Star Wars
Episode 0:
Fall of the Sith
It is a time of stalemate. The Sith and Jedi Councils are at equals with each other. Though the Jedi are greatly outnumbered, The Sith have secluded themselves from galactic notice.
However both sides are plotting to finish each other off. Yet the conflict is closer to an end then expected, as a major plot is being on one of Mustafar's moon. A plot bound to determine the fate of the galaxy forever...
(Mustafar moon. Inside spired structure built inside a crater, the Sith council discusses matters at hand. Those in attendance are Darth Pineapple, Sith leader, stout female with plum-colored hair; Darth Mandalor, second-in-command, tall military-built fellow with short cut black hair; Sara, bubbly blonde consort to Mandalor; Darth Pickles, brother to Mandalor, just as tall but more skinny; Darth Strawberry, who has slightly red hair; Darth Stand-In, who is... well, a stand-in. A critical topic is raised.)
Mandalor: Who ate all the Doritos!?
Pineapple: Hush fool! We have more important things at hand.
Strawberry: Yeah, like where our next barbeque/hunting party will be.
Pickles: You know I hear Dathomir is a pretty good place to-
Pineapple: Silence! Barbeques are insignificant at this point! We need to talk of the Jedi threat at hand.
Sara: But there's only 3 of them, right? We shouldn't need to worry, what with Will ready to slaughter
them without remorse.
Mandalor: Sara, I told you not to use that name! It's Darth Mandalor!
Sara: Oh, Will! You're so cute when you're angry.
Pineapple: Enough! Anyways, though low in number, the Jedi are bound to try something outrageous and highly unexpected.
Pickles: Yeah, like sic Yoda on us.
Stand-In: Totally, I mean, something that small flying around is just scary.
Pineapple: Yes, so we must not let it happen again. So back to the discussion at hand, the Jedi are plotting something against us and we don't know where they are.
Mandalor: Why don't we know?
Pineapple: Because my dial-up was too slow to bring up a Jedi search engine.
Mandalor: D**n PeoplePC! High-speed my a**!
Sara: Will! Don't swear you ***!
Mandalor: My ***** name is Mandalor! ****!
Strawberry: Oh you *****!
Stand-In: ******
Mandalor: ! #[mushroom]#!
Pickles: loalllolollloo!
Sara: [words have a box drawn around them] Too hot for TV! ^o^
Pineapple: Enough with the excessive swearing! The FCC is already censoring our Force choke bit!
Stand-In: What force choke bit?
(Pineapple reaches out; raises person in air; person looks on in pain)
Pineapple: That bit!
Stand-In: Ugh... My... nuts..
(Pineapple releases; guy falls to ground; squish noise is made)
Sara: Oh great! You killed another Sith!
Pineapple: All well! We still have more Sith then the Jedi, and it's not like they're plotting more seriously against us in a place within close proximity of us.
(Meanwhile, on a small space ship 200km from Sith headquarters, the Jedi are indeed convening. It is inhabited by Joseph, leader, with good looks and a d*** sexy hairdo; Alexander Copeland, second-in-command, very tall overly serious and with bowl haircut; Squishy, Jawa Jedi, at a height of 2'10")
Copeland: What do we do!? We're greatly outnumbered and the Sith are nearby!
Joseph: Relax. If you recall, we haven't been discovered yet, and the Sith are too busy thinking of themselves to be any trouble.
Copeland: How would you know?
Joseph: You read the opening scenes didn't you?
Copeland: Oh, right.
Squishy: So guys, what do we do about our member-superior counterparts.
Joseph: I suggest we go in all dramatic style, take out the weak ones within seconds of each other, then face off with the leader while being accompanied by a grand orchestral score.
Squishy: Yes, or we can do something outrageous and highly unexpected.
Copeland: What do you mean?
Squishy: Well lately I have been designing a weapon (since I'm the weapons expert for some reason) that is capable of incapacitating our foes, thus allowing us to make quick and easy work of those Sith.
Joseph: What is it? A ysalamiri ray?
Squishy: No but close. It involves animals but of a completely different kind. Think along the lines of pets. Baby pets, at that.
Copeland: You mean puppies!
Squishy: Yes! And kittens as well.
Joseph: Are you mad!? Can we risk sending all those innocent creatures to a sizzling doom!?
Squishy: Don't worry. What kind of horrible monsters would dare kill something so cute and cuddly?
Copeland: They are Sith, you know.
Squishy: We will see. Now, gentlemen, accompany me to the Cutesy Cannon!
(Meanwhile, back at the Sith council)
Pineapple: So fellow evil-doers, do any of you have plans to eliminate the Jedi?
Mandalor: I say screw them and go eat some pie.
Pineapple: No, Mandalor. No pie.
Mandalor: Then the Jedi have already won.
Sara: Will, I don't think anyone's in the mood to listen to Metal Gear Solid parody references.
Mandalore: For the last FUDGING time, MY NAME IS MAN-
(Slow, dramatic, Star Wars preparation music plays)
Strawberry: Hey, where'd that music come from?
Pineapple: Dang composers... Hey, your timing is off, idiots! We haven't thought of anything to do yet!
Sara: Could it be that music's for something else?
Pineapple: Don't be silly, what else could that music be for...
(Pineapple stops; eyes bulge out and looks toward viewscreen; she and others rush to window and stare
in shock at the Jedi space station that's nearing them)
Mandalore: Great bad acting of Episode II! It's the Jedi, and they seem to be preparing something big.
Pineapple: You fools! Your moronic yet uniquely hilarious shenanigans has left us at the mercy of our foes. Now we have to wait in steadily increasing anticipation at our possible impending doom!
(Switch over to control room of space ship. All Jedi are there except Copeland)
Squishy: Cannon is heating up. How long till we reach firing position?
Joseph: T-minus 15 seconds.
Squishy: Copeland! Load the cannon!
(Copeland loads cannon with canisters; various cute sounds are heard)
Copeland: Ammo loaded!
Squishy: We're almost there. Lotioning button-pushing finger.
Joseph: Lotioning!
Squishy: Finger is smooth! Button is hot! Stereos are blaring music! Ready... (5 seconds later) FIRE!
(Multiple canisters fire from station and hit meeting room. Hundreds of puppies and kittens land everywhere.)
Sara: Kittens! My one true weakness!
Pineapple: Blast! That was a most outrageous and highly unexpected. Move. Curses!
(Meanwhile...)
Copeland: I think we caught them off balance.
Joseph: Good! Fire another volley!
Squishy: With pleasure!
(More pets are fired into structure; soon whole place is filled with thousands of kittens and puppies; Sith struggle to escape cuteness)
Pineapple: Ugh, get off me! Dimwits, start slicing already!
Mandalor: I can't. They're Just! Too! CUTE! Gahhhhhhh!
Pickles: Pugs! Huskies! Collies! Tabbies! Siamese! THEY HAVE EVERY FLAVOR!
(Back at the station)
Squishy: Structure shows 100% total cuteness guys!
Copeland: Now I believe we can start Joseph's first plan.
Joseph: To the assault pods!
(Jedi rush to pods while Beach Landing music from FFVIII plays. They leave and eventually crash land by entrance)
Joseph: Alright guys. Let's do this nice and dramatic like.
(Matrix music)
(The Jedi open the doors into the entrance hall all dramatic in slow motion. The hall is covered in puppies and kittens. Eventually a large robot appears out of a pillar's shadow)
?: I am X27ZHD Automated Puppy-and-Kitten Return Security Droid, or Bot for the sake of shortened dialogue captions.
Joseph: Right. Anyways, can you move so we may whup some weakened Sith booty?
Bot: No, I cannot allow you to proceed to the inevitable grand battle upstairs, which is bound to be kick***.
Squishy: Well that doesn't seem very nice!
Bot: Exactly. Now prepare to be schooled with what your mamma gave me last night.
Copeland: You'll die by those words.
Sara: Yeah, let's do this!
Copeland: What are you doing!?
Sara: Well due to some editing errors, I was accidentally part of the Sith. So now I'm on the Light side where I belong!
Joseph: Okay, more for us then.
Squishy: Bring it!
(To Matrix fight music, the Jedi run up and across pillars in Slow-mo while Bot sucks up and fires puppies and kittens at the Jedi.)
Bot: I've been programmed in 270 forms of automated, long-distance ***kicking, so you best stop now, fu's!
(The jumping and dodging continues until Squishy lands in the middle of the hall and in Bot's sights)
Bot: Gotcha!
(In slow-mo and spinning camera Squishy bends before the cuddly pets, then jumps backwards, lands on his back and breakdances in slow-mo to breakdance music.)
Bot: What the..?
(Sara comes up from behind and slices Bot's head off. It lands 50m. away.)
Bot: You guys suck. (Head shuts down)
Sara: Well that was fun.
Copeland: Squishy, I never thought you could pull off a parody and breakdance so fluidly.
Squishy: There are many things you don't know-
Copeland: Stop right there.
(Jedi go into elevator and upwards. Pillars are strewn with live animals. Back to meeting room)
Pineapple: I sense excitement in the audience Force-feedback. The Jedi are here and have pulled off a very accurate parody.
Strawberry: We must prepare the attack.
Pineapple: Right. You move out these creatures of cuteness. Mandalor will brandish the lightsabers. Sara, you can- (Doesn't see Sara) Hey, where is she?
Pickles: Due to editing errors, Sara wasn't supposed to be a Sith. So she switched over and has been replaced with Darth Mousse.
(Appears man with glasses and large, scraggly ginger beard)
Mousse: Long live the Mousse's!
Pineapple: Alright. Now, we must dawn the new curtains and take out the pretty yet breakable pottery and China and prepare for the fight of our lives!
(Later the elevator reaches the top floor and opens. The Jedi rush out and take up positions to look like Charlie's Angels)
Joseph: Enough of that. Let's do this!
(The group walks down hall and enters meeting room. The Sith are waiting with few pets in sight and surrounded by breakable decorations)
Joseph: Ah! Darth Pineapple! I had a feeling you were pulling the strings in this (pauses and looks around) little club of yours.
Pineapple: Mock all you want, you're still no match for the entire Sith council!
Copeland: Come on, Anna, you know as well as us that the weaker of your group will be taken out in a quick and orderly fight sequence with you outnumbered but still the true challenge in this whole film.
Pineapple: Maybe so, but we might actually take out a few of you to make it more even. Also, my name is Pineapple! Pineapple!
Sara: Dream on, ANNA! Your group is going down.
Pineapple: Ooh, I'll have much pleasure in taking you out!
(The two sides start fighting. The people move in all directions breaking pottery and searing curtains while crisscrossing lightsabers in a flashy display. Eventually Copeland and Joseph take out Strawberry and Squishy flashes his lightsaber across Pickles' chest.)
Pickles: (Collapsing in slow-mo and screaming dramatically) NOOOOOOOOOO! My nipples! (Falls down dead)
Pineapple: Blast! We lost Pickles! Mousse, me and Mandalor will make our big escape. You hold them back.
Mousse: Aye, aye, my overly-serious lady!
(Pineapple & Mandalor run off. Mousse is confronted by the Jedi)
Mousse: Ha! Are you ready to face the power of the Potato Chip Orgy!
Copeland: What?
Mousse: You dare question the teachings of the Happy Hemorrhoid!?
(Jedi look over a script)
Squishy: I don't remember reading any of that.
Mousse: Now die, Jedi!
(Mousse leaps into battle. He proves to be quite a match with his acrobatic skills. That's until one Jedi cuts off his left arm)
Mousse: Ah, is that the best you can do!? En guarde!
(They keep fighting until Mousse loses a leg)
Mousse: Ha, ha! Invigorating!
Sara: You can't be serious?
Mousse: Why? What's wrong you Jedi scum!?
Joseph: You can't really be fighting with one leg.
Mousse: What do you mean "one leg?"
Squishy: Well you've missing a leg and an arm.
Mousse: It's only a flesh wound. Show me what you got!
(Mousse attempts to fight, but Joseph sighs impatiently and cuts off the other leg)
Mousse: Oh you dogs! You'll pay for that!
Copeland: How? You're lightsaber went over there when you fell.
Mousse: I can still snap your limbs with my one arm. Now onwards to glory!
(Sara cuts off the last arm and kicks the torso away)
Sara: Well that settles that.
Joseph: Yeah, now on to Pineapple.
(Just as they leave they hear something)
?: -Ey -ut -oles!
(They turn around to see what's left of Mousse with a lit lightsaber in his mouth.)
Mousse: At's ight u orons! I ain't etting u o! Re-are oo ie!
Copeland: Squishy, get rid of his lightsaber.
Squishy: Right!
(Squishy goes to Mousse, takes the lightsaber, turns it off, and throws it away. He then goes to the others who then leave)
Mousse: Oh, sure, run away when things were just getting good. Get back here you pansies! I'll bite your legs off. Get back here you excrement. Please? I get very lonely. Guys? Guuys? Comeback. Ohhhh.
(Switch to Pineapple & Mandalor walking on a wide walkway hanging in the middle of a massive hall. The Jedi rush to and catch up to the 2.)
Joseph: PINEAPPLE!
Pineapple: Darn, I thought Mousse would have lasted much longer.
Squishy: Well I guess he needed a "hand" but couldn't get the "leg-up" to face us.
Pineapple: Oh, the old "Black Knight" sketch from Monty Python. Hooow original.
Sara: Will, stop this nonsense and come back to me!
Mandalor: The name's Mandalor! Besides, it's... too late for me.
Sara: It's never too late for us. Please, Will, please!
Mandalor: …
Sara: I got pie and Doritos.
Mandalor: Well when you put it that way, okay!
(Will walks over but stops to a "thunk" sound. A pie plate full of cream has hit his face and covered with crème. Sara looks at outstretched hand in shock)
Will: Ach! Coconut! The after-taste! Get it off!
(He tries to remove the pie but falls over walkway side and lands in a "Random Vat of Lava")
Sara: Will!
Pineapple: Peh! He was too weak to be a Sith to be swayed by such confectioneries. So I had you kill him with Sith Mind Control.
Sara: You *****! You'll die for this! (Lights lightsaber to growing Star Wars music)
Pineapple: Not so fast! Mandalor was not my true apprentice. For you see, the prize I had my eye on was (raises hand, and camera does a close-up of her face) Joseph!
(A dark aura surrounds Joseph as he struggles to resist the Dark side. Soon the aura leaves Joseph on the ground, who slowly stands up. Then he turns to face his friends with yellow eyes)
Squishy: Jo! Noooo!
Pineapple: Yes! Behold my true apprentice: Darth Booty Crank! Now my apprentice, finish off these insects.
(Joseph starts doing erotic dances before the Jedi, disorienting them)
Copeland: Ah, the awkwardness!
Sara: My eyes! My eyes! Yet it's strangely sexy.
(Sara becomes hypnotized and sways before Jo.)
Pineapple: Yes! Now I have both Joseph and Sara under my power!
Squishy: I think Joseph is under a Sith mind control!
Copeland: Oh, you think!?
Squishy: I think this calls for the Holy Water Grenade!
Copeland: Do it!
(Squishy pulls a water balloon with a painted-on cross from his pocket and lobs it at Joseph. It splashes over his crotch and soaks his pants)
Joseph: No! My sexy Jedi pants! How will I get booty now!?
Sara: (Recovering from spell) Ugh... Huh? Did I just say Joseph was sexy? (She gasps)
Joseph: You know it, babe. Wink-wink.
Squishy: It seems they're back to their old selves once again.
Pineapple: Curse you! I am aware where that reference came from, yet it's completely different! You managed to baffle me!
Sara: Now it is time for you to die! (Lights lightsaber again to rising dramatic Star Wars music)
Pineapple: Yes, release your anger. I crave a good challenge. (Also lights lightsaber)
(The rest light their lightsabers)
Squishy: Alright chorus. You know what to play. Git r Done!
(The Jedi take on Pineapple to the sounds of Duel of the Fates. They fight and advance along the walkway to some open wall-windows at the end. One Jedi throws a banana near Pineapple so she slips and falls out the window and onto a support strut connecting the main building to another spire with Jedi in pursuit. They continue fighting and eventually enter the other spire. Some more fighting takes place as they slowly advance upwards towards the upper support beams where they standoff)
Pineapple: Crap! You Jedi are persistent. And that banana peel trick was too underhanded for you Jedi.
Sara: Whatever, Anna. You're a Sith, you should foresee things.
Pineapple: You'll die horribly for that!
(Pineapple raises her lightsaber and throws it at a window, shattering it. Then she jumps out and flies up to the highest window on the main building. The other Jedi take turns jumping after her. Squishy jumps last, but in mid-flight his force runs out and starts going lower than the window)
Squishy: Oh sh-
(Squishy crashes through the wall leaving a body imprint hole of himself. Meanwhile above the fight continues with wires and all sorts of support structures succumbing to lightsaber slashes. The group soon drops to a lower level where Squishy is hanging onto a catwalk by one hand)
Squishy: Uh, guys, maybe you should-
(A lightsaber cuts the wires holding the catwalk thus sending Squishy falling. Ten feet down his robes hang him by his shirt around a pipe)
Squishy: Guys, are you listening to-
(Another lightsaber breaks off the pipe sending Squishy downwards and catching his leg in some wires, hanging him upside down. All sorts of parts are falling all over the place)
Squishy: Guys.
(Squishy is yet again cut down and ends up hanging by his arms like a puppet)
Squishy: GUYS!
(The people stop and look at Squishy within half a second. Joseph pokes his head from the side of the screen) (Music stops too)
Squishy: Listen! All your foolish yet well-choreographed dueling has taken out 98% of this building's support structures! This place will collapse if you keep fighting!
(They turn their lightsabers around in their hands and look ashamed)
Pineapple: What do you propose we do then?
Joseph: I suggest we wait for a sudden event in the form of an unexpected character appearance to determine what happens next.
Sara: But who would make this "appearance"?
(Suddenly, a noise is heard from above. It's Mousse falling downwards with a lightsaber in his mouth)
Mousse: Ansles!
(As he falls wires and struts are sliced before his foolish fall. He misses the group and keeps falling.)
Mousse: 'Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap!
(Suddenly the building starts buckling and rumbling with utter devastation.)
Joseph: Well, there you have it.
Copeland: Right. RUN!
(The group sprints to one side of the building. Squishy cuts himself loose and lands on a catwalk.)
Squishy: Hey! Wait for me!
(Squishy soon follows. After a lengthy cutscene showing half of the entire complex collapse, we turn to the others, who are sitting around in some sort of breakroom)
Squishy: Now with Episode 3 out, what is the future of the franchise?
Pineapple: As I have clearly stated, Squishy, Lucas will re-release all the movies and add deleted scenes, which I'll watch religiously.
Sara: Yeah, but what about new stuff?
Copeland: It's highly uncertain. Besides, with all the books out it will be hard to determine where to start.
Joseph: All well. I guess the only thing we can do is make more fan films and parodies such as this one.
Squishy: I agree- (notices camera) Oh shhh! Guys! The cutscene's over!
(The rest look at the camera shocked. Then the music plays again and Pineapple Force throws one of the breakroom chairs and knocks out Sara)
Pineapple: That's for calling me by my normal name! Now, where were we?
(They get to fighting in the breakroom. Chairs and tables are destroyed and a box of donuts get torn and eaten during the fight until Pineapple pushes the other 3 Jedi back.)
Pineapple: How dare you eat all the jelly-filled donuts! Enough play time! Now you die! With Force Lightning!
(As Pineapple preps her attack, the others cower at the edge of the breakroom. Suddenly Joseph looks over and reaches out of screen and grabs an intern. Just as Pineapple fires, Joseph tosses the intern into the air. The unfortunate fool absorbs the full force of the lightning and turns to dust)
Pineapple: Now that's just great! You made me kill our best intern!
Joseph: There will be others, you know that.
Pineapple: He was one in a millions, Jo!
(Pineapple leaps at Jo screaming. Jo sidesteps so that Pineapple cuts a hole through the wall. Then Squishy kicks her out into the ruins of Sith HQ. The serious battle picks up again, as over time the fighting and music gets more intense. Eventually the group lands on a large platform painting as the music slows down)
Squishy: This music is kinda depressing. Can we fight to something more lighthearted?
Joseph: Well, since this movie's almost over, I guess we can do that. What do you have in mind?
Squishy: I was thinking along the lines of classic 1920's silent film music (Audio guy plays some music) Yeah, that works just fine. Now then.
(In grainy black-and-white, the group is in a silent film-style version of the ruins. The characters talk by first moving their mouths then having what they said shown on a black, decorated frame)
Pineapple: Ha, ha, ha! Your film interests will not save you from the Dark side!
Copeland: So what!? Black and white are both equal in this odd change of movie style!
Pineapple: Poppycock! Your philosophy can't help you as I chop off your heads and perform heinous acts to them.
Joseph: We'll see to that, Anna!
Pineapple: Disgruntled sigh!
Squishy: Yeah, let's party like it's 1923!
(To a jaunty, cheery tune, the group fights in a 1920's style of lightsaber, which is more like sword fighting and put in fast forward. Eventually the group ends up at another platform, with Pineapple panting, weak, and in tattered robes)
Pineapple: Blast! Who knew I was so weak when it came to silent film fighting. It was too fast!
Joseph: Now, we must finish you off with-
Pineapple: No! I am not going to be in a parody of a Metal Gear Solid parody! We already had one!
Joseph: Um... I was about to say "These questions 3."
Pineapple: Oh, another Monty Python parody. Okay, shoot.
Joseph: What! Is your name?
Pineapple: Darth Pineapple the *****, Sith Lord.
Squishy: What! Is your purpose?
Pineapple: To destroy all Jedi and bring pain and suffering to the galaxy!
Copeland: What! Is the capital of Swaziland?
Pineapple: Mbabane.
(The Jedi look confused, look at each other, pull out a map and contemplate)
Jedi: 'Is she right?' 'I don't know.' 'Who wrote this stuff?' 'Ah well, let's just play along.'
(Confetti erupts from behind the Jedi)
Joseph: Congratulations! You have just won Random Jedi Trivia!
Pineapple: What? Huh?
Squishy: Now you could choose to leave with your life and plot revenge for another day, or risk it all to win your very own "Invisible Hand" capital ship, which is guaranteed not to break in half during re-entry!
Pineapple: Well, I have been looking for an awesome capital ship lately. Okay, I'll do it!
Squishy: Great! Just answer this one, last question. (Play "Millionaire" music) In which Thrawn Trilogy book is there a time discrepancy?
Pineapple: Um... I don't know.
(Pineapple is then flung into the air and falls into the chasm to Star Wars music)
Pineapple: CHEEEEAP SHOOOOOOOT!
(Pineapple leaves escapes view and the music ends)
Squishy: Sucker.
Joseph: See guys: with Sith, greed can be your biggest undoing.
(So with the Sith finally disposed, our heroes leave the ruins. They go to the breakroom to pick up Sara, and head back to the space ship leaving all the puppies and kittens behind. Some time later Sara wakes up and goes to the others in the control room)
Sara: Hey guys. What happened?
Copeland: We did it. The Sith are no more.
Joseph: Yep, and with no casualties on our side. Sorry about Will.
Sara: That's okay, he died doing what he does best: fleeing from coconut creme while acting like a girl.
(THIS CHEAP SHOT AT WILL WAS MADE ONLY FOR COMIC EFFECT, NOT TO STAIN HIS ALREADY FRAGILE IMAGE)
-WTF You f****** Bastard! What fragile image? BAKA!-
Squishy: Well, I guess we should get to Coruscant and get hammered on good wishes and cheap booze.
Joseph: Yeah, and drown out this odd disturbance in the Force I'm having.
Copeland: Wait! What odd disturbance?
(Suddenly the group looks out the viewport and notice the structure ruins shaking. Suddenly streaks of light spew from one part of the ruins and then a large explosion bursts from it. A large explosion bursts from it. A large light floats upwards and hovers over the ruins. Inside of it is, is, is)
Squishy: It's, it's, it's
Joseph: It's, it's
Copeland: It's,
Sara: It's
Old British Bum with Beard: It's...
Puppy: It's
R2: Bee-Boop
(PINEAPPLE!)
Joseph: GREAT GOOGILY MOOGILY! Talk about a barrel full of surprises!
Squishy: I think I peed myself a little.
[And that's why they call you Squishy]
Pineapple: I AM NO LONGER THAT WEAKLING PINEAPPLE! I AM NOW THE ONE, THE ONLY, THE ALL POWERFUL: DARTH. … KANGAROO!
Squishy: No! It can't be! She was supposed to be a fairytale character of virtue, and a guy!
Joseph: Copeland! Activate the hyperdrive.
Copeland: Right.
Kangaroo: NOT SO HASTY MY JEDI FRIENDS!
Copeland: The controls aren't responding. We're trapped!
Kangaroo: PRECISELY! I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO MISS OUT ON YOUR OWN DOOM! BEHOLD THE ULTIMATE POWER OF THE SITH!
(Spreading out her arms Kangaroo struggles at pulling something. Suddenly all the HQ ruins are raised off the ground and above Kangaroo while still being kept intact. Silence befalls the Jedi in shock and amazement.)
Copeland: You've got to be ******* us!
Kangaroo: NOW PREPARE TO MEET YOUR MAKER!
Squishy: Oh man, this is it, we're screwed!
Sara: We're going to die!
Joseph: Well, it was nice knowing yalls.
(Kangaroo starts charging her launch attack)
Kangaroo: EEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!
(The Jedi scream at their impending doom)
Jedi: Aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Kangaroo: AAAAHHHHH!
Jedi: Aaaahhhhh!
Kangaroo: AAAHHHH!
Jedi: Aaaahhhh!
(2 minutes of screaming later)
Kangaroo: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, KANGA-ROOOOOOOOO!
(The ruins are launched at the station. It looks like the end of the Jedi. Suddenly, just when it's in 100m of the station, everything stops, then the ruins clip back 200m., goes back to it's original position, and repeats itself.)
Copeland: What the heck?
Sara: Hey, the movie's stuck and repeating itself. It's like the ending to that one game.
Squishy: Conker's Bad Fur DayTM. Yeah, that was weird.
Joseph: Right then. Come guys, we're going to see the film editor.
(The Jedi move into the back of the ship and offscreen. Opening doors and footfalls on stairs can be heard. Switch to the video editing room and the Head Editor. The Jedi enter)
Joseph: Um. Excuse us, Mr. Editor. We have to talk.
Editor: Wha!? What are you doing here and not in the movie!?
Joseph: It's because we're here to complain.
Squishy: Yeah! The movie got stuck at the end and we can't do anything.
Copeland: Plus with all the other errors made, we believe you aren't that great of an editor for this project.
Sara: So in other words: fix the problem or we terminate your contract and neuter you!
Editor: (Gulp) Okay, okay! I'll get right on it! Just get back into the movie and away from my family jewels.
Joseph: See, that wasn't so hard. Come gentlemen and lady, we've got an ending to attend.
(They leave the room. The screen then looks like the "Intermission" Screen from Monty Python. After some time two voices/persons start arguing over starting up the movie. After a short struggle the screen turns toward the Jedi standing several yards from their wrecked station, looking into the crater and into a much deeper hole where the ruins were. Star Wars Ending music is playing)
Copeland: That sure was one heck of a final battle.
Joseph: You got that right. Say, where's Squishy?
Sara: While the film was being fixed he was accidentally taken out and put into another classic film.
(Turn to a large body of water at sunset. Jaws music is playing as Squishy is seen swimming hurriedly across the screen)
Squishy: **** you John Williams!
(When Squishy is offscreen, the Jaws music reaches it's ending)
Squishy: Hello!
(Cut back to Jedi near crater)
Sara: So what does this mean for us?
Joseph: This means that we must go out into the galaxy and find other future Jedi, who will be trained to become our protégé. They will then star in other upcoming movies, some good, some cutesy and lame, even some that have a good story but is ruined by god-awful acting. But first we must categorize this momentous moment, where evil was whupped in the most cool of climatic conflict.
Sara: But how will we do that?
Copeland: Simple! It will be remembered in the most honored, well-respected form of documentation and re-enactment ever known.
(Cut to All Your Base parody)
Voice: Twenty One-oh-One: war was ending.
(Cheap explosion noises and various puppy/kitten sounds)
Pineapple: What happen?
Pickles: Someone set us up the pup. We get signal.
Pineapple: What!?
Mandalor: Mainscreen turn on.
Pineapple: It's you!
Jedi: How are you gentlemen! All your Sith are belong to us! You are on the way to destruction.
Pineapple: What you say!?
Jedi: You have no chance to survive make your time. … Ha ha ha!
(Close up of Pineapple, then fade out. Then play credits to the rest of the song, flashing lights and animated sprites. Afterwards go back to crater, where Mousse is seen rolling slowly with the lightsaber still in his mouth)
Mousse: I'll et em. Ey'll ee, ey'll all ee at I'm ill uh est. E, e, e!
(He continues rolling until a shadow appears over him and slowly grows. Mousse notices, stops, looks up, then spits the lightsaber out)
Mousse: Who cut the freakin' cables!? Ahhhhhhhh!
(Then a giant "THE END" sign crashes him at an angle. On top is a one armed, disgruntled Black Knight with a sword)
B. Knight: That's for stealing my bit ya ****ard! Ha ha!
The End