Author's Note: This is weird. I don't think I depicted James Patterson's Nudge that well. This one's kind of... depressing.

Disclaimer: I do not own Maximum Ride.

Taking Off

Chapter 1

I was really happy for her. I was. Her face had taken on an emotion that rarely visited the Flock: happiness. She was smiling more now. She let Gazzy and Iggy get away with more of their antics than usual. And was it my imagination that Max constantly threw these meaningful looks at Fang... and that he threw them back at her?

So yes, Max's happiness was one thing I'd vowed to achieve. Let's face it, her life was not easy. The weight of the world had to ache occasionally. So I was happy that she got her guy and her new family. Even the aftershock of Ari's funeral could not keep the smile off her face for long.

But...

I've learned in life that there are always "but"s. These "but"s usually take the spotlight off of the happy things in life and give people dark ideas that creep up in the middle of the night and take root. They don't let go.

I was happy for Max, "but"...

What about me?

I heard laughter. This, to you normal people, wouldn't be an uncommon sound. If someone around you laughed it wouldn't be so abnormal that your heart would give a funny little jump and you'd thank the Lord that you'd gotten out of that battle alive. But I basked in the glow of that laughter. Because who knew if I'd hear it again once I left this place.

Everyone had been happier here. Max and Fang would leave for long walks and come back, Max blushing and Fang looking very happy with himself. Iggy was, shall we say, "bonding" with Ella in the way that they would talk and laugh animatedly into the night. Dr. Martinez took to Angel as if Angel's last name was now "Martinez". In fact, Angel got an entirely new wardrobe and she, Ella and Dr. Martinez spent hours dressing her up in the new clothes. Gazzy was happy to have such a big backyard to run around in, and occasionally there would be a loud boomcome from the backyard. Gazzy would then come into the house looking completely innocent as if there weren't ashes smudging his face.

We hadn't gotten to do this since Anne, and she'd turned out to be a traitor. But this was Max's actual family, and if she trusted them then who were we to judge? The Flock was happy and though we were leaving in two days, we loved it here.

Well...

I shouldn't say "we".

I wouldn't confess this to anyone. Dr. Martinez had been gracious and kind, and unusually generous to donate her house to us for the past few days. But I couldn't stand it there. There wasn't anything really wrong with the place itself, I just felt as though something were missing. I was antsy, and anxious to get out of there to find out what it was. As the other members of the Flock were settling in to a routine here I was ready to hop out at a moment's notice. I was ready to go back to our old life. That's what surprised me the most.

Rat BBQ? Sleeping on the cold, wet grass? Hiding out in damp caves? Was I really ready to give up a bed and food and shelter for that?

Well, yes, I was.

But then I wouldn't expect you to understand when I hardly did myself. I don't know why it bugged me so much when Dr. Martinez would ruffle Angel's hair or kiss her on the cheek. Or that Iggy was always touching Ella's hand, the way he did when he wanted to know where someone was. I don't know why I felt a little stab of hurt when I'd see Max, Ella and Mrs. Martinez together. Maybe it was because they looked like a family, in every sense of the word. They looked alike, and they were comfortable with each other. And I don't know why it shook me up so much that Max had blood relations. I should be happy for her, right? And I tried to be, but I just grew to hate the place more each day.

Darn you teenage mood swings.

Maybe the family vibe had been amped up a little because of the fact that it was New Year's Eve. A holiday. A time to spend with your family. A time for joy and laughter.

I heard it again. Giggles wafted from the other room. I tried to focus on the television. It was some soap opera I'd never heard of but got hooked on the first night of our stay. See, what was happening was that Bella was in love with this guy named Edward, only Edward was a vampire and therefore had these constant urges to suck her blood, so Edward was thinking it wasn't safe to be with Bella, so Edward went to South America, and Bella was left with a broken heart, so this kid named Jacob who's a werewolf decides to charm Bella into being with him and... Well it's all very exciting. Only I couldn't focus on it because the laughter from the other room kept coming into my air and taking over. And with each giggle, and with each chuckle, I'd get more and more annoyed.

What was wrong with me? I am not like this. Something must be happening to get me this way. You know, I hardly said a thing all day. The Flock thinks it's just because I was absorbed in my stories but I really and truly didn't want to talk to any of them. Not even Max, who I'd always considered my sister.

She's got a new sister now.

I stood up. I didn't know why I stood up; it seemed to me like a very stupid thing to do. I was standing up without a reason, so without a goal in mind I start walking.

The Martinez house isn't that big. there are two stories. on the first is a living room, a kitchen and a dining room. All of these rooms are connected by a doorway without a door, and the living room leads to an outside deck. The deck is on a platform that's raised a slight, and going even further than that is this field of grass. Past the grass are woods that go on for ages.

Upstairs are three bedrooms and a bathroom, the guest bedroom, Dr. Martinez's room and Ella's room. No expecting six bird kids and one reformed mad-scientist, Dr. M squeezed us in the best she could. I'd offered to sleep downstairs on the couch, actually, because the couch was in front of the TV, and had become my unofficial bedroom anyway. Max and Angel, though, decided to take Dr. M's offer and bunk in Ella's room, and that's where I found myself subconsciously going.

I hoped Max would be in there although I new that hope was pretty slim. Everyone was doing something. I was the only exception in the fact that I spent my days on the couch in front of the Box, but nobody else was as bored or frustrated as I, and they all kept busy with various activities. Yet, on the off chance that Max was there, maybe I could talk to her about the kind of crap I was feeling.

I turned the doorknob and opened the door. It seemed like such a simple and innocent thing to do, but it led to a whole mess of trouble.

It didn't matter that I'd already seen it coming. It didn't matter that their actions had hinted around this or that Gazzy's constant teasing could be heard at anytime. None of that mattered because Iggy had still been up in the air about it. They'd never really confirmed it. but here it was.

Iggy's hands moved quickly, glued to her skin. He kind of bit at her lips, but she looked like she was enjoying it because she bit back. It was gross, and it was gruesome, and it was a complete slap in the face.

I assure you I had a lot of witty things to say at the time, but sometimes my brain thinks of it and my mouth rebels and does an entirely different thing. While I planned to be cool and calm and not a freak, I actually said: "Ew,"

The soft word was only accented further by the silence that followed it. And Iggy would have heard it no matter how soft I would've said it.

His head snapped up from its previously occupation, i.e. sucking the skin from Ella's face, and looked around. He finally settled on a spot two feet from where I actually stood. I would've laughed if my heart and my lungs weren't being squeezed so tightly.

"Sorry!" I said, realizing I'd uttered 'ew' out loud. "I didn't- I mean- the door was open-"

Ella, I suppose, didn't know whether to be embarrassed or angry. She kind of narrowed her eyes, but at the same time every visible patch of her skin turned a bright red.

"I'll leave now," I said, but I couldn't bring myself to move. At the sound of my voice, Iggy began searching again, and finally his head pointed in my direction. He was blind, yet his confused, embarrassed gaze seemed to catch mine. Put on spotlight, my legs finally did what they were told and moved, but not before I heard him say, "Nudge?"

I left. I rushed down the stairs. The house didn't provide a large enough distance between us. Neither did the woods in the backyard. Or the Atlantic Ocean for that matter. My heart thudded persistently in my ears. It sounded way louder than it was supposed to. I placed my hand over my heart to make sure it didn't escape from under my ribcage. When my heart stopped pounding dangerously, I made my way to the living room and slowly sat on the couch. I sank back into the pillows trying to make sense of the illogical. Illogical to me at least.

My head wouldn't quit replaying that awful scene. I saw the image of both of them, and then I heard my stupid self rambling on and on. I should've just left. I shouldn't have stared like they were some kind of show. Now Playing, Iggy and Ella: A Romance.

Confession: I have a crush on Iggy.

I have had a crush on Iggy, unknown and kept secret to all. Seeing him tangled up with Ella hurt. I debated in my mind whether or not to tell Max. Would she care? Or would this new, more optimistic Max just be overly thrilled that her sister-by-blood and her brother-by-wings were getting along so well?

Unable to bear it if Max offered her blessing to the new couple, I ignored the backyard where I knew Max and Fang were talking and instead tried to tune back into the television. I couldn't.

I waited for Iggy or Ella to come down, embarrassed and apologizing for what I saw. They'd give me sympathetic looks and explain that it was a complete mistake. In fact, Iggy hated Ella. Ella came onto him. It was this complete misunderstanding, and it was obvious that Iggy was in love with me and...

My fantasy wound to a stop as the minutes piled up and they still hadn't come down. Maybe they were... Crap. Shut-up Nudge. The TV obviously wasn't helping to halt the constant stream of worry going on in my head. I turned it off and tried to find something interesting in my bag.

I stretched the draw strings open, and peered in at all my belongings. Being on the run made it so that all our possessions had to be things that we could carry. Fang had his laptop and I had... I reached into the bag and pulled out a composition notebook that I'd forgotten was even there. I looked at the flamboyantly decorated cover and recognized it as my diary from last year. This was back when I thought that if I ever became famous, people would beg me for an autobiography. Why not start sooner? I recorded every breath, movement, and nose hair. I opened the notebook and my eyes fell on the date. December 31st. Coincidence? Today was December 31st. I smiled. What happened a year ago today?

I looked down at the paper in question and two words followed by an excessive amount of exclamation points caught my eye.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

Whose birthday? Mine apparently.

Today, December 31st, was my birthday. I remember we each got to pick out our birthday because the real days were unknown. I thought it would be beyond awesome to be a "New Years" baby, so I scheduled my birthday for Midnight, Jan 1st. But we always celebrated it on Dec 31st, and at 12:00 instead of yelling out Happy New Year the Flock would all proudly exclaim "Happy Birthday Nudge!"

My heart fell. I read the excerpt to myself. Last year they went all out, they doubled the preparations. I got no presents, but we threw an awesome party. Just the 6 of us. A family. Max, Fang, Iggy, the Gasman, Angel and me, Nudge.

I forced my eyes to lift from the page and circle the living room. Dr. Martinez had gone all out also. Not because it was my birthday but because it was her first New Year's with her family complete. Yeah, her family. Not mine. Mine was broken. Or at least it felt that way to me.

Streamers hung everywhere. A giant sandwich platter sat at a decorated table. I'd been hearing about this party for days. It had bothered me a little then, but now that I remembered that it was my birthday I was furious.

"Angel" I said. I challenged myself to recite the Flock's birthdays one by one, proving that if I could remember their birthdays, it was pathetic that they could not remember mine.

"Angel," I repeated, "September 1st. The Gasman: August 11th, Iggy: May 11th. Fang July 1st. Max: February 22nd." I checked the dates in my newly found notebook, but even before finding clarification in the written word, I knew that I'd named the right days. And there they were, in my excited large scrawl. We'd thrown grand bashes for them too.

I tried to console myself: Not two weeks ago had we just barely survived an Itex showdown. We blew up the place and got kids from around the world to join our cause.

Correction: Max and Fang did that. The others and I had just acted as side kicks. I winced while remembering Max's battle with Omega, and how I'd just stood at the sidelines, eyes wide, feeling helpless because there was nothing I could do for her. Did I really expect the Flock to forget that and instead rush in eagerly to throw me a party?

Selfishly, I realized that I did.

As tears began to incessantly spill down my face, I finally understood: I didn't matter. This was even more like a slap in the face than finding Iggy and Ella. Actually, they were part of the reason I realized this. If I could be replaced that easily...

I contorted my face, squeezing my eyes shut to try and stop the flow of tears. In my head I ran through the entire Flock and their relationship to one another, trying to convince myself that I fit in somewhere. Somewhere.

Angel was Max's baby. She'd played a major role in tricking Itex and the school. When Angel disappeared, we rushed immediately, no questions asked, to save her.

The Gasman was Angel's blood and Iggy's partner-in-crime/best friend. If the Gasman left, Angel would cry for ages and Iggy, blind or not, would rush to save him.

Iggy: after the breakdown at Anne's last year we'd all been paying special attention to him. We all constantly told him how much we cared about him. And then, when he went back to his "family", we all felt broken. Like a wing had been ripped off our backs. Incomplete. Iggy was important.

Fang was obvious. Those looks Max gave him? Those looks he gave her? If those two were ever separated again there'd be hell.

And Max. God, we'd all be dead if it weren't for Max. She held us together. We all needed her. She was like our mother, she was the one that kept us fed and clothed and safe. Without her my hide wouldn't be here.

So where did that leave me?

Nudge: Age 11 (12 tonight at midnight). Three years younger than Max, Fang and Iggy. Three years older than the Gasman. Max reserved a special place for Angel in her heart, Iggy had the Gasman and Fang had Max. who did I have? Where did I belong? With the older members of the flock, or the younger ones? Did I even belong at all?

Reticent, as if on autopilot, I lifted the remote and turned the TV off. I put my notebook back in the bag and hoisted it on my shoulders. I walked through the kitchen, down the hall way, and to the front door. My chocolate brown wings were happy to be let out of their sockets and eager to fly. And fly I did.

If it was that easy for Max and the others to replace me, to over look me, then did I really belong in the Flock? I'd been feeling something all this time. Something to make me reclusive and irritable and angry at the world. This was it. But figuring it out and understanding why did answer the question of how to get rid of it. Flying helped, but the time you could stare blankly into sky had limits, and I knew that eventually I would have to go back.