If you want to read a better-formatted version, please go to my Fanfiction Livejournal theblackmonster.

A/N: This is an alternate ending to a scene in 'Mommy's Bosses', the last episode of Season 2 for the 4400. All I'm going to say is Shawn reacts differently to Kyle's news. Also, I hate writing in first person because I can never get it down as good as I can second or third person. But it'd look worse if I didn't do it this way.

Disclaimer: I don't own The 4400. The title comes from This Is Your Life by Switchfoot.

Warnings: Character Death. Spoilers for the last episode of the Second Season of The 4400.

Today Is All You've Got

This is how I tell you that I'm sorry.

I hug you and I cry, and I breathe into your hair and breathe out into it, because I love you and I am truly sorry.

I'm sorry that I brought you to the lake that night, and I'm sorry that I was a "bad" influence on you. I'm sorry that you spent three years of your life in a coma because I couldn't save you soon enough. And I'm sorry that I'm sort of the one who put you there because you told me to help you and I couldn't.

This is how I tell you that I love you, when I cry into you, because I want so badly for everything to be all right.

I want you to have the life you always wanted, and I don't want anything with the 4400 to ever have happened, because maybe then, everything would be all right for everyone else. Maybe then I wouldn't have to lie awake at night and be sorry for anything or have to know that some one will die today because I couldn't help them.

If this would've never happened, you would have been following your dreams, and you would've been a doctor, and maybe I'd be in a famous band like we'd both always dreamed. Because you were never that good at any instruments and couldn't sing for the life of you. For the life of me.

Maybe if none of this would've happened, I still would've met Jordan and he wouldn't have died, because then I wouldn't have needed him enough. But then again, maybe I wouldn't have met Jordan, and if I knew of this I would've been sad. But then again, maybe Jordan was better off without me.

And this is how I tell you that I'm sorry, because even though I want so much for the both of us to have the lives we've always wanted, I know that that will never happen.

I will never be in a band, and you will never become a doctor, because the future is changing as we speak, and that future gets farther and farther away with every breath. And Jordan will never be alive because of what happened. Because of what you did to him.

And this is how I tell Jordan I'm sorry and that I love him, because I love you, Kyle, I do. But I love Jordan more than anything else in the world, even you. Most of all you.

And this is how I tell you that I'm sorry. And I am sorry, Kyle. I'm sorry that I love you and that I loved, and still love Jordan. And I'm sorry that you killed him.

This is how I tell you that I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, and I'll miss you, Kyle, I really will.

But I'll miss Jordan more.