INT – PEACH'S BEDROOM MORNING
Peach is sleeping on her bed when the door bursts open.
KOOPALINGS: SURPRISE!
MORTON: HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!
BOWSER JR.: Yay! Mama!
Peach is awoken by the loud noise. She sits up confused. The camera switches to her point of view where the seven Koopalings and Bowser Jr. are standing before her.
PEACH: What are you doing here? You know I'm not your mother.
LARRY: But King Dad our future says you're our future step mum.
LUDWIG: And so we came to greet you, mother.
PEACH: (shouting) WHAT ARE YOUDOING IN MY ROOM UNINVITED! GET OUT!
Peach gets out from her bed and chases the Koopalings and Jr. out of her room. They scream as they quickly exit many rooms and jump down the stairs to the first floor of her castle. They jump over a couple of knocked out toads before heading outside. Peach is in pursuit of them.
KOOPALINGS: KING DAD! KING DAD!
EXT- OUTSIDE OF CASTLE
The Koopalings hide behind Bowser, who is standing in front of the castle door.
ROY: King Dad! Mama's angry!
BOWSER: Don't worry kids, I'll come her down.
Peach rolls her eyes.
BOWSER: Greetings Peach! Now I'm sorry my children made you angry...
IGGY: HEY! WE ARE JUST DOING WHAT WE'RE TOLD!
BOWSER: (To Iggy) PIPE DOWN! Now, Princess Peach, will you kindly come with me to my castle.
PEACH: NO! I'm sorry. But I can't take your offer.
BOWSER: Well, I'll have to take you by force. Koopalings go!
Bowser points to Peach. The Koopalings follow his order and go after Peach, just as they are about to get to her. Mario and Luigi jump from the castle roof off-screen and jump on the Koopalings' (and Bowser Jr.) heads. The 1 up sound is heard. The Koopalings lie on the ground in pain.
MARIO: Not today, Bowser!
BOWSER: What! What are you plumbers doing on top of Peach's castle?
LARRY: They're sleeping with Peach, typical wogs...
ROY: RASICT SCUM.
Roy punches Larry in the head. Larry falls to the ground in pain.
BOWSER JR: How could you sleep with our step mum?
LUDWIG: Larry was being a jerk, Junior.
MARIO: Listen, if you don't kidnap Peach today and tomorrow. We'll go go-karting this afternoon!
BOWSER: Really! Can we play tennis and golf too!
MARIO: Yeah, sure!
LUIGI: Don't forget about Luigi!
BOWSER JR.: Can I join too?
MARIO: Sure!
BOWSER JR.: YAY!
BOWSER: Okay! Everyone to the airship!
The Koopalings and Bowser board the airship. Mario, Luigi and Peach watch them board.
LUIGI: (To Mario) What's a wog?
MARIO: Beats me.
INT- BOWSER'S AIRSHIP
WENDY: Daddy! How come we never go go-karting with Mario! We can beat him up and win!
BOWSER: It's too dangerous.
WENDY: But Bowser Jr. gets to go!
BOWSER: There are not enough karts.
WENDY: BUT DADDY! IT'S NO FAIR. THAT LITTLE BRAT GETS TO DO EVERYTHING. HE EVEN GETS TO GO TO OUTER SPACE!
BOWSER: Now Wendy. I suffered alot when Junior was born.
WENDY: Hmph.
Wendy walks out of the room and slams the door.
Lemmy, Iggy and Bowser Jr. are in a room on the airship.
LEMMY: Iggy! Watch this!
Lemmy throws his ball across the room. It rolls back to Lemmy as the airship is going up. He jumps on the ball and walks on it. The tiny Koopa hits the back wall and falls. Bowser Jr. laughs.
IGGY: Nice.
Wendy enters onscreen.
WENDY: Damn you! (points to Bowser Jr.) Mum left because of you, you spoilt brat!
BOWSER JR.: Wait, you knew my mama?
Wendy storms out the room, ignoring Bowser Jr.
IGGY: She left when you were born.
LEMMY: (picking himself up) I heard she died because the Mario Bros. killed her.
IGGY: She didn't die!
LEMMY: Yeah she did!
BOWSER JR.: Why didn't Papa tell me before?
LEMMY: King Dad said she died!
IGGY: King Dad is a liar!
Bowser Jr. leaves he room to find Bowser.
BOWSER JR.: Papa! If Peach isn't my mama, then who is?
BOWSER: Um, it's a long story.
BOWSER JR.: But I'm old enough to know! Iggy and Lemmy have different stories about her! And Lemmy said she died!
Ludwig enters.
LUDWIG: She didn't die. He lied to Lemmy.
BOWSER: What? Pfft. Okay. I'll tell you.
A flashback scene occurs. Bowser narrates.
BOWSER: Five years before you were born, Junior. Your mum and I had an argument.
INT- BOWSER'S CASTLE
Bowser is arguing with his wife, Cera a purple haired Koopa. She looks like a giant Wendy.
CERA: You want another kid? Looking after seven brats is hard enough!
BOWSER: You don't have to look after them, Kamek will.
CERA: Kemek? What do you think he is? A babysitter?
BOWSER: He looked after me when I was a baby.
CERA: And he sucked, because you said he tried to destroy two babies that would bring doom to the Koopas and he failed. And we're not in doom! What if this next baby brings us doom?
BOWSER: It will not, Kamek would predict it.
CERA: Why do you have to make Kamek do everything? Fatass!
BOWSER: MY PARENTS MADE KAMEK DO EVERYTHING WHEN I WAS A BABY.
CERA: AND YOU FAIL AS A FATHER. YOU'RE TOO LAZY TO DO ANYTHING. YOU CAN'T RULE OVER ANYTHING.
BOWSER: DON'T YOU INSULT THE KOOPA KING.
Bowser prepares to hit Cera but she slaps him and she grabs Bowser's tail, throwing him to a wall.
CERA: I am fitter than you.
BOWSER: Oh yeah! I can take over the entire Mushroom Kingdom. I'll turn every Toad into a Question block. They're so useless they can't escape.
CERA: But I heard their princess has powers to turn them back.
BOWSER: I'll take her too.
PRESENT DAY BOWSER: (off screen) And then The Koopa Troop and I, turned all the Toads into Question blocks, and threw seven of them into a castle. One escaped. And we invaded Princess Peach's castle and kidnapped her. It was the first time I kidnapped her as an adult. I haven't seen her for a long time. She was the direct opposite of your mother. She is classy, kind, clever, and adventurous. She often displays an unselfish and noble spirit and puts her friends ahead of herself. She has b a gentle demeanour but can be tough when it calls for it. And wise. And motherly. Unlike your mother.
Images of Bowser and the Koopa Troop turning Toads into Question Blocks, Bowser kidnapping Peach while her parents watching and Peach in her cell are shown while Bowser is talking.
EXT- MARIO'S HOUSE
TOAD: THE PRINCESS IS KIDNAPPED! THE PRINCESS IS KIDNAPPED!
Mario opens the door.
MARIO: So what can I do?
Toad shows Mario a picture of Peach and Bowser
TOAD: The Koopa King turned Toads into Question Blocks and stole the princess! I've managed to escape and go to the first house I saw.
Mario stares at the picture.
MARIO: She looks-a familiar! I think I played with her and that turtle in my childhood! No wait! I did!
TOAD: You need to stomp those Goombas and get to Bowser's Castle! I would do it, but he would turn me into a Question Block!
MARIO: I can do it; I saved my ex-girlfriend from and stubborn gorilla once. LUIGI! WE'RE GOING ON AN ADVENTURE!
LUIGI: (offscreen) But I'm ironing my overalls!
PRESENT DAY BOWSER: (off-screen, narrating) And so those pesky plumbers eventually went to my castle and dropped me into a pool of lava. Peach kissed Mario when he saved her. And for some reason I was angry.
LUDWIG: Yeah, you were in love with Peach and were jealous of that wog!
PRESENT DAY BOWSER: SHUT UP!
While Bowser was speaking, Mario and Luigi are seen moving the axe while the bridge drops Bowser into the lava. The camera shifts behind Bowser's head emerging from the lava while Peach kisses Mario. Luigi looks jealous.
PRESENT DAY BOWSER: From then on, I kept on kidnapping Peach. And those plumbers thwarted me every time. You mother would nag at me all the time.
INT- BOWSER'S CASTLE TWO YEARS LATER
CERA: (Shouting) WHY DO YOU HAVE TO KIDNAP THAT PRINCESS EVERYTIME? AND WHY ARE YOU SPENDING TIME WITH HER?
BOWSER: Um... She's hungry?
CERA: HUNGRY? YOU CAN'T EVEN SPEND TIME WITH YOUR OWN CHILDREN.
BOWSER: Cera, shut up.
CERA: DON'T YOU TELL ME TO SHUT UP. I'M THE QUEEN. AND I WANT A DIVORCE.
BOWSER: Why?
CERA: BECAUSE YOU'RE HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH ME! WITH THAT HUMAN!
BOWSER: (Blushing) I am not!
A knock is heard. Cera opens the front door. A stork is outside with a something wrapped in clothnext to it. The stork panics and flies away. Cera takes the clothbag and brings it inside. She places it on the floor as the then younger Koopalings and Bowser watch.
LUDWIG: What! ANOTHER SIBLING?
LARRY: Yay! I'm no longer the youngest!
MORTON: What's a sibling?
WENDY: I WANT A SISTER! Why did that wog crush the last one?
Cera unwraps the cloth. Inside the cloth is Baby Bowser Jr.
CERA: HOW UGLY! (To Bowser) HE LOOKS LIKE YOU! YOU CHEATER! YOU SLEPT WITH A HUMAN AND WE NOW HAVE AN UBMORMAL CLONE OF YOU.
BOWSER: I DID NOT! By the way this guy will be the heir of the Koopa Throne!
Bowser Jr. Cries.
LUDWIG: STOP FIGHTING! HE'S CRYING.
ROY: YOU'RE MAKING IT WORSE.
LUDWIG: I AM NOT. THEY STARTED IT.
CERA: THAT FREAK. THE HEIR? WE SAID THATLUDWIG IS THE HEIR.
LUDWIG: What? King Dad! I'm the heir!
LARRY: Haha! I told you I was the favourite!
WENDY: NO I WAS.
LUDWIG: NO I AM.
CERA: THAT'S IT. I'M LEAVING. YOU LOOK AFTER SEVEN. NO, EIGHT CHILDREN NOW.
Cera walks outside and slams the door, but opens it again.
CERA: AND I HOPE HE DIES LIKE OUR OTHER DAUGHTER! I can't believe you convinced me to stay when she was born.
Cera slams the door.
Back to the present. Some of the Koopalings heard Bowser say his story to Ludwig and Bowser Jr. and they sat down next to him.
LARRY: (To Bowser Jr.) This is why we hate you so much, father's pet!
MORTON: Yeah, our mama left!
BOWSER: (loud) You two! Stop making fun of your little brother!
LARRY AND MORTON: Yes King Dad.
BOWSER JR.: What other daughter, papa? Did Wendy die?
WENDY: No, we had another sister before you were born and the Mario Bros. Crushed her skull... and kicked her into lava... she was only a week old.
Iggy rushes into the room, waving his arms frantically.
IGGY: Prepare for touchdown!
The airship crashes into the ground. Everything, including the Koopalings and Bowser are bounced along the ground.
LUDWIG: Iggy! You could have told us a couple of minutes before!
EXT- OUTSIDE OF BOWSER'S CASTLE – DAY
Bowser and the Koopalings and Junior had unboarded the crashed airship. Kamek flies out of the castle doors on his broomstick.
KAMEK: King Bowser! Princess Peach has been kidnapped!
BOWSER: What? I do the kidnapping here!
KAMEK: By your wife.
BOWSER: What wife? I don't have a... oh. Cera! That B****
LUDWIG: Dad!
BOWSER: Sorry son. (to Kamek) I guess she'd be in her castle then?
KAMEK: Yeah! But Lena's with her.
BOWSER: Lena? But she's dead.
KAMEK: No. Lena is a Dry Bones Koopa thing now.
BOWSER JR.: Just like papa when Mario made papa fell into the lava? And that somehow caused a paradox and Dry Papa had been go-karting with us?
KAMEK: Yes.
BOWSER JR.: Okay. Wait. Who's Lena.
LARRY: Dead sister.
BOWSER JR.: Ohhhhhh.
MARIO: (off-screen) Not so fast Koopa!
Mario and Luigi (riding on Yoshi) run on-screen and stop right in front of Bowser. They all have angry faces.
MARIO: Where had-a that purple haired Koopa had taken the Princess?
BOWSER: Wha? I have nothing to do with this! I didn't she was taken until Kamek told us when we got here.
LUDWIG: I predict that Mum was jealous and she finally stole Peach.
BOWSER: She could've snapped her back in half! Quick we need to find her and save Princess Peach!
Cut to Mario, Luigi, Yoshi, and the Koopalings (and Jr.) running after Bowser.
BOWSER: (pointing) Her castle is on the other side of Dark Land!
LUIGI: And?
BOWSER: And yeah.
The Bros. and the Koopas and Yoshi finally get to the front door of the castle.
MARIO: The door's locked! At least she's smarter than you!
BOWSER: HEY! We need to find a way inside!
LUIGI: I got an idea.
Luigi takes a few steps back, crouches and charges up. He starts flying at the door at a tremendous speed, with green fire behind him. Luigi breaks the door. Bits of wood fly everywhere. The Koopalings retreat in their shells while Mario and Yoshi cover their eyes. The wood hits Bowser.
BOWSER: ARGH!
Everyone runs inside.
MARIO: Nice move bro!
YOSHI: Yoshi!
KOOPA TROPA: (off-screen) GET OUT OF QUEEN CERA'S CASTLE!
BOWSER: She is no longer the Queen! She left me!
Cut to a pink shelled Koopa Troopa facing the camera head on. A dark shadow stands behind it. The shadow walks slowly into view.
CERA: What are you doing coming back to me?
KOOPALINGS: (Except Bowser Jr.) MUM!
BOWSER JR.: That's my mama?
BOWSER: I heard you took Princess Peach!
CERA: Oh you want your sweetheart back? Too bad!
Cera pulls her arm from her shell to reveal she's holding Peach.
PEACH: Mario! Help!
MARIO: She's my sweetheart!
Mario runs toward Cera, ready to punch. Cera kicks his face with her high heel. Yoshi throws some eggs at her until he runs out. She picks up Mario and throws him at Yoshi.
YOSHI: Wawawawawawawa.
LUDWIG: Mum! Stop!
BOWSER JR.: Are you really my mama?
CERA: NO. I'M NOT THE MOTHER OF AN UGLY BRAT LIKE YOU.
BOWSER JR.: I'm not ugly!
BOWSER: Don't you insult my son like that!
Bowser tries to do a body slam on Cera but she is able to catch Bowser and throw him to the floor.
BOWSER: Argh.
PEACH: Mario! Yoshi! Bowser!
BOWSER: You care for me~!
CERA: (To Peach) Shut up. Go Lena! Break that your father's clone!
A female Dry Bones Koopa thing that looks like a smaller version of Bowser Jr. with purple pigtails runs to Bowser Jr. and punches him in the face. She makes a bone shattering roar similar to Dry Bowser's.
BOWSER JR.: Hey!
Bowser Jr. jumps on the undead Koopa and her bones fall apart on the floor like a Dry Bones'. But she revitalize herself second later.
WENDY: Junior! Stop fighting with your older sister!
LARRY: He was getting owned.
WENDY: Lena! You came back! Sort of!
BOWSER JR.: She's my sister?
CERA: Yeah, I found her undead body when I left the castle after you were born. I took her with me.
MARIO: (weak) I remember, I killed her. And I kicked her body into the lava.
ROY: MURDERER!
LUIGI: You're not doing anything to help.
ROY: So are you!
BOWSER: Guys, I could use some help right about now.
Cera knocks Bowser on his back and jumps on his stomach repeatedly. The Koopalings try to hold her still while Luigi, Mario and Yoshi jump on her head.
CERA: LENA! DO SOMETHING!
Lena fires a massive fireball at the Koopalings. They run around in pain.
LUDWIG: Wait! I got an idea!
Ludwig leaves the castle.
LEMMY: Ludwig! We need you to fight!
IGGY: Ludwig is the second smartest Koopaling, he knows what he's doing.
LEMMY: Um. He's the smartest.
IGGY: No, I am. I built the airship!
LEMMY: Which crashed.
Lena jumps on Iggy's and Lemmy's heads while they're arguing.
LEMMY: I don't care if you're my sister. You're evil!
Lemmy and Iggy chase Lena around while everyone else is busy fighting Cera. Ludwig comes back with two Freezies.
LUDWIG: Iggy! Lemmy! Come here!
Iggy and Lemmy run to Ludwig while Lena is chasing them. Ludwig throws one Freezie, coating the floor with ice and freezing Lena in an ice block. Ludwig slides on the ice and picks the iceblock up and throws it on the floor, destroying Lena.
WENDY: You killed our sister!
LUDWIG: She was already dead!
Ludwig throws the other Freezie at Cera, freezing her in a block of ice.
BOWSER: Now what?
LUDWIG: We need to put her somewhere while she's still frozen!
MARIO: You moron, you froze Peach!
LUDWIG: D'OH!
BOWSER: No wait!
Bowser uses his fire breath to melt some of the ice until Peach is freed and part of Cera's hand is sticking out.
MARIO: Peach! You're okay!
Peach kisses Mario on the cheek.
BOWSER: I freed you!
Peach kisses Bowser on the cheek.
BOWSER: YAHOOOOOOOOOOO!
Bowser grabs Peach and carries her.
MARIO: Hey! No go-karting!
BOWSER: But, she...
WENDY: Can I go go-karting too!
LARRY: And me! I love sports! Even more that Junior!
BOWSER JR.: Hey!
MARIO: You can all come, only if (shouting) YOU'RE FATHER STOPS KIDNAPPING PEACH!
KOOPALINGS: KING DAD!
BOWSER: What? Okay.
Bowser puts Peach down.
PEACH: Thank you. Thank you all. I say after go-karting, I'll bake you all a cake!
ALL: YAY!
The Koopa's, Bros. and Peach on Yoshi's back leave the castle. Cut to them in go-karts. Bowser Jr. gets a blue shell and uses it on Larry, who is in first place.
LARRY: DAMN YOU! BRAT!
END.