AN: Hey everybody! So this is my first Stelena fanfiction, which I translated from German into English. I wanted to share this with you, so I could get your opinion on it. At first, I wanted to publish it in German, but then I thought in English would much more people read it. So there you got it. I apologize for any grammar or spelling mistakes. I had to translate it by myself, because google is shit. Really, my sister can do much better than that bullshit. Anyway read it and please review, so that I get your point of view :D I would really appreciate it :D Enjoy reading, but be aware it might be sad (sort of)!

Dear diary,

It has been 3 months, since I chose Damon, and Stefan is gone. Is this believable that he has left us? How could he do this? It breaks my heart. However, compared to what I have done to him at that day, it is nothing. I estimate that I would have done exactly the same, if my lover had not chosen me. It comes to me, like yesterday, when I had with him ''the conversation''.

Flashback:

,, Stefan we must talk. ", I said softly. He nodded and answered: ,,I know, Elena. I know.'' I swallowed, taking a deep breath and attempted to say, what I wanted to say: ,,I...I have decided, if you don't know it. "

His bluish green eyes stared expectantly at me, but his look was emotionless. Did he really lose all hope? Did he not believe in us anymore? To our love, which we had? He walked a few steps closer to me, looking at me tensely and said quietly: ,,I believe, I already know it. "

I looked at him surprised and uttered: ,,Stefan, I... It has changed a lot between us and I have developed feelings for Damon, which confuse me completely. I think that I even love him. Stefan, I chose Damon. I'm so sorry Stefan that it must end in that way.''

I glanced into his eyes and saw that his eyes were filled with tears. Looking at him tears welled up in my eyes too. A single tear ran down his face, and he said weakly to me: ,,Is this the end? It's over? After all, what we went through, is this the end?"

He tried to laugh bitterly, but it turned into a sob. I also cried and whispered: ,,Yes Stefan, this is the end. "

He took a sharp breath, held my face in his hands, looking deeply into my eyes and said: ,,Elena, I love you and I will always love you, no matter what happens."

Then he let go of me and I looked at him dumbfounded. Abruptly he walked toward the door, while I turned around watching him. Next he told me briefly, before he went out of the door: ,,Adieu." I gulped and replied: ,,Farewell, Stefan."

Since this day I started a relationship with Damon, which is not that bad. Really, Damon is a good friend, but if I am together with him, I feel, as if something is missing. Probably, I miss Stefan. I think that even Damon misses him, because sometimes he sits alone in the library and looks at old family portraits. Oh yes, this is really hard for him. I and Damon have together fun, and if we sleep together, it goes always hotly, but it is not the same with Stefan.

It's just sex; nothing more. God, I must stop to think of him. This is not normal anymore, let alone healthy. Now diary, I'll stop writing, because Damon and I want to watch one more movie, namely, Twilight Breaking Dawn Part 2'. Oh, that reminds me at the time, when me and Stefan watched the the first part in the cinema. Then, we were both still in love and there was no Klaus; everything seemed perfect. Oh, I start again. I'm sorry. That was it. Goodbye diary.

In love your Elena Xxx :)

I put my diary aside and go to the living room, where Damon already expects me with a glass of wine on the couch. I smile at him, taking the glass from his hand and sit down beside him, whereas he switches on the television. He grins and asks me: ,,What took you so long? "

I know, if I would say now that I wrote in my diary, he would be hurt,(because he knows that I write about him and miss him) therefore I lie to him: ,,Nothing special, I only dressed myself up for the film evening. "

He nods and we both devote ourselves to the television.

Somewhere else in Chicago:

Stefan's view:

I never thought that it would hurt in such a way, that I could die of it, but it does it and it becomes worse day by day. Sometimes I think even of suicide, but then I ban that thought of my mind, because I exactly know that Elena wouldn't like, if I killed myself. Elena. Just her name, lets me shudder pleasantly. I imagine her, how she would walk with me through the streets of Chicago. Hand in hand we would go through the town, just like one of those happy pairs in advertisements. No, Stefan; do not think of her anymore. She does not love you; she loves Damon. Start to live again, that she would have wanted from you.

I stop by a store, looking into the shop-window and think of how I should ever start new. How without her? My life had meaning, when I was with her together, however, now it's over. I only didn't give up and lived for her. She was what kept me alive, though she isn't there now. She left me and I her, because I was cowardly. I couldn't watch her spending her life with my brother. How would I be able to do so? Can somebody take offense at this?

Perhaps I sound selfish now, but if I think of what I did to protect her and Damon and at the end... Yes, at the end, I'm the one, who stands alone. I turn away from the shoe store and saunter further through the alleys of Chicago. Sometimes I think of calling her or Damon to ask them how they're doing, but then something detains me. What keeps me back, I don't know. Maybe it's my fear, or my honor or my self-respect. I don't know it.

I go on, until I come to a cafe and go into it. I order myself Cappuccino and sit down in the behind. Although vampires drink no Cafe, I find it reassuring. And right now, where my thoughts are wild, I need something soothing. I take out my IPhone of my pocket and see that I have 3 missed phone calls of Caroline and one of Elena. No, this is unbelievable. She calls me after 3 months? What does she want? Is she not happy with Damon, or does she want both of us?

I hesitate a moment, whether I should call her, but then I leave it. No, her voice; it may be on the phone, but I couldn't endure it. Thus I decide to write a SMS to Caroline, whilst I tell her I'm fine and she shouldn't worry about me. Although I lie to her with it, it's the best for me, for her and for all the others. I drink my coffee, pay and head toward my bleak flat.

AN: So this was the first chapter! I hope you liked it! If you did or not, tell me :D