Yes, I have three other ongoing stories. But the plot bunnies insist that I start this one.
SANDS
Chapter One
"You want me," Alex said with a mix of anger and sadness. "To let this go? To let the man who's responsible for the murder of our Captain and friend to walk free—more than that, to let him become the fake king of a fake country—just on the words of the Feds? Because of some higher good? I don't see much evidence of a higher good. And since when have we ever trusted or given into the Feds?" She studied Bobby carefully. "Did they threaten you? Or me?"
Bobby briefly remembered how little the FBI agents' threats, even the one to confine him to a mental hospital, frightened him. "Yea," he admitted. "They threatened me. But I'm beyond being scared by threats to me. And they either didn't know enough or didn't have the guts to threaten you. That would've worked, I gotta admit."
Alex reddened.
"They wouldn't or couldn't tell me everything. I really think it was a case of "couldn't". But Ross believed in it. I don't think the Feds thought it was so dangerous. The female agent—Stahl—actually feels badly about everything."
Alex snorted.
"I know," Bobby acknowledged. "But they've already got a line on several gun runners. If they can get this operation working, they can take out several more gun dealers and drug dealers. It can save the lives of American soldiers. I understand why Ross signed on."
Alex stared into her cup. She had a terrible sense of what Bobby was doing.
Bobby leaned forward across the table. "Alex…Letting Hassan go…It's horrible. It's wrong. It makes me sick. But the only thing worse is if a bunch of very bad guys go free. Then Ross died for nothing."
"His kids, other cops. They'll know Ross wasn't a bad cop? The Feds will do something to stop the rumors?"
Bobby nodded. "Yea. And once the case ends, he'll be a hero. They expect it to last a few months."
"A lot of people aren't going to be happy about this. Nichols…"
"I know. I'm the FBI's emissary. I'm supposed to talk with Nichols." Bobby tightly clutched his cup.
"Bobby, I'm not sure even you can get someone to believe in something you don't believe in," Alex said. She took a deep breath. "And I have to tell you…"
Bobby stood. He knew what she was going to do, what she had to do, what the Brass was making her do, and he didn't want it to happen, at least not yet. "There's Nichols. I'd like to get this over with."
Bobby Goren was used to hating the things he frequently had to do. He was also used to hating himself. He'd rarely hated himself as much as he did as he explained the necessity for Hassan's release to Nichols. He was enormously grateful that Nichols could make the separation between the message and the messenger. Bobby liked and respected Nichols, and he hoped he might keep the man's respect. Bobby was human enough that he found Nichols' quiet, subtle, and angry reminders to Hassan about the young man's future very gratifying. Everything that happened after that wasn't surprising; in many ways, it was a relief. He suspected he was about to be fired, and he'd already spoken to his union rep and knew he had a chance of keeping some of his benefits if he stayed quiet. He had his friend who worked as a reporter at the LEDGER as an ace in his sleeve and a weapon to defend himself and especially Alex. His great regret was that Alex was the instrument of his firing, and he hated the Brass more for that than anything else.
He had a plan of sorts if he were ever to get fired; considering his many battles with the Brass over the years, it would've been foolish not to have one. He anticipated that the worst of the Brass might force Alex into delivering the bad news, and he'd tried to plan for that as well. But when it happened she was so upset and trying so hard not to show how upset she was that any words seemed hopelessly inadequate. So, he did something he'd occasionally allow himself to dream of doing. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her cheek and held her. He was stunned when, after a shocked moment, she hugged him back and held him. All that he wanted to say fled from his mind.
"I'll see you around," he thought as he walked down the back stairs of One Police Plaza. "Eight years of putting her through hell, eight years of her being the best partner and friend anyone could have, and all I can say is "I'll see you around"?" He nearly turned and went back up the stairs. "No…She just started the new job. She'll be busy. She's upset. I'll talk to her later. Apologize. After I've got things settled."
He had a lot to do in little time. Settling with the Department proved easier than he thought, largely because neither he nor the Department wanted a fight. He put his house up for sale, arranging with the realtor for the money to go into his savings account. He put the things he wanted to keep in storage, and sold or gave away the rest. He sold the Mustang to Lewis. He revised his will, and, just as she had every time Bobby had changed it, his lawyer questioned why Bobby's main beneficiary was someone not related to him. Bobby again explained that he didn't have much of a family aside from the young cousin who was the only other person who would receive a bequest. He wasn't surprised that he didn't hear from Alex. He knew that between her new position and her family—whose members he suspected were taking her out to celebratory dinners every night—she didn't have time to call him. He'd surrendered his cell phone to the Department, and the only messages on his home phone were calls from his lawyer, his realtor, and Lewis. And then one day, roughly a week and a half after he'd left One Police Plaza, there were two calls.
One was from the FBI, confirming that the agency could and would use him. "I'm ready," Bobby gratefully told Agent Stahl. "I just need to speak with…with Ms. Eames." He thought it strange that he didn't know what to call the woman who'd been his partner for eight years and was his best friend.
"All right," Stahl agreed. "Just remember that you can't give her any specific details."
The other call was from Zach Nichols, who was clearing up a point on a case of Bobby and Alex's. Bobby quickly provided an answer, but had a question of his own.
"I don't understand. Eames could've answered this. Is she that busy?"
There was a long pause, and Bobby thought he could hear Nichols' thinking.
"You haven't heard. She hasn't told you," Nichols said deliberately.
"Heard what?" Bobby asked as a feeling of dread spread over him.
"Ok," Nichols said. Bobby recognized it as one of the signs that Nichols was quietly measuring his words and their possible results. "Eames never took the Captain's exam. She was only the acting Captain of Major Case for an hour."
"Only long enough to…" Bobby tightly clutched his phone. "What, where is she?"
Nichols sighed. "She resigned, Goren. She left the Department."
"Because of me…"
"Not just you," Nichols said quickly. "Because of what the Brass did. Because of what they made her do."
"She didn't tell me that she was…I'd never ask her to do that," Bobby said.
"That's obvious," Nichols said. "As obvious as the fact she didn't tell you about what she was going to do. Listen, it's none of my business, but that's never stopped me before. You both spend so much time and energy worrying about hurting each other, that you wind up hurting each other."
"Yea," Bobby admitted. "Do you know what she's doing?"
"As far as I know," Nichols said. "She's at home. She's not in contact with anyone here. I can tell you that the way you and Eames were treated has caused a lot of tremors in the Department."
"Thanks, Nichols," Bobby said warmly. "Thanks for everything."
Bobby considered calling her, but he had too much to say. His anxiety rising, he took a cab to her house. He briefly thought of having the cab wait in case Alex wouldn't speak to him, but he finally sent it away. Alex's car was outside her garage. Bobby walked up to the front door, took a deep breath, and knocked.
The sound interrupted Alex's scrubbing of her bathtub. She sighed and blew a stray hair out of her face. "I could use a break," she thought as she surveyed the bathroom. "But I hope it isn't someone from my family." She pulled off the handkerchief she wore to hold her hair back. "They've been wonderful to me, but I can take only so much love and care." She walked to the door and looked out the security hole, and her heart jumped.
"Bobby," she thought. "And he knows."
She took a deep breath and opened the door. "Hey."
"Hey," Bobby answered softly. "Did I interrupt anything?"
Alex shrugged. "Just cleaning a bathroom. Come on in. I can use the break."
Bobby followed her. He could feel the elephant of her resignation at his heels.
"You want a drink?" Alex asked. "Even something strong? It's not like we're on duty or anything?"
Bobby tried not to smile. Alex had just petted the elephant.
"No thanks, but coffee or tea, if you've got it?"
"Sure. Come in the kitchen." Alex walked to the refrigerator and pulled out a pitcher. "You've spoiled me. I used to like the instant stuff. Now I have to make it with teabags. And with good tea." She handed him a glass.
Bobby took a long drink. "You quit," he finally said.
Alex sat wearily in a chair. "Yea."
Bobby sat across the table from her. "I didn't call because I thought you were busy. I didn't know until Nichols called this morning about one of our old cases."
Alex ran a hand through her hair. "It wasn't your fault, Bobby. After what they made me do to you. And offering me Major Case like it was some prize for doing it. It was the final straw."
"You didn't tell me," Bobby said softly. "But there were a lot of things I didn't tell you. I guess it's a kind of payback."
"I didn't know what or how to tell you," Alex said. "I guessed you had enough to deal with. And I didn't and don't want you to think that you're responsible."
"Nichols," Bobby said carefully. "Said we keep hurting each other because we don't want to hurt each other."
Alex smiled weakly. "That does sound like us."
"I was the main reason," Bobby said after a moment.
"Bobby. Like I said, you're the best. The best cop and man. If the Department can't see that, won't see that, I don't want to be part of it."
"But…You were a Captain. It's what you always wanted. Your family. You've got blue blood going back a long way."
Alex smiled again. "I've broken a lot of my family's traditions, Bobby. Lots you don't know about. You cut me, I bleed red." She took a drink. "I didn't want to be a Captain. I didn't want to be a Lieutenant. I only took that exam because you and Mike gave me so much grief about it."
"I told you, didn't I," Bobby said proudly. "That you'd get a high score. One of the highest."
"Yea." This smile was honest and warm. "I think you may have been prouder of that than I was. Of course, you helped a lot."
"But you did it," Bobby insisted. "You can do anything."
"Not anything," Alex said gently. "I couldn't be a Captain, especially of Major Case. Too much politics."
Bobby stared into his glass.
Alex reached across the table and placed her small hand over his large paw. "Look, Bobby, I knew what the NYPD was when I got into it. My family. Some of them got treated badly like my Dad. Some of them did things they weren't proud of. I knew I didn't want to be part of the Brass. I wanted to be a good cop. If I ever lost sight of that or got confused, you reminded me. I'm very grateful for that."
Her voice faltered at the end, and she couldn't look him in the eyes.
"Alex. You don't know what it means to me…For you to say that I did that for you." His voice was as shaky as hers. "For me to have meant that much to you."
"Mean," Alex said. "You mean to me."
Bobby stared at their hands. "Mean? Oh, God, this just got a lot harder."
"What got harder?" Alex asked.
He took a deep breath. "The FBI. They need someone to take Ross' place. I'm going to do it."
END CHAPTER ONE