"Hey buddy, wanna buy a magic wand?" The shady hobo whispered to the young boy in the black robe.
"Uh, yeah, I kinda lost mine. Freak accident with my pet." Said Harry Potter, savior of the world, and victim to a drug dealer.
Flashback
"NO! BAD HEDWIG! DON'T EAT THAT!" Yelled Harry in anger, while his pet snowy owl munched happily on his wand. He pulled out a spray bottle of water, like the kind Muggles use on bad cats. Haha. Muggles. Funny word. The boy shot off several sprays at the owl, in an effort to prevent the owl from eating his wand, when Hedwig's feathers and skin began to burn off. You see, Harry was a complete moron, and had forgotten to check that the bottle he took was actually filled with water. It was really filled with a highly acidic…acid.
"Oh God! Hedwig is on fire! She looks like she's really in pain!" Harry's best friend Hermione screamed. Harry promptly snatched Hedwig and threw her limp form into the freezer, in a conveniently owl shaped hole just behind the roast beef. He then forgot about it.
End Flashback
"Oh…right…I should prolly take her out of the freezer, seeing as she's been in there for a week. Hey, anonymous shady wand dealer, do you think Hedwig will stay fresh until Thanksgiving?" Harry asked the hobo.
"Uh…yeah, I guess she will, I don't really…ENOUGH! God, you are an idiot!" The dealer ripped off his fake moustache and cloak to reveal his true identity.
"Oh sweet! It's Chuck Norris!"
"No you dumbass, it's Voldemort" Todd Brick, the little voice of reason on Harry's left shoulder shouted.
"Hey! What have I said about that kind of language?" Said the devil on his right shoulder.
"Sorry…No you dumbass, it's Mr. T, no, it's the Banana Man! Er, no it's Chuck Norris? No, no, no it's Voldemort. NO! It's You-Know-Who!" Todd repeated.
"Oh, in that case, I should kick his ass!" Harry leapt forward, grabbed a joint from Voldemort's pocket, lit it, and shoved it forcefully down the Dark Lord's throat.
Voldemort staggered around drunkenly and fell to the ground "dead". Wink wink, nudge nudge.
throat.alit it, and shoved it forcefully down the Dark Lord'his true identity.
sgivinginto the freezer, conveniently in owl sh