess up' his own hair instead, seeming apologetic. It's true, he didn't care for his hair much. He'd even been told it looked like a stray dog's fur.

"That's not very nice to Mutsunokami-san, nii-san! You should apologize to him."

"Nah, it's all 'right, Hirano-chan! Honesty's appreciated, mahahaha!"

He responded to the concerned tantou with another hearty laugh. Still, Hirano Toushirou looked stiff. The kid's always so serious, he commented wordlessly.

"Honesty shouldn't be appreciated if it's worded crudely."

"Don't be such an old man, Hirano. Even Mutsunokami-san said it was okay, so you shooouldn't bother."

Midare leaned in close to his brother and remarked half-jokingly, making the bowl-head tantou quite flustered.

"I-I'm not an old man!"

"Oh, it's all alright, Hirano. Worrying so much won't do. It's good to use that caution of yours on the battlefield to serve shukun, but you should take it easy here."

Maeda Toushirou nodded, with a gentle hand on his brother's shoulder. Hirano seemed relaxed by this, as he looked down and whispered, "Alright."

So, another round, they decided. Mutsunokami carefully aimed the ball at directions that wouldn't eventually end up at Midare, which put a satisfied look on the tantou's face. By the middle of the third round, the ball took a wrong turn, and flew at someone who wasn't playing. Thankfully, he caught it flawlessly and held it against his stomach.

"It seems like you are all having fun."

In response to Ichigo Hitofuri's kind smile and voice, his little brothers smiled back and waved, some calling out his loving nickname, "Ichi-nii."

"But it's time for afternoon tea. So let's head back, everyone."

Ichigo petted Gokotai's head while declaring so. Resistance against him was usually non-existent, and after a few "eh"s or "aw"s, his little brothers obediently came to his side to return to the house.

"Thank you for taking care of my brothers as always, Mutsunokami-san."

Ichigo threw the ball at Mutsunokami, who caught it a little over his head, and offered a grin as well as a V-sign with his fingers in place of a "no problem".

One by one, the tantous said good bye to Mutsunokami and followed their big brother into the house.

Left alone, Mutsunokami decided to pluck grass around him for a little while, before heading back as well.

It's not just the room. This place is always so cold.

Is it because I'm always by myself?

Looking at the grey scenery of February, he asked silently.

Why is it that, even though I'm now surrounded by comrades who fight for the same goal, under the same master, I still…

"Why me?"

"Can't you see I'm busy with all these dirty clothes? Come on, it's not like you have to have a whole conversation with him or anything."

Faraway voices. He couldn't recognize them. His mind, which had seemed to clear up just a bit by the sound of those voices, started going fuzzy again.

"Hey, wake up."

A rude hand shook his shoulder, followed by someone's voice. That person seemed to be annoyed. He opened his eyes.

Before he could realize anything that was going on, he saw a pair of turquoise eyes staring blankly back at him. He blinked a few times to make clear of the image, as the hand slowly left his shoulder.

"Good, you're awake."

He seemed even more annoyed, having been stared at, and expressed agitation by immediately standing up and leave.

Mutsunokami watched Yamanbagiri Kunihiro's tattered, dirty cloak sweep by. He wasn't fully aware of his surroundings yet. It seemed that he'd fallen asleep, sitting by himself on the engawa. The rubber ball was on the ground, under his foot.

Maybe he woke me up because I was in the way, he thought. But something silly popped up, following that thought.

That hand that shook him awake mercilessly, the fingers were white and refined. Like a doll's.

But unlike a doll's, they carried warmth nothing like the chilly February day.

Mutsunokami scratched his head and yawned. He really wasn't awake yet.