Disclaimer: All characters belong to Janet Evanovich, I am merely borrowing them and their world to do the bidding of my mind. I am making no profit from these chapters.

Don't Mess With the Village Elders

Chapter One

"Isn't she just the cutest little girl you've ever seen?" Lester asked as he tickled our daughter's toes and blew raspberries on her belly encouraging the gurgle of giggles each time. "She looks just like me!" Eleven month old Arethusa, or Ari as we'd nicknamed her, promptly began crying which caused a flurry of action from her father. Within a moment she was picked up off the blanket and clasped to Lester's chest as he made shh-ing sounds and rubbed her back and rocked side to side, trying to calm her.

I kissed the top of her head as I passed, carrying the basket of washing I'd just taken off the line. "I know honey," I sympathised. "Daddy doesn't realise how much of an insult that is, especially to a beautiful little girl like you who looks just like her Mama. Yes she does!" Ari let out a small giggle and put her hands out for me. Of course I couldn't' deny my little girl, so I dropped the basket and stole her from Lester's grasp. He made an indignant sound but I ignored him, heading back toward the house, calling over my shoulder, "You can bring the basket in."

"If it's such an insult to look like me," Les called as he caught up to us in the kitchen, "Why did you marry me?"

"Simple," I replied. "I love you. I just wouldn't want to look like you."

He scowled half heartedly at me and dropped the basket on the kitchen table. "I'll have you know that back in college no less than three geeks had plastic surgery to look like me."

I couldn't help the snort of laughter that escaped me as I set Ari up at on her sit and scoot. As soon as my hands were kid free though, it turned into a guffaw that left me weak kneed and out of breath. Before I could utter a word, Lester had scooped me up, deposited me on the bench and stepped between my legs. My left over giggles died out immediately the moment he locked his lips onto mine. We were in the middle of a rip roaring game of tonsil hockey when Les suddenly groaned painfully and dislodged.

"What's wrong?" I asked, rather hoarsely, I'm ashamed to admit.

He was holding his lower leg and hopping about. Ari, I noticed was giggling again as she scooted away backwards. To the trained eye, it appeared that Ari had rammed her scooter into her Daddy's leg pretty hard. I stifled a few giggles of my own and looked out the window. The clouds were really rolling in now. It looked like it would start pouring any minute and we'd left Ari's blanket on the lawn.

"Suck it up and put some ice on it or something," I told him as I hopped off the counter. "I'm just gonna go grab Ari's blanket. I won't be a minute. Watch that she doesn't knock the side table over. I'll scream if I have to re-organise the coupon drawer again."

Lester straightened a levelled a look at me that was half love half exasperation. "You don't need a coupon draw, Steph. I don't mind paying full price for things you need."

"What about things I don't need but want?" I countered.

"I've got no problem with that. How many times do I have to tell you?"

I thought about this, and decided not to answer. Instead I said, "I still need the coupon draw. The house wouldn't be complete without it," and with that I skittered out the door into the little sprinkling rain that had just started. I was just thinking how lucky I was to have Lester as I skipped through the door once more. Lester was hanging up the wall phone, a serious look on his face. He glanced over at me and his lips went into a hard line. Not good news then. "Don't tell me," I pleaded. "You've been summoned?" He nodded solemnly, and even though I knew he had no control over the matter, I yelled at him. "I thought you said the last time was your last time! You said that your contract was almost up so it was unlikely they'd call on you again!"

"I know that's what I said, Baby. And at the time I honestly thought it was the case. I've only got a couple of weeks left of my contract and most missions are longer than that. I figured they'd start breaking in a newbie or something."

"I can't believe you're leaving us again!" I cried, tears streaking down my cheeks. I hated that he had to go, but what upset me was that I was blaming him irrationally for the fact. There was nothing he could do about it. There was nothing I could do about it.

"Steph, if I had a choice I would stay here with you and Ari, but you know that isn't the case. I have to go. A car will be hear in an hour to pick me up and take me to the base. I'll call Rangeman from the car and make sure someone is aware of the situation so they can make a man available for you-" I glared at him. "If you need it of course," he added hastily. "Because I know my woman knows how to take care of herself, but if you need help, there's a whole company of guys over on Haywood that would love to help. You know that right?"

I nodded and wiped a couple of stray tears from my cheeks. Closing the distance between us, I was just about to give him a hug when there was a loud crash from behind me. I cringed. I'd know that crash anywhere. It was the side table being knocked over by my only daughter who wasn't going to see her first birthday if she continued to wreck the furniture. I clenched my hands into fists and laid them on Les's shoulder, gritting my teeth to keep from yelling in frustration.

Now it was Les's turn to cringe. "I'm sorry, Sugarlumps. You distracted me." I rolled my eyes at him and he grinned that grin that made me fall in love with him. "I'd organise it myself, but I really have to get upstairs and pack. Plus you'd only re-do it after I was gone, because I apparently always do it wrong."

"You do!" I exclaimed, but he was already halfway up the hall. Taking a slow, deep, cleansing breath, I turned to the overturned table and my daughter, looking up at me with innocent green eyes. "You're going to be the death of me," I said in the cutesy voice that always made her smile.

"Dada," she replied, and commenced scooting after her father.

"That's right," I said under my breath, listening to her wheels on the hard wood floor. "Go bug your father while you can."

One month later: Ari's First Birthday...

Everything was absolutely beautiful, if I do say so myself. There were three tables full of food that I had cooked myself (it's amazing what you can buy that's ready to shove in the oven) balloons and streamers hung from everything, pink unicorns looked back from all sorts of things, the cups, the serviettes, the plates, the table cloths, even the cake that my mother had made especially. There was a table with kiddy activities near the house. A pen with baby and toddler toys for the younger ones (including Ari). Lester's brother, Darius, had organised equipment for sack races, egg and spoon races, three legged races, wheelbarrow races and a few other kinds of races that I'd never even heard of.

As everyone arrived, I got Ari to give them a party hat. Darius got three because he came in three times carrying all the stuff he needed for the races; he wore them with pride, claiming it was the crown of the favourite uncle. I didn't disillusion him of the fact, it was too funny to see the big burly barkeep, with tattoos of skulls on his biceps wearing three pink unicorn hats.

All in all, it was a really good day and everyone enjoyed it. It would have been perfect, but there was one very important thing missing. Lester. He'd bought a gift in advance and wrapped it up pretty before I could see what it was, but I didn't feel it was right to give it to Ari in his place, seeing as he'd obviously gone to a lot of trouble to pick it out. I thought it would be better to wait until he got home and let him give it to her instead.

Lester wasn't the only one missing though. Tank, Bobby and Ranger had all been called away on the same mission, and while I was okay with Ranger-the-Sourpuss not being there, Tank and Bobby both adored Ari and were sorely missed.

Two and a half months after that…

Lester had been home for seven months now and was officially done with his government contract. I'd made sure of that. I'd also made sure that there wasn't a scratch on his body when he returned, an inspection that took many long, sultry hours.

Ari had had a much less enthusiastic welcome for her father. Sulkily refusing to hug him or even smile for him for a good three days. Apparently, Ari didn't like Daddy going away and leaving her. On the third day, though, it was like I didn't even exist. Lester, on a week's leave to rest and recuperate from the mission, went to wake her up and she clung to him like glue. They spent all day playing on the living room floor – which essentially translates to Ari handing Lester a toy, Lester doing something silly with it, Ari laughing and demanding he do it again, and again, and again, until she got sick of it and handed him another toy, so needless to say, the living room had been a shambles by lunch time.

Tank had come home with a broken arm and a few abrasions that were easily treated and fixed. When asked how he managed to break his arm he claimed he wasn't allowed to divulge that information, but I knew it was because he was too embarrassed about the truth to say (Lester told me the entire ordeal – minus important details that were actually classified – through a fit of laughter. I'd regale you with the story now, but I'd probably end up unable to speak because of my own uncontrollable giggles. Bobby escaped the governments firm hold with only a couple of scratches littering his upper body and face. None of them so deep as to form hideous scars when they healed. Which was good. I didn't want to see his face all ugly-a-fied.

The big mystery of their home coming, was that Ranger wasn't with them. Presumably, he was still somewhere in the middle of nowhere fighting nothing and everything in an effort to somehow prove an Einstein quote. He was probably doing something illegal as well, like wearing stripes with plaid. I'd asked Lester and the guys about it a couple of times but they'd gotten really quiet and exchanged some weird glances, so I left it.

Eight months later still

Recently, Lester had been disappearing a lot. I tried asking him where he goes, but he just shrugged it off and changed the subject. I tried following him, but he lost me within minutes. At least I know he's good at his job. I even when so far as to ask Tank and Bobby, since they're his best friends, but they acted just as strangely about it as he had. I was beginning to think he was seeing someone else behind my back. Now, normally, I'm not the jealous type, but the thought of his lips on someone other than me had me nearly homicidal. On our wedding day he'd vowed to be faithful, and I'd always told him that if there was something different he wanted to try in the bedroom he need only ask (keeping in mind that I had limits – butts stuff, threesomes, and child molestation) so the thought of him going elsewhere to fulfil his needs hurt. A lot.

I had arrived on the comm. floor for a lunch date that we'd arranged the day before, only to find out that Lester had once again gone AWOL.

"He said he'd be back as soon as he could," a very nervous looking Cal informed me when I stopped at Lester's cubicle doorway. "He said not to worry and that he was very sorry if he didn't make it back in time for your date." He ended the recitation off with an audible gulp.

I think he thought I was going to 'shoot the messenger' as the saying goes, so he was visibly relieved when I simply nodded and asked where Tank and/or Bobby were.

"They left with Lester, ma'am," he whimpered.

"Well where did they all go?" I asked, exasperatedly. "Was it some kind of security breech emergency?"

"No ma'am," he whispered, easy his chair away a little. "They didn't say where they were going. Lester got a phone call and they left leaving me with the message. Please don't hurt me."

I had to bite my tongue to keep from laughing when he actually lifted his forearms to block his face. "So it wasn't company business?" I asked, successfully keeping my face straight for once in my life.

"No ma'am," he said again.

"Stop calling me ma'am. And see if you can track the car they're in."

"Yes ma'am."

I rolled my eyes and plopped down into an empty seat beside him with Ari, who was asleep on my shoulder. Cal tapped madly away at the computer for a few minutes then went very still. He shot a glance over at me and started tapping again. Another couple of minutes passed before he stilled again and darted his eyes to me. On the third time, I sighed. "What is it?"

"They're not in a company car, and I can't track the GPS in their cell phones."

I was about to go off my nut at him with my own cell phone rang, startling me and waking Ari. I juggled the crying toddler and the phone for a moment before managing to secure the phone to my ear and the child in my lap. "Hello?" I greeted distractedly, before immediately making shh-ing sounds to Ari. "Sorry, who is this?" I asked after a moment.

"Honey, it's me," came Lester's stressed voice on the other end of the line.

"Lester where in Sam Hill are you? We were supposed to meet for lunch half an hour ago." I admonished. As a result of my stern tone, Ari began to wail louder. I repositioned her on my other shoulder and began bouncing her, making soothing sounds while listening to what Lester was saying.

"Why's Ari crying?" he asked, sounding concerned rather than stressed for a moment. "Is she hurt? What happened?" It was good to know that his little girl still came before whatever the hell else was happening in his life.

"She's fine, Les," I sighed, "The phone woke her up, that's all. Why are you calling? Where are you?"

Now it was his turn to sigh. "We need your help, Baby."

All at once I was worried as hell. I handed the still crying Ari to Cal, who stared at me in wide eyed, open mouthed shock for a moment before gaining a firm grasp on her and making cooing sounds trying to calm her down for me. "What's happened? Where are you? This has to do with why you've been disappearing so much lately, hasn't it?"

As he'd done so often in the past, he answered each question in the order I'd asked. "I'll explain everything when you get there. I'm texting you the address from Bobby's phone as we speak. And yes."

"Okay," I took a deep breath. "I'll be there as soon as I can."

"You should probably leave Ari with Ella."

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