Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or any jokes or quotes from anything that I may use. The idea, however, is mine and Skittles.
This HAS to be what actually happened!
Sasuke left Konoha at the age of twelve...or was it thirteen? …who cares? I DON'T! Any who, Sasuke left Konoha at the age of whatever. Have you ever REALLY wondered why? Itachi couldn't be the ONLY reason? Well, I am going to reveal to you the truth!
Once upon a time, Kishi-san got very drunk.
"I'm SOOOOOO drunk," he said.
Kishi-san decided it would be a good idea to work on Naruto. After all, it was becoming a huge hit. Now, as I explained before, Kishi-san was VERY drunk. He was so drunk, that his drawn characters started talking to him.
"Hello, Kishimoto-san," Orochimaru said.
"Heyyyyyyy…" Kishi-san said back.
"You know what would be a good idea?" Orochimaru asked.
"Hmm?"
"If you made Sasuke be a jerk face and leave Konoha!"
Kishi-san perked right up, "SHUT. UP!"
"I know right?" Orochimaru pointed to himself and said in a sing-song tone, "geniusssss!"
"Let's get a crackin!" Kishi-san said to no one in particular.
And here's how it played out:
"Look Kabuto!" Orochimaru pointed in the window of a store. "The new Sasuke's are in!"
Kabuto rolled his eyes, "Orochimaru-sama, I just bought you some young innocent boys last week!"
Orochimaru got all sad, "One more won't hurt!"
Kabuto pulled out his wallet and sighed, "FINE!"
Orochimaru skipped in the store, "Yay!"
Kabuto followed him slowly.
The store owner just happened to be Kishi-san.
"Hellooooooo!" he said, and he sounded like he was VERY drunk.
Orochimaru quirked one eyebrow, "Hello. I would like one Sasuke, please."
Kishi-san nodded and grabbed Sasuke by the throat.
"Would you like a baggggg?!" Kishi-san asked.
Orochimaru shook his head, "No, I'll just take him in a bucket, please,"
Kishi-san nodded and forcefully shoved Sasuke into the bucket.
"HEY!" Sasuke shouted, but Kishi-san already put the lid on and sat on it.
"Would you like a bowwwwww?!" Kishi-san asked.
Orochimaru shrugged and smiled, "Why not? It's my birthday! Purple and upside down, please."
Kishi-san nodded and placed the bow on the bucket.
"Would you like a catttt in the hatttt with thattt?!" Kishi-san asked.
"CAT IN THE HAT?! NO WAY! THAT'S MY FAVORITE SHOW! I mean…what you talkin' bout?" Orochimaru slyly asked.
Kishi-san nodded, but continued with the questions, "Would you like him in a cakeeee?!"
Orochimaru shook his head again, "No, I'll have Kabuto do that…" He turned to Kabuto, "And this time, put him in the cake AFTER you bake it!" He turned around and muttered to himself, "Since he screwed up all my other innocent boy bodies…"
Kabuto looked ashamed, "Sorry, Orochimaru-sama…" he mumbled.
"Yeah…now, get the book!" Orochimaru exclaimed.
Kabuto looked horrified, "NOT THE NOSE IN THE BOOK TREATMENT!"
Orochimaru smirked, "Yeah, the nose in the book!"
Kabuto slowly grabbed a book out of no where and handed it to Orochimaru. Orochimaru slammed it over Kabuto's nose.
Kishi-san, not to be ignored, said: "Would you like some pretty tagssss?!" he asked. (Seals)
Orochimaru shook his head and took the bucket from Kishi-san, "No thank you." he said.
Orochimaru and Kabuto walked out of the store after Kabuto paid.
"That's how they get cha!" Orochimaru mumbled to Kabuto.
Orochimaru and Kabuto were running through the trees, Kabuto carrying the Sasu bucket. Seriously though, they forget to make them hit the trees ever so often, and then they're like, OH YEAH! So they make them hit the trees. I swear, those anime drawers…
ANYWAY!
Kabuto, trying to show off to Orochimaru, did a random flip through the air. And since Kabuto didn't push up his glasses (even though they'd just fall back down, anyway) he didn't see the tree in front of him. Even the George of The Jungle theme song couldn't help him now.
Watch out for that—BOOM!
Since they were still tree hopping, and Orochimaru didn't buy the 'pretty tags', Sasuke went plunging down to his death below.
What was worse, below them was a swamp. ASWAMP!
Sasuke fell into the swamp.
"OH NO YOU DIDN'T!" he yelled up at Kabuto.
"……………………………………………………..sorry……………………."
Sasuke looked at his nails. "NO! I LIKE, JUST GOT A MANICURE AND WHAT NOT!"
Suddenly, a badger came out of no where. Orochimaru and Kabuto happened to jump down and land right next to the swamp.
Sasuke sighed and rolled his eyes, "There ya go again! SHOWIN OFF!"
The badger grabbed Sasuke and dragged him out of the swamp. Badger-kun growled. As far as he was concerned, this twelve or thirteen-year-old jerk face was his!
"Badger-kun!" Orochimaru yelled.
Badger-kun growled.
Orochimaru casually walked over to Badger-kun, "Surely we can talk this out," he said.
Badger-kun rolled his eyes. He walked up to Orochimaru and flicked him in the stomach. He went FLYING! And I mean flying. He somehow missed that gigantic tree that Kabuto crashed into.
"Tch," Kabuto crossed his arms, "what ever."
"TEAM ROCKET'S BLASTING OFF…!" Orochimaru was heard from far away.
Badger-kun looked to Kabuto, "Again?" he asked.
Kabuto shook his head, "No, this is the first time."
Badger-kun nodded.
"So…" Kabuto casually said, "can I have Sasuke back?"
Badger-kun shrugged, "Yeah."
"Really?"
"Why not? He's a jerk face!"
Kabuto nodded, "True. But I'll take him to Sound. It'll make everyone really pissed!"
"…You have problems…"
"…Nobody liked me as a child…"
Badger-kun backed away slowly.
Owari