This story is a followup to my rated M story, The Mystery of Ben. If you intend to read The Mystery of Ben, I would suggest you read it before this one.
Disclaimer: I do not own the Bob-Whites or any of the other characters. No profit is being made from their use.
Meltdown
Fifteen-year-old Trixie Belden stood looking out the kitchen window, her brows wrinkled in a frown. It was the end of Mrs. Belden's yearly Thanksgiving open house. Everyone had left except for the Bob-Whites. They had planned an all night get together at the Belden's. Deep in thought, Trixie did not notice Jim behind her until she felt his hands on her waist.
"Trix?" Jim whispered in her ear. "Why did you disappear? I missed you."
Turning around, Trixie put her arms around Jim's neck and laid her head on his shoulder. "I was just thinking," she said with a sad voice.
"What's wrong?" Jim pulled back and looked into her blue eyes.
"Nothing really." Trixie smiled and pushed past Jim.
But Jim knew. He could tell by the sound of her voice. He placed his hands on Trixie's shoulders and turned her toward him. "Remember, shamus, I promised to hear the good, the bad, and the ugly. And you promised to tell me."
Sighing, Trixie looked as Jim took her hands in his. "I was just thinking about our first Thanksgiving." Trixie bit her bottom lip and looked down. She continued in a low, soft voice. "When Ben was here and I pretended to like him."
Jim breathed a ragged breath. He still had a lot of anger about what Ben did to Trixie last spring. It was just so difficult to keep it hid away from Trixie.
"Jim, do you think it was, well," Trixie hesitated, "my fault?" Trixie looked up at Jim with tortured eyes.
"Oh, god, Trixie," Jim pulled Trixie close. "No, it was never your fault."
"Sometimes I think that it might not have happened if I hadn't pretended to like him," Trixie's voice was muffled against Jim's shirt and Jim could feel the tears falling from her eyes.
"Hey, you two," Brian poked his head through the kitchen doorway. "Everybody's waiting to start the movie."
Jim looked at Brian and barely shook his head. Then he looked down at Trixie and back at Brian. "Just go ahead and start without us. We'll be there in a minute."
Brian walked out of the room and straight into Mart. "Just leave them alone for a while, Mart."
"What gives, Brian?" Mart demanded in a low voice. "She's my sister, too."
"I don't know, Mart." Brian answered angrily at his brother. "Just leave her alone for now."
"Fine." Mart stalked off, angry himself, toward the living room.
With a heavy heart, Brian followed his brother. Later, sitting beside his girlfriend, Honey, he pretended to watch the movie. He glanced around the room and saw that all of his friends were also glancing toward the kitchen. When Dan caught his eye, Brian shrugged. He didn't have any answers, either. Maybe Jim did.
Back in the kitchen, Jim listened as Trixie talked. "Jim, I know in my head that you are right," Trixie continued, "but something inside me is making me feel guilty."
"Trix," Jim glanced down at the blonde curls leaning against his chest. Running his hand over her head, he asked, "Have you told your therapist about this?"
Trixie shook her head, "No, Jim, but I will next time I talk to her. I just realized why this open house was bothering me so much."
All of Trixie's friends knew she was seeing a therapist now. But not all of them knew her parents had insisted after her meltdown in September. Soon she would tell the rest of them. Her therapist, Dr. Sheppard, said it would be a good way to get back to normal with her friends. Trixie hoped so. Sometimes she could feel the tension between them. It had never been there before the attack. Now it was seemingly ever present.
Jim wondered, too, when things would get back to normal. All he wanted to do was to treat Trixie like any seventeen-year-old boy would treat his girlfriend. Jim was afraid she would never be comfortable with him showing affection like he wanted to. Damn it, I just want to kiss her. Jim's thoughts continued. And not just a sweet goodnight kiss.
Deciding to lighten the mood, Jim looked down and grinned at Trixie. "Hey, beautiful, let's go watch the movie and snuggle." Delighted with her blush, Jim took her hand and they went to join the others.
The next morning the sleepy Bob-Whites were fixing breakfast for the whole gang, including Mr. and Mrs. Belden and Bobby. Mart, as usual, kept stealing bites of food whenever he could.
"Mart, if you would stop maybe we could all get a chance to eat," Dan growled irritably at his friend.
"Hey, nobody made you my boss," Mart snapped back.
"Mart!" Mrs. Belden had just entered the kitchen.
"Sorry, Dan," Mart apologized. "My mouth is bigger than my stomach sometimes."
"Only sometimes?" Dan raised his eyebrows at his friend and shrugged.
"Well, here's enough for everyone," Honey interrupted, tactfully.
The weekend passed quickly. Trixie and Jim spent most of their time together away from the tension between their friends. The rest of the Bob-Whites spent the rest of the holiday avoiding each other.
Sunday afternoon Jim and Brian prepared to leave for the drive back to their college dorm. Brian went to Manor House to say good bye to Honey. He met Jim in the foyer when he arrived. Both of them looked warily at each other. Jim knew Brian was upset about the closeness of his relationship with Trixie.
Brian decided to make the first move. "Jim, about Trixie, don't you think you two should slow down?"
"Back off, Brian." Jim warned his friend. "Trixie needs me."
"She has the rest of us," he pointed out to Jim. "You don't have to be the only one you know."
"Well, Brian, what do you expect me to do? Just ignore her. I think not."
"That's not what I mean," Brian tried to explain. "She's too young to get serious. She's not recovered yet."
"Don't you think I know that?" Jim's eyes flashed with anger.
"Then maybe you should think about that more," Brian said back with his own anger rising.
"I do think about that." Jim felt the anger leave as he thought of Trixie. "Let me ask you this, Brian. What should I say to Trixie when she's crying? Go talk to your big brother."
Brian stood there unable to think of a suitable reply.
"You know everything, don't you, Brian?" Jim walked off, pushing past Honey who was coming down the stairs to talk to Brian.
The look of shock and confusion on Brian's face was too much for Honey. "Brian?" Honey took Brian's hand and led him into the study. "What was that all about? You and Jim never argue."
"I tried to talk to him about Trixie," he told her. "Instead of talking, we ended up at each other's throats."
"I know what you mean," Honey sympathized with Brian. "Mart and Dan were at it the other morning. Even Diana and I got into a shouting match."
"You?" Brian couldn't believe it. Honey was the most tactful and sweet person he knew.
"She thinks we need to confront Trixie," Honey told him. "She says we are all walking on eggshells around her. That it's causing all this tension because no one will discuss the one thing that is causing the problem."
"Di might be right," Brian concluded. "I just can't do that right now, can you?"
"No, that's why we argued." Honey wiped a tear from her eye. "I don't know what to do, Brian. Sometimes I get so mad and then in an instant I'm sad."
Brian sighed and put his arm around Honey's shoulders. He knew sharing a dorm room with Jim the next week would not be easy.
On Monday, Trixie went to her therapy session. Dr. Sheppard could tell when Trixie walked in that something had happened during the long Thanksgiving weekend. Smiling, she motioned for Trixie to sit down.
"How was Thanksgiving, Trixie?"
"It was kind of weird," Trixie answered, slowly.
"Weird? How so?" Dr. Sheppard tilted her head toward Trixie.
"I kept thinking about our first Thanksgiving together," Trixie smiled as she remembered the fun they had that weekend. Frowning, she continued. "Do you remember how I told you about pretending to like Ben? That was right before Thanksgiving. Ben was at the open house."
Dr. Sheppard quietly wrote on her pad while Trixie talked. Looking at Trixie, she answered her. "I remember that. Is that causing a problem for you now?"
Trixie grimaced before continuing. "I'm afraid that I caused Ben to attack me. If I hadn't come up with that silly plan maybe things would have turned out differently."
"Trixie," Dr. Sheppard leaned forward and placed both forearms on her desk. "If that's how you feel, then you've got to start thinking in a different way. Ben may have used that as an excuse but he would have used anything as an excuse. Ben is the one that made that decision, not you."
"I know," Trixie sighed as she thought of her friends.
"Is something else bothering you?" Dr. Sheppard asked.
"My friends," she answered. "My best friends."
"Ahh, the famous Bob-Whites," she smiled. "Are you having problems with them?"
"No, not me," Trixie shook her head. "But they seem to be having problems with each other. We hardly ever argue and now everyone seems to be getting on each others' nerves."
"Doesn't it surprise you that they aren't arguing with you?"
"I never thought about it." Sudden tears filled Trixie's eyes as she realized why her friends were fighting. "It's me, isn't it? Oh, why did they have to find out? I should have insisted no one be told."
"They probably are having a tough time dealing with this, Trixie. With friends as close as you guys, when something happens to one it happens to all." Dr. Sheppard gave an encouraging smile before continuing. "And with friends that close, it's very hard to keep secrets."
"So even if I hadn't told them, they would know something was wrong," Trixie concluded. "I wish I could bring them to therapy with me."
"Why, Trixie, that's a wonderful idea! Do you think they would be agreeable to that?"
"Yes, and I know just how to arrange it," Trixie's eyes brightened. "How would you like to come to a Bob-White meeting?"
The next Saturday, Trixie waited nervously for all of the Bob-Whites to arrive at the clubhouse. At one o'clock, all of her friends were gathered before her looking expectantly.
"I want you all to know that I am really glad that all of you are here." She smiled nervously at each of them. "Because of," Trixie swallowed before continuing, "Ben's actions, each of us are having a tough time. I think we are starting to take it out on each other."
"Trixie," Diana spoke up. "I'm glad you had the courage to bring this up. If we don't do something our friendships may be ruined."
"Right, Di," Trixie smiled at her. "I have a solution. Dr. Sheppard has agreed to talk to us." Her look became serious. "I know what happened was awful but it's not the end of the world or even the Bob-Whites unless we let it happen."
Quietly, Trixie walked to the door of the clubhouse to look for Dr. Sheppard. Her friends exchanged looks of surprise at Trixie's news. Could it be possible that there was hope for the Bob-Whites?
Grinning, Trixie looked at her friends. "Dr. Sheppard is here. I know this will work."
"It just has to," Honey whispered to herself.
Dr. Sheppard walked into the clubhouse and greeted the group. "So, this is the Bob-Whites. Trixie has told me a lot about you. And I hope I can be of help to each of you."
Trixie introduce Dr. Sheppard to all of the Bob-Whites. Dr. Sheppard's eyes twinkled when Trixie blushed as she introduced Jim to her.
"I'm glad to meet you, Dr. Sheppard," Jim said as he shook her hand.
"I'm glad to meet you, too, Jim. I'm glad to meet all of you." Dr. Sheppard stood in front of the group. "Trixie has asked that once a month her weekly session be a group session for as many of you that can attend. It's important, not only for her recovery, but for your recovery, too."
"Do you really think it will help?" Mart asked, slightly embarrassed. "All I want to do is punch somebody."
"Yeah, me, too," Dan gave him a friendly scowl.
"Things have been getting out of hand," Honey told them.
Dr. Sheppard smiled at the closeness of the group. "I told Trixie that close friends can often feel the pain of each other so much that it's like it's happening to them. There are some exercises I would like for each of you to do before our next session."
Dr. Sheppard went on to outline her plan for the group. Each Bob-White was to talk with each individual member alone, telling each other how the experience made them feel.
"Perhaps a letter would be better for some of you," she suggested. "You've kept so much bottled up inside you, it might be easier."
The guys all looked relieved. Sharing their fears and feelings was just not something they were used to doing with each other. Maybe they could write a letter and pass it back and forth between each of them.
"If you want to talk with me now about anything, I'd be more than willing to listen." Dr. Sheppard sat down on an old stool.
Gradually, the Bob-Whites began to share their concerns with Dr. Sheppard. Then they began to talk to each other. It had been such a long time since they had felt like sharing anything.
At the end of the session, Dr. Sheppard made plans to meet with them the Saturday after Christmas. Smiling at the group as she left, Dr. Sheppard knew they were in for big surprises.
Later that day, Jim was surprised when Diana Lynch walked into the library where he was studying. "Hello, Di."
"Hi," Di answered, shyly. "You're next on my list."
"Your list?" Jim raised an eyebrow.
"Yes, my list," she replied emphatically. "Do you have a problem with that?"
"No," Jim chuckled. "It just sounds so Mart-like."
"Well," she grinned, "it was his idea." With that, Diana sat down and took out a small notebook from her pocket. "My idea," she said and waved the notebook at him.
"I'll have to be careful of what I say." Jim was only half-kidding.
"If it makes you feel better, I'll start first," Diana offered. "Crazy as it may seem, I'm jealous of you and Trixie spending so much time together. Honey and I never get to see her anymore, not like we used to."
"But you see her everyday at school," Jim reminded her. "I'm usually only here on weekends."
"I miss the girl's only nights," Di conceded. "We never get to talk anymore. And when Honey and I are together, we talk about Trixie. I want to talk with Trixie about what happened."
Sighing, Jim asked her, "Do you want to know why I spend all my time with Trixie?" When Di nodded, he continued, reminding himself, I'm doing this for Trixie. "The truth is I'm afraid. I was gone when it happened and I'm scared to death something will happen to her again."
"Oh, Jim," Diana's violet eyes were full of compassion. "I didn't realize what you were going through. Have you told this to Trixie?"
"No," Jim shook his head. "She's already gone through so much. I don't want her to start worrying about my feelings. I guess I just don't want to mess up our relationship."
"Trixie loves you, Jim," Di placed a hand on Jim's shoulder. "Even if she won't talk to me or Honey, she will talk to you."
"Is this the part where I'm supposed to feel better?" Jim gave her a small grin.
"Definitely," Diana assured him. Then she grinned back and waved her notebook. "And I didn't even write down one word."
After Diana left Jim started thinking about who he really needed to talk to. And it wasn't Trixie. It was Brian. Jim knew Brian had plans with Honey, as did he with Trixie. He would just have to speak to Brian when he came to Manor House.
Jim was outside waiting when Brian arrived. "Could I speak to you a minute, Brian?"
"I actually think that's a good idea," he agreed and sat down on a nearby chair.
"It's about Trixie," Jim stated the obvious. "You were right."
"Oh?" Brian looked closely at his friend, uncertain of what he was going to say.
"I know she's too young to get so serious. Heck, I'm only seventeen myself," Jim paused as he tried to find a way to explain. "It just kind of threw me when this happened. She's the most important person in the world to me."
"She's kind of important to me, too," Brian reminded his friend. "I don't want to see her get hurt anymore."
"Maybe I didn't handle this right," Jim looked at Brian seriously. "I promise you that I will do everything to keep from hurting her."
"You know Moms and Dad only let her start dating because of what happened."
"I know that," Jim ran his fingers through his red hair. "I promise to not get so serious with her but I am going to keep seeing her. And I don't care if you have to chaperone every date."
"I'm okay with that," Brian joked. "That means Honey will have to tag along."
After their double date with Brian and Honey, Trixie and Jim were saying good night on the front steps of Crabapple Farm. Shivering, Trixie snuggled closer to Jim.
"Trixie, I owe you an apology," Jim told her.
Confused, Trixie looked up at him. "What do you mean, Jim? You've done everything in the world for me."
Jim smiled down at her. "Maybe I shouldn't have. All of your other friends have been feeling left out."
"Jim, you know I couldn't talk to them," Trixie's eyes filled with tears. "If it hadn't been for you, I don't know who I would have turned to. You made me feel safe."
"But you are stronger now, Trix," Jim reassured her. "They need you to need them."
"You aren't breaking up with me, are you?" Trixie's voice was shaky. "I didn't mean to be such a burden to you."
"Oh, shamus, I am not breaking up with you. And you are not a burden." Jim pulled her into a tight embrace. "It's just time to let loose a little. You are still my girl. We just need to get back to normal. I need to learn to quit panicking when you are not in my sight."
"You actually get scared?" Trixie couldn't believe her ears.
"Trixie, I was gone when you were attacked," Jim reminded her. "My response was to smother you. If I keep doing that eventually you'll be sick of me."
"I liked all the attention you gave me," Trixie sighed. "It's going to be scary without you around all the time."
"Hey, you are not getting rid of me that easily." Jim gave her shoulders a little shake. "I'm not going anywhere. I plan on being with you and the Bob-Whites. I just want to give you room to breathe."
"I guess it would be nice to go do some girl stuff with Honey and Di," she said looking at Jim. "That would be okay, right?"
Jim could see the uncertainty in her eyes. He knew it would still be awhile before Trixie was her old self. "Sweetie, if you don't Honey and Di will kill me. Besides I am only a phone call away anytime you need me."
"Jim?"
"What is it, Trix?"
"Are you ever going to kiss me?"
"Right now." Jim lowered his head to meet her lips.
During Christmas break, the girls had their first sleepover. Gathered together in Diana's bedroom, they were planning the Bob-White Christmas party.
In the middle of their plans, Di brought out her notebook. "Okay, guys, we haven't had our official talk."
"Oh, no!" squealed Honey and Trixie together. "The notebook."
"Jim and Brian both told us about the infamous notebook," Honey added. "I think they were both really worried about what you wrote."
Diana smiled and shook her head. "I think I'm keeping this for future blackmail opportunities, although Mart and Dan got out of it by writing letters."
"I think it's a good idea," Trixie suddenly spoke up. "There's something I need to tell you."
Knowing that Trixie usually talked with Jim or her therapist, Honey and Di became serious.
"Trixie, if you're sure," Honey took Trixie's hand, "we are ready to listen."
"I know you guys were really angry at me," Trixie told them. "I didn't mean to shut you out."
"Trixie, I was angry for a long time," Di admitted. "But it really wasn't at you. It was just the whole situation. I felt so guilty about everything. When you didn't turn to me or Honey, I think we both felt abandoned. It was easy to be mad at you than to think about what happened."
"I know," Trixie hesitated before continuing. "I thought I was okay last summer. So, I didn't really talk to anyone. But when Brian and Jim left for college, I really fell apart. Jim started calling every night. It felt safe to talk to him."
"My brother really cares about you, Trix," Honey smiled at her. "I'm not surprised you turned to him."
"Something else happened in September," confessed Trixie. "I had a complete meltdown. It was crazy. One evening, I just lost it. I just started screaming and crying. It went on for hours." She stopped to see her friend's reactions. Seeing them both in tears, she continued before she lost her nerve. "Mart was so upset, he called Brian. Of course, Brian told Jim. It was awful. They were calling and I was going off the deep end. Moms and Dad insisted I see a therapist. I just didn't want you guys to think I was going crazy."
For what seemed like hours, the three girls sat on Di's bed hugging and crying. Trixie had finally had enough. She whacked both of them on the head.
"Enough, already," she grinned through her tears. "Your crazy friend is hungry."
"Oh, Trixie," laughed Di, "we still love you, even if you are crazy."
"Jim, I'm sure loves you and he knows you're crazy," Honey smiled, impishly.
Trixie smiled to herself. She and Jim had decided to take things slow and just have fun for awhile. But maybe someday she thought as she grinned at her friends.